We had been apart for months and just now were beginning to talk to each other. I could see that John still had issues in very serious ways, as did I. I couldn't seem to stop apologizing to him for having cheated, and he couldn't seem to forgive me for it either. We were at a proverbial Mexican standoff.
One day while at my psychologist's she started me on why I had let Bill talk me into having sex that first time. I described the feelings of ugliness and inferiority I had been having and how all the flirting and suggestive conversation had warmed me up and made me an easy target.
As the hour went on I began to realize that Bill had intentionally set me up. I began to remember things from before that first time when Bill had made mention of my being beautiful and sexy. How lucky John had been to have me, and other things. Bit by bit it all came out. Suddenly I realized that I had been 'turned' by a true professional.
My doctor then asked me other questions about things that had happened. Mostly why I had done this or done that for Bill and never had let John. The farther that session went the angrier I got at Bill. By the end of the session, which had run over by an hour, I realized that Bill was not nor ever had been a 'nice' guy. He had targeted me and then using his best moves, brought me under his spell.
Shocked after that meeting I just sat in my car in front of my place. I couldn't cry or even get physically angry yet. I was remembering all the things Bill had said over that time and finally, for the first time, clearly saw how he had set me up and reeled me in.
That night I just fumed for several hours as I first bathed then ate my dinner. I was alone now because I had let myself be sweet-talked into cheating on my husband and I had never seen it being done. Even now I wasn't a non-target as Bill had just tried to re-establish contact with me.
Armed with the knowledge I had now, with the help of my 'shrink' I knew that somehow I had to get even on that bastard. He had used me, and in using me, he had used John too. At different times he had insinuated that John must have been cheating on me here or there. I had always denied that but deep down those accusations must have worked on my inner self-doubts.
After our first time and my being reluctant to do any more with him, I realized that he had been working on me here and there still. With my eyes wide open now, I could clearly see where I had been misled and hooked. Ashamed at myself I knew that I was lucky that we had been in that accident when we were or by now I would have been the company whore.
Shaking and crying, I sat in my kitchen wondering if John would ever be able to forgive me. My undoing had been neglect, but not neglect on John's part. It had been neglect on my part in trying to have a better relationship with the man I had loved for so long.
The ringing of the phone brought me back to the real world.
"Hello?"
"Sue...I...look, I know that I've been pretty hard on you lately. I want to try to work things out a bit better than I have been. Could we...uh...look...I want to start all over. Can we do that?"
"Start over? Like how? I'm not sure what you mean John."
"How about a date?"
"A date?"
"Yeah. How about for tomorrow night around seven?"
"Uh...yeah. Sure. I mean...I'd love to. Seven it is."
"Great. I'll pick you up at your place then. Uh...dress up just a tad bit. We're going to the Laredo."
I was stunned. The Laredo was the first place we had gone to as a married couple. It was there that we had talked about our future together. It was there that he had actually first proposed to me. I wondered if he was trying to send me a message.
"The Laredo John? Why there? I mean, I'm more than happy to go there with you, but..."
"Because I want a fresh start Susan and because that is where everything went right for us a long time ago. I want the best chance for us and I have come to realize that in order to do that we need positive influences. The Laredo is one of those places for us. Can you understand what I'm getting at?"
"Yes. I agree. We do need to make the most of what time we do spend together. The Laredo brings back good memories to me too John. It really does."
I was excited and happy. It appeared that John wanted us to succeed at this too. For the first time I began to see a possible future with my husband. One that just might be full of happiness instead of sadness. I fell asleep that night with my head in the clouds and thoughts of what I would wear on our date.
When I asked Susan to go out with me to the Laredo, I thought for a moment that she was going to refuse. I misunderstood her happiness to be sadness. I guess I thought she would think that since that is where it all started for us, that this would be where I ended it for us too.
I had no such thoughts. In my time with the shrink I had come to realize that even though Susan had cheated on me...on us, I still loved her. That one thing had not changed. The other thing was something the shrink had mentioned that had caused me to think harder about. Why had Susan cheated on me in the first place?
After some thought I decided that Bill had never been innocent. I remembered a few times when I had been present, like at Christmas or other parties for her work. He had always been kind of snide to me. His comments had been putdown in a mild sense, but always Susan had heard them. Also, several times he had made a big deal of my looking at some daringly dressed or underdressed as it were co-worker of Sue's too.
I began to see a pattern when I thought back over the year or so he had been Sue's boss. He had been manipulating her all that time. I was sure of it now. Sue had been under fire from day one on his first day on the job with her.
I began to think about that, and then decided to check up on Mr. Bill Samuel's and his history. A friend of mine was a cop in the city where Bill had come from. I asked him if he could find out anything about him for me. What he told me sent shivers down my spine and caused me to want to go hunting right away. I had other thoughts immediately too...and those were of the more calculating kind.
I found out that Mr. Samuels had been involved three times with the police in his last city. One of those times he had been caught in a compromising position with another man's wife. A wife that happened to work under him. In more ways than one.
Another time he had been involved in an altercation at a motel. It seems that an angry husband had shown up while Mr. Bill was doing the nasty with the husband's wife. There had been a third man involved, but his name was not on the report as he had disappeared while the questioning had been going on.
