I said that there were two specific occasions where their activities were certainly not platonic, one of which, of course was the episode just described. The other, in some ways, was more important because it was a major step up in their relationship. This came about because of my attendance at the annual Northeast Political Science Association Conference which normally runs three days in the middle of November. Obviously, I would be gone overnight, leaving Sandy alone at home. Usually during that time, the wives in the department would get together one night while their husbands were out of town – yes, we had a social life with other faculty as well as Sandy's student get-to-gathers! You will recall that after she and Frank had dozed off downstairs, I had asked Sandy if she "would like to sleep with him all night?" Her answer had been ambivalent as she, hesitantly, said "probably."
As the time approached, I said nothing about the question of a "sleep-over," waiting for her to broach the question. Whatever happened, I wanted it to be her decision without any influence from me. I would be gone three nights, Thursday, Friday and Saturday and return home sometime Sunday. November came and the conference was in the middle of the month, as usual, and she still hadn't raised the issue although I could tell that it was bothering her. With a week to go, she finally broke down.
"Oh, Mack, what am I going to do?"
"What do you mean, honey?"
"Don't be cute. You know what I mean – should I sleep with Frank while you're gone?"
"Now, that's completely up to you. I won't be bothered at all if you do and I'll be perfectly happy if you don't. You'll have to decide what you want to do and we'll go from there."
"That's the problem. I don't know what I want to do! No, damn it, I do know that I want to do it, but I can't convince myself that I should! It's one thing to be in bed with him downstairs or sucking him in the office or car, but sleeping with him when you are away is different – scary even.
"Look, dear, I understand all of that and that's why I want you to decide what to do. If it helps any, I will not be in Boston worrying about whether my wife is sleeping with her lover while I'm gone.
"Ok, that's part of what's bothering me! All this time when I've been having sex with him, I'm eager to come up or come home and share the experience with you. After that first time, which was completely different, you've been part of it. If we were screwing in the car, you were right there, even watching. When he had me in the office or I was sucking there or in the car, I couldn't wait to get home and share the experience with you. All those times I knew that you approved and, when it was over, we would be together and that, somehow, that made it ok – less sinful, I guess. But I would be going to bed with him, sleeping with him all night and waking up with him beside me in bed. I've never done anything like that – you're the only man I've ever slept with and I'm not sure that I want to change that! I don't know why, but it just seems that I would actually be more unfaithful if I spent the night with him. It doesn't make a lot of sense considering the things I've done already, but that's what scares me – doing it when you're not here!
"So, I have a problem with how I feel about taking that step, but even more important, and the thing that I'm afraid of the most, is your reaction. As you say, you'll be in your hotel room in Boston and you won't be worried about what I would be doing – but I'm not sure of that. You'll be alone in bed in that hotel room while I'll be in bed here with another man, having sex or making love, however you want to describe it. Then when we're finished, we'll get ready and go to bed to sleep together. I have this horrible picture of you lying in bed, upset and distraught as the reality that your wife is fucking another man and sleeping with him while you are away. How could you not be jealous?"
During this long recitation of her concerns, Sandy had the most unusual expression on her face. She seemed to be literally afraid – not physically, of course, but of having to make a decision, the outcome of which frightened her. One of the problems of wanting, very badly, to do something daring, particularly if it is something you "shouldn't" do, is to be overwhelmed by potential problems, and the more you think of it, the bigger and more damaging those problems become. This was the condition that I believed that Sandy was in.
"Honey, you're over-thinking the situation. We've had a lot of fun with your affair with Frank, but if you've had enough, for whatever reason, I have no problem with stopping it. Our lives certainly would not be diminished. On the other hand, I equally have no problem with it continuing, including you sleeping with him. I saw you cuddling and dozing with him last time downstairs and my only concern was that if you didn't wake up, how you would explain to your supposedly unaware husband that you weren't in bed with him in the morning. I'm not in the least bit threatened by your relationship and, if you go through with it, my only reaction in Boston would be regret that I wasn't home to share the excitement with you. Therefore, the only question for me is whether or not you want to sleep with him and it appears that you do."
"Oh, sweetheart, you're wonderful! I guess that somewhere in the back of my mind is this ogre that insists that you must have some feelings of jealousy when I do these things that a faithful wife would never do. I just know that if the situations were reversed, I would be in agony! That adventurous co-ed you jokingly talked about – even the thought bothers me!"
"Look, if you had come to me a year ago and said that you wanted to have an affair, I might have had the same reaction. However, I was presented with a fait acompli. You came in, freshly fucked, and, probably to my own surprise, I discovered that it didn't upset me at all. In fact, as we talked, we both found the situation to be quite arousing." Then, after a moment's hesitation, I grinned and added, "Come to think of it, maybe I should try to find such a co-ed and see if it has the same effect!"
"There will be no co-ed – but I guess I'll sleep with Frank. Honestly, my only real uncertainty was your reaction. There's still that funny feeling I know I'll have when waking up with another man – but it certainly will be less a shock that looking up at him in the car and having reality hit that I had been fucked! Gods, I feel so much better – I've been stewing about this for two weeks! I really knew what I wanted to do, but 'should' or 'shouldn't' kept cropping up."
"I knew it was troubling you, but I didn't want to influence you in either direction. Ok, now all you have to do is plan your rendezvous and let Frank in on your overnight availability."
