Rachels Fire 08

(THE PARTY)

1987. 18 years old.

Janice and I walked (or rather staggered ) all the way from my Mothers house - taking turn about to carry the bag of records - past all the shops and pubs and down Leith Walk until we eventually arrived at Leith Links.

*Where are we going?* I asked.

*Were nearly there* said Jan irritably.

*You said that ages ago Niece.* I could tell she was lost.

*Shut up!*

I was dressed in her leather trousers/ a baggy black jumper/ black leather jacket/ black shades and black shoes. My hair was tied back into a girlish pony-tail.

Jan had allowed herself a little more variety in her choice of colours. Her hair was spiked up and she had on a red and black Minnie the Minx jumper/ black miniskirt/ red boots/ black handbag and crimson lipstick. She looked like an angry bumble bee. (Id wanted her to wear my cute new girlie-pink dress but tonight she was feeling *pure punk*).

*Ken what we should do?* asked Jan/ stopping to flick something from my cheek.

*Eh?*

*I should pack in the hairdressers and we should fuck off to France or something. You know: go buskin n that?*

*Maybe.* I was getting used to hearing all her schemes. Nothing ever came of them.

*Im gettin pretty good on guitar though eh?*

*You need to practice more* I said.

*But Im doing no bad eh?*

I nodded and we continued to stagger slowly along. I could hear something now. Music.

*There it is* said Jan/ pointing triumphantly in the vague direction of the noise.

I was starting to realise I didnt feel too great. My stomach was raw and I had the worst migraine I could remember. I wondered whether it was something to do with the amyl nitrate. The idea panicked me. Maybe I was about to have some kind of *medical episode* and sprawl dead at my best friends feet. *I dont feel well.* I said.

Niece pulled abruptly on my arm. *Youre awright. Cmoan!*

When we arrived at the house she walked straight in and I followed. The place was a mess. There were crisps and empty beer cans all over the floor. I was led into the kitchen and introduced to Sharon the birthday-girl. Sharon the birthday-girl looked ill. There was a huge long-haired biker trying to undress her. Sharon either didnt care or was too drunk to notice. Seeing us she pulled away from the man. She shrieked/ flinging her arms around Jan. *Hiya Niece honey. How you daein?*

Jan hugged her and pointed at me. *Thats ma pal Rachel.*

*Hiya* giggled Sharon flinging her arms around me.

I hugged her back. *Happy Birthday.*

Jan led me through to the sitting room. I put the bag of records down by the hi-fi and sat cross-legged on the floor amongst a bunch of stoners. Students. I noticed that one of them - a kind of vaguely attractive blond guy - was skinning up a joint. He had everything he needed (Rizla papers/ fags/ lighter and a fat brown lump of hash wrapped in cellophane) balanced on a record sleeve on his knees. Pink Floyds *Shine On You Crazy Diamond* was blaring from the two expensive looking speakers on the wall.

*They were shite after Syd Barrett left eh?* I mumbled towards the blond.

He looked a little put out and kind of half-shrugged one of his shoulders. This was obviously one of his favourite albums. I slumped down into myself. Jan grabbed a bottle of wine from the table and sat down beside me. Taking a quick swig she handed it to me and I slugged back/ wiping the back of my hand over my lips as I gazed around the room.

I watched the people dancing/ arguing/ kissing/ talking/ smoking dope and laughing. Flashing lights and wild colours. Shadows swinging round the walls. The blond was heating the lump of hash with his lighter. The smoke wafted across into my nostrils. I already felt a horrid churning sensation in my stomach. The vomit began to rise in my throat. I swallowed it back and got shakily to my feet. Jan looked up at me and I slowly shook my head. My brain seemed to be swelling and pressing hard against the inside of my skull. I quickly left the room.

The birthday-girl was sitting on her biker friends knees on the stairs. She looked as ill as I felt.

*Wheres the... wheres the toilet?*

Sharon pointed up the stairs. *First door.* A thought formed in her drunken brain and she suddenly scowled. *Who are you?*

*Im Janices pal. Rachel.* I didnt have time for all this silliness.

Sharons face lit up. *Aye? Is Niece here like?* She giggled. *Im sooooo happy. All ma wee pals are here.* The hairy geezer was licking her ear.

I quickly pushed past the pair of them and climbed unsteadily towards the bathroom. There was someone inside. Some fat pissed-up guy was lying snoring in the bath. He seemed grotesque to me at this moment in time. Quite astonishingly ugly: greasy ginger hair matted to his forehead/ his bare podgy feet resting crossed between the taps. Before Id even got to the toilet the vomit was rising in my throat. I threw up the lid and dropped to my knees just as it all hurled out of my mouth into the pan. This happened four times before my stomach was fully emptied.

*You awright hen?* came Gingers voice echoing from the bath tub.

*No* I said/ wiping my mouth with a length of white toilet paper. I took off my shades/ put them in the inside pocket of my jacket and rubbed my eyes. My stomach muscles were sore from the exertion/ my throat feeling like it was being stripped by acid. I got to my feet and stood for five minutes or so at the sink/ splashing cold water on my face and round my neck then brushing my teeth with the cleanest looking of the three toothbrushes on the window-sill. This made me feel a little more human.

As I descended the stairway I noticed a nervous looking little guy who was moving things from the kitchen out the front door. Sharon and her hairy man-friend had disappeared. I drunkenly stood and watched him for a while going backwards and forwards with stuff. On his final journey he came through from the kitchen with a toaster/ an iron/ some ornaments and a pile of records.

*Hey thats mine* I said/ pointing drunkenly.

The man looked at me/ handed me my Damned LP and left the house with the rest of the loot. I didnt even think to stop him.

Through in the sitting room I noticed that Jan was chatting up some punky looking guy on the couch. I cheerfully gave her the finger. She laughed and carried on talking so I wandered over to the hi-fi/ put my Damned album down with all the rest of my records and had a look through Sharons collection. Human League. ABC. The Eagles. Haircut 100. Eric Clapton. David Bowie. I took out the Bowie album and looked at the sleeve. *Hunky Dory*. Id heard this a couple of times at my Aunt Janes house. I wasnt sure I liked the music but Id always thought he looked beautiful on the sleeve artwork: long golden hair and pale feminine features. I snatched the Led Zeppelin album that was playing from the turntable and stuck on side one of *Hunky Dory*.

Near the end of *Changes* this tall scruffy guy with dark brown hair down to his shoulders appeared from somewhere and started throwing peanuts around the room. The floor was soon covered. He hurled some playfully at me and I grabbed a handful of twiglets from the dish on the floor beside me and threw them in his general direction. He continued his onslaught and I retaliated with force/ however I was at an unfair disadvantage due to the poor aerodynamics of twiglets and finally surrendered.

*Did you notice the wallpapers upside down?* he said as he wandered over.

I studied the wall. He was right. For some reason the floral paper had been pasted with the flowers growing down instead of up. *Youre wrong* I said/ shaking my head. *Its the room thats upside down.*

*Too many drugs my dear* he said/ shaking a stern finger at me.

I picked up the rectangular clock from the the mantle-piece and turned it upside down.

My new friend grinned and nodded. *Actually youre probably right. Its the room thats wonky.*

He proceeded to accompany me on a tour of the house during which we turned a television/ a radio/ several cups and a small coffee table upside down. When we returned to the sitting room I stuck side one of *Hunky Dory* back on and sat on the floor beside him.

*Whats your name?* he asked.

*Rachel. You?*

*Byron.*

*Byron? Cool name. Is that for real?*

Byron nodded. He didnt seem to know what else to say so we just sat there silent and nervous despite our drunkenness until *Quicksand* came on and I realised I was going to have to make a move. I was hot for him. *Are we going to dance Byron?*

He raised an eyebrow and nodded. We got to our feet and he put his arms around my waist. I placed my hands on his shoulders and we danced slowly with each other like a couple of 1940s waltzers. I could smell his musky aftershave up close now/ feel his body warm against mine. I stroked my fingers through his hair and looked into his eyes: a darker brown than his hair. I felt weird. Dizzy. Out of focus.

*How old are you?* he asked.

*What do you think?*

He shrugged his shoulders. *16? 17?*

*Im 26* I lied.

He raised an eyebrow.

My poker-face disintegrated into a grin. *Nah! 18. You?*

*19.*

*Ancient* I said.

He began to slowly move his face towards mine and we kissed. His mouth opened slightly and I felt the tip of his tongue push between my lips. I allowed them to part so that he could explore my mouth/ running his tongue over my teeth/ the roof of my mouth/ circling my tongue. His hands stroked up my back/ down over my waist and hips. He clasped my buttocks. I held him tight and hungrily darted my tongue deep into his mouth. After a while he drew away to catch his breath. I smiled and he began to kiss the side of my neck and upwards towards the lobe of my ear. I could feel his erection pressing against my leg. I giggled and gingerly moved my hand down to touch it through his jeans. It felt so hard. Looking up I realised with mild embarrassment that half the people in the room were watching us. Niece sniggered and made a vulgar fucking gesture with her fingers.

*Piss off!* I mouthed.

Byron grinned and led me by the hand out of the sitting room and up the stairs. We tried a few rooms but they were all being used for various acts of teenage debauchery. The only space left was the bathroom. My fat ginger pal had obviously been evicted from the bath so Byron and I were alone together.

I unbuttoned the top of his jeans and pulled down the zip/ his erection all bent out of shape/ struggling to escape. With both hands I took hold of his waist-band and yanked his jeans down far enough for it to spring out. It stood up straight and pointed accusingly at me: thick and pink and covered in veins. I stroked the soft brown hair at its base/ took hold of it between three fingers and thumb. This mysterious new toy was warm and soft but when I squeezed it it felt as hard as Blackpool rock. I kissed Byron full on the lips. His eyes closed. Pulling back his foreskin I watched in wonderment as the fat purply-pink bulb appeared beneath/ a thin slit at the tip. I couldnt keep my eyes off the thing. It looked like it was going to burst. Id never seen a proper erection before. Only the soft flaccid wee things in films or old Greek statues. I began wanking him enthusiastically.

*Not so fast* he said/ his eyes snapping open.

*What?*

*Dont do it so fast.* He took hold of my hand and moved it slowly.

*Sorry. Did I hurt you?*

*No but its much better like this.* He took his hand away.

I held his poor cock with a much kinder gentler grip and began pulling softly on it/ fascinated.

Byrons fingers stroked up under the big black jumper and caressed my goosepimpled skin/ stroking down my back/ over my waist/ round to my belly and slowly upwards. He worked his fingers into the cup of my bra/ eased my little tit out on top of it and began pulling and twisting the nipple. (For some reason this made my mouth feel dry.)

I continued to wank him while he kissed my lips and my neck and then moved his hand back down over my stomach towards the zip of Jans leather trousers. He unfastened the button at the top and pulled the zip down. I could smell leather. Byron dragged the trousers down far enough for his hand to squeeze awkwardly into my panties/ slipping under so he could cup my pubic mound. One of his fingers poked into the wetness briefly and then came out to search for my clitoris. Circling. Kind of like how I liked to touch myself in bed.

I was just getting into the rhythm of his movements when he stopped and moved his mouth in close to my ear. *Are you on the Pill?*

I felt the tightening in my stomach and deep down inside. For a dangerous few seconds I thought about saying *Yes* but I gave into reason and shook my head. *Do you not have any johnnies?*

He shook his head and I blinked at him unsure how to proceed.

Byron smiled: *Maybe another time eh?*

(Was he trying to tell me he wanted to see me again?)

I slowly masturbated him/ drifting into a strange drunken haze as I watched my hand moving on his cock until a change in his breathing snapped me out of my dream. His whole body became rigid.

*Im coming* he said. Byrons eyes flickered shut and white goo dribbled out of the thin slit in gentle spurts/ running out over his foreskin. It looked like silky white shampoo. I was a bit disappointed actually. Id expected it to spray out in fountains up into the air like the spray from a furiously pumped water pistol. Thats the way it always happened in Nieces dirty books: squirting out of the guys *big hard twitching cock* all over the heroines face and breasts/ leaving her degraded and happy.

Something warm landed on my foot and I jumped and let go of him.

Byron pulled his hand from my underwear. *Sorry*. He was looking down at the blob of sperm running into my shoe.

I shuddered/ pulled it off in disgust and grabbed for some toilet paper. I wiped my foot and dabbed my shoe dry. The trace of slime trickling over my skin was all sticky/ horribly jelly-like.

Byron was embarrassed. He zipped himself back up.

I slipped my breast back into my bra/ sorted out Jans trousers and finally said *Dont worry about it. Im not going to freak out or anything*.

Byron was looking at me strangely/ kind of sad but smiling too. *Youre so beautiful Rachel. You know that?*

I almost fell over in shock. Nobody had ever said anything like that to me in my life. Not even my Mother or Janice.

Byron brushed a hand through my hair. *Im not just saying that. I think youre incredible.* He planted a wet kiss on my lips. *Youre so funny.* He kissed me again. *Pretty.* And again. *Smart.*

I felt those words deep in my belly. They seemed to radiate through me. Their warmth caressed the backs of my knees. *But... but you dont even know me. Youre drunk.*

He nodded. *I know. Im completely wrecked. But I still think youve got the sexiest eyes Ive ever seen.*

I studied his face for a hint of mockery but he was serious. Thats the moment I fell in love.

We stumbled from the bathroom and headed hand-in-hand down to the sitting room.

The party seemed to be over. There were a few people crashed out on the floor. *Boring bastards* I said drunkenly.

Someone tapped me hard between the shoulder blades. *Where the fuck have YOU been?*

I turned around. It was Janice. She was furious. I giggled.

*Ive been lookin everywhere for you* she snapped.

*Why? What is it?*

*We have to go now* she said.

*Eh?*

*Ma Dads waiting outside.*

I frowned/ puzzled. *Whats he doing there?*

*I phoned him you daft bitch. Hes gonnae give us a lift hame.*

*Already?* My heart sinking.

*Its four o clock in the fuckin morning Rach.*

Byron tickled a finger over my cheek. *Ill walk you back later if you like.*

*Nah. Better go.* I was staring into his eyes. So deep and brown. *Here.* I got my lipstick from my jacket pocket and lifted his t-shirt so I could write my number across his smooth stomach. *Phone me tomorrow.*

Jan was laughing at us now. *Daft bastards. Thatll smudge off on his t-shirt.*

I pointed at my friend. *This is Jan. But we call her Niece.*

*Hello Niece* said Byron. He was studying his belly/ mouthing my number to himself as if trying to learn it by rote.

*And this is Julie* I giggled/ draping an arm over Byrons shoulders. *Isnt she just adorable?*

*Hello Julie* said Jan/ grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the door.

*Hey! Wait till I get my records!*