Staring At The Sun – Chapter 11, Monday
On Sunday night I had slept fitfully, my mind full of thoughts of Mike and I together and the possible repercussions it would have on my life if I decided to do what he wanted. I couldn't deny the attraction between us, but I had noticed a slight change in him over the last few days. Wanting to know the reason why had kept me awake until the small hours.
Last night our conversation had been interrupted by the arrival of Lisa with a pot of coffee and Mike had returned to his chair with a thoughtful look on his face. Lisa seemed to sense the tension between us so I tried to turn the conversation to lighter matters in an effort to return to normality. There was no more mention of me leaving early; Mike was probably right, there would be nobody at the Harpers' farmhouse and I would end up looking silly when Jilly returned.
I had excused myself soon afterwards and looked forward to going to bed and reading before sleep overcame me. I didn't want to remain downstairs with Mike alone, not quite trusting myself with him after our conversation earlier, but he had kissed me goodnight on the cheek, a warm touch of his lips that sent a shiver down my spine.
But now it was Monday morning and the long day stretched ahead of me, my nerves jangling at the thought of what was to come. The urge to call my father was strong but I wanted to make sure he had had enough time to find out as much as he could about the Harpers.
Breakfast was taken on the terrace this morning and Mike seemed almost back to his usual self. Smiling and welcoming, he poured me a cup of coffee and sat back in his chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
"Do you fancy a tour of the vineyard today? I know how interested you are in the wine."
I nodded and felt a slight shiver of anticipation travel the length of my spine. He seemed to come alive when discussing his precious vineyard and I bathed in the glow of his enthusiasm. "Pierre's going over to Lyons today to see a business contact so I'd appreciate some company."
"What about Lisa?"
"Oh, she'll be around but she's due to go to Avignon this afternoon." He looked at me carefully and I experienced that twist of desire again as I thought back to our conversation of last night. "You can go with her if you want, but it's just a visit to the bank..."
I felt myself blush under his intense gaze and concentrated on my cup of coffee. "I'll see how I feel after lunch. It might just be nice to stay here and relax..."
Mike smiled and stroked my hand which lay on the table between us. "That's what you're here for, after all. Isn't it, Louise? To relax and enjoy?"
I nodded. The start of our holiday seemed an age away and I pondered on the changes that had taken place since Richard and I had boarded the ferry on the first Saturday, our heads full of holiday plans and how much time we would have to relax. My mind went back to the terrible discovery of the tiny lump in my breast and I realised I had pushed the thought of it to the back of my mind, so preoccupied was I with worries about the business and my affair with Mike.
"You seem quiet...are you OK?"
Mike's voice brought me out of my reverie and I smiled. "Yes, I'm fine, just thinking about all the things that have happened over the last week. So many changes in such a short space of time. It's unbelievable, really."
"I agree. Did you have any idea about the business before you went away?"
"No, I honestly didn't. Richard never really told me a lot anyway. He ran it with my parents and I spent all my time looking after the house and the children. Silly of me, wasn't it? To take such a backseat?"
Mike folded his arms across his chest and looked at me thoughtfully. "You did what you thought best at the time. A lot of women would have done the same. And what were the alternatives?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Putting the children into full-time day care I suppose. Employing a cleaner...or trying to do it all myself. I don't know. I just feel as if I've let him down."
Mike leaned over and took my hands in his. "Stop feeling like that, Louise. This isn't your fault. Why are you so against Jake helping?"
I stared at him, feeling the small doubts start to grow again. "Because I want us to sort this out ourselves, Mike. Can't you see that? How would you feel if a stranger came and took over the running of your vineyard?"
"But Jake isn't a stranger. He's a friend of Richard's."
"He's someone I've never met before. My parents don't know him at all. And he's hardly a close friend of Richard's, is he? I don't remember my husband mentioning him at all before this holiday."
Mike dropped my hands and sat back in the chair, his fingers running through his hair in a way that I had realised was a sign of stress.
"Do you know what they're doing in Toulouse?" I asked. "I can't imagine why Jake's taken Richard there."
"Business associate, I think."
I looked at him, trying to read his face for clues, but seeing none. He drained the last of his coffee and stood up. "You still want to have a look around? Lisa's going to be busy with the cottage this morning; we've got guests arriving tomorrow so you're welcome to stay with me."
He knew, without asking, there was nothing I'd enjoy more, so we agreed to meet in an hour and I returned to my room to call my father. I wasn't sure whether he would have any news, but I couldn't resist phoning any longer.
But when I retrieved my mobile out of my handbag, the battery was dead. Cursing myself for not checking the evening before, I plugged the phone into the socket and went into the bathroom to rub some sun cream into my arms and legs. The call would have to wait until later and in the meantime I would push all worries aside and concentrate on enjoying the day ahead.
*
Before I joined Mike in the vineyard, I sat in the kitchen and chatted to Lisa as she prepared lunch. We both deliberately avoided talking about Mike and she told me how she was hoping to get the money together to fly back home after the summer.
"I want to see my parents. They've been here a couple of times, but that was a long time ago and I miss them."
"Will you go home for good?"
She paused. "I think so. There's no reason for me to stay here. Mike will have to employ someone from the village to help with the cottage. It's well and truly over between us, but we're still good friends. I think I love him in my own way, but physically it's been over for a long time."
I sighed and she looked at me and smiled. "Life's complicated, isn't it? So many difficulties."
I nodded. "I just want to sort things out but this attraction to Mike has added to the problems." I felt a sudden yearning to tell her about the lump I'd found but was aware that she was busy.
"When you get back from seeing the vineyard we'll have some lunch and a long chat. I have to go to the bank deposit box in Avignon later this afternoon. You can always come with me if you want to have a look around the town..."
I blushed at her words and stammered over my reply. "I'll see, Lisa. I need to call my parents again." She gave me a strange look, but said nothing and at the same time, Mike appeared in the door, a warm smile on his face as he gestured outside.
"Your carriage awaits!"
I laughed and followed him out to an old tractor, the noisy engine making conversation difficult. "What do you think?" he shouted over the roar, "want to take the wheel?"
I laughed again and shook my head, taking my place next to him on the hard seat. With a wave to Lisa we were off and I held on tight as the rickety vehicle shuddered and jolted its way down to the first field of vines. The dogs ran beside us and I had a sudden vision of living here with Mike, the children attending a local school, long days filled with the heat and peace of the countryside.