It was twelve O'clock in the morning and the alarm wouldn't stop blinking. I rolled over and saw a picture of James.
Suddenly the memory seeped through me and all the pain from that day came flooding through. Why? Why him? Why me?!
I used to think he was the perfect roommate; everybody said I didn't have anything to worry about. I liked him so much, he was such a cool guy. Always willing to spring for pizza or a flick.
After spending all days and nights with him I even felt myself in love. How could I ever imagine I'd hated him like I did now? And how could a small part of me still feel love for him?
As I lay there in the dark, I could not stop the tears from falling; The pain I endured that night hit me so hard that this was the first time since it had happened that I had the opportunity to feel real emotion. I willed the tears to stop but they wouldn't subside. I curled up as small as I could, drawing the covers over my head. I just wish I could disappear or that this chest pounding pain was just a nightmare. I wanted to wake up tomorrow with all of it gone. I yearn for it to go back to normal; to be able to look at him without feeling a disgusting tug in my stomach. My sobs echoed in the dark, empty room.
It seemed like years before the tears were finally gone from my aching eyes. I thought that if I got up and heated some tea I might be able to sleep this night out unlike the others. Not that I'd be of much help. But neither would be staying there as there was no way I could have gone to sleep. So I flung back the blankets and threw my feet over the side of the bed in disgust. I started walking towards the living room when I heard a crashing sound near the kitchen.
All thoughts left but one. James!
No, not him! Dear God, don't let it be him!
I tried to run back but it seemed my legs had grown roots. My breathing became incredibly loud against the darkness, so I leaned in trying to pinpoint the sound. But when I heard another rustling in the kitchen again I willed my legs to move but they just wouldn't give way.
Then I saw my baby coming strutting out of the kitchen, coffee grounds and gravy smoothed on his golden coat, and the meat I threw away earlier dangled from his mouth. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding.
He stopped when he saw me. He looked at me with that half-cocked head turning from side to side as his beady, black eyes pierced through the nights glow to see if he was in trouble. He must have sensed my fear mixed with relief because he whimpered lightly then backed into the front room to gently sit on his bed. I just gaped at him. It's just my Sammy. Breathe Jackie, come on girl, breathe.
Once I was sure I could walk without hitting the floor I headed toward the kitchen. My legs had the type of rubbery shaky feeling that too much exercising brings on. I leaned heavily on the wall as I ventured toward the dark emptiness my baby just abandoned.
