... Continuing on from the previous chapter ...
Chapter 18
North Dakota
Bismarck is a pleasant little city and the state capital of North Dakota. I found myself surprised at how hilly the environment was, particularly near the Missouri River that cut through the city. I'd been on some pretty flat land getting there.
The Northern Pacific Railroad dominated the town's history, even renaming it to Bismarck after a German Chancellor in an attempt to attract German investment in the area. Today, the city is dominated by state government and several major health care centers, not to mention a plethora of Christian churches all trying to out do each other and woo each others' parishioners away. The connections with Lewis and Clark and Sacagawea are over done, and the architecture is functional and boring. On the other hand, the people were friendly and helpful.
* * * * *
I'd camped out along side the Missouri River since the weather was pleasant and the evening temperatures had risen to the sixties. At dusk the evening before, I committed a small envelope of my dead wife's ashes to the river. I stood on the rich loam beside the river and watched the film the ashes created on the river start to move on their journey to the Mississippi, the Gulf of Mexico, and the oceans of the world. I had to remind myself that the ashes were only that – ashes; they were not Karen, only part of a symbolic rite I'd created for myself.
I'd been in thirty-two states so far in my journey. In most, I'd met at least one woman who had made love with me, and taught me something about myself, about women, and about relationships. One axiom I'd learned is that there is no such word as 'normal' when it comes to sex. Along my travels I'd been in all sorts of sexual situations – often multiple women, group, sisters, mother-daughter, and, of course, regular one-on-one sex. I'd lost my modesty or self-imposed stigma of having sex in front of other people. I'd found some edges to my sexual boundaries, and learned there were more to discover, boundaries I never ever imagined. More important to me, I'd blown up some other boundaries that restricted my thinking about sex.
These thoughts ran through my head as I ran around the city in the morning. I pushed myself until the pain of the run made me feel as though my chest would explode. No pain, no gain. When I stopped running, I did two hundred sit-ups and push-ups; and stopped counting chin-ups on a branch when my hands could hold me no longer.
I hadn't done Tai chi in quite a while. I'd learned the practice as a martial art when I'd been in Army Special Operations training – a Green Beret. I went through the fifty-six forms I had been taught – the short version, silently beside the river, stressing various muscle groups with each carefully rehearsed and timed move. In each pose, I adjusted my mental attitude to amplify some trait I wished to possess.
My last ritual that morning was a meditation. The run and Tai chi had made my transition to mindfulness easier; I was practiced in the art now that it had become part of my daily ritual. My contemplation cleared my mind and enabled me to receive messages from the universe from within and without. A Buddhist monk I had studied explained that some messages are my inner voice and intuition speaking. Other voices I hear bring messages from the beings my soul has created along side the one I am experiencing – parallel lives. Some messages come from my reincarnated soul.
That morning, as I transitioned from my meditation back into this world, I felt a premonition. I knew I would be presented with two situations where I would have to help two people in different ways. The curiosity of that premonition got me started on the rest of my day.
* * * * *
I didn't have specific plans for travel, probably start my journey south from this northern state. I took a leisurely swim in the river I'd camped beside and then checked my iPhone for the weather. I learned that a weather front was moving through late in the day, so a motel for that night was a no brainer, but I had a lot of time to spare. Maybe I'd even get a warm shower later.
About mid-morning, after some guitar practice, I started to pack up my campsite. I probably shouldn't have camped overnight where I did, but increasingly I had become one who didn't always abide by all the rules. I'd found a nice park, pretty close to what passed as the downtown area of Bismarck, and had hidden my bike in a brushy area down by the water right next to where I pitched my tent. I doubted anyone would find me unless they were looking.
As I pulled the stays out of my tent, I heard the sounds of an argument growing closer – a man and woman. They were both yelling at each other, and in my opinion there was little listening going on. When they got nearer and I could better understand the words, I heard the man using various Biblical verses to try to change some behavior of the woman: "You are becoming like Lot's wife in Genesis; you will become a pillar of salt because you intend to sin." His tone ranged from pleading to threatening to disown her – that was when I realized they were a father-daughter pair. The daughter yelled back, "I see many people doing things you call a sin in the world, and I have yet to see anyone become a pillar of salt. Most of them have a lot of fun; they enjoy life, but you think that anything fun is a sin. That's no longer how I plan to live my life."
I stood and peered through some of the brush that protected my campsite from view. The couple was about fifty feet away: a man in his mid-fifties and a woman – a girl really – in her late teens. The argument apparently involved the girl's moving out of the parental home and going her own way now that she was legal age. At one point she yelled at him, "I don't believe the things you say are true – about Jesus and the Bible. I think they're all made up stories. The churches use the stories as though they're true to control people – the way you're trying to control me. Well, fuck off father; your little girl has grown up and is making her own decisions now that she's able. Thank you for getting me here, but now leave me the fuck alone."
She stormed off to my left with her father in pursuit. He yelled at her, "The wrath of God will come down upon you. It says in Revelations that children must respect and obey their elders. To not do so, you risk the fires of hell at the end of your life."
She yelled back, "You've made my life a living hell since I was born. You don't want a daughter; you want an obedient disciple. Well, that's not me. Go find some sucker from your church that you can intimidate. I'm moving on. I waited years until I could make it on my own; and today's that day. Good bye! I'll drop you a line now and then."
She took off across the park at a run, far faster than the man could move. I could hear his sigh of frustration from where I stood. He turned and walked the opposite way to a parking lot. As I strapped my tent to my motorcycle, I saw him get in a nondescript car and drive away.
The teen's voice from behind me caught me by surprise; "You hear all that? I thought we were alone – I didn't see you in here. This is a nice hiding place." She dropped down and sat on the blanket and ground cover that I hadn't folded yet. Both were laid out like an invitation, and she accepted.
I allowed, "Quite an argument. You're moving out, I take it; and Dad doesn't like it. How old are you?"
"Almost nineteen. I graduated high school last June, and yeah, my father doesn't approve of me going out on my own. He's said a lot worse than you probably heard today. He thinks I'll become a prostitute or get into some slutty profession; he doesn't think I can get a regular job and make a living. I am so mad at him I want to do that just to spite him. He's always preached at me, the same way he preaches to his congregation. I'm surprised anyone listens to him."
I asked, "He's a minister?"
"Oh, yes," she said. "He runs the Bismarck Evangelical Christian Fellowship Church. He's been doing that for twenty years, even before I was born. He forced me to go my whole life."
"So you've stopped going now?" I speculated, as I squatted down to be at the same eye level she was.
"I actually stopped going a few months before graduation. He went ballistic, and tried to hide it from his congregation. He said I was just rebelling and would get over it. But, I think differently from the way he does; I don't believe the same things. I think I'm better read about some things than he is – spiritual things. All he wants people to read is the Bible, and that's pretty limiting."
As she talked, I had a moment to assess the pretty girl. She had long brunette hair, a pleasing face, and a body that probably made boys near her age have impure thoughts at night.
