Shangdied

Lizzy

Friday the thirteenth. An ominous date to be sure. My eyes open on this my 39th birthday, I immediately look to the empty pillow beside me. Even though the pillow hasn't been used in quite a while, today, it is especially insulting. Today is the day my divorce is final. Eighteen years wasted. No, I tell myself. Not wasted. Eighteen years in which two children were born and nurtured. Eighteen years I'd built a home and family. Eighteen years I was happy. I sighed and rolled out of bed. On this day I would start being honest with myself. The last four years had not been happy. The last four years had been a struggle. I open my mouth to yell out to the kids to wake them, only to clamp it tightly shut. They are with their father. Their winter break started today, and we decided it would be good for them to spend uninterrupted time getting used to life with him alone. "We." Ashes in my mouth would have tasted better. There was no more "we." Now it was just me. And him.

I was a bit unsure of what to do with my time. I had requested a week off from work a year ago for a great family vacation. As the divorce proceedings started and progressed the request had been forgotten. When my boss asked me if I still wanted to take the time I had thought, why not? I had decided I could take the time to mourn the state of my life.

I make my way to the bathroom and turn on the shower. Extra hot. I step under the spray and think, how didn't I see this coming? Because my snarky inner bitch began, you were too busy being somebody. I really do hate that bitch. I only hear from her when she is 100% correct. But she was right. I was too busy being a mom, a people pleaser, the doer of all unwanted tasks. I was the volunteer queen even though I had precious little time to volunteer. I was so busy fulfilling everyone else's needs that I hadn't seen to his needs.

No, I will not do this. I stood up straight and finished my shower. As I stepped out, I caught a look at myself in the vanity mirror. I saw breasts not as high as they used to be or as full as they once were. I saw a belly that was rounded. I saw thighs that were still slightly toned but were beginning to look more and more like a brail textbook. Ugh! No! I will not go there.

I put on something nondescript, something comfortable and put my hair in a ponytail. No makeup. I looked at the clock on my nightstand. Eight o'clock straight up. I had just enough time to grab my purse and drive to the restaurant to meet my friends, Lila and Anna Beth. They were throwing me a Happy Divorce Day Breakfast. Gods I hoped there were mimosas.

I walked into the restaurant and saw my two best friends already seated at the table chatting away. We had forged a friendship many years ago during the early days of our careers when we had all worked nights and had only each other to depend on. We had all gone our separate ways career wise, but the friendship had remained. I plastered a huge smile on my face and joined them.

"Good morning!" I said enthusiastically. Too enthusiastically. There is no way they are going to buy it.

"Oh, honey!" Lila exclaimed. "It's gonna be okay." She hugged me and kissed my cheek. I sat down and Anna Beth gabbed my hand.

"I know this is so hard," she said,

"No. Really. I'm okay." I replied gushingly. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. "Really. It's all good."

They gave each other knowing glances and motioned for the server to bring the mimosas. Thank gods! I will never get through this without alcohol!

"This is the first day of the rest of my life." I had almost finished the sentence before the tears started to fall. I guess it was a good thing I hadn't bothered with makeup.

There was commotion as they both hugged me and made clucking, motherly noises and reassured me that everything would, indeed, be alright.

"How did the kids do when you took them to his house?"

I haltingly explained that the exchange had gone well but their father had come to our house, just my house now, to pick them up. I didn't tell them I expected it was because she was at his house, and he didn't want me to make a scene. Which I wouldn't have. At least I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have.

Idle chit chat was made a little while longer before they exchanged another glance. They were up to something.

Anna Beth handed me an envelope. I stared at it as if it might bite me.

"Go ahead," she said brightly, "open it." She clapped her hands excitedly.

I folded the flap open and took out the contents. It was a plane ticket.

"It's a plane ticket," I said stupidly, "to," I looked at it again, "...Indiana. What?"

Lila chuckled and took the envelop from my hands. She pulled out the single sheet left inside.

"This is to inform you your reservation has been accepted to the Sugarland Resort and Spa for a period of one week beginning Friday, March 13."

Lila refolded the sheet of paper and placed it back in the envelop. She looked quite proud of herself. I looked at each of my friends in utter confusion.

"I don't under-"

"We are sending you on a trip!" Anna Beth gushed.

I could make no words pass my lips. How much had they had to drink before I had gotten here? This made no sense.

Lila, being the practical one of the group began to explain. "Anna Beth and I knew this would be a hard week for you, so we booked a little trip for you."

"I really appreciate the thought but-"

"No, you don't," Lila said sternly, "You are going. We have arranged for you to spend a glorious week being completely pampered and you are going!"

"In Indiana? Guys, I realize I haven't been myself lately and I don't exactly know what the joke is, but I don't get it. I think you guys have had too much to drink this morning.

Anna Beth smiled and rolled her eyes. "Lizzy, we are your best friends. We know how tough all this has been. We wanted to do something for you to help you get through the week."

Lila looked at her watch. "We have just enough time to get to the airport for you to make your flight."

"My flight!" I screeched. Then I laughed. Hysterically. Like crazy people hysterically. "I am not going to the airport."

My friends stood at the same time. I looked at them in shock. They were serious. They expected me to get up and go with them. NO. This was not happening. This was not possible!

Calmly, like speaking to a toddler on the brink of a grocery store meltdown, I said, "I appreciate that you are trying to make this day less horrible, but I cannot, I am not going on a trip."

As I spoke, they paid our bill and bundled me out to Lila's car.

"I don't think you understand, guys. I am not going on a trip." This is said as I clicked my seatbelt. Safety first you know. Even in the face of insanity

"It's done, " Anna Beth said from the back seat and Lila pulled out form the parking space.

"The ticket has been paid for, the reservation accepted, and the package paid for. You are going. Now, in fact." she grinned.

"Anna Beth," I started. Maybe my toddler tactics weren't working. I needed to switch to an edgier tone. "While I appreciate the gesture, this is crazy."

"Yep, " she smiled.

That's it. My friends had officially gone crazy. Maybe it was some type of zombie apocalypse kind of thing where everyone just lost their minds and became irrational. I wondered if I would be lucky enough to find Rick and Daryl during all this. Nah, Daryl was too sexy for me anyway.

Suddenly the car stopped, and I looked around. We were actually at the airport. What the fuck?!

"Look, the fun is over. You've played your joke. I need to go home." Maybe I just needed to wake up. This had to be some crazy dream. Any minute I would wake up, see the empty pillow next to me and the horrible day would get started.

The passenger side door opened, and I felt myself being tugged out. I was being herded through the sliding glass doors of the airport. The warm air hit my face and I spun on my heels and looked at my friends.

"Okay. Enough! I don't have anything packed. I only have my purse for goodness sakes!"

Lila smiled. "I told you we were sending you away to be taken care of. Everything has been arranged. Give the nice lady your license."

I absentmindedly fished my license out of my wallet and handed it to the ticket agent. She handed it back along with my boarding pass and my friends pushed me toward security.

"We can't go past here. Get on the plane." Anna Beth handed the TSA agent my boarding pass and pushed me past the "wait here" line.

I looked at the agent as he handed me my stamped and inspected boarding pass.

"Ma'am."

This was surreal. I stepped up to the conveyer belt for carry-on baggage. Another agent asked, "Ma'am, do you have anything to be scanned?"

Hysterical crazy person laughter threatened to take over, but I placed my purse on the conveyer. I stepped into the x-ray machine giving the workers and unwanted show, I'm sure. Yet another agent handed my purse to me on the other end. "Have a good trip, Ma'am."

And that is how I was shanghaied to the most incredible experience of my entire life. IN INDIANA.

Finding my gate, I took a seat in the waiting area. What was wrong with me? I couldn't go on a trip. Not right now. Not when I had this horrible life to wade through. Why couldn't I? It's not like I had anything better to do. I wasn't like my horrible life wouldn't be waiting for me when I got home.

Taking another look at my ticket I noticed I had been booked in a first-class seat. Those crazy bitches! At least I'd be traveling to Indiana in style. Indiana. What kind of vacation happened in Indiana?

I didn't wait much longer before boarding began. Holding a first-class ticket, I boarded in the first group. I was shown to my spacious seat and immediately given a glass of champagne. Since I did not get to indulge in the mimosas, I had hoped to indulge in at the restaurant I took a long drink. It was glorious.

"Ms. Langston," the pert brunette flight attendant said, "I hope you will enjoy flying with us. We will be serving drinks the entire flight should you wish for another."

Well okay then. Being tipsy on the way to Indiana was how this trip was going to go. I laughed to myself. My friends were insane. Who booked this kind of trip? For that matter, what kind of trip was this? I could scarcely remember any of the details of their announcement due to this being a crazy idea in the first place. I pulled out the envelope I had been given. Sugarland Resort and Spa. I mean, I could do with a good massage and a facial. Maybe I'd even get a mani/pedi. Yes, I thought to myself, I would make up my mind to enjoy myself. I sat back in my seat and drank the rest of my champagne.

Once the plane landed and I disembarked I was greeted by a lovely woman at the desk.

"Ms. Langston, my name is Simone. I will be escorting you to the car waiting for you. Please follow me."

Simone was a tiny blonde woman walking in impossibly high heels. A car. Waiting for me? My friends had really covered everything hadn't they?

Simone escorted me past baggage claim, where we didn't stop since I had no baggage and through a small side door. Just outside a limo was waiting for me. A tall handsome man stood at the head of the car, hat smartly on his head.

"My name is Todd, Ms. Langston. I will be driving you to Sugarland." With a flourish Todd opened the back door, took my hand and helped me into the back of the limo.

Todd took his place in the driver's seat then through the privacy screen said, "Welcome, Ms. Langston. From this time forward all your needs and wants will be taken care of. We at Sugarland look forward to having you as our guest."

There was a bucket of ice and a bottle of champagne waiting for me. I carefully opened the bottle and poured myself a drink. All of my wants and needs, huh? I wondered if a handsome hunk would feed me fruit while I read trashy novels in my bathrobe. How little I knew.

The ride to Sugarland took about thirty minutes. It seemed we were in the heart of whatever town I'd come to. I laughed. I literally didn't even know what town I was in. I rolled my eyes as I thought, what was I doing here?

I was dumbfounded as we approached what I assumed was Sugarland Resort and Spa. The facility was an ultra-modern building with sweeping gardens. If this was where I was supposed to spend the next week trying to forget my hardships I would at least do so in comfort.

The limo pulled up to and stopped in front of the building. Two people waited. The first a beautiful redhead in what could only be described as a power suit and a dashing grey haired gentleman in his own three-piece suit. The limo stopped, Todd jumped out and opened at the door.

The lady introduced herself, "Ms. Langston, my name is Julia. I will be your liaison here at Sugarland. Any problems or issues can be addressed by me. And this," she said indicating the man at her side, "is Bradford. He will care for your day-to-day needs, ensuring you make it to your experiences and have everything you need before and after. Please follow us to your suite."

My experiences?? Boy this place was fancy. I pictured what my "experiences" would be like. A mud bath in the morning, a seaweed treatment in the afternoon. A mani/pedi in the evening. The more I imagined what was to come the more I looked forward to every minute.

Julia and Bradford lead me to a beautifully appointed suit. The overall aesthetic was cream and gold but in a subtle way.

"Ms. Langston, I will leave you in Bradford's capable hands. He will explain your schedule and see to your comfort. Bradford."

Bradford stepped forward and I got a better look at him. While he was a salt and pepper gray, I guessed he couldn't be much older than myself. He was very handsome and well put together.

"Ms. Langston, I am sure you have many questions and are eager to know what we have planned for your week with us." Bradford led me to a beautiful cream-colored sofa and motioned for me to sit. Unbuttoning his jacket, he sat beside me.

"I think my pressing question is what am I supposed to wear this week? My friends quite literally threw me on a plane this morning. I have nothing but my purse."

Bradford chuckled. "Ms. Langston, we at Sugarland pride ourselves on pampering all our clients. Please follow me." Bradford let me to the bedroom and to a walk-in closet holding every type of clothing I could possibly require. From lounge wear to formal wear, though I didn't know why I'd need that for at a spa. Then he took me to the en suite bath, opening drawers and cabinets showing me all manner of makeup and skin care products. The claw foot bath held expensive hair care products on a little ledge.

I was flabbergasted. How in the world did these people know what my sizes were and what products I'd like? I put the question to Bradford.

"When your friends booked your experience, all of your needs were taken into consideration. A list of your clothing sizes as well as what products you'd prefer were all sent to us to prepare for you."

Walking back to the seating area I turned to Bradford. "This place is amazing!"

"Ms. Langston, you have no idea."

I smiled at Bradford. "Please call me Lizzy."

Bradford smiled. "Oh no Ms. Langston. That wouldn't be proper at all. Would you like to rest or perhaps you'd like something to eat?"

"I think mostly I'd like to know what kinds of services my friends have booked for me. Maybe a stone massage? I'd definitely like to get my nails done."

Bradford laughed out loud. Actually, laughed at me. What in the hell? Well that kind of irked me a little. Why was he laughing at me? He took me by the hand and and led me back to the sofa. He motioned for me to sit.

"While Sugarland can provide any manner of spa services, we are actually more of an all-exclusive experience. Sugarland is a sexual fantasy resort."

"A what????" Oh, my gods. What had my friends done?

"We at Sugarland provide you with the opportunity to fulfill all your sexual desires."

I was going to kill them. They sent me to a damn brothel! "You mean to tell me my friends sent me to a whore house??"

Bradford gasped. "No ma'am. Sugarland is a place where you can experience all your desires. And a place where you can fulfill other's desires."

"O-other's desires?" I stammered. This couldn't be real.

"Yes, surely you understand you will be the fulfillment of someone else's desires. A woman such as yourself, you will certainly be wanted by others."

Tears stung my eyes. How could they do this to me? The humiliation. First, I had no sexual desires. That's not true, snarky bitch sang. Okay, so maybe I did have some fantasies but none I'd actually indulge. For goodness sakes. I was not that kind of woman. And to suggest I would fulfill someone else's desires. I knew what I looked like. I knew what my body was like. To humiliate me like this.

Bradford took my hands in his, "Why the tears, Ms. Langston?"

"Because look at me! I'm not going to be fulfilling anyone's desires. And what kind of person goes to some place to have sex with strangers? Sluts. That who. I not that kind of woman."

"One, don't you ever disparage yourself like that again. You are a beautiful lady-"I huffed with indignation, Bradford continued "-and there will be any number of people who wish for your company. Second, I do not want to hear the word "slut" come from your mouth again. We do not shame here. We encourage everyone to embrace who they are and what they want. There are no "sluts" here. Only individuals who wish to know everything there is to know about themselves."

I blinked several times. Was he serious? What had my friends gotten me into? How was I supposed to do this? Have sexual experiences with strangers? And how in the world would I even begin to explain my fantasies? I didn't even think about my fantasies too much.

"How exactly are these "experiences" setup? Who determines what "experiences" I will have?"

"We send out a very extensive questionnaire in preparation of your trip. It covers all aspects of what you are looking for. What your limits are and what are things you'd like to experience."

I suddenly remember a drunken conversation with my best friends. There were so many out of character questions. Things I'd never talked about with anyone. I was going to kill them. How dare they do this to me. To, to take my most personal confessions and turn them into some sordid check off list.

"Ms. Langston, if I may," Bradford said leading me back to the bedroom to a full-length mirror. "Let me tell you what I see. I see a stunning woman." I scoffed and Bradford continued in an authoritative tone. "One who I feel sure has not taken care of herself as she should or had anyone else take care of her as she should have been cared for. There is nothing shameful about exploring your sexuality. Something I'd wager you haven't done. This is a safe place. We will not allow anything bad to happen to you. Let us show you what an amazing woman you are both inside and out."

I look into the mirror at myself. I was not the kind of woman that though about my sexuality. I mean could I seriously do this? Throw caution to the wind like this? Experience life like this?

"I don't know if I can do this. I'm not the kind of woman that has indiscriminate sex. I didn't even sleep around in college." I whined. "My husband, ex-husband, is the only man I've ever slept with."

"Ms. Langston, we hope to provide you with experiences of a lifetime not indiscriminate sex. We have a very strict vetting process and do not place partners together unless we feel sure they will enjoy and benefit from their time together. We do this to propel your personal growth and development. We do this for your entertainment."

Live in this moment, stupid woman, that snarky inner bitch said.

"And if I find I cannot enjoy these "experiences?"