DECISIONS
Taylor's real life story has not ended. He is not yet dead.
The conflict rages within his mind as he tries to satisfy the cravings of nature and the needs of the body.
He knows in his mind he must make a decision. If he wants to continue as a female then he must submit to the hormones and doctors that will help him along that path. He has resisted that temptation for years and he cannot explain to himself why he has done so.
He also knows that the life as a male with Barbara and even Betty is comfortable, secure, and provides the things his life needs today. He has feelings for Barbara; he likes her company and enjoys the sex very much. Is he telling himself he is a man?
His future depends on his finishing his education and finding real work. He looks at the way he has earned his living in the past. Basically hustling on the streets for sex money. The future for that kind of work is dim. The money is not great, the danger is constant and just to put a period on it, and it's illegal.
There is nothing to recommend being a woman for him. The medical cost, the pain, the work, none of it. But it is something he has always wanted. Does he really want a vagina? Tits?
He is a gay man, so how does he figure that into the conversation? Wait, he makes love to women, how does a gay man do that?
Does he want a gay lover? He has had gay partners but never someone he wanted to love or make a life with.
How does he go about making this decision? Should he talk to someone? Should he seek the counsel of a shrink? Should he talk to Barbara about it? She seems to like him as a person as well as a lover. Maybe she will advise him?
He decides to have a serious conversation with Barbara about his future. He also decides to go out to some gay clubs and see if he is fit to be a gay partner to someone. He has always been attracted to young gay men, but never felt love or real affection toward them. Gay men seem to have trouble settling down with a partner. Or at least that's his experience. And he will go talk to the doctor about transition. Time to figure out life.
He went to talk to Barbara and she was empathetic. After all she had gone from straight to lesbianism during her life. She enjoys being a lesbian, but as we know she craves a cock now and then. Or more often if she can have it.
"Right now, at this moment for the next hour you can be anyone you want to be. Who would that be?" Said Barbara.
"At this moment, today sitting with you I want to be your lover and friend." Taylor replied.
"When do you want to be a female? She asked.
"Hmmmm, that's a need driven thing. I need to be female to work."
"So you don't get into female persona for pleasure, you do it for work?"
"I guess so. I do enjoy being the object of men's desires. Working and seeing how they want to be with me."
"But that's not real affection, is it?"
"No, it's not. So what does that mean? Maybe I don't really want to be a woman?"
"I think that's a good possibility." Barbara said.
"Okay, you have me on lockdown for working the streets, so other than satisfying your needs to go out with me dressed I don't really need to dress out as a woman."
"I think that's accurate and for the time being I will not ask you to do that. Let's see if you develop that desire again without my demands."
"Okay, sounds like a plan."
"Now about you hunting for a gay partner." Barbara said.
"I think that's a reasonable idea." Taylor said.
"I do too if we use it as a way to make this life long decision."
"Now, do you want to see my gynecologist?"
"Not yet, let's see how the abstinence from dressing out works."
"We have a plan. Would you like to go to dinner with me?
"Something informal, the diner around the corner for eggs and waffles." Taylor answered.
"Okay, lets do it."
The diner was packed and they got a two top in the back corner, ordered coffee and waffles then sat relaxing with each other.
The coffee came first and they both lifted their mugs and smiled as they took the first sip.
"I like being like this with you." Taylor said.
"Me too, no tension. Sexual or otherwise."
"Barbara, am I good company?"
"Yes you are. I always look forward to being with you. Everywhere too, not just in bed."
"I feel the same way. I guess we could call this a relationship of sorts."
Laughing lightly Barbara says, "I think we do and for my part I want it to continue and get better."
"How often do you get together with Betty?" Taylor asked.
"Not often, maybe once a month. She drives that, I don't. I could live without Betty's attentions if I could have yours anytime I wanted."
"Consider that a promise then, anytime you want."
"How about you?" Barbara said. "Do you desire to be with me sometimes? It seems I drive the conversation and sex."
"That's funny. I always wait for you to instigate the sex because I consider you the boss, if you will."
"Would you make love to me if I didn't ask you to?"
"I would, I always want you to ask me though."
"Why?"
"Because I consider you a benefactor, someone to whom I owe my allegiance and love."
"So if I never came to you for sex, then you would not come to me?"
"That's the way I have it in my head Barbara. That may not be right, but it's a product of our arrangement and the way it has worked before."
"If I release you from the arrangement, continue to employ you, and let you drive the sex, would you be happy?"
"I am not sure. I like you coming to me for the sex. I look forward to it. The last time was very nice for me. It's always nice, really. I don't want you to stop doing it if it satisfies you."
"Will you come to me when you feel the need for sex?" Barbara asked.
"Do you want me to come to you first?" Taylor asked.
"I don't want to put that on you. I want you to be able to go to anyone you want. I would like to be your choice, but I understand. You may want some cock to now and then."
"That sounds right, same for you and Betty I guess."
"This is nice, talking to you this way. Friend and mentor, partner and lover."
"I am enjoying it too Taylor. I like your company."
