Chapter Eighteen
"Don't worry about what?" Gabi asks. "Wait, you Spoke that with your ability!" Gabi's voice grows angry, betrayed. "Did you try to make me forget?!"
"I-" Beatrix begins.
"You did, didn't you! I can't believe you. What did you Speak just before that? 'Slave'?"
"Err-"
"You tried to do to me what you did to Sarah, didn't you? I told you I'm not a sub. Why would you try to make me your slave?"
"Gabi, give her a chance to talk," I butt in. "I'm
certain
she has a reasonable explanation," I say in a pointed tone indicating she had better or I'm going to be angry, too.
Beatrix's normally confident posture folds. "I do and I don't. Let me say first that I am truly sorry, Gabi. Really. I didn't mean to hurt you
at all
.
"Has Sarah talked to you about how we don't know the rules of my ability like we thought we did?" Gabi nods cautiously. "As a scientist, the only way to figure out the rule is to break it. I need to know what the bounds are. I was nearly certain that using the slave command I made
wouldn't
work on you. I wouldn't have even tried it except that I thought I had a way to make you forget that I had, and then I wouldn't have hurt you."
"Why did you think you could make me forget?" Gabi asks pointedly.
"Because-" Fear and resignation take over Bea's expression. "Because I already had."
"What?!" Gabi yells. "How much have you made me forget?!"
"I only used it once!" Bea says, raising her hands in surrender. "As we walked into the room, I teased Sarah about her poor showing at Smash, and she figured out I was responsible. We shared a look, and you asked what I did to her. I thought this was a small thing you wouldn't care about forgetting, so I tried the 'Don't worry about it' command I had created. The question, apparently, slipped from your mind. Do you remember this?"
"No," Gabi says. She crosses her arms in front of her, an involuntary subconscious indication that she feels violated and wants to cover herself up.
"See? It worked and until just now, it didn't bother you. I thought I had a way to safely test the bounds of my ability without hurting you." Bea's tone is desperate, terrified to lose her friend—terrified, I suspect, that she might be a monster.
"Why didn't you try it on Sarah? She wouldn't have cared."
"That's exactly
why
I couldn't test it on Sarah. You saw what happened when I turned her into a sex slave." My stomach does an involuntary flip at both the wording and the memory it invokes. "I can't test the bounds of what is and isn't possible with my ability unless I use it on someone who
wouldn't
consent."
Gabi turns to me. "What do you make of this?"
"I-" I begin.
How can I do this without making it worse?
Ordinarily, I would refuse to be dragged in—or at least, that's what my Wise Mind would tell me to do—
but maybe....
"Do you both want me to weigh in? I don't want either of you to feel like I'm taking sides."
Gabi nods. Bea asks, "Do you think it would help?"
I hesitate. "Maybe. And I think there's a way we can guarantee I won't make it worse. Would you two consent up front to forget what I say if I determine that it made things worse?"
Bea nods. Gabi, on the other hand, says, "No, Babes. I'm sorry, that's cowardly." I sigh inwardly. Unfortunately, she's right. I nod, face slackening.
"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath. "Then let me ask again. Do you both
want
me to say what I'm thinking? Can you both accept that what I say, I say out of love for both of you, and do your best not to get defensive?"
They each take a second to consider before nodding.
"Okay. Beatrix, you are right
and
you are wrong." I turn to Gabi. "Gabi, you are right
and
I think you should forgive Beatrix." They wait for me to elaborate further, and I sigh, uncomfortable. "Bea is right in that the only way to test the bounds of her ability is to violate the rule, whatever that rule is, and that the only way to do that is to use it on someone unwilling. She could have used it on a stranger. Would you have rather she'd done that, Gabi?"
"Ye-" she starts to say. Then, she pauses. "No, I guess not."
"Bea was wrong to try to violate you, Gabi, and you are rightfully upset. However, I
know
that her intention was not to hurt you. Misguided though her reasoning was, she's right that, had you forgotten—which she had every reason to believe you would—there would have been no harm done."
"I-" both girls say at the same time. Bea motions to Gabi to go first.
"Okay," she says, some of the anger fading from her, "when you put it that way, maybe I overreacted. Still, Beatrix, playing with my mind like that is
not
okay with me. You said your ability doesn't work without consent; shouldn't you always just ask for consent, then?"
Beatrix looks defeated, but I give her an encouraging nod. "Maybe," she says. "Maybe you're right. I am a huge proponent of radical consent, and maybe that's the best way to use my ability. I am so sorry that I hurt you."
"Gabi," I say, feeling Bea isn't giving herself enough credit, "I know you're not a scientist." She gives me a pointed look. "That's not a bad thing!" I clarify quickly. "It just means you probably can't understand our itch to
know
, to experiment until we figure it out. Maybe you can understand but ... think of it like gender dysphoria, maybe. You can understand and accept that I feel it, but I don't think you can really understand what it feels like unless you've experienced it firsthand.
"That scientist's drive to understand and to test things in a logical way... it's why scientists have ethics committees. That drive is strong and sometimes it makes us forget our humanity.
"That said, as Beatrix said—and I absolutely believe she's telling the truth—she
believed
it wouldn't work on you. She tried it hoping and expecting that it would fail. And correct me if I'm wrong, Bea, but if it had worked, I suspect you would have canceled the effect immediately."
Bea nods emphatically. "Yes, that was exactly my plan, Gabi."
We're silent for a bit while Gabi mulls it over. "I- Okay. I forgive you. Just, in the future-" She throws her hands in the air. "Ugh! I don't know. I want you to be able to figure out your ability, really! I just don't know how to do it without hurting our relationship."
"Well," Beatrix says carefully, "and please don't hate me for this. I make this suggestion in good faith to solve the problem, but I don't want you to feel pressured
at all
." Gabi nods apprehensively for Beatrix to continue. "Would you consent to letting me make you forget commands that I intentionally do not expect to work on you? That way I could experiment, and you wouldn't feel betrayed—or at least you wouldn't remember feeling betrayed."
Gabi is quiet for a long moment. "I don't know," she says at last. "How can I be sure you wouldn't abuse that power? You could make me forget anything you wanted me to. You could deny me my right to feel angry, feel my own natural feelings that I deserve to be able to feel."
"I wouldn't do that!" Beatrix protests at once. The defensiveness in her tone overshadows the earnestness I know she feels.
"But how can I know that for certain? I
want
to trust you, Beatrix. I really do. But this is strange territory. This is a level of vulnerability you haven't earned yet." Both girls wince at the accusatory phrasing. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong. It's not what I meant. I mean that you and I haven't reached that level of intimacy in our relationship yet. We've been dating for less than a week, and have known each other for less than three.
"I believe you wouldn't intentionally abuse the power to make me forget," she concedes, "but that doesn't mean you wouldn't do it by accident."
A wordless moment passes. "How about this?" I say. "Gabi, would you consent to let Bea turn you into a bunny for ten seconds?"
"Okay, sure. But how would that test anything?"
"I want you to explicitly tell Beatrix that you do
not
give her consent to turn you into a bunny."
Bea nods understanding. Gabi hesitantly says, "Ooookaaay. Beatrix, you do not have my consent to turn me into a bunny."
I can tell Bea knows what's coming next, but she waits for me to explain it to Gabi. "Now Beatrix is going to try to turn you into a bunny. If it works, we've learned something new about her ability and you won't feel betrayed because it's something you don't actually mind. If it doesn't work, then you can be sure that anything you explicitly do not consent to will not work. Ready?"
Gabi takes a deep breath, holds it, and then nods. "
Gabi is a bunny for the next ten seconds.
" When nothing happens, Gabi releases her breath.
"Now, Gabi, do you trust that Bea Spoke and did her best to turn you into a bunny?"
"Yes," Gabi nods.
"Are you convinced that Bea can't do anything to you that you explicitly deny her your consent to do?" I ask. She nods again. "Then—and like Beatrix said, no pressure at all if you are not comfortable with this—but now you can say exactly what Beatrix is allowed to make you forget and what she is not, and then you can feel safe that she can't abuse that power. Make sense?"
Gabi nods slowly. "How would I phrase it?" she asks me.
I think for a moment. "Okay, this is just an example, so change any details you don't like or want to add. And if you decide you don't like this after all, that's okay, too," I say glancing at Bea. She nods her confirmation to Gabi. "Alright. How about, 'I consent to Beatrix testing the bounds of her ability by intentionally trying things she thinks I wouldn't consent to." I make it up as I go; I have the general idea but haven't prepared the wording until I get to each sentence. "'In the cases that they do work, I consent only so long as she immediately undoes the effect. In either case, assuming she tried in good faith, I consent to having my memory of the test and