Author's note:
I'm not sure how or if I should have warned people about this at the outset. There's no tag for it that I know of. However, if it wasn't obvious already, a MAJOR arc of this story is that our flawed protagonist, besides struggling to fend off depression, also struggles to overcome his unhealthy lingering attraction, and susceptibility to the manipulations of an evil femme-fatale/seductress, that until recently he had been in love with.
I hadn't considered this to be a heinous concept (especially as I've said the ending WILL be a happy one), or to be completely out of keeping with the other major themes of cheating and temptation that have been present from the start. However, it's seeming like there are some who consider this to be an unforgivable, character-destroying taboo. You're obviously free to think that, but if so, be warned that you might not make it through the first half of this next chapter, and you should maybe just stop now, because although it's going to wax and wane, it's not a theme that's going to magically disappear.
I'm aiming for characters who are strong in some ways and weak in others, and intelligent in some ways but irrational in others (you know, human beings), and to keep in mind that even the best of us make decisions based more on emotions than rationality, more than we ever like to admit. Maybe I'm failing spectacularly at that. I'm still new, and still learning. Please keep leaving constructive criticism, but I'm not going to re-write the rest of the story just to drop that theme.
Otherwise, I'm glad to have anyone who's still with me. Let's take this brief foray into a depraved little slice of hell together. :)
*****
Part 7. Flirting with Futility.
1 month later,
"Cut please."
Jon cut the suture and handed the scissors back to the nurse.
As the surgeon loaded up the needle again Jon looked back down and saw a bit of blood pooling at the edge of the wound.
"Think you might have a bit of a bleeder still on that end," he mentioned nonchalantly.
The surgeon looked down with a furrowed brow as she leaned forward. "Oh, yeah good catch Jon. Here I think you have better access to it from that side. Cautery Deb?"
The nurse handed Jon the electrocaudery and he smoothly and carefully zapped the small oozing vessel to stop the bleed.
Melanie was a good surgeon, and she likely would've caught it herself in a minute anyway, he figured.
"Thanks," she said, taking it back from him with the edges of a smile visible under her mask.
"No problem," Jon said flatly, taking the scissors back.
They continued sewing up the fascia as Melanie hummed along to some pop singer he didn't recognize and the ventilator and monitors beeped away.
"I'm always glad to see your name on the assisting list Jon, you've got a knack for the O.R." Melanie said. "Probably could've done well in surgery if you'd wanted to. Still could honestly."
Jon let out a quiet sigh, "Thanks Melanie."
He could appreciate the compliment on a mental level, but didn't feel any pride from it. A lot of things were feeling that way. He knew there were things all around that should be making him happy, sad, inspired, pissed-off... He could identify them and note them, but his brain just shrugged and moved on. Right now he just wanted to focus on sewing up a piece of tissue and not worry about anything else.
"Did you ever consider it?" Melanie continued, sounding genuinely interested.
Jon took his time to answer again, "I did for a little bit. I still like working with my hands every now and then, and it's nice to get to do assists like this at least... But all the other shit you guys deal with, the lifestyle, the late nights and early mornings, the stress, the call, the hospital politics..."
"Ugh..." Melanie shuddered in agreement. "Yeah fair enough."
"Yeah. Plus I liked all the other aspects of medicine too much to just focus on surgery. At least I did at the time. I dunno. Sometimes I still wonder honestly, but I don't know if I'm really cut out for it."
"Well you should do what you want, but don't sell yourself short. It's not impossible to get back into a program if you wanted to. Wouldn't be easy, but even so, you're still young."
Jon scoffed, "You're calling me young, what did you match to residency straight out of high school?"
Melanie giggled, "My, you DO know how to talk to a lady."
Deb snorted, "He's not lyin hun."
"Well I was already gonna offer that if you ever wanted a reference letter I'd be happy to oblige, and I'd say that's a sure thing now. Give me a call if you ever change your mind."
Jon found himself smirking but didn't look up, "Thanks I appreciate it."
"Mind closing up and I'll go work on the post-op orders?" she asked.
He finally looked up at the twinkle in her eyes. He wondered if his were still bloodshot like they had been this morning.
"Uh, yeah sure," he said.
He took the the suture-driver and started sewing up the skin.
Melanie was a beautiful woman, even behind a mask and under a pair of scrubs. He knew he should be feeling excitement and flattery at even the hint of chemistry with someone like her, but those brief thoughts just fell away into the emptiness and he ignored them to focus on his work.
On the third stitch he accidentally pulled all the way through, and he let out a whispered swear, having to start it again.
"Ah, she jinxed ya," Deb said jokingly.
Jon simply shook his head and continued on silently.
Melanie talked across the room as she wrote in the chart. "Don't suppose you're on call for assist this weekend to? If not I think the slot might still be empty for Saturday when I'm on,"
"No, I got something up unfortunately," he said.
"Ooo, hot date?" Melanie joked.
"Oh leave him alone, he's trying to focus," Deb interjected.
"Not exactly," Jon muttered.
Elaina was coming into town. It would be the first time seeing her since she left his condo on that embarrassment of a morning, more than a month ago. They were going to be meeting the real estate agent and doing a walk through of the house. Elaina had said there was no rush and they could wait until the spring, but Jon figured the sooner it was over with, the better.
Some nights he wasn't so sure though. He dreaded seeing her again, but sometimes that dread could turn into excitement... Even a craving. He thought to the pictures on his phone again momentarily before snapping out of it and telling himself to focus on his work.
The wound was closed eventually, having taken longer than it should have. He scrubbed out as the nurses did the count. It was the last case of the afternoon and he was eager to get changed and get home.
He normally enjoyed these O.R. assist days and their change of pace from the clinic, but the early morning wake-up to get to the hospital on time had been rough today, and he hadn't recovered. He just wanted to go collapse on his bed.
As he stepped out of the change room into the hallway he ran into Melanie again.
"Hey, thanks again for the help today," she said. "Sorry about the date comment at the end there, if that was kinda out of line, I was just teasing a bit."
