Ayesha watched her husband's car speed out the driveway and winced at the screeching noise the wheels made. Leaning her head against the window panel she felt silent tears course down her cheeks. She did love him and wanted to be the ideal wife but the hunger refused to be purged. It was as if there were two people in her warring to take control of her. She couldn't deny the bond that she shared with Ashwin as they had been married for so long and he was a loving husband.
But she couldn't reciprocate the way he wanted her to. She couldn't give her all to him and it hurt to see him hurt so badly.
Wiping the tears she moved towards the dining room where the uneaten food lay. As she cleared the table her mind reverted to the secret pleasure she had enjoyed in a dingy motel room with her lover just two days ago. She remembered every moment of the sensual rendezvous. Every breath that was taken against her skin, every sigh and gasp that spoke of delights untold and yet were felt with passionate intensity. She lived for those moments and felt alive if only for those precious moments spent together.
They could meet only during the lunch hour, and Ashwin of late seemed to have been calling home at all kinds of odd hours during the day to keep tabs on her. The afternoon was the only time she could say she needed to go out to grab a bite at her favorite restaurant or step out to buy groceries.
She had been carrying on this illicit affair for over a month. The excitement of giving in to temporary hedonistic pleasures seemed to sap her of mental peace. She was addicted to what she knew was wrong for her. But she couldn't stop going down the path of self- destruction.
As she worked in the kitchen, the silence that she was so used to treating as her companion suddenly sunk it's claws around her heart and she couldn't breathe. Wrapping her arms around herself she slid down and let tears rack her body.
This woman couldn't be her. This hussy that openly gave in to her desires and let an innocent deliberately get hurt was not something she could live with. And yet she could not call a stop to what she herself had initiated. Her very heart was at stake but her soul stood divided.
Never had she felt so alone, so desperate for an understanding friend. But who would understand her predicament? Resting her head against the panel she stared at the ceiling and smiled with self –deprecation. It was all her fault. She was living a lie and Ashwin was suffering because of it. If only she wasn't such a coward she would have come clean with him but without him she would be lost.
She loved him and had come to depend upon him. He was the tree and she the grass. Without him she was nothing.
Getting up she brushed away her tears and laughed. She was a bitch, she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. And it wasn't going to last for too long. Sooner or later her world was going to shatter around her and she had no one to blame for it but her own insatiable desires.
Walking up the stairs into her bedroom, she lay down on the bed and felt the cool pillow sooth her nerves. She reached over and picked up the receiver and dialed the number for India.
A familiar voice greeted her on the other side and brought fresh tears to her eyes.
"Ma?" she breathed into the phone.
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Ashwin watched the girls on the rack with dead eyes. The dark environment and semi-naked women frolicking around did nothing for him. The music thumped around him demanding his enjoyment and the drink in his hand provided him with the means to loose his pain and given to moments of temporary pleasures.
He felt out of his element. He felt detached from the world that he had come to view as an outsider. Life seemed to be passing him by and he had no way of inserting himself back into its dynamic pace and feel it's rhythm pulse through his being. He was a loose screw , a broken man looking for peace and comfort in all the wrong places.
Watching a dancer on the stage, he eyed her silicone breasts with cynicism. He could have any woman he wanted. He had the money to attract a certain kind but it wasn't in his nature to have frivolous affairs. It wasn't in him to fuck for fuck's sake. What the fuck was wrong with him? He burst out laughing, put his glass down and headed out.
The last time he had been in a Gentleman's club was back in college with his buddies with Gaurav oogling at the dancers and making all kinds of lewd jokes. He had enjoyed himself because of his friend's fun personality but now standing by the bar it reiterated his loneliness.
Hell, he had been out for over three hours and his wife was probably in bed. He could head back and he had a company to run and had a meeting early morning. If nothing else he had his work going for him and he wasn't planning to screw the one thing that he was good at.
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"Hi, Ashwin"
Ashwin looked up from his laptop at Sugandha. As usual she wasn't dressed quite so professionally. He told Gaurav to talk to her about wearing clothes a little less revealing but when the skirt's length finally went down more buttons of her shirts seemed to come undone.
No doubt she was a looker. Beautiful, thick black hair swung reached till her waist that was tiny enough to be cupped in a single grip. Her breasts were voluptuous high peaks that were always incased in tight shirts that gave a peek into the deep recesses that left a man wanting for more.
And if a man could peel his eyes away from her intriguing chest to a face chiseled with sharp features, he probably would be in a dilemma as to which part of her body was more alluring. Her big chocolate colored eyes were sharp in their sight and clearly pointed at an intelligent brain.
But she still got on people's nerves. She gave off an aggressive vibe that rubbed people off the wrong way despite her usually friendly attitude. Most of his team tended to avoid her, him included and he tried to make Gaurav deal with her on day to day basis. But now she had cornered him and there was no where to run.
The account she was working for was one of their major clients and though they had together seen a lot of ups and down, Ashwin wasn't going to let a chit of a girl ruffle feathers unnecessarily.
Giving her a rather reserved smile Ashwin asked "Manoj was asking for the project's time line. Were you not supposed to deliver it to the clients yesterday?"
Sugandha reached over Ashwin's shoulder towards the laptop and began to click on the keys.
Ashwin's senses were swarmed with her spicy perfume which he could name and from the corner of his eye he could see a red bra peeking out of her cleavage. He felt an answering heat in his groin and suddenly felt embarrassed. She was his employee for heaven sake. She could slap him with a sexual harassment case before he could finish saying Jack Robinson.
"Manoj is a dimwit. Here is the e-mail I sent to the clients yesterday with the attachment showing the project's time line and the quoted budget. That fellow really gets on my nerves. I should talk to him about it."
She moved back and leaned against the cubicle. Staring up at her Ashwin wondered how he could keep this spit fire from burning up a minor hole in his team. She was a frilly out of control.
Shrugging his shoulders he replied "Let it be. He has as lot on his plate and it must have slipped his mind."
"Whatever you say, Boss." She smiled and winked at him.
Ashwin was a little taken aback decided not to make too much out of it.
"Anyways, the reason why I hopped over is to invite you over for my housewarming party that I'm having tonight. I know the invitation is a little late but I was a little apprehensive about calling the Boss, you know what I mean. But the guys told me that you were cool even though you are so much older than us."
Her voice faltered and trailed off by the end of the sentence and she bit her lip.
Ashwin felt amused and irritated at the same time. She was a charming little pest but that wasn't reason enough to give her the third degree.
