I woke relatively early, showered and went to the loft to make coffee and breakfast. I carried a heavy tray downstairs and stood beside the bed as I called his name. After the third try to wake him, Bob finally grunted with his face buried in the mattress. He reached for the place where I had slept and finding it empty, he groaned.
"Bob, come on. Wake up!" I insisted still balancing the heavy tray in my hands.
"I'm dead and I'm in hell, right?" he moaned as he slowly dragged his hand to his temple and rubbed at it with his fingers for a moment. He seemed to drop off to sleep again.
"Bob, I have coffee and breakfast," I coaxed quietly. When he didn't respond, I shouted, "Wake up!" He jerked his head up and winced as he blinked his eyes open.
"This tray is getting heavy," I scolded.
"Okay, okay, I'm awake," he pronounced as he flopped over onto his back and settled against the pillows with his eyes shut again. I sighed heavily.
"I hear you," he mumbled. "What time is it?"
"A little after twelve. Do you want coffee?" I asked. He nodded still languishing against the pillows. I placed the tray on the center of the bed and lit him a cigarette. I set an ashtray on his stomach and proceeded to pour us each coffee. I handed him one mug and he sat staring at it.
"
Why
are we up at noon?" he muttered.
"Because it's Saturday, and it's late. I have to go soon," I replied crawling onto the bed beside him.
"You can't go," he said as he shook his head and moaned again. "I think I'm dying."
"You're not dying and I have to go," I scoffed at him. "Do you want something to eat?"
"Yes, I
am
dying, and no, you can't go. I don't want anything to eat. I want to go back to sleep," he complained. He opened his eyes at last and squinted at me. "You've had a shower already?"
I nodded and sipped my coffee.
"God, how do you do it?" he mumbled. "I'm seriously dying here, princess. I think you tried to kill me. Let's just go back to bed, please? I promise, I'll get up in...six hours or so," he mumbled as he reached to set the ashtray and coffee aside. He rolled to his side and made another attempt to go back to sleep.
"Get up, Bob!" I demanded giving his shoulders a firm shake. "If you'll eat something you'll feel better."
"You're not going to stop until I get up, are you?" he asked with a sigh of resignation. He sat up and plumped the pillows behind him. Then he eyed the tray of food for a second. "Did you cook?" he asked sounding surprised. He lifted the lid of the tray and burst into laughter.
"Leftover Chinese food?" he howled. He grabbed his head again and winced.
"Well, if you'd go to the fucking grocery store once in a while," I began.
"Why? I don't cook. I eat out," he informed me.
"That's why you're getting Chinese for breakfast," I snorted at him. "Where are my clothes? I need my jeans so I can get dressed and get out of here."
"They're in the closet, but you can't go yet," he said again.
"Here, eat!" I said trying to hand him a plate. He opened his mouth to protest and I stuck a fork full of egg foo young in it. "Mmmm. See? It's good, isn't it?" I bounced up from the bed and began looking for my clothes.
He gripped the handle of the fork protruding from his mouth and gave me a look. "Has anyone ever told you how fucking annoying you are in the morning?" he growled between chews.
"Not more than once," I snipped. "I guess that's why you don't want me to leave."
He shook his head and swallowed. "It isn't that I don't want you to leave. I wish you would, so I can go back to sleep," he retorted. "The alarm is on. You can't leave until I disarm it."
"Oh. Well, then all the more reason you need to get your ass up and let me out." I was pulling on clothes as quickly as I could.
He cocked his head at me and frowned. "I'm really starting to remember why I spent the last sixteen years single," he said sounding thoughtful.
"Would you like to spend the
next
sixteen years single, too?" I asked sweetly.
"I wasn't having much of a problem with it. Jon's right. You're a pain in the ass. Why don't you go back to his house for awhile?" he asked. "You come in here with fucking tequila which I don't drink, and you break my furniture, and you won't let me sleep. Give me one good reason why I would want you to stay."
"Because I come in here with tequila that you
did
drink, by the way. I
helped
you break the furniture. I didn't do that all by myself, mister. And, I don't let you sleep your life away," I sniffed in response.
"Alright, I'll concede that point, but you're still a pain in the ass," he said with a scowl.
"You knew that before you decided to fuck me, so don't go playing the injured party now. Just deal with it like a man, and stop whining."
"I don't whine. I snivel. There's a difference," he commented before he threw the fork down on the tray. "This food is disgusting! Would you like to go to breakfast since you have me awake now?" I removed the tray and set it on the opposite bedside table.
"I have to work this afternoon. I wanted to go by Jon's first, but I'm not going to have time now," I said as I grabbed his brush and quickly ran it through my hair.
"You're using my fucking brush?" he asked sounding displeased at the idea. "Next, it will be my tooth brush," he snorted. "Why don't you bring your own shit and stay out of mine?"
"Because you hid mine somewhere and I've got to go. Some of us have to actually work for a living," I snipped back at him. "I didn't use your toothbrush. I have one I keep in my purse, thank you very much," I sniffed. "Besides, what difference does it make anyway? Why are men always like that? You'll lick my pussy, but you don't want me using your hairbrush. You have serious issues, Bob," I said shaking my head in dismay.
"That's what they keep telling me," he sighed as he threw back the covers and sat up on the edge of the bed. "If you would come back to bed with me, you could help me work some of them out." He yanked at the sheet and began wrapping it around himself as he stood up.