The Argive -- Chapters 101-105
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Chapter 101: The Past, Revisited
Praxis was still stunned.
No matter how many times he opened his mouth to reply, he couldn't get the words to form. There were too many emotions swirling around his brain, and he felt them all equally.
Relief was there--relief at finally finding his father.
Sorrow was there too--sorrow at having missed out on so many years with the man that sired him.
Most importantly, anger was there as well--anger at the desertion of his own family.
For his part, Nicomedes wasn't in a rush to explain himself. He simply looked at the stone by his feet, going over the names of family members long since passed. He gave Praxis the occasional glance until Praxis was finally able to form a response.
"Why?" asked Praxis. "Why tell me now of all times?"
"You'd already pieced it together," replied the king. "I knew when we talked last night that you'd figured it out. I didn't know what to do or how to answer you but I knew it was only a matter of time. And time is the one thing we don't have the luxury of right now. Quite honestly, I thought one look at Phaedra might do it. You two look remarkably similar, but then again, she is your sister."
"Half-sister," corrected Praxis as he felt the rage building inside him. "Because you left us. You abandoned your family. Your wife and your young son. Part of me wants to hate you for this. I still don't know how to respond but you owe it to me to tell me the truth. Tell me the story. Tell me what happened with my mother."
Nicomedes let out a deep sigh and moved away from the stone. He sat down on the stump of a tree that had been long since felled. "I haven't told that story to anyone. Not since the day it happened. I meant it when I said this it's my biggest shame. Though I haven't told anyone, there hasn't been a day since it happened when I haven't thought about it. And it's been on my mind frequently since you showed up here in Messene."
"What gave it away?" asked Praxis.
"Your face," replied Nicomedes. "As soon as I saw your face, I knew. Hearing your name was the only confirmation I needed. But it was your face. Though you share plenty of my features with Phaedra, it's not hard to tell that you're Doris' son. I can still remember the first time I saw her eyes."
"It all began when I wasn't much older than you are right now," continued Nicomedes. "I grew up here, on this very farm. Our family wasn't powerful. Quite the opposite, we were only simple farmers. Your grandfather owned several small plots leading up to the city but it wasn't enough for us to consider ourselves part of the elite. When I was your age, the only thing I had was weathered hands from working the field and a sword."
A small smile filled Nicomedes face. "But I was pretty good with that sword. Not quite as good as you are now but I was quick and agile. I could hold my own with warriors twice my age and still win. You can say that it bred a certain level of confidence. I knew I was good and I only wanted to test my limits--the same thing all young men go through I supposed. And the last thing I wanted was a life of obscurity on some remote farm."
"So I left. With only my sword and a few days of supplies, I left Messene and moved north, not stopping until I reached the banks of the sea in Achaea. I'd proved my prowess over and over again. Bandits in Greece are not a recent phenomena. Even back then, there were always those out there seeking to steal from the weak. I killed my fair share and even got the attention of a local king. Meton was the ruler of a small city by the sea, and he'd been impressed with my fighting skills. He brought me on as a bodyguard, which I did for two years before I moved on."
"Why did you move on?" asked Praxis.
"Truthfully? I was tired of being a bodyguard," answered Nicomedes. "I saw what Meton had and I wanted it. I wanted to be a king and rule over my own city. You can say that it was jealousy that finally spurred me to action, as well as a rumor from the south. A rumor that the king of Argos was about to pass away without an heir."
"So I bid my goodbyes to Meton and headed south to Argos," said Nicomedes. "And it was there that I met old King Talaus."
"Talaus, I've heard that name before," said Praxis. "I remember my mother telling me about him. He ruled before you did?"
Nicomedes nodded. "Did your mother also tell you that he was her uncle? Talaus never had children but he had a niece in Doris. He cherished her as his own but women couldn't be the true rulers of a city. He needed a male heir and he hoped to give it to the city before he died. He held a competition and invited all the noblest of warriors from all over Greece to participate. In trials of strength, cunning, and intelligence, he vowed to pick the best man to lead Argos after he died."
"You went through these trials?" asked Praxis. "How many men did you have to go against?"
"There were ten of us in total," replied the king. "Three of them died in various trials, some of which were quite dangerous. In the end, it came down to myself and one other man. The final trial was about combat. One at a time, we were pitted against all the remaining survivors in individual combat. After so many years of fighting and experience as a bodyguard in a rowdy kingdom like Meton had, I was able to best my rival. Talaus himself raised my hand and announced to all of Argos that I was his heir, but as kind as that was, it was what he did for me next that really earned my appreciation."
"What was that?"
Nicomedes smiled sadly. "He introduced me to Doris. It was the night after I'd been declared heir apparent. We had a large dinner with Talaus, his friends, and his remaining family. I still remember what your mother looked like when she appeared, and when she put those beautiful green eyes on me. There wasn't a more attractive woman in all of Argos. And from that moment, there was a spark between us. A spark that continued to be nurtured."
"Talaus, of course, was ecstatic about our relationship. He saw it as his heir marrying into his family, providing a continuity that he couldn't give it on his own. I think that was when he finally decided that he could pass without any trouble. He'd done his duty to Argos by leaving it in the hands of stable leadership. It wasn't two weeks later that he was dead."
Nicomedes let out a long sigh. "And that's how I found myself, at the young age of twenty-five, as the king of Argos. Before he died, Talaus tried to teach me all that he could about ruling but the truth of the matter was that I was too young to appreciate it. I was in a foreign city, without friends or family, and now I had to exercise my right as king? Not to mention, I had to deal with becoming a father at the same time."
Praxis was speechless as he looked at Nicomedes. The king stared right back at him. "I still remember the first time your mother told me she was pregnant with you. I couldn't have been more frightened. I knew nothing about babies. I was still a young man pretending to play king. But I did know one thing--nothing that could have been created with Doris could ever be bad. I went into fatherhood with cautious optimism. And the city? It struggled in the first few years of my rule."
"My mother told me that one of the things that you dealt with was a devastating famine," said Praxis. "She thought that was one of the things that drove you away."
Upon hearing the word, Nicomedes had a visible response. "Famine! She's right. That was one of the worst years of my life. By that point in my reign, I'd lost the goodwill of the people. All the fame I'd won at securing the kingship had bled out because of my inexperience. I made many poor decisions, each one of them worse than the last. By the time the famine came along, I was the father of two young boys, and I was truly at the end of my rope."
"So is that what ultimately made you leave?"
Nicomedes shook his head. "No. It was the death of your brother. What little there was of my confidence was completely shattered when Lampros was trampled to death. Terrible fate for one so little. Your mother didn't come out of her room for two weeks. The only thing she wanted to do was cradle you against her, lest you suffer the same fate. Meanwhile, the famine only got worse."
Nicomedes hung his head at that point, content to stare at the ground. "I was in over my head. I couldn't be the king this city needed, not when people were dying in the streets. I couldn't even protect my own family. The truth of the matter was that even Doris was frustrated with me. She wanted me to be stronger but I just didn't know how. I'd been thrust into this role that I wasn't ready for. As the years went on, the voice in the back of my head got louder. It told me that I should have never left Messene. I shouldn't be there and that I couldn't rule. That I should just give up and go home. I'm afraid to say one evening I listened to that voice."
"I fled," he continued. "In the middle of the night, I fled the palace and left only a note for your mother. Before I went, I stopped by your room. I touched your forehead as you slept and I cried. I hoped that your mother would find a better man to be your father, a better one than me."
"Your hope didn't pan out," said Praxis quietly. "You stuck me with Damian."
"Damian," growled Nicomedes, shaking his head. "If I had known... well, I didn't know. I should've known. I didn't lie to you when I told you I knew Damian. He was a miserable little worm even back then. Your mother thought so too, which is why I was shocked whenever I found out she married him."
"She was desperate," replied Praxis. "She had nobody. Though I hated Damian with a passion, I can't say I blame her for what she did. It gave us stability. The same stability we lost whenever you left."
Nicomedes didn't even try to defend himself. He shook his head slowly. "I regret what I did, Praxis. I succumbed to my weakness. I was blinded by my pride and life humbled me. It broke me. I spent years trying to get my life back in order. I came back to Messene. I found a city that had changed. Most of my living family was dead, which allowed me to proceed with the change in my name without notice. I left Evander behind, only to take up the name of Nicomedes. It took me over a year to get my life back to some semblance of normal but I never forgot about you and Doris. There were many days when I thought about going back, but whenever I tried to do it, fate stopped me."
"You could have easily come back," whispered Praxis. "But you chose the coward's way out."
"You can call me a coward and perhaps you'd be right," said Nicomedes. "The truth was that you and your mother deserved much better than me. I was still lacking in everything--as a father and a husband. I didn't think she'd take me back either. And so I went about building my life here."
"It didn't stop you from taking a new wife," shot Praxis. "Or having another child. But this one you didn't abandon."
"You might say I learned my lesson," said Nicomedes. "Or maybe I just grew up."
Praxis swallowed the lump in his throat. "I don't want to hear any more of this. I came out here to find my father, and now that I have, I have to say that I couldn't be more disappointed. I thought I might forgive you once I knew the whole story, once I knew your motives for leaving. I just never expected it would be cowardice."
Praxis had enough by that point. He stood up and began to walk away.
"Praxis, wait!" said Nicomedes, rising to his feet. "At the end of the day, you're still my son. That has to count for something, right?"
