Prologue
"Shit. Feels so fuckin' good."
"Please, please, please. Harder," the little redhead begged. We started pounding harder. "Oh, God. Yes," she squealed.
"Fuck, man. I can feel you," I gasped.
"Yeah. Jesus. Fucking close," Raine gritted out. I looked at his enraptured face and my balls tightened painfully. Shit. His dark eyes were hooded, his teeth sunk into his bottom lip, and head rolled back slightly. He was sexy. He was gorgeous. He was also very, very straight.
"Holy fucking shit. She's about to blow, man," he choked out. "Come on, sweetheart." The redhead's muscles tightened and her ass clenched around my cock. Lightening zinged up my spine.
"Fffuuuccckkk," I groaned and started spurting, filling the rubber barrier. I felt Raine jerk against the thin wall that separated us. It wasn't what I wanted, but I'd take what I could get.
"Oh, Jesus," he cried out. His chiseled face contorted and his eyes squeezed close. Fuck. I leaned forward before I could stop myself. As if drawn by some invisible force, I pressed my lips to his.
I figured I had about five seconds before he realized what was going on and I lost my best friend of twenty five years. I was terrified, but at the same time I felt peace like I'd never known.
I had struggled with my sexuality since I was fifteen and let Luke Grayson blow me in the locker room after a track meet. He got me off and abruptly told me never to tell anyone. Right. Like I was going to announce that shit to a bunch of testosterone laden, high school males in the Bible Belt.
I loved women. Really loved them. A tight pussy and great tits got me every time. What no one, not even my best friend, knew, was chiseled abs and a big cock did it too.
It was sometime in that hailstorm of confusion that I fell for my best friend. My straight, gorgeous best friend. I'd never said a word to him about it. Yet, here I was, kissing his firm lips. Savoring every second, because I knew after this, even if our friendship survived, our sexual exploits wouldn't.
To my utter surprise, Raine's mouth opened to me on a low moan. His eyes were still tightly shut and his face was still twisted in the throes of passion. I plunged my tongue in like a man starved.
Shocking me again, he dueled with my tongue. He snuck his hand around and palmed the back of my head, crushing me closer. The kiss turned brutal and demanding. Lack of oxygen and the sweet taste I'd wanted for so long made my head swim.
At some point I was pushed out of the redhead's ass and onto my back. Raine came over me and pressed his body into mine. His eyes were still closed but the kiss deepened and became more urgent.
I pushed his shoulders hard enough to flip our positions. He growled at me and rolled me back under him. I felt his erection grinding into my thigh, while his tongue fucked into my mouth.
Jesus. This was really happening. My cock strained toward him and my hands roamed his back. When I reached his ass I squeezed and pulled him toward me. His eyes flew open and he scrambled off of the bed.
"Jesus fucking Christ," he breathed out. His eyes were wide and panicked as he stared at me. His chest heaved. "What the fuck were we doing? What the fuck?" He glanced at the redhead who was just staring between the two of us. "I'm...I'm sorry, man. I...fuck."
He pulled on his track pants and stared back at me. I felt my heart shatter. He didn't want this. I'd pulled him into it, and now he was panicked and guilty feeling. "No. Man, not your fault," I said numbly. "I...it was me."
"We can't...I'm not...are you...?" He stammered. He didn't need to finish the question. I looked down at my thighs and gave a single nod. "What? Why didn't you say something? Fuck, man. Fuck!"
"I couldn't," I whispered.
"We can't do this again," he stated. My stomach clenched and my nose burned. I gave a jerky nod. After what seemed like an eternity I looked up. He was gone.
"I'm, um, I'm gonna go. For what it's worth," the redhead said softly, "it was the hottest thing I've ever seen." I gave her a half smile and kissed her cheek.
"Thanks, sweetheart," I said genuinely. "I'll walk you out."
Prologue 2
"You're what?" Jack asked incredulously.
"Bisexual," I repeated. I looked around at my friends. Their faces ranging from shock to acceptance. None of them looked horrified, though. For that I was grateful.
"Since when?" Jack said through his shocked haze.
"I don't know. Since forever, I guess," I answered as honestly as I could.
"Have you ever...?" Ben blushed and trailed off. I nodded.
"I personally think that's kind of hot," Jen piped up and grinned at me. Ben snapped his eyes to his very pregnant wife. "What? If you guys can get off on two girls, I can think two hot guys is hot," she explained and shrugged.
I couldn't help the short bark of laughter that escaped me. "Are you sayin' I'm hot, darlin'?"
"Um...duh," Anya answered for her. "You know you're gorgeous." Jack looked from me to his fiancée and back.
"What do you mean he's gorgeous?" He snipped.
"Face it, dudes. Your women want me," I teased. Laughter flowed from the group. "So? You guys are...okay...with this?"
Ben squinted at me and frowned. "Dude, did you think we would all ditch you?" I looked down and nodded. "What the hell, man? What do you take us for? I never cared who you fucked before. I'm not gonna start now. As long as its not my wife or my momma." I glanced back up at him and smiled. Ben grinned back and smacked my head. "Idiot." I chanced a look around the table and everyone else was grinning back at me.
My heart stuttered. I had been sweating this for a week. After what happened with Raine, I knew I needed to speak up. I looked over at my best friend. He wasn't grinning. He was sickly pale and his lips were compressed into a tight line. He looked at me through guarded eyes.
I'd be lying if I said things between us were anything but strained. I felt guilty and fucking lonely as hell. I couldn't remember a time that I didn't have my best friend to talk to, to make music with. Fuck just to sit in silence with. Now even the silences were tense and loud.
I looked away from him and bit into my cheek to keep the emotional pain at bay. "Dude, you okay?" I heard Jack's voice. I glanced at him and realized he was talking to Raine not me. Raine gave a quick affirmative jerk and stood up. He looked back at me for a split second and walked out of Ben's dining room.
"What the hell was that about?" Anya asked softly.
"It's a lot for him to take in," I answered the table and sighed before looking up at the most supportive group of people I could ask for. "He...thought he knew everything about me. We've...shared...intimate situations. I betrayed his trust by keeping this from him."
"Is he going to be okay?" Jen asked. I shrugged and blinked back the moisture pooling in my eyes. I heard Jen's sharp intake breath. I snapped my head to her. Fuck. She knew. She totally had it figured out.
"'Scuse me," I mumbled and stood. "See you guys later." A round of mumbled benedictions went around as I headed for the door.
"Deacon. Wait," Jen called as I reached for the knob. I turned to face her. "Does he know?"
"Sort of. I...fuck...I fucked up, Jen. I fucked up bad," I whispered. She took the necessary steps toward me and wrapped me in her arms. Her ginormous belly between us.
"It'll be okay, Deak," she soothed. I nodded against her neck, but really I knew it'd never be the same between us. I let the tears fall in the safety of Jen's skin.
Prologue 3
What the hell was that about?" I heard Anya's tinkling little voice carry into the den.
"It's a lot for him to take in," Deak answered her. "He...thought he knew everything about me. We've...shared...intimate situations. I betrayed his trust by keeping this from him," he added. God, if only that were what was wrong. I thought back to that night a week ago. The way it felt to be kissed by Deak. I should have been disgusted. I should have been horrified. I wasn't. I was fucking confused. I'd never, ever lusted after a man. Never. But when Deak kissed me my dick had turned to fucking granite. What the hell did that mean? Was I gay? Bisexual? Or just bicurious?
Shit. Shit, shit, fuck, damn.
"Is he going to be okay?" Jen asked. I didn't hear a response. Just Deak excusing himself. I moved to the hallway. I couldn't face him. Not yet. Call me a coward, but I was terrified of what was happening.
I heard Jen call after him. "Does he know?" She asked. I heard Deak whisper something back, but couldn't make it out. Then Jen's husky voice made soothing noises. I peeked around the corner at them. Jen was holding Deak to her while his shoulders shook. Fuck. My best friend was hurting and I was to blame.
The whole situation was fucked. I watched him release his pain to Jen, and before I could stop myself I was moving toward him. I couldn't watch him hurt like that. When I got close enough, I placed a hand on his shoulder. His whole body went still. he wasnt even breathing. Jen's glassy eyes caught mine and gave me a pleading look. I gave her a nod as she released Deak.
He turned slowly to face me. His ocean blue eyes were red rimmed and wary. My mind didn't know what to do, but apparently my body was capable of functioning independently. My arms pulled him to me and wrapped around his shoulders.
"I'm so sorry, man," he repeated over and over. He didn't move to hug me back. His arms just hung limply at his sides as I held him in a tight hug.
My body moved of its own accord again and without a thought I kissed his forehead. His breath hitched and he looked up at me. My lips moved of their own volition to his cheek, then his neck, before making their way to his mouth.
He inhaled sharply, parting his lips and my tongue moved in. I tasted the salt from his tears and felt him whimper against my tongue. Cautiously his tongue began to explore mine.
His taste exploded in my mouth and I groaned. What the fuck was I doing? What the hell was I thinking? Why the fuck was I getting hard? Motherfucker. I growled at the confusion, not wanting the sensation to stop and pulled him more roughly against me.
Deak's hands came up, one pulling my hair away, the other pulling my nape forward, as though he was fighting himself. I snarled and pushed him into against the door. He let out a animalistic growl and spun us until he was pushing me against it.
I realized we were fighting, not each other, but this confusion, this passion. We were fighting for dominance over all of those things. Deak wrenched his mouth from mine and glared at me. I returned the look ten fold. "Fuck you," I hissed.
"Oh. You fucking will," he promised icily. His words shot straight to my balls. What the fuck? He crushed his mouth to mine again violently.
"Ho-lee shit," a raspy, bass voice broke through my lust and confusion. Oh shit. Deak's eyes widened and he tore away from me. I looked over to find Ben staring at us in shock. Fuck.
"'Scuse me," Deak said quietly and moved around to the door. He tossed one last look at me and walked out.
"What. The. Fuck, bro?" Ben asked me with his mouth agape. I scrubbed my hands down my face and shook my head to clear it. "So?" Ben began uncomfortably, "you, too?"
"Fuck," I exhaled plopping down on the couch, "I don't fucking know."
"You don't know?" Ben repeated slowly. I shook my head and placed it in my palms. "Are you...attracted to him?" I nodded into my hands. "Well. Fuck me." Ben let out a long sigh. "Have you ever felt that way before? For someone else, I mean?"
