"Ugh!" I cried out as I threw my phone down at the table. "Why can't he just leave me alone?"
Paige rolled her eyes and grabbed up the offending device and read the text message aloud. "'I need you back baby. I wanna fuck you so bad!'? Seriously? Does the douche even think that'll work?"
I grimaced as I pressed the straw of my iced tea to my lips as though I needed to wash out a bad taste in my mouth... "He's always had an ego, but I never thought he was that stupid."
My friend just gawked at me for daring to come so close to paying Deric a compliment. "Not that stupid? He's a right wing nut job with the crappiest double standards and most hypocritical views I've ever met. What did you ever see in that loser?" Paige was never one to mince words. And when it came to my ex, she made her mind known.
"He used to be different. He would stand up for me, and I admired him for that." I sighed as I toyed with my salad. "Love's complicated, you know? People change. Not always for the better, but they do; and then you want to convince yourself that the dumb kid you fell for in high school grew up into a man and not just an even dumber kid." I stretched out my hand to take my phone back.
"You mean he would make sure anyone who even looked at you learned to steer clear so he could lock you away all to himself. Hell girl he even tried talking you out of your job! You love that gig, don't let a man take that away from you!" She placed her hand over mine after placing my phone back into my open palm.
I nodded. After years of education and effort, I finally became trainer at Sea World. It was all my dreams come true. "I just think he couldn't stand how my success was changing me."
Paige abruptly interrupted my thoughts before I could continue. "You mean he couldn't stand that you were bringing in more money than him, and got insanely jealous when he saw how built one of your coworkers was under that wet suit. What was his name, Brad or something? He seems more your type, right?"
I shook my head, glad at the change in topics but still unsatisfied. "Brad's married, Paige. He's got three kids, and his wife is a friend to every trainer at the park including me."
She put her chin onto her fist as she rested her elbow down while struggling with my single status, her favorite charity mission to solve. Every conversation she mused aloud about one man or another that I knew. She never suggested anyone outside of my social circle, and certainly none of her modeling friends.
Her bracelets jingled together as she tucked a lock of hair back behind her ear. Even when she pouted it just made her seem cute. Honey blonde hair, brown eyes, and full lips, set along with a knockout figure and golden tan skin, she further accentuated her features with the right makeup, fashion, and jewelry to draw attention to her assets. In other words, she was a complete knock out and even I could see it. No wonder she landed that modeling job, I thought.
"Enough of that mess. So how's the modeling biz? Are you getting hit on by all the photographers?" I grinned as I turned the tables on her. If there was one thing I knew about Paige, it was her odd discomfort in opening up on her own personal life, no matter how opinionated she was about everyone else's.
I chuckled quietly as she squirmed so predictably. "You know I don't like talking about work, Claire." She glanced nervously across the restaurant where we were having dinner. "But everyone at work is really nice, and it's really professional. Nothing happens off camera that you don't see at a shoot."
The reply seemed too careful. But I dismissed it. "Great. So when am I going to see you in a magazine or on a billboard? Haven't you been building your portfolio long enough?" I asked excitedly.
In hindsight I guess I was just wishing success for my best friend, considering how recently I felt that my goals were being fulfilled I wanted the same happiness for the woman who had been my primary support and sanity for the past few years. I had no idea that I was making her so uncomfortable every time I broached too close to this one taboo topic between us. And this time it was apparent that I would just keep tackling it head on now that I was no longer cramming biology textbooks for dinner.
My beautiful proud friend shyly toyed at her salad as her face turned down to gaze into all of the mysteries lettuce and dressing could offer. "You won't." She whispered.
Something was wrong. A tiny voice inside me told me to pretend I hadn't heard her, to leave her insecurities alone. But I wanted to find out what was causing her pain and I wanted more than anything to let her know that she would be ok. "Why not?" was all that I asked, though. I kicked myself inside for leaving her vulnerable to explain herself to me without more reassurance.
"There's no modeling portfolio, Claire." She said in a deadpan voice.
It had to be joke, I thought. She had been talking about her shoots and her portfolio for almost two years now. She even quit her job as a waitress and dropped out of classes to pursue her career. How could the one thing that she abandoned her old life for be a lie?
I took a brief moment in the awkward silence to gather my thoughts. This was my best friend. She had been there for me in the hardest moments of my life, built up my confidence in myself, and encouraged me to go on and to succeed even when I had no one else. There was no way on earth I would ever abandon her, no matter what.
"It's ok Paige. I'm here for you." I reached forward and grasped her hands into mine. And in that moment of time I saw her as sad, lonely, and vulnerable. It broke my heart as I saw tears well up into her eyes.
"Promise me, Claire. Promise that you're here for me and you won't judge me." She pleaded in a voice quieter than I had ever seen her use. My outspoken lioness had turned into a mouse.
"I promise." I assured her, watching her try to relax as I caressed her hands.
She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and finally just said it. "I'm a porn star."
That was unexpected, but I had steeled myself for anything she might say. I was filled with a million questions all at once. Was this a joke? How long had this gone on? Did anyone else know? Did her family? But in the end I settled on the most important one. "Are you happy?"
