Sasha Ch 10

We took a taxi back to our hotel. The clock glowed 2:34 as we stumbled into our room. That meant I only had a few hours to sleep before my big day started. I set the alarm for 6:00. I immediately fell into a dead slumber, with a strong arm around me.

When the alarm went off, I jumped up without hesitation. I started to rehearse my presentation in my mind. I took a quick shower, and within a half-hour I was dressed, seated at my laptop. Room service brought up coffee and breakfast. Sasha stirred slightly, but didn't wake up. I allowed myself a few moments of reflection on what had happened last night. I couldn't believe it was

me

who'd actually done such unthinkable things in a love hotel with this man lying just a few feet away from me. I looked at him, illuminated by the dim light from my computer screen. My heart ached for just an instant.

I forced myself to look away, to concentrate on my work at hand. By 7:30, I was ready to leave. I sat on the edge of the bed next to Sasha. I brushed an unruly lock of hair from his eyes. He stirred.

He half opened his eyes and a smile appeared. He put his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. "Good morning, you wild thing you," he said hoarsely. "You conquered the jungle last night - are you ready to defeat the corporate dragon today?"

Laughing, I replied, "I'm going to have a hard time keeping a straight face in front of all those serious businessmen if my mind wanders to our experience last night. If they only could have seen me in chains!"

"Well, that's an image

I'm

going to remember forever!"

I bent over and gave him a kiss on his forehead. "I'm off. Wish me luck. I don't know when I'm going to see you; I'll be dining with my hosts, so don't wait around. I will try to get back as early as possible, but I'm going to be dead tonight."

"You'll be phenomenal. I'm not worried one bit. Go get 'em, then come back for me!"

During the long taxi ride to my meeting, I couldn't get the picture out my mind of Sasha lying naked in the bed, rumpled sheets draped carelessly over him. It was all I could do to keep from telling the cabby to turn around, to go back to the hotel.

At 11:30 PM, I wearily put the key-card into the lock and opened the door to our room. At first, I didn't think Sasha was in the room, but suddenly, he pulled the doorknob out of my hand and leapt from behind the door. Startled, I jumped a bit, but he reached out to hold me up. I felt such relief flow into me. I jokingly collapsed in his arms.

"Long day, huh?"

I looked up and was shocked to see a number of vases of flowers decorating the room. "Where'd these come from?" I demanded.

"From beautiful Japanese gardens, although their beauty can't quite compete with yours."

"Wow, do I need to hear that right now. Thank you!" His extravagant gesture touched me deeply.

He led me over to the bed, made me sit down and lifted my feet up. "What can I get for you? Food? Drink? Handcuffs?"

I chuckled. "You are

so

sweet. I need sleep, nothing else. I wish I could play with you tonight, but I truly must get to bed. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"No problem, don't worry about a thing. Just tell me, how did it go today?"

"Very well, actually. Once I got into it, I handled all their questions. I think I won a few skeptics over. We went out to dinner. Once we've had a few drinks and they loosen up, I always score a few points by being a Western woman who's open minded enough, and maybe even smart enough, to know the language and the customs. That makes me feel good."

"And it should!" He patted my arm.

"I almost lost it, though, when the conversation turned to the Love Hotel! When the subject came up, I played the total innocent! I asked my neighbor what exactly was that? He whispered to me, 'Where you'll find all of our Executive Board members on Thursday afternoons - but not with their wives!' I sure hope he never sees a videotape of us circulating on the porno channel there!"

Sasha knelt beside me and helped me take off my clothes. I didn't resist; I felt as limp as a rag doll. He slipped my negligee over my head. I lay back, closing my eyes. I felt him kissing my cheek. I don't even know if I said good night before I fell asleep.

Tuesday was a repeat of Monday -- early start, more presentations and meetings all day. I once again attended dinner with a group of executives and got back to the hotel late. I wasn't quite as exhausted as the previous night, so I could cuddle on the bed with Sasha. He told me about all the things he had done in the previous two days, the sights he had visited.

"Now that I'm getting the hang of finding my way around, I love this place!" he exclaimed. "I also met with the antiquities curator at the Imperial Museum, which was quite a coup! We established a good rapport. I think that alone will have justified my trip here, at least in my boss' eyes."

"Excellent! Maybe we can arrange another trip on the sly together!"

His face fell, which surprised me. He looked at me forlornly. "I don't want to sneak around on our next trip. I want everyone to know I'm here with you."

I pulled his head down on my chest and stroked his hair. "So do I."

He lifted his head up. "Are you saying that you've made a decision?"

I frowned. "No, that's not it. I haven't been able to spare one minute to make a decision about us, about my situation, although it's always in the back of my mind. Please understand. I'm not trying to make this harder on you, or on me for that matter, but it's just not clear yet what I should do, how I should proceed. OK?"

He looked contrite. "I'm sorry. I'll say no more until you're ready."

He reached over for the light and the room fell into darkness. He gathered me in his arms; within minutes, it sounded like he was asleep. I stayed awake for quite a while, trying to envision how I could go forward without having him in my life. I finally fell into a restless sleep.

On Wednesday, I started the process of contact negotiation with my potential clients. Not that I expected to complete any deals; there would be much give and take before the president of my company and the president of theirs met in a formal ceremony.

When I first arrived at company headquarters high in a Tokyo skyscraper that morning, I sat in a small meeting room, alone, waiting for my clients to assemble at the appointed time. There was one vice president who, over the course of our meetings, had seemed especially friendly to me. He came into the room and bowed; I stood up and did the same.

"Konichiwa, Yaguda-san!" I said. "It is a splendid morning to enjoy your beautiful view from your fine offices, not to mention your gracious hospitality."

He laughed softly. "You have learned well the required courtesies of doing business in Japan. But you can cut the crap with me."

I put my hand over my mouth and laughed.

"I knew you would see the humor," he said, smiling at me. "But the reason I came to see you here is to alert to how things are going regarding our company's decision to use your services. I thought you would like to know that my colleagues are very impressed with your presentation and your company... and

you

. I'm sure there will be a few more details to be worked out, and you should not mention our conversation when the meeting convenes, but you may rest assured that my company and yours will be entering a partnership in the very near future."

"Domo arrigato, Yaguda-san!" I am happy to hear these words!" I was elated that I could bring back such good news so quickly to my company.

Yaguda replied, "I am pleased as well. I hope that this new contract will require your presence in these offices often." I must have blushed. He moved in closer and looked directly at my chest. "I hope that you may honor me by joining me for a private dinner tonight to celebrate the success of your visit."

I wasn't expecting such an invitation. It was clear he did not have simply business on his mind. I would have to excuse myself, but very carefully.

"Yaguda-san, your invitation is generous; I am pleased, but I must respectfully decline for tonight. I am expected to join an important conference call with my superior during this evening and I also must compose my report on my meetings here. Perhaps when I return after the contract is signed, I may have more time to accept your invitation."

He looked at me intently, then bowed slightly. "Until our next meeting, then." He turned and left the room.

I breathed a big sigh of relief.

By four o'clock, we had worked out many of the details. There was nothing further I had to do to secure this contract. It was clear what Yaguda had told me would come to pass. I was thrilled. I would certainly return to my office with a hero's welcome.

I politely declined more dinner offers; at this point, I didn't

have

to attend. I finally was able to get into a cab and make my way back to the hotel. Only when I had a minute to myself and thought about being with Sasha did I realize that he wouldn't be there that evening. He had mentioned that Stan and Michiko had invited him to their home for dinner.

Damn it!

In a moment, though, the thought of spending some time alone became more appealing. From the time Sasha joined me on my flight, I'd either been thinking about him, or thinking about work. I needed some time to think about

me

.

I returned to my room and slipped on a casual, more comfortable dress. I knew where I would go for some good thinking time: the gardens of the Imperial Palace. I took another cab there, soon finding myself at the exquisite gate that marked its entrance. Once inside the perimeter, the sounds and smells of the city seem to melt away. The Gardens were truly the oasis I needed.

I strolled slowly among the beautiful bonsai displays and the small ponds filled with water lilies. Flower-laden trees with low-hanging branches provided a visual escape. Men in straw hats, obviously gardeners, trimmed bushes with small shears. The hazy Tokyo twilight cast a pink glow on the garden.

I sat on a bench at the very edge of a pond and stared at my reflection.

Who are you?

I asked myself.

I took stock.

Businesswoman, and a good one. Linguist and world traveler.

I was very proud of my accomplishments.

Lover? No question there.

I smiled at the recollection of the nights just past.

Now on to the hard one: wife? Officially, yes. So, am I still one? Yes, most definitely. Do I still want to be one?

No answer came to mind immediately.

OK, so if I'm having doubts, doesn't that mean I should bow out? Well... Can I have it both ways, then? Can I be a wife of one and be a lover of another? Would that make me happy? No, it would not. The constant keeping up of pretences would be insane. So if I'm not happy with Dylan, and deliriously happy with Sasha, shouldn't it be easy to choose? I'm a coward

, I decided.

The prospect of telling Dylan left me scared me to death. I couldn't imagine how he would take it. It would be ugly.

Well, why can't I just endure my punishment for a short period of time in order to earn what will make me happy? But... will it all make me happy for the long run?

I felt better when I realized this was the central question that needed an answer: Will being with Sasha forever after make me happy? I tried to picture us together in ten, even twenty years. I couldn't conjure up any images.

My relationship with Sasha up to now had been purely based on spur-of-the-moment sensations. No planning, no reason. Of course, that's why it was so thrilling - even addictive. It wasn't that I was ruling out a more normal, but satisfying relationship with him, it was that almost nothing we had done together fit that definition - I had nothing to judge it on.

I must be getting mature

, I thought,

if I'm coming to a rational decision about something based on tomorrow, not now. I must talk to Sasha about how, even

if

he views us together many years from now.

That

will help me make my decision.

When I looked up, it was almost dark. I stood up and hurried towards the exit, feeling a little less inner turmoil than when I entered.