Chapter 4
As moments turned to minutes, I walked to the bathroom to clean myself and change underwear. Returning, I lay beside her. We glanced at each other; she grinned. I'd lost my head, like Patrick had and felt guilty about what happened.
"I'm sorry Emily. I shouldn't have yielded to that temptation."
"That's ridiculous. I wanted you to do exactly what you did. I've missed it. I'm very sorry I called out Patrick's name. I have no idea why that happened."
"Okay, the doctor is in. Five cents please."
She smiled and paused a moment. "Every time I think of you in a sexual way, my mind goes to him. It's like he's still alive inside me. Why does my mind do that?"
"That's a deep question. I may have to charge ten cents for this one!"
She smiled again. "You might be worth it."
"The engineer in me believes that our minds are always processing and storing experiences. Later, we have these déjà vu feelings that just come out unwanted from our brain's file cabinet. A certain smell can trigger a memory. A certain combination of words or something we see, or the way someone laughs can even trigger it. I imagine that a brain's memory storage areas have different folders for different emotions or experiences and one of those folders is sexual pleasure."
"You're saying a mental folder contains all our memories of sexual experiences."
"Well, not literally but I think of it that way. No one knows how our brains actually work to store and retrieve memories. It's a mystery. For example, many animals are born fully functional, knowing what to do and how to survive with no parents helping them. Their little brains start with knowledge that we as humans have to learn. How does that happen? Humans are the highest form of animal life, the most advanced in capability, yet our babies can't do that. Why?"
"Matt, are you suggesting that when I'm trying to have a new sexual experience, my mind opens that folder and out comes memories of previous experiences?"
"Something like that. You may remember Patrick and all the emotional and physical pleasure you had with him, and I may remember Barbara or another lover. It'd be natural for you to call his name in the throes of an orgasm."
"That makes sense. The more experiences one has with a person, the more likely he or she is to recall them during new experiences."
"Just remember, you're only paying ten cents for my analysis and that's probably more than it's worth."
She laughed. "Dare I ask, how many partners have you had?"
"Oh, Emily. Do we need to talk about that?"
"Yes. I want to know." She smiled. "Go on. Be honest now."
I paused, let out a big sigh and slowly shook my head. "Let me think. There was Kate and Janie in Iowa when I was in high school. In Atlanta, there was Barbara and Ellie, another Janie, then Linda Sue, Traci who was from Canada, Melissa Jane from Dallas, and Toni who was Italian. I believe that's all. Hold on, I forgot Daria. She was a one-nighter."
Her eyes showed surprise.
"You've had many different experiences."
I asked, "What about you?"
"Other than Patrick, there was Tommy, Jimmy - he's one of the guys who got suspended - and George."
"But most of your memories were of Patrick."
"By a long shot. The others, except for one, were just short flings that never left any great memories. I thought I was serious about them, but it didn't end up that way. I didn't even have an orgasm with two of them."
She smiled. "You and I need to make more of those memories so my folder is better balanced."
We both laughed, but her eyes told me she was serious.
"Can we get cleaned up and on the road?" I asked.
"I'm hungry," she replied.
"We can eat here. The restaurant looks nice."
"Fine with me," she replied.
"Let me wash up, and you can have the bathroom."
"Why don't we shower together? It'll be faster."
"Emily, we've been over this."
"Matt, look at me. My boobs have been exposed here the last five minutes listening to our conversation. They've been staring you in the face the entire time."
"And they're lovely too."
"What the hell is different if we take a shower together? My girly parts are very normal and you've seen many of them."
"Yes, but I haven't seen yours."
She stared at me and pursed her lips. "Are you afraid for me to see you naked?"
"Afraid? No."
She reached over and touched me through the fabric of my pajamas. I was semi-erect anyway from our conversation; but it grew rapidly as she rubbed it. I grabbed her hand. "Emily, please stop."
"You have a very impressive tool, Matt. What's the big deal?"
"Emily, I'm sorry. Please try to understand. You're not just any woman."
She stared at me for a moment. "You're still thinking you don't want to get emotionally invested in me in case I come to my senses and leave you."
I was afraid to respond.
"Matt, we promised to be honest with each other. Now answer me."
"Maybe so."
"I need you and not just for a few weeks." Her tears flowed again, and I reached for her.
"Emily, I want to be part of your life. I want you to become part of mine. You may very well be the one lady I've always wanted to find."
That seemed to surprise her. "Do you really mean that?" Using her hand, she wiped away tears.
"Yes, I do. But needing me is very different from loving me. I need to be loved, not just needed."
She dropped her head but slowly looked up and smiled with tears in her eyes. "I can't yet commit to that, Matt."
"I know."
We embraced and the feel of her soft bare breasts against my chest created a new memory in my folder. We separated, kissed, and hugged again before I went to shower, shave and dress.
After her shower, Emily dressed in a creamy white halter-top and blue Daisy Dukes. The outfit was very revealing with more than half of her sexy tanned back showing. She wasn't wearing a bra, and the arm cutouts exposed the sides of her impressive breasts. I wasn't happy about it but didn't say a word.
****
There was a breakfast buffet at the hotel, and the fresh fruit was especially good.
"What's the plan for today?" she asked as we sipped the last of our coffee.
"Let's talk about that. I don't plan to be at my parents' place until Monday afternoon so we have options. We can drive to St. Louis, which is about four or five hours, and spend a couple of nights there. Des Moines is only another five to six hours beyond St. Louis."
"What's the other option?"
"We can take a longer route and drive 12 hours today to Kansas City and spend two nights there. That will leave us only two or three hours to my house on Monday. KC has many great restaurants, museums, and an excellent art gallery."