Secrets of the Tea Room

When Jackson finished his story we talked for a while … about nothing in particular and lots of things in general … we were developing a genuine friendship and were beginning to get to know each other.

This latest story … on a scale from 1 to 10 … ranked about a 6. Certainly not as shocking as others … I found that either I was becoming more accustomed to his revelations, or perhaps I was just becoming more open minded. It really didn't matter which, I was enjoying Tanglewood and his company …

I excused myself and made my way to my room. After brewing another pot of coffee, I sat down and booted my computer. I had laid the card on the table beside the computer and sat down with my coffee cup in both hands. I stared at the envelope, willing it to provide me with some answers about the man who had sent it, but the envelope remained mute.

I pushed it from my mind again … like I had been forced to do many times during the day … and began to record the story Jackson had just relayed to me.

Without conscious effort images began to form in my mind … as I looked up from the computer a man softly entered my room. The light is behind him so I could only make out a dark silhouette … but I knew instantly who he was … I could feel his power from across the room and the scent of him washed over me.

He stood looking a me … I could tell his eyes drifted from my hair to my bare feet … then he whispered, "Hello". There was no need to be alarmed by his sudden and unannounced appearance … I had a visceral knowledge that he belonged here with me. As I rose from my chair, he once again began to speak softly, "Come to me." And like a dream walker I obeyed, stopping only inches from him.

... I placed my palms on his chest as he gathered me into his arms. His face lowered to mine ... hesitating only a moment to look through the windows of my soul before touching my lips. His kiss is at first gentle only starting to radiate more power as I press my body to him. The kiss grew more urgent and demanding I can't help but slide one of my hands to his face and the other into his hair. I'm standing on tip-toes now, wanting to get closer to him ... ever closer. His hands find my bottom and pull me tighter to him … I can feel his need for me pressing against my belly.

He breaks the kiss ands tilts my face up with an index finger beneath my chin, "Who are you?"

Without hesitation I reply, "I am yours … I always have been and always will be. But, I don't understand …."

"Shhh, don't talk now … we needn't talk now … we have our whole lives ahead of us …."

The shrill of the phone shakes me out of my daydream and at once I'm relieved and angry, "Hello."

"Dana, this is Vonne. Jackson wanted to know if you'd care to have dinner with him tonight or if you'd like something sent up to your room."

"No. I think I'll spend the evening in my room … just have the kitchen send up whatever they have on hand. Thanks, Vonne."

My hand replaces the receiver and my eyes drift back to the envelope. Who could he be? I picked it up and held it to my face … a warm, familiar scent filled my nose and triggered an uneasiness in my belly. Whomever sent this nags at me … I know him.

God, Dana! What the hell are you doing being swept away like a school girl who's just received her first valentine! Get a grip, girl. This is real life now and you'll probably never hear from him again … no need to get your hopes up.

With sudden anger I crushed the card with my hands and threw it in to the garbage. I quickly cross the room and turned off the coffee pot, opting instead for a glass of settling wine. After half a glass my temper begins to wane and I slowly crossed the room and retrieved the crumpled card from the trash can. I set my wine down on the table and smoothed the card … lovingly with both hands. After I re-fold it, I stuck it in the middle drawer of the library table. A wistful smile crosses my face as I think, "Waste not, want not" … and I pick up my wine and decide to take a long, hot bath.

Winter was closing in fast on Savannah. Usually our crisp autumn days delighted us for weeks … but this year one bank of gray clouds after another rolled over us bringing cold, gloomy, rainy days. It seemed to affect everyone's mood and I especially resented the fact that we could no longer enjoy the verandas overlooking the gardens and grounds.

When I looked out my window the rain beat down the leaves which had just turned to a cacophony of colors … they looked like confetti as the were whipped and spiraled to the ground. Sighing out loud, I grabbed my yellow pad and pen and plodded down stairs to meet Jackson in the dining room for breakfast.

When I walked in I noticed that Jackson's handsome face was uncharacteristically shadowed by concern. As the days had rolled by at Tanglewood I had become very fond of Jackson … a man who's even temperment, sense of humor and wisdom I admired and would like to emulate. "Is something wrong?"

"Not really, Dana. But the next story I have to tell you is filled with contradictions and lessons learned in the most painful way possible. I've even wondered if I should include this, but promised myself in the beginning it would be an honest recollection, so I feel I must. I want you to know, however dear, that if it becomes too disturbing you can ask me to stop at any time. When you feel you're ready, we'll continue … but with this story, I'm going to let you dictate the pace. Okay?"

"Okay …"

"As time went on, I became less and less involved in the Tea Room and took over more and more of the management of Rose's extensive interests. There was not only the running of her home and Tea Room, her stock portfolio needed constant monitoring to make sure the best possible dividends were being realized, land speculation, and commercial real estate holdings needed constant attention.

Having taken this stress away from Rose allowed her to concentrate on the patrons of her Tea Room and her various enlightening commissions. She was happier and more carefree than she had been in years and generously rewarded me for my efforts, but had not as yet brought me into the more pleasurable aspects of her business.

I didn't witness all of her encounters; however, she did insist on my being behind the mirror when a new student was inaugurated in their agreement. I always thought it was a safety measure, but never once did I have to intercede on her behalf.

One day she telephoned me at the office we now shared in her home, "Jackson, I have a meeting this afternoon with a previous client. He has a unique problem that he wishes me to help him with … I think it might be a good idea for you to 'join' us while we talk."

"JOIN YOU!"

"I'm getting damned tired of sitting behind that mirror, I've got better and more important things to do now … remember what I do for you here is important and takes up most of my waking hours. Why in the hell do I need to 'join you' … if this is a previous client I don't see how I could be of any use to you, and quite frankly, I'm getting fed up with watching you and your men. What ever it is that you need to do to him … or with him … or for him, I think you can do by yourself this time."

And, I hung up on her. I stood at the desk for a minute not believing what I had just done and how angry I had become … I had been working very hard lately, but that was no excuse to react to her this way. I intended to apologize to her when I saw her this afternoon.

She came in shortly after 2:00 and I was waiting for her, dreading the apology as much as I had when my father had humiliated me when he dragged me to admit stealing candy from the mercantile and apologize for that … I heard the cab door shut and got up from the desk to meet her in the hall.

As she walked through the front door I began before she had a chance to even set down her purse, "Rose, I'm so sorry … I don't know what got into me. I know I've been short tempered lately and been snapping at everyone around me. Maybe I just need a couple of days away from work. Of course, I'll do what you asked this afternoon. But, if it's okay with you, I think I'll spend the weekend in Baton Rouge … a little rest, a little golf, and some alone time will be good for me and help me to clear my head."

She had stopped and just watched me as I made my little speech. She cocked her head to one side and stood silent for a few moments. "Jackson, I was all but ready to tell you to pack your bags, but I think I understand. Yes. I think it would do you good to get away for a couple of days … why don't you plan on leaving Friday morning and make a long weekend of it. But, Jackson, don't ever speak to me like that again" and she walked past me toward the kitchen.

What she said scared me … Rose didn't make idle threats, I was sure I had come as close as I ever wanted to come to dissolving this business association. I would do as she asked … but I was thankful for the weekend to come. I did need some time alone and away from Rose … her perfume lingered in the air long after she had gone … even the fragrance she wore had begun to irritate me …

Rose asked for coffee to be served in the study where she and I could talk about today's visitor.

"Allen was a client of mine about 5 years ago," she began. "He came to me when he found out his first wife was having an affair. He was devastated but wanted to save his marriage. After only a few sessions, it was evident that his skills were more than adequate … I found out, perhaps a little to late to help him … that his wife's affair had more to do with companionship than sex.

Allen had thrown himself into his work and he made a lot of money. He thought that the luxuries he provided could buy him the security he wanted. His wife had the best clothes, the nicest jewelry, charge cards, and country club memberships … that resulted only in her being all dressed up with no where to go … Allen had neglected her. When he wasn't working, he was networking with associates, potential customers, and buyers … even though his wife was often around, she was never with him.

She began to feel more like a prop that a wife. When a man in their circle of acquaintances recognized her loneliness, the affair began. Unfortunately for Allen, by the time I discovered this and had just begun to help him remedy the situation, his wife announced that she was in love with the other man and left Allen flat.

The divorce was no problem … she took only her personal belongings and left him with the empty trappings of a life.

Allen floundered for a while … he began and ended several relationships over a couple of years, but never emotionally invested in any of those women. He finally met Jennifer … you've seen her at the Tea Room."

"Oh, yes. I remember her. She's a beautiful woman, bright … seems nice … always orders the chamomile tea. But somehow I get the feeling she's not happy … there's something just under the surface that I can't quite figure out."

"That's right. I'm afraid that's all I know until Allen gets here. When he called I was surprised, but he said he only wanted to talk to me … to see if I had any advice that could help him. The appointment should only take about an hour, and we will meet here in the office.

I'll want you behind the door, in the corridor. There's a small panel behind one of the bookshelves that you can slide open and observe. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to shower and change. Would you ask Agnes to clear the coffee and bring in a bottle wine, two chilled glasses, some cheese and fruit. I'll see you back here in 45 minutes." And, just like Rose, she turned and left the room, confident that Agnes and I would carry out her wishes to the letter.

At 3:00 Rose once again entered the office, she had changed into a pantsuit which was also an indication that she expected only to talk with Allen. She directed me to the corridor, pointed out the panel that opened only about 2 inches above a stack of books in the bookcase … very artfully placed so that it could only be detected by someone very close by and with only direct eye contact at that.

I had only a chance to get myself situated when Agnes announced Mr. Allen Renwick. Rose walked quickly across the room to greet him, "Allen, it' s so good to see you again! Let me look at you" … she walked a circle around him nodding her head, "I see you've been taking good care of yourself … but what's that I see here", she pointed at his temples, "a little silver … my goodness but it does make you even more handsome!" I couldn't help but grumble to myself and I felt my eyebrows knit up …

Rose walked to the tray and pulled the glasses out of a bowl of crushed ice, "I remember you liked that rose( we picked up that long weekend beside Lake Ponchetrain. Remember the winery? When you called, I had them deliver a case to have on hand for you when you visited."

You could tell by Allen's smile that he was impressed with her memory and flattered by her attention. She handed him a glass, poured one for herself, and motioned for him to take a seat, "Now, what is it I can do for you?"

Allen just stared into his wine for a long time then he began, "About two years ago I met Jennifer. She would have nothing to do with me at first, she was even was rude a couple of times, but there was something about her that wouldn't let me give up. So, I pursued her. She wouldn't even go out on a date with me. I'd ask her to dinner, concert, a dance at the club. When she finally consented to seeing me, she always insisted on taking a cab both ways … never allowing me to see where she lived much less be alone with her.

I was puzzled because I knew she was a expert on restoration of paintings, so I didn't think it was because she was ashamed of where she lived. She was confident, I didn't think she was frightened of me … I just couldn't figure it out. Anyway, it went on like this for months. Since she made sure we were never alone, about all we had to do was talk … and maybe that was a good thing. I got to know her inside and out … at least I thought I did. It seemed that she was beginning to trust me, too, and seemed to be falling in love with me.

My God! I am 38 years old and this yearning for her is about to drive me crazy. Finally, I asked her to marry me. She wouldn't give me an answer, and did the strangest thing, she broke down and cried like a child in my arms. I let her cry for a while then wiped the tears away. I told her that if she would marry me I would let her cry on my shoulder anytime … I couldn't promise her that I'd never make her cry … but I did promise her that I would love her every minute of my life. She looked up at me. I couldn't read her eyes … they were a stormy sea and I couldn't tell what swam just below the surface.

She asked me to meet her in front of St. Catherine's on Jackson Square the next day for lunch. We walked to a little restaurant a few blocks away … we sat at one of the sidewalk tables and watched the tourists come and go.

"Allen," she said to me, "you know I love you. As much as I didn't want to, I do love you … but I can't marry you. It wouldn't be fair … you deserve better."

I told her that I wouldn't take that as a 'no' … I needed to know what she was talking about. The thought of living without her was ripping up my insides and I couldn't let it go. She told me that she couldn't marry me … she could never be a complete wife to me … She loathed being touched and had not had an intimate relationship in over five years. Being celibate brought her peace and calm and she didn't want to give that up. Rose … this is the 80's … can you imagine? I mean, I know she's not a virgin, but about as damned close as it comes. I don't know what to do."

He couldn't sit any longer, he got up and poured himself another glass of wine and began pacing in front of the window. "Damn, she's driving me fucking nuts! The more she says 'no', the more I want her. I can't get her out of my head … she's there day and night. I haven't seen her in two weeks … she refuses to see me again … I didn't know what else to do.

I thought maybe you could help … maybe find out why she's like she is … find out if she does love me or if that was just an excuse to say 'no' …" He turned to look at Rose, "Rose, please help me. You are the only person I could think to turn to. No matter what her problem, you'd understand.

If she's sick, or if something is physically wrong we can have it fixed … I've got more than enough money … but I've got to know. If she doesn't love me God only knows what I'll do … but anything short of that, I'll do whatever it takes."

I watched Rose's face as he talked. She often developed an infinity for her past clients and I could tell that seeing Allen this way bothered her.

She stood and walked over to him slowly and placed her hand on his forearm, "Allen, I don't know what to say. I don't know if there is anything I can do … but I'll try, of course I'd try for you. But you've got to know … sometimes people have scars that are far worse than physical. If that's Jennifer's problem … if there's something, God forbid, from her childhood, we may not be able to overcome it.

I've never really known a woman who was physically incapable of love, but many that have had it stolen from them by their memories. It might take a little while, but let me see what I can do. I'll give you a call and keep you posted on my efforts. But, remember Allen, no promises."

Allen looked relieved, his shoulders slumped and he looked very sad when he spoke, "I had thought about what you just said. She often speaks of her family and growing up in Alabama. I just don't think that's the case, but somehow, I don't think you're far off the mark. I just don't think it was her family.

Anyway, I'd appreciate anything you can do. I'll just wait to hear from you", as he started walking toward the door he turned, "But Rose, please don't take too long …" and he walked out.

Rose was pouring herself another glass of wine when I came out of the corridor. She had a troubled look on her face, and motioned for me to get another glass and she filled it, too. "Jackson, this isn't at all what I expected. I thought he'd have a favorite nephew or someone like that to be properly initiated. I don't see how I could possibly help him with this one and it's a shame. Allen's really such a nice man and he deserves to be happy … his divorce almost ruined him, now that he's found love again, I don't want to see him go through something like that again. Do you have any suggestions?"

For a few seconds I was too stunned to say anything. It was the first time she had ever asked my opinion on any aspect of this portion of her business.

I finally agreed with her. Something in Jennifer's past had closed her down. Neither one of us thought of her as a frigid woman, she just didn't fit the mold for that one. But, we had both noticed her at the Tea Room, and she was unhappy and frequented by phantoms only she recognized. Rose felt it safer if she approached Jennifer and try to get her to open up. Perhaps after we knew what the root of her problem was, I could be used to help her overcome her compulsion of self denial.

Rose approached Jennifer the very next time she came to the Tea Room. "Jennifer, I'm so glad you came in … I've been wanting to talk to you about some art I was thinking of investing in. There are several paintings that are becoming available from a private estate. I have no training, I wouldn't know a Warhol from a Reuben … do you think I could impose on you to help me out?"

Jennifer's face held the faintest ghost of a smile. "Rose, I didn't know you appreciated art but I'd be happy to help you out. It seems I do have a lot more time on my hands lately, and I think it would do me good to get out and about for a little bit. What did you have in mind?"