"Ugh!" I cried out as I threw my phone down at the table. "Why can't he just leave me alone?"
Paige rolled her eyes and grabbed up the offending device and read the text message aloud. "'I need you back baby. I wanna fuck you so bad!'? Seriously? Does the douche even think that'll work?"
I grimaced as I pressed the straw of my iced tea to my lips as though I needed to wash out a bad taste in my mouth... "He's always had an ego, but I never thought he was that stupid."
My friend just gawked at me for daring to come so close to paying Deric a compliment. "Not that stupid? He's a right wing nut job with the crappiest double standards and most hypocritical views I've ever met. What did you ever see in that loser?" Paige was never one to mince words. And when it came to my ex, she made her mind known.
"He used to be different. He would stand up for me, and I admired him for that." I sighed as I toyed with my salad. "Love's complicated, you know? People change. Not always for the better, but they do; and then you want to convince yourself that the dumb kid you fell for in high school grew up into a man and not just an even dumber kid." I stretched out my hand to take my phone back.
"You mean he would make sure anyone who even looked at you learned to steer clear so he could lock you away all to himself. Hell girl he even tried talking you out of your job! You love that gig, don't let a man take that away from you!" She placed her hand over mine after placing my phone back into my open palm.
I nodded. After years of education and effort, I finally became trainer at Sea World. It was all my dreams come true. "I just think he couldn't stand how my success was changing me."
Paige abruptly interrupted my thoughts before I could continue. "You mean he couldn't stand that you were bringing in more money than him, and got insanely jealous when he saw how built one of your coworkers was under that wet suit. What was his name, Brad or something? He seems more your type, right?"
I shook my head, glad at the change in topics but still unsatisfied. "Brad's married, Paige. He's got three kids, and his wife is a friend to every trainer at the park including me."
She put her chin onto her fist as she rested her elbow down while struggling with my single status, her favorite charity mission to solve. Every conversation she mused aloud about one man or another that I knew. She never suggested anyone outside of my social circle, and certainly none of her modeling friends.
Her bracelets jingled together as she tucked a lock of hair back behind her ear. Even when she pouted it just made her seem cute. Honey blonde hair, brown eyes, and full lips, set along with a knockout figure and golden tan skin, she further accentuated her features with the right makeup, fashion, and jewelry to draw attention to her assets. In other words, she was a complete knock out and even I could see it. No wonder she landed that modeling job, I thought.
"Enough of that mess. So how's the modeling biz? Are you getting hit on by all the photographers?" I grinned as I turned the tables on her. If there was one thing I knew about Paige, it was her odd discomfort in opening up on her own personal life, no matter how opinionated she was about everyone else's.
I chuckled quietly as she squirmed so predictably. "You know I don't like talking about work, Claire." She glanced nervously across the restaurant where we were having dinner. "But everyone at work is really nice, and it's really professional. Nothing happens off camera that you don't see at a shoot."
The reply seemed too careful. But I dismissed it. "Great. So when am I going to see you in a magazine or on a billboard? Haven't you been building your portfolio long enough?" I asked excitedly.
In hindsight I guess I was just wishing success for my best friend, considering how recently I felt that my goals were being fulfilled I wanted the same happiness for the woman who had been my primary support and sanity for the past few years. I had no idea that I was making her so uncomfortable every time I broached too close to this one taboo topic between us. And this time it was apparent that I would just keep tackling it head on now that I was no longer cramming biology textbooks for dinner.
My beautiful proud friend shyly toyed at her salad as her face turned down to gaze into all of the mysteries lettuce and dressing could offer. "You won't." She whispered.
Something was wrong. A tiny voice inside me told me to pretend I hadn't heard her, to leave her insecurities alone. But I wanted to find out what was causing her pain and I wanted more than anything to let her know that she would be ok. "Why not?" was all that I asked, though. I kicked myself inside for leaving her vulnerable to explain herself to me without more reassurance.
"There's no modeling portfolio, Claire." She said in a deadpan voice.
It had to be joke, I thought. She had been talking about her shoots and her portfolio for almost two years now. She even quit her job as a waitress and dropped out of classes to pursue her career. How could the one thing that she abandoned her old life for be a lie?
I took a brief moment in the awkward silence to gather my thoughts. This was my best friend. She had been there for me in the hardest moments of my life, built up my confidence in myself, and encouraged me to go on and to succeed even when I had no one else. There was no way on earth I would ever abandon her, no matter what.
"It's ok Paige. I'm here for you." I reached forward and grasped her hands into mine. And in that moment of time I saw her as sad, lonely, and vulnerable. It broke my heart as I saw tears well up into her eyes.
"Promise me, Claire. Promise that you're here for me and you won't judge me." She pleaded in a voice quieter than I had ever seen her use. My outspoken lioness had turned into a mouse.
"I promise." I assured her, watching her try to relax as I caressed her hands.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and finally just said it. "I'm a porn star."
That was unexpected, but I had steeled myself for anything she might say. I was filled with a million questions all at once. Was this a joke? How long had this gone on? Did anyone else know? Did her family? But in the end I settled on the most important one. "Are you happy?"
She smiled slightly at the sheer simplicity of my question, and visibly let go of the tension she was feeling. "Yeah, I am. I really am, but I've been hiding this for so long and now there's no way I can hide it anymore."
I smirked at her, "You never could keep a secret for long could you?" I joked.
She shook her head and suddenly her smile widened. "No, Claire, you don't understand. I'm a really famous porn actress. I'm starring in feature films that are going to hit shelves soon and I'm all over the internet. Pretty soon everyone I know is going to know someone who's watched me get paid to have sex." And then her expression changed. Tears rolled from her eyes. "And I'm so scared! I never thought when I started that it would become a career! I thought at first that it was better than a student loan, but that was over two years ago! And now I've become one of the biggest rising stars in the industry."
I laughed. "Wow. So you're totally famous! And you're a success!" I gripped her hands. "Paige, you've always been outspoken against prudes and nut jobs. Why would my opinion of you change? I mean sure it's unexpected, and it's never going to be my thing, but you already told me that you don't get why I like smelling like krill and seawater. Just because I can't understand this doesn't mean I can't support you and still be your friend." And with that I moved to the other side of our booth to hug her.
She slumped into my arms and leaned on me for support. "Oh god Claire. I've been living a double life for so long and I'm so exhausted! I have friends, friends from my work! And they're great people, and so nice and cool you'd never guess what they do for a living if you met them on the street. Unless you like porn. And I've kept them completely apart from our friends, and don't tell them about my old life either! It's like I've torn myself into two people and I just can't do it anymore, even if I wanted to." She was sobbing into my shoulder and soon my blouse and her face were covered with her mascara. My gorgeous bombshell friend was not looking her best.
And our waiter was staring. I gestured him away. He shuffled off into whatever dark corner he crawled out of. Turning my attention completely onto her, I kissed her on the forehead and dipped a napkin into her ice water before dabbing away her weeping mascara. "I knew you were holding back. But now you don't have to. Is this why you haven't had me over to your place for so long?" She nodded. "Is your work following you home?" I asked, almost leeringly as though I were her asking myself about a date.
She giggled, and I saw my old friend coming back to the surface. "I'm a bit of a workaholic." I pressed my elbow into her side and she continued. "There're a few workaholics I like bringing home with me. We rehearse our lines... and our positioning."
I chided her. "So you have a few boyfriends over that you don't want me to meet, huh?"
She opened up her compact to see what she had done to her makeup just then. "Oh Claire," she said like an older sister explaining the ways of life "they're not all boys, you know." I must've made a small gasp, because she gave me a devilish grin in response. She laid a few bills on the table and said. "Come on. Let me introduce you to some of my other friends."
And that's when I knew we were going to be ok. And that was also when I saw our waiter come back. "Um, excuse me." he shook as he spoke. "Are you Ceres Paige, the... actress?"
Her sidelong look she gave me was as priceless an 'I told you so' as I'd ever seen. She composed herself and faced the walking hormone directly. "Actually yes, I am. Are you a fan?"
"Oh awesome!" He gushed. "I'm like your biggest fan ever! I have like all of your films! You're the best! I loved you in Laguna Lesbians Three and Five!" Oh god, this is what her fans are like. I suddenly was very unsure of just how much I could support this kind of career.
"Thanks! I appreciate that. Do you want an autograph?" She leaned forward ever so slightly and I could see the shrimp's eyes move down into her cleavage.
