It was a balmy September morning in Rome when Sister Juliana and I went to shop for fresh vegetables. The market was bustling with local restauranteurs and minions of the wealthy, anxious to find the best produce for the day's menus. Walking through the market purposefully, we looked everything over before approaching a vendor to haggle. We knew several of the merchants who brought the jewels of Lazio and Umbria to the hungry city, and our banter was lighthearted as we negotiated the best prices for our supplies. Most of them are a little scared to cheat a nun, but I have to show them I'm on top of things.
Freddo Salvatore greeted us as we approached his fish stand. "Bon giorno, Sisters. Can I interest you in some fresh mussels?"
"Yes, Senore," Sister Juliana chirped. "It's been too long since we had them last."
"Ah, Sister, these were in the bottom of the Adriatic just twelve hours ago. Can you do better than that?"
She giggled nervously, and he beamed at her. Freddo was an older version of his son Rocco, who's our groundskeeper: both are tall, well built, dark hair and eyes, with a broad smile marked by a golden tooth. "Everything looks good this morning, Freddo," I said. "I think we can take enough for a nice fruitti del mare this evening. Do you think the Sisters will like that?"
"It will charm the cold heart of La Rossa herself," Freddo beamed. "I'll bring it over this afternoon right after lunch, Senora Mavis will be delighted."
"Excellent," I replied.
"Sister Juliana, you look particularly gleeful this morning. Is there a reason behind your delicious little smile?"
A bright blush overtook Sister Juliana's olive complexion and she giggled again. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Ah, I thought my Rocco had finally wormed his way into your heart."
I gave him a sharp look. "Or under her wimple?"
Freddo and I laughed as Sister Juliana turned a brighter shade. "I'm just teasing, Sister, just teasing. You both are always a lovely sight, and I'm happy you give me your business. Ciao." He turned to talk with another customer, and we made our way down the line of stalls in search of fresh bread.
After finishing our round, we were on our way to the nearest bus stop when my cell phone went off with a text message. Looking down, I said: "Shit" aloud in English.
"What Sister Franny?" Sister Juliana replied. "Is there trouble at the Generalate?"
"I'll bet," I said, switching back to Italian. "It's from La Rossa: GET YOUR ASSES IN A CAB BACK HERE ASAP. We haven't done anything questionable lately, so I imagine there's a crisis somewhere in the world. Taxi!" I shouted as a cab approached.
The cabbie was happy to take us back, acting like a perfect gentleman and helping us with our bags. Rocco Salvatore the Gardener met us at the gate to pay the cabbie off and relieve us of our burdens, leaving us free to come in immediately. "It must be an emergency," Sister Juliana sighed. "Rocco didn't even favor us with a 'welcome home' leer. Everyone must be scared."
"I hate to think what's going on," I said. "Don't think it's a problem overseas, or she wouldn't get us back this quickly while making Rocco take the groceries from us at the gate. Maybe one of the older sisters has had an attack of some kind."
"Like Sister Lucretia last month?"
"Yeah. We had to hotfoot it back from the nightclub. Oh well, no use in waiting for bad news."
We ran down the hallways of the Generalate, our wimples wobbling, skidding around the corner through the open door of La Rossa's office. She was sitting behind her desk, tapping the top with her fingers. "Were you picking out each cucumber one by one, Helen? It took you long enough to get here."
When she calls me by my birth name, I know something's very wrong. "No, Mother. You know Roman traffic; Alberto got us here as soon as he could."
"Oh, you know that lout of a cab driver by name?"
I put my hand on hers to calm her. "What's wrong?"
She stood up and started pacing the floor. "We're having a Visitation from the Congregation for Religious. Cardinal Enrico Terranova, the first undersecretary himself."
"Is he a scary man, Mother Superior?" Sister Juliana murmured deferentially.
"When I told the Elephant, his knees started shaking. He threw on his cassock and started praying the Rosary in the Chapel immediately, after ordering Mavis to prepare a meal fit for the Holy Father himself." She fished in her desk drawer for a pack of cigarettes, then threw them on the table quickly without taking one out. "Crap, can't greet him with smoke on my breath."
"He's coming today?"
"In fifteen minutes. I expect him any moment. Mary Richard and Bernadette are getting the community books ready for him, and you'd better get the house accounts ready for him too, Squirt. Juli, you'll have to get the posh guest suite room for him: he won't be staying the night, but he'll need a room for a nap. Fresh fruit and spring water only: Cardinal Terranova doesn't drink or smoke. God only knows if the man has any vices."
"What about lunch?" I asked.