I guess it began on my birthday. The affair. The 'sordid little secret' I was to keep for so long. That's how he described it. My husband. Big tears dripping off his nose. "How could you," he said, his pained expression also bringing me to tears. How could I? How could anyone?
I believe that love and lust have one thing in common. Both can get you into trouble. My lust for Jason had cost me my marriage. My love for Michael had cost me my heart.
Jason moved to our branch on my 31st birthday. I was stressed out that day. I had attended an opening the night before and had stayed with some clients drinking wine, talking business, boring myself but sticking it out to the last.
When I got home Michael was asleep but snoring loudly from a cold he had picked up a few days before. Despite the wine, I found it difficult to fall asleep, listening to his noise, waiting for the wheeze. When it was time to rise, my mouth was dry, my eyes sore and I had stayed in bed too late to shower.
I can't say it was lust at first sight. But I did think Jason was cute. I liked his face, his merry eyes, dancing in his tanned complexion. He was anxious to impress, helpful, zealous, 'is there anything I can do for you?'
'No Jason, not at the moment, thank you.' Later as I became obsessed by his sight, smell and touch, the thoughts of seeing him without having showered filled me with dread.
I made it through the day, frazzled, anxious, and work-weary. I was in no mood to put up with the positivity of the new guy. As I came through the doors, on the way to my car and my birthday dinner with Michael, I met Jason.
'Happy Birthday," he smiled as he held open the door for me.
'How did you know?' I glared. Birthday information was not something I shared.