Than God for Irish Women

Chapter Five

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I was restless most of the night. The touch and warmth of Emily's body against mine was both exciting and discomforting. She obviously wanted to snuggle her back and bottom into me with my arm across her stomach, but I couldn't relax.

She soon fell asleep, and I tried to release her and turn away several times. But she woke, grabbed my arm and pulled it tightly against her every time. Normally, I'd love it when a gorgeous girl wanted to be naked next to me, but I needed to sleep, and I couldn't with my arm trapped around her.

The last thing I remembered before finally dozing off was seeing the bedside clock at 2:35.

****

I heard something. Emily seemed to be talking to me. I struggled to understand what she was saying and quickly realized she was talking to Patrick. She was saying something about a picnic and going swimming. She was obviously dreaming about a conversation since she would say something and then "listen" for Patrick or someone to respond before she continued. This went on for several minutes before she screamed and began crying. She seemed to be asleep and crying simultaneously but still clinching my arm.

I made my escape by going to the bathroom and giving her time to fall back to sleep before returning to bed. The huge bed gave ample room for me to stay away from her body.

****

I awoke when something touched my face. Emily kissed me again on the cheek. With one open eye, I stared at her.

"Matt, I ordered breakfast and it'll be here in ten minutes."

"What time is it?"

"Nearly 8:30."

"Oh. Let me go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I see you're dressed."

"I've been up about an hour. You were sleeping soundly."

"I didn't for most of the night."

"What was the problem?"

"I was next to the sexiest woman alive, and she insisted that I snuggle with her all night."

Emily grinned, "You're accusing me of keeping you from sleeping?"

"You promised you were going to keep me awake. You did."

"I'm sorry," she whined. "I remember waking up a couple of times but then felt your arm and went right back to sleep. You made me feel very comfortable and protected."

"I'm glad, I guess. What did you order for me?"

"Bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast. They're also bringing a pot of coffee and orange juice."

"Sounds good. What are you getting?"

"A waffle with strawberries and skim milk."

"You did good, girl!"

"Gee, thanks. It was a no-brainer for you since that's what you ordered at the café that day we met Bob and Judy."

"I'm surprised you remembered. That was a tough day for you."

"I'm trying to remember everything about you. However, I realized this morning that I don't even know how old you are."

"Finally, an easy question. I'm 24. My birthday is July 18th."

"NO WAY!" she exclaimed. "That's my birthday."

"Get out of here! Can't be."

"No, I'll prove it." She quickly rummaged in her purse and proudly presented her driver's license.

"Well, I'll be. That's amazing."

"We're both Cancers. Now, I understand some of the things I see in you."

"I've never paid much attention to all that horoscope mumbo jumbo. But, we need to continue this discussion over breakfast. Let me get dressed, sweetheart. Our food will be here shortly."

She grinned. "That's the first time you've called me 'sweetheart'."

"Oh."

"I like it. Do you have any small bills for the tip, sweetheart?"

I grinned. "Sure, take what you need. My wallet is on the table."

As I left the bathroom, I heard Emily talking to another woman in the sitting room. I walked there and could see she had delivered our breakfast. She was also very pretty and young, maybe a year or two older than Emily. The two were in a lively discussion about Kansas City and San Francisco almost as if they were old friends.

"Hey Matt, let me introduce you to Jodi."

"Hi Matt. Nice to meet you." She had a sexy smile. Her hair was brunette and as long as Emily's.

"Hey, Jodi. Looks like you brought a great breakfast."

"I think you'll like it. Let me get out of your way so you can eat while it's hot."

Emily replied, "Maybe we'll see you at lunch."

"I hope so."

After Jodi pushed the delivery cart out, and the door closed, Emily said, "She's a very outgoing girl. Isn't she beautiful? It was almost as if we were old friends when she walked in."

"Some people are like that. Does she work in the restaurant?"

"Yes, she's working breakfast and lunch today. She graduated just a few weeks ago from Kansas State but hasn't found a good job yet."

"What's her degree?"

"I didn't ask."

"At least she's working here and not sitting home waiting for a job to come to her."

"That's right. I gave her a big tip to help out."

"Good. This food looks delicious. Can I ask a blessing?"

"If you'd like."

We held hands as I gave thanks for the food and prayed for our safe travels. I also prayed for Jodi, and that she'd find a good job. This time, it seemed as if Emily appreciated the prayer. At least she didn't have any of her usual negative comments about God.

The bacon and eggs were good. I like bacon to be crispy and this was perfect with a very pleasant hickory smoke flavor. Surprisingly, all the food was still warm, and Emily's waffle with berries was very good. She gave me a bite.

Emily returned the conversation to our birthdays. "You say you don't have any faith in astrology and horoscopes?"

"Nope."

"I'm surprised. What if I told you that you perfectly fit the characteristics of a Cancer?"

"But that must mean you share those same characteristics, but we are quite different."

"I'll look them up, and we'll see." She grinned and reached for her laptop to pull up a website.

"This is from astrology.com. in Australia."

"Whatever."

"Matt, you need to work on your attitude."

I smiled.

"Here's the first part: 'you are highly caring, generous and intuitive.' See, I think you are all those."

"Emily, half the people in the world are that way."

"What about the other half?"

"They're living off of us and only care about themselves."

"That's a mean thing to say."

"What's untrue about it?"

"You're changing the subject. Let's get back to your characteristics. So you agree that you're caring, generous and intuitive?"

"I agree, I think. How about you?"

"I'm highly caring and intuitive. I'd be more generous if I had any money. My mom was generous with me and others when she could be, and I try to emulate her."

"She was your role model?"

"Yes. She was the only real adult in my life until she married again and then that scumbag stepdad showed me just how ugly an adult can be. Mom's parents are still alive, but they live in Ireland."

"Have you met them?"

"Yes. They came to Mom's funeral and I visited them last summer."

"It sounds as though she was a great mom and provider. I wish you'd tell me more about her."

"Matt, you're changing the subject again. We'll talk about Mom sometime soon, I promise, but let's talk about you."

I smirked, "Okay, what's next?"

"It says, 'You adapt when you have to, but you much prefer to make changes on your own terms.' I think that fits you."

"Sweetheart, that fits everybody. Who doesn't want to adapt on their own terms?"

She thought for a moment. "All right, I agree. That's a general one. Let's keep reading. 'You will act as a support for many people... in your own family and beyond.' Not everyone does that."

"That's a little more specific but not much."

"Matt, you fit this perfectly when you helped me. Most people would have just called the police and handed me off to someone else for help. But, you took me in and made me feel I was important."

"Emily that wasn't because I was born under the sign of Cancer. That was because I'm a Christian and wanted to help if I could. Plus, you're beautiful. If you had been fat and ugly, I might have turned you over to the police." I tried not to laugh.

"You're lying. I know better than that. You'd have helped anyone if you could."

I could tell she was frustrated. She glared at me, and I glared back until we both starting giggling.

"Matt, pay attention. I'm almost finished. Here's another reference to that, 'You find it difficult to turn away anyone in need. Anyone who knows you will agree that you are one of the best people to connect with if they need advice. Friends will turn to you if they are in trouble, knowing that your sensitive and compassionate touch will lighten their load.' See, this is you."

"Are you that way?"

"Yes, I think I am. Lots of my friends come to me with their troubles."

"Is that because they know you love them, that you'll identify with their problems and will share with them how you overcame similar issues? Or is it because you were born under the sign of Cancer?"

After several moments of silence, she pursed her lips and stared at me.

"I hate to admit it, but I see what you mean. There is no way to know for a fact what the influence of a birthdate is versus all the other environmental, experiential, or spiritual values we have."

"You got it."

Emily stood and came around behind me. She leaned over my shoulder and hugged me. "Maybe the horoscope is silly. It's going to tell you what you want to hear. You're a very special man, no matter what the reason. Can we stay here today and not go to the ball game?"

"Why?"

"I want to spend some quality time with you?"

I grinned. "You're willing to give up seeing a ballgame for that?"

She broke into a huge smile, "Maybe not if my Giants were here. But today, yes."

"It's a deal. I'd give up a dozen ballgames for an afternoon with you."

"Wait a minute. Would that be a dozen games you already bought tickets to see, like today, or a dozen games that you could attend if you didn't have anything better to do?"

"Let me think. What are you worth?"

"I'm worth a lot, am I not?"

I smiled and replied, "Yes you are, more to me than you'll ever know."

I turned around, grabbed her about the waist and pulled her onto my lap as she squealed. "Am I worth anything to you?"

She smiled and said, "Everything. Absolutely everything." We kissed several times.

"You look especially lovely this morning." Emily was wearing a navy blue silk blouse and black slacks. "Why not wear shorts like normal?"

"The weather report said it was very cool outside. I thought we might go shopping or something."

"So you don't want to spend the afternoon being passionate with me... you want to go shopping."

"It's not either one or the other, we can do both."

"We'll see."

She smiled but suddenly squealed when my cool finger found its way between the buttons to touch her warm skin. As I traced her navel, our lips gently touched. She put one hand behind my neck and caressed my back with the other. I stared into those amazing green eyes and could feel my racing heartbeat. We both smiled and knew our passion was growing with each touch, with each whispered thought and each quiet gaze.

I said, "I'm sure we can find a shopping mall somewhere. Downtown is probably closed for Sunday."

"We may see Jodi at lunch. I'll ask her."

"I need to take a shower, sweetheart. Can you excuse me for a few minutes?" I asked.

She replied, "I need to check emails and Facebook. Now would be a good time to do that." We kissed again before she left my lap

.

****

After showering and dressing, I walked into the bedroom and found Emily on the bed, staring at the computer, and crying.

"What's wrong?"

She glanced at me, and her eyes again showed the terrible anguish I had seen too often. I waited several moments for her response.

"Nancy called while you were in the shower. She initially said she wanted to check on me and see how our trip was going. As we talked, she told me they had received the coroner's report on Patrick's autopsy."

She wept again, and I held her.

"Patrick had a brain tumor. It was in a critical part of his brain and would not have been operable it seems. The coroner found it by accident when he was removing the slug."

"Oh no. Had he shown any symptoms of it?"

"I had noticed some minor memory loss that I attributed to the stress from his studies. That only happened in the last couple of months. He also seemed to be more argumentative recently but nothing serious. Nancy gave me its location in the brain, and I was looking it up just now."

We viewed the online information and found that, more than likely, it wouldn't have been removable, and only radiation and chemo would prolong his life, not cure him. This hit Emily very hard. "Our marriage was doomed anyway. Patrick never had a chance."

Between bouts of sobbing, Emily lamented, "Life is crazy. Two weeks ago, Patrick and I were looking forward to seeing his parents and spending a few weeks relaxing at the beach and soaking up the sun. We were excited to get to Atlanta after traveling five days because we knew there was only another day to go. Our lives were so much fun the last two years. Our love for each other bloomed, and we had made plans for the next two years while he finished his degree. He wanted us to get married as soon as he had a job and could support me. I was planning to go back to school, and he would pay for that once he was working. To the world, Patrick was just one person. To me, he was my whole world.

"Little did we know that there was a ticking bomb growing inside him. In a way, I'm glad we didn't know because I'm not sure anyone could have done anything, and we would have been constantly thinking about it. But, it hurts to know that our time was always limited, and we didn't take full advantage of the days we had."

She paused and wept as I went for tissues and a glass of water.

"When he was killed, I thought my world had ended. I couldn't see a future without him. There was one night that I finally decided to give up and not face more misery that I knew was coming."

"I was afraid of that. What changed your mind?"

"You."

"What about me?"

"That early morning when I came out of the bedroom and saw you sitting on the sofa waiting for me. I was getting a glass of water to take the bottle of sleeping pills you bought. I was determined to end it all and have it over with when you got up. Then, I saw you sitting there waiting for me.

"At that moment, I realized you truly cared. You held me that morning with warmth and tenderness that I knew was real." She reached and put a hand on the side of my face.

"When you did that, Matt, I realized that I wasn't alone... that there was still some hope because you cared. Up until that moment, I had the feeling that I had thrusted myself on you and, because of your beliefs, you helped me. I appreciated that, but I didn't think your heart was behind your actions. Then, I saw you sitting there waiting for me in the middle of the night. I realized that you did care with your heart. That gave me the determination to keep going."

"Emily, I do care for you. I've fallen in love with you. I didn't think it was possible for me to be so crazy about someone in just a short time... but it happened, and it's real. I know it in my heart. My brain keeps warning me to go slow, to let you make the first move and that you're not ready to commit to someone new. I keep thinking about all your friends in California and that there are more than a few guys who would love to take Patrick's place in your life. I think I'm competing with them, and I don't even know them."

Her eyes told me I was right. We gazed at each other for another moment before she looked away.

"Two have already asked me out when I return."

After a moment I asked, "What did you tell them?"

There was a long pause before she replied, "I haven't told them anything yet."

She turned to me and reached for my hand. "Until last night, I didn't know whether you truly loved me or just deeply cared because of my situation. I wasn't sure if you would stick around or not, Matt."

I replied, "We promised to be totally honest with each other. I held back because I was sure you would leave me at the first real opportunity. As you said yourself, I didn't want to get emotionally invested only to have my heart broken. But, as much as I resisted, I still fell in love with you and told you last night that I'm all in. You now own my heart, Emily. You also said you were all in."

"And I meant that, Matt."

I smiled, "That's fine. But, where's this going?"

"I want to fall madly in love with you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I do have serious feelings for you; I'm just not sure it's true love yet. I want it to be. I knew I was in love with Patrick. But, I knew him most of my life. I've known you less than two weeks. It wouldn't be right for me to assure you of my love when I'm not sure myself. My emotions have been so up and down these two weeks. But, I was serious last night when I said I want to make it work between us."

"Emily, let's take it a day at a time. If our love is meant to be, it will come."

She grinned and replied, "We need to talk about what you expect when we get to the coast. I have many friends who will want to see me. I want you to meet all of them. These two guys who asked me to dinner are good friends, nothing more. I've known them for years. Can I have dinner with them alone or do you want to be there?"

"What we are now talking about is trust between us. Yes, I trust you and yes you can have dinner or lunch or whatever you want with any of your friends. I may or may not be jealous. We'll see. Can I also ask some of your girlfriends to dinner?"

Her eyes showed astonishment. That question caught her totally off guard; she stared at me. "Well, I suppose you can." She grinned. "I may or may not be jealous. We'll see." She hit my arm, not so playfully this time. "Why is it so easy for you to show me how stupid I'm being?"

"No comment."

We continued talking until lunchtime, touching arms, hands, and bodies through clothing. I felt very close to her but knew that Emily's emotions were fragile from the last two weeks. I very much wanted to trust her but remained concerned.

For lunch, we walked downstairs to the hotel restaurant. We asked to be in Jodi's section and were promptly escorted to a table. The room was less that half-full.

Jodi came quickly when she saw Emily.

"Was your breakfast good?"

Emily replied, "Better than good. The waffle and berries were wonderful."

I added, "The bacon and eggs were very good. I like the type of bold coffee you serve."

"I'm glad. Let me tell you about two lunch specials. The chef has prepared a wonderful wild mushroom soup. I tasted it earlier, and it's excellent. We also have our famous Kansas City smoked beef brisket sandwich. And, we have everything on the lunch menu you're reading. Do you need a few minutes?"

Emily replied, "Yes, just a minute. Could I have some iced tea?"

"Sure, how about you, Matt?"

"No, I'll stay with water. By the way, Emily said you had just graduated."

"Yes, for all the good it did me."

"What's your degree?"

"Elementary education."

"I'd think there would be many of those jobs."

"Not around here. The school system budget was cut by 10% again this year and they eliminated many teaching positions. I've sent resumes out to other school systems, but nothing serious has turned up."

Emily asked, "Are you married?"

"No, but I have a serious boyfriend."

I asked, "What does he do?"

"He's works on a large wheat and corn farm. They also have a feeder lot with Black Angus, and he's managing that. Let me give you a couple of minutes to decide and I'll be back with your iced tea."

When Jodi returned, we ordered and Emily asked, "Are you and your boyfriend willing to relocate?"

"Sure, if we can get jobs that would justify the expense of moving."