"I'll think about it," Rory answered.
Rachel gazed toward the window. Though it was night outside, lights from across the alley filtered into the room. Rachel asked if Rory would draw the blind.
"Please turn off the lamp, too," Rachel requested.
Rory turned the switch and climbed back into bed. Rachel's skin felt clammy. Rory rubbed her arms and legs, trying to get the circulation going. Rachel rolled on her side facing the wall.
"I was forced to run away from home when I was thirteen," Rachel said, so softly that Rory pressed closer to hear. "My father ... It was bad. I was put in a foster home. Their son was in the army. He raped me. I was fifteen. After that, he would sleep with me whenever he came home on leave. One day he tried to ... I fought back, and woke up in a hospital. That was the highlight of my sex life until I met Daniel.
"I knew what Daniel wanted. The same as the boys at Harvard. The strange big-eyed girl who looked like an easy score. I dated a boy I liked. I thought he liked me. After we slept together, he told everyone I was a robot. They thought it was funny."
"That's horrible," Rory said, trying to bunch the blankets tighter. They should have been keeping Rachel warm, but they weren't. She noticed Rachel's tone had changed, as if she was speaking from very far away. Almost like she was in a trance.
"Halfway through my senior year, my father was dying. Brain cancer. My mother was sick. Debts took their house away, so I dropped out of school to help them. How pathetic is that?"
"It was very generous of you. And loving."
"It was stupid. Professor Borowski told Mr. Mendelson that I was doing promising work, so he flew out to interview me. Daniel offered me a signing bonus. My father died. Mom was diagnosed with dementia. I was desperate. The way your father looked at me was obvious, but I wasn't looking to sleep with the boss. I set up my lab and tried not to alienate my co-workers. I can be ... introverted at times. Most people take it the wrong way. I managed to keep Daniel at arm's length, for a time, but he was persistent. Always polite. Always charming. Always a gentleman. He would come to my lab and visit, or take me out to lunch."
"But you weren't dating?"
"No. But then Daniel learned I didn't own a car. I didn't have the money or a driver's license, so I took the bus. On a rainy day, he insisted on driving me home. Then he insisted on seeing my apartment. When he saw it was half the size of his living room, he insisted I get a new place. He would pay for it. But I like my apartment. It's mine."
Rachel stopped talking. She seemed to be remembering.
"Are you getting tired?" Rory asked.
"I'm always tired."
"Tell me a little more. Please."
"My dress was wet. I only owned two business outfits, so I needed to take care of it. Daniel offered to buy me more, but I said no thank you. Then he cornered me and said he wanted to sleep with me. He'd been after me for a year. I didn't want to hurt his feelings, and I did find him attractive. Even though he was thirty-eight years older than me. I should say it was a terrible mistake, but I can't. My mind was filled with equations all the time. The numbers were unrelenting. It was an awful life. Daniel's attention had become my only bright spot. The only thing that kept me engaged."
Rory wanted to ask what Rachel meant. Equations? Numbers? But she was finally opening up. This wasn't the time to distract her.
"I told him to wait in the bedroom, with the lights off, and took off my clothes in the bathroom," Rachel said, still facing the wall. "When I started to go into the bedroom, he was already in bed, but the alley lights were coming through the window, so I ran back. I didn't want him to see me without my clothes on. I wouldn't return until he closed the blinds."
"Are you really that shy?" Rory asked.
"Oh, gosh. At Palmdale High, I tried showering in my swimsuit until the coach caught me. The girls teased me all the time. Samantha stole my towel as I came out of the shower and I hid under a bench until everyone went away. The floor was dirty."
"The body is a natural thing, you know. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Especially you. Any girl would die for a figure like yours."
"I get so embarrassed. Daniel indulged me. We had a pleasant evening together. Much better than I would have expected with an older man."
"Dad played football at Yale. He liked tennis, and skiing. Keeping in shape was important to him."
"He was a powerful man," Rachel wistfully agreed. "We started meeting after work at my place once a week, but he really hated my apartment. He kept asking me to spend weekends with him at Canby Place, but I was scared."
"He wasn't mistreating you, was he?"
"No. But he was so rich. Everyone talked about his big house on the mountain, with its gardens and a pool. That was no place for someone like me."
"Like you?"
"A poor lab girl scrimping to pay her mother's medical bills. People would say I slept with him for money. It just didn't seem right, but he finally got me there after work on a Friday. It was so beautiful. So grand. Like a palace." Rachel was crying again. And coughing. Rory rubbed her shoulder.
"Canby Place is nice, but it's no palace," Rory said.
"It was a palace to me. He taught me to play tennis. Shoot hoops. We went swimming. He wanted me to go skinny dipping, but I said no, so he found me a suit. I kept a beach towel around me most of the time. His housekeeper had the weekends off, so I made dinner. What a great kitchen. Everything a cook could ever want."
"You made the food in the refrigerator, didn't you? I ate your beef stew. And the sweet potato pie. It was great."
"I was a short-order cook during my year in high school. Melvin's Eatery, out on Route 14. The staff didn't like me, they said I was too bossy, but everyone liked the food."
"Year in high school? One year?"
"I had ... lost a lot of time. When I turned sixteen, I went out on my own to finish school, but I was already a year behind. I managed to squeeze two years of work into one."
"You worked and went to school? I saw your grades. 4.0 GPA."
"It was hard," Rachel conceded, resting her head on Rory's arm.
Rory felt Rachel slowly relaxing. She didn't seem quite as cold as before. Maybe talking about these memories helped.
"Daniel's bedroom has those big windows," Rachel continued. "And there aren't any curtains, so he could see the ocean whenever he wanted. I refused to sleep with him until the sun went down, and then I crept in the room with the lights off. He enjoyed having me in his own bed at last, but I was nervous. I just felt so out of place."
"A lot of people say you schemed to get there," Rory reluctantly mentioned. "Stalking your prey to his lair. My Mom says that a lot."
"I didn't feel like a stalker. The next morning, I got up early to make breakfast. I love making breakfast. The numbers leave me alone when I'm in the kitchen. Daniel wasn't up yet, so it would be a surprise. But then I panicked. I got out through the side gate, ran down the road to the bus stop, and headed for home. With all the transfers, it took three hours. When I got back to my apartment, Daniel was waiting for me. He was angry. He said he'd been worried. He wanted an explanation, and I didn't have one.
"He took me to lunch at La Boucherie, bought an expensive bottle of wine, and drove me back to Canby Place. Daniel was still mad but trying to understand. I wasn't running out on him. I don't think. It was just so overwhelming."
Rachel needed to pause. She started coughing. Rory made her drink more water.
"Is that when he did it? Took your clothes off and tied you up?"
"Oh, no. Daniel wouldn't have thought that was any fun. We went swimming. I made omelets for dinner, using the ingredients I'd almost wasted that morning, and then we watched a movie in the living room. He snuggled with me the whole time."
"Pride and Prejudice?"
"No, I couldn't be that mean to him. About ten, he said it was time to turn in. He turned off the lights and waited while I changed in the bathroom. I ran to the bed because a few traces of light were coming in from the backyard. He hugged me, and kissed me, and said that even though I had worried him terribly, everything was going to be okay. Then he raised my arm to the headboard and tied a rope around my wrist."
"Just like that?" Rory asked.
"I was really surprised, tugging hard, but Daniel knew what he was doing. Then he said he wanted to tie me up, and asked if it was okay. He promised not to hurt me. I didn't want to make him mad again, so I said yes. He got very excited, tied my other wrist, and then jumped out of bed. He reached under the sheet, found my ankle, and tied it to the footboard. And then the other one. I struggled, but I couldn't move. It was a very strange feeling. Not unpleasant, just strange. I felt safe with Daniel, in the dark. And then he turned the lights on. They were so bright.
"Daniel laid on the bed next to me. He was wearing brown pajamas with black stripes that made him look like a lion. I asked him to please turn the lights off, but he said no. He was smiling like a mischievous little boy. He said it was cute that I was so shy, but those days were over. Then he got up and took hold of the covers. I looked at him desperately, hoping he wouldn't, but he tore the covers off the bed anyway. I was laying there in front of him, completely naked. Unable to move. It was terribly humiliating. My whole body was flushing."
Rory felt Rachel's reaction. She had pulled her knees up, as if attempting to cover herself. Her arms were crossed over her chest, fists clenched.
"I've been bathing you every day. Am I embarrassing you?" Rory asked.
"Yes, but not that much. You should have seen me at the hospital. I was shameless."
"When were you in a hospital?" Rory asked.
