Chapter 4 -- Domination, an oath & rage.
Sunday was spent much the same as Saturday, although Elizabeth looked a bit better that morning. I spent the day in my study while she was in her room. That afternoon, at just before 4PM, I was sitting at the table in the kitchen. Elizabeth walked in wearing a long thick robe, clutching a folder to her chest, and sat down opposite me. Aside from the robe, she had styled her hair and wore a touch of makeup. She looked fantastic.
Another stab into some soft spots before the final plunge of the knife, I thought to myself.
I looked at her as she sat then looked down at the table surface. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"You've made a decision?" I said quietly.
"Yes." She replied simply, putting the folder on the table, and opening it.
"I choose Dominate."
Elizabeth lifted a collection of papers out of the folder and began reading.
"I, Elizabeth Cowen, the submissive, hereby pledge my body, heart, and soul to my Domme, Tom Cowen. I, of free body and mind, willingly offer my life and servitude to my Domme to do with as he desires, and pledge to serve and obey him, to the best of my abilities, in all ways he deems fit."
She then took a pen from the folder and signed the contract.
I'll admit I really got into it when I researched and drew wrote up the contract. Even with the fucked-up situation surrounding it, thinking, and fantasizing about Dominant/submissive relationships really got my engine running and I poured that energy into it. The contract was extensive. Yes, I know it had all the legal validity of a plastic bag, but it was still important.
It contained rules, rights, and privileges. Included was a list of kinks with the 'agree', 'don't know' or 'won't do' options. I checked a lot of these beforehand, like exhibitionism, sex with strangers, and a variety of bondage options, and noted in the margin that they were not optional. I even included 'golden showers' because it would clearly show her how low she had fallen.
It also included instructions and keywords for actions she would have to do when spoken. I worked with computers. Whether it was keyboards or sluts, I liked shortcuts.
Yes, I would do all the selected options, I made sure only to select what would actually be of interest to me, but the idea was to make it as intimidating as possible. I seriously considered the contract an extreme wet dream and a wildly fantastic fantasy. No way in the seven kingdoms was Elizabeth ever going to agree to it...
But she had just signed it.
My mind was racing as I processed and double checked if I heard what I just heard. Until 3 seconds before, I considered divorce a foregone conclusion. All my answers from the night before were either part of the original pitch or made up at the time. I had not spent any time, whatsoever, considering that she would choose the dominate option.
The love, hate, hurt, anger, and disgust I had been feeling for the last few weeks now suddenly welcomed a strange, and unexpected, excitement into their party.
"Wait? What?" I looked up shocked at Elizabeth as she was halfway out of her seat.
She stood up straight and looked at me.
"I choose Dominate" she said and then dropped the robe from her shoulders to pool around her feet. She stood there, naked, and stunning. Then she stepped closer to me and lowered herself onto her knees. She sat with her knees closed, her hands resting on her thighs, and looked up at me.
"Please," she said softly and then lowered her face, "sir."
I sat there, staring at the top of her head, as my mind tried to process what the fuck was happening.
I took a deep breath and held it before letting it out slowly.
"Okay, before we continue, sit down." I gestured to the chair she had left.
Elizabeth stood and sat back in the chair, not bothering to put her robe back on.
"Now you need to tell me, with full openness and honesty, what your thought process was in making this decision." I stated.
Elizabeth stared at the tabletop for a few seconds.
"First and foremost," she began, "I don't want to lose you. I love you, and I would crawl through fields of broken glass and razor blades to keep you in my life. I know it's too late, and you'll never love me the way you used to, but you still care about me, and I don't want to live without you near me. I know you don't believe it, and I can understand, but I do love you, with all of my heart, and will suffer anything for you."
"That's the easiest to explain." She continued, "but, like you told me to, I thought long and hard about it. And I realised I needed to accept a hard truth. You were right. I'm a whore. And..." her voice hitched as she fought back tears, "I can't trust myself."
She paused and took a deep breathe. "If I lose you, I don't trust myself not to fall back into that same trap. I think back on the..." she stopped, "things I've done over the last few months, and I realised I really enjoyed them. I mean, really enjoyed them. I remember that night at the club and how amazing I felt doing that, the absolute rush I felt afterwards. I've fantasised about doing it again. I even thought about asking Steve if he would help me to do it again."
"I also remember the guilt I felt that night though. Lying next to Charles. Was it worth our marriage? Not even close. Do I regret doing it? Will everything in my being. Would I change all of it to save our marriage? In a heartbeat."
"You could tell me now to live the life of a nun, and never even so much as touch myself again, and I would do it, if it meant I could have you and your love for me back." She raised her hand to stop me interrupting, "I know it's a pipe dream."
"I don't trust myself." she stopped and stayed quiet.
"I don't trust myself to ever love someone like I love you again. I don't think I deserve to be loved again, the way you loved me.", she paused, "I'm a whore. I don't trust myself to not fall back into the allure of my submissive sex insanity."
"If I lose you, I won't go back to Steve and Rick. You were right. I've lost my marriage and my wonderful husband because of them. I know it's my fault, I made my decisions, and I submitted to them, but I still hate them for their involvement in all this."
Elizabeth paused.
"But even knowing how stupid and dangerous it would be, and knowing that I lost you because of it, I don't trust myself not to keep being the slut I've become. I would probably end up whoring myself out. I would probably end up going out, dressed all slutty, and fuck anyone who showed interest. I'd probably end up going to those sex clubs and offering myself to anyone who was willing. Find myself a new Domme, and god knows what they would do to me."
"I'm a whore.", she paused fighting back tears again, "I don't deserve to be loved or cared for."
"I don't trust myself
not
to go down that path. And I know it will destroy me. And even though I don't deserve it, and you shouldn't be responsible for it," she stopped and looked at me, "I need you to protect me. From myself."
She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
"And then things get crazy." She chuckled softly and looked me. "This." She tapped the contract with a finger. "If you gave me this a year ago, I would've probably laughed you out of the house. But now?" She paused and her eyes grew distant, like she was imagining something, "Now it's
almost
