Friday, July 26th, 2013
"So, you'll never guess who I talked to yesterday," Paul said after finishing a set.
"You're probably right, considering the fact that as far as I know we have zero common acquaintances."
"We have at least one."
"Who?"
"The Ice Queen."
"Oh. I wouldn't exactly call her an acquaintance. Neither of us even know her name, unless it's 'The Ice Queen', which I somehow doubt." I didn't feel the need to share my own nickname for her, Miss Triple G.
"Fair enough. Anyways, she came by while I was working out yesterday, by myself, since you ditched me." He gave me a grin to make sure I knew he was being sarcastic. "She seemed concerned that she might have scared you off, but don't worry, I assured her that you'd be here today."
Very interesting.
"And what did she have to say to that?"
"She just said 'Oh, good' and then walked off. I think you made an impression on her."
I snorted. "Yeah, right. She probably just still felt bad about chewing me out the other day."
"We'll see. Maybe this will be a good story for me to tell when I'm the best man at your wedding."
"Sorry Paul, you're cool and my only male friend down here at the moment, but you being the best man at my wedding has an even lower chance of happening than the chance of that wedding being to Miss Triple G."
"Who?"
Shit.
"Uh, nothing. That's just the nickname I use for her in my head."
"Triple G? What's it mean?"
"It stands for...uh..." I stammered, suddenly feeling very embarrassed, "Glorious Goddess of Glutes."
Paul threw back his head and laughed. "Oh man, that's great. And now I have an even better story to tell at your wedding."
"I swear to god I will murder you if you mention that to anyone."
"Don't worry, I'm just yanking your chain. I might have a hard time holding back my laugh if she comes over here today though."
It turned out that she didn't come over. In fact, she didn't show up at the gym at all. Maybe she just didn't work out on Fridays. Maybe she was out of town for some reason, like I was yesterday. Or maybe she was avoiding me?
Why am I obsessing over this?
Whatever the reason, I didn't see Miss Triple G at the gym. Paul and I finished up our workout, showered, changed, and then left to go grab some breakfast burritos before he had to go to work.
"Hey man, I know it's last minute, but we're hosting a little neighborhood barbecue at our house tonight. You want to come join us? You could meet Jackie and everyone else. There's even a couple single women in the neighborhood who might stop by."
I shook my head and then swallowed the bite of burrito I'd been chewing. "Sorry, that sounds great, but I have a work thing tonight and then I'm having a couple people over to my apartment for a late dinner. Maybe another time."
"All good, just wanted to extend the invite. Jackie has been asking about my new workout buddy. I'll let you know the next time we've got something going on though, and try to give you more than a few hours notice."
"Sounds good to me. It would be nice to meet the woman who's been able to put up with you for almost twenty years. She must be a saint."
"Fuck you too, dude."
------------------------------------------
Even after my workout, I was still feeling keyed up. I wasn't going to survive the day if I couldn't find something to distract me from thinking about Riley. What a fucked up surprise that had been. I was optimistic about my chances of avoiding her tonight, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that forever. We'd have to talk eventually. I tried to tell myself that I would be able to just ignore the elephant in the room every time we had to interact and just do the professional bare minimum, but I knew that wasn't realistic. She wanted to explain herself, and deep down I knew I still wanted some closure on things now that it was a possibility. I had been able to start getting over it when I accepted I was never going to see her again, but now that I knew she was going to be one room over for eight hours every day I wouldn't just be able to let it go forever without finding out what exactly had happened between us.
My first step towards keeping myself busy was to make another run to the grocery store and get everything I would need to make dinner for Tori and Melissa tonight. I wanted to impress them, especially after the fantastic dinner Melissa had made for me the other day, but I also needed something where I could do most of the prep in advance since I wouldn't be getting home from Meet the Teacher until after seven.
My solution was to make a hefty Thai-inspired salad with chicken and a spicy peanut dressing. Everything could be prepped in advance. I got home and went to work, chopping the cabbage, cilantro, and green onions, grated the carrots, and crushing the peanuts for the salad. Then I fixed up the dressing. The local grocery store didn't have any Thai chilis so I had to settle for jalapeños, but it worked. The combination of the spice of the chilis with the sweetness of the peanut butter was one of my favorite things ever. In all honestly, this salad was just an excuse for me to eat this peanut dressing. Then I cooked and shredded the chicken, adding just a little bit of the peanut dressing to the chicken as well. There was more than enough meat for the salad to satisfy me, so I was sure the ladies wouldn't feel like I'd skimped out on feeding them a full meal.
Then I remembered that I had a recipe for a Thai dinner roll that Amanda's sister-in-law Dara had made for us when we visited last year. I had loved the rolls and asked her to send me the recipe. I pulled up the email on my phone and checked to make sure I had the ingredients handy. I had enough time to make the rolls, but I didn't want to run to the store again. Thankfully I had everything I needed.
I was hit with another wave of melancholy as I realized that I'd probably never see or talk to Dara, or Amanda's brother Matt, ever again. Matt was six years older than Amanda and had married Dara just a few months after Amanda and I started dating. Going to their wedding had been our first trip together and an early introduction to her whole family. A family that I had been closer to than my own for the last several years. I didn't want to go home and see my parents for the holidays, so I always went with Amanda to see her family. I had thought of them as my own family, and it was just now really hitting me that when I had broken up with Amanda I was also breaking things off with everyone else too.
I threw myself into making the dough for the rolls as a way to distract from those depressing thoughts. I didn't have a stand-mixer—Amanda had gotten ours in the breakup, since it had been a gift from her parents a couple Christmases ago—so I had to spend several minutes kneading the dough by hand. Then I had to transfer it to a covered bowl to let it rise for a while.
While the dough did its thing, I spent the next hour or so doing some more catch-up on lesson planning for the school year.
Ugh, another reason why I need to talk to Riley.
It truly was not going to be possible to avoid her forever. At least I could put it off until we started our work week on Monday. When I finished that I went back to the dough and rolled it out before cutting it into pieces and setting them out onto a baking sheet to rise some more. I'd finish cooking them when I got back from Meet the Teacher. That way they'd be hot and fresh and my apartment would smell like freshly baked bread, which was always a plus.
I went to grab some lunch and then somehow found myself walking around a pet store. Apparently I really was feeling lonely in my apartment. There were a few extremely adorable puppies, but in the end I knew it was a bad idea. I just didn't have enough time to take care of a dog, let alone deal with training a puppy.
Having guests over was a good excuse to make sure my apartment was fully unpacked and cleaned, so that killed another couple hours. I wanted to avoid looking like a completely hopeless bachelor. The walls were still a bit bare, but I didn't have many options to fix that today. Frames are expensive, and just tossing up bare posters on wall was exactly the sort of thing that shouted "hopeless bachelor living space." Just one more reminder for me that I was no longer living with Amanda. She had a definite flair for interior design and the apartment we shared together had looked great.
I flopped down onto the couch with a sigh. The months since our breakup had given me some emotional distance, and all of the chaos of moving and finding a new job had been a good distraction, but I found myself really missing Amanda today. I'm not sure exactly why, but I was feeling the weight of her absence in my life like I hadn't in weeks. She had been a major part of my life—perhaps even the
biggest
part of my life—for over six years, nearly a quarter of my time on this earth. I'd spent more time being with her than with anyone else besides my parents, and maybe Kevin, but gun to my head I'd bet on Amanda winning that. She had been an integral part of who I was.
How much of who I am today is because of her?
Most of my favorite TV shows were things that she had picked for us to watch. My music collection was full of artists and bands she had introduced me to. Almost all of my favorite memories from college were tied up with her. Hell, it had been a struggle to find any good pictures of me for my profile on the dating app that didn't have her in them. I was overcome with a powerful urge to text her and let her know that I was thinking about her, that I was missing her, but I knew that was a terrible idea. We had broken up for a reason.
Fuck, why couldn't she just have trusted me?
Instead of texting Amanda, I sublimated that desire into sending a group message to my crew up north.
Happy Friday. Hope it's still possible to have a good time up there without me. Miss you guys.
Over the next several minutes I received replies back from most of the group.
Not the same without you!
from Marco and
We need you back for trivia night
from his girlfriend Aubrey. Kevin sent
I miss our cuddle time
