Quartet: Eleanor

Chapter 05: Tragic news and a new beginning

It took a while for Eleanor and Roger to work out an acceptable relationship once they had started to have sex together. Eleanor had warned Roger that she valued her independence and wasn't ready for a permanent address. Roger had sworn his love for her and told her that whatever happened, he would be faithful to her always. In the end, they lived in their own apartments and would sleep in one or the other's bed fairly consistently three or sometimes four times a week. For a pair of fifty-somethings, they were pretty active and it was satisfying for both of them. Some of the time, they stayed in the other's bed until morning and often showered and had breakfast together.

They had 'imported' some of their toiletries and a few clothes to the other's apartment for convenience. Often, on weekends, they languished in bed and one or the other made 'brunch' before leaving together for their afternoons. They were together at some time almost daily and had developed a relationship that didn't require sex to complete their companionship. It seemed little different from a married couple with the exception of the separate apartments and the nights they were not together.

Roger had accepted the new relationship with great relief. They would have regular relations and his only regret were the nights they were alone in their own apartment. Their lives were comfortable and for him, exciting. He was making love to a beautiful woman who he desired and would happily marry if she would agree. But nothing ever stays the same and one phone call changed their relationship for some time.

Roger answered the phone just before he was to head up to Eleanor's for dinner.

"Hello?"

"Dad ... it's me ... Steve." came the soft and uncertain voice.

"Hi Steve. How are you? You sound a bit tired. Are you OK?"

"No ... Dad ... I have some bad news. Diana was ... killed today." The line went silent.

"Oh, God no! What happened Steve?"

"It was a traffic accident. She was hit by a truck that ran a red light. She never knew what happened."

"Oh Steve, I'm so sorry. This is truly awful. Is there anyone there for you?"

"No ... not really. I phoned Diana's parents and they were pretty devastated. I called mom, but she wasn't home. I left a message. I'll be OK Dad ... once I get used to the idea."

"Steve, I'm going to catch a plane in the morning if I can. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks Dad. I could use someone to talk to. I haven't got a very good grip right now."

"I'll let you know when my plane arrives. Don't worry about picking me up. I'll catch a cab to the house."

"No ... don't do that. I'll come a get you. Besides, I need something to do and it'll be great to see you."

"Whatever you want Steve. I'll be there for you. I'll call you as soon as I have a flight."

There was a silence on the line for a moment before Steve replied.

"Dad ...thanks. I'll see you when you get here. Thanks."

Roger hung up the phone and immediately called Eleanor and explained what had happened. Eleanor volunteered to look after booking the flight through her Travel Agent and insisted Roger come down to her apartment for dinner. Roger had lost his appetite, but wasn't in the mood to argue with his lover. By the time he arrived at her apartment she was concluding the arrangements for his flight to San Francisco.

"Your flight leaves at eleven tomorrow morning and you'll be in San Francisco by three in the afternoon. The ticket will be at the Air Canada desk under your name. Do you want to call Steve now?"

"Thanks Ellie. I'll call him in the morning. I'm sure he doesn't need to know right now and I'll call in plenty of time for him to meet me. I'll need to contact my office and let them know what's going on, but I can do that in the morning too."

Eleanor moved toward him and hugged him; kissing him soundly. "I'm so sorry for you and your son. It must be heartbreaking for him. They were just married not long ago." She handed him a glass of wine and they sat at the kitchen counter silently for a few minutes. A silent tear fell from Roger's eye as he thought of his son and his lost daughter-in-law.

-0-

Roger's plane arrived on time and Steve met him just outside security. They hugged silently for several moments as the many departing passengers passed by them unnoticed.

"How are you holding up?" his father asked quietly.

"OK ... well ... not really. I'm a mess." he answered wearily. "I'm angry and hurt and confused. I don't know what to do next. I feel completely helpless. I never dreamed I'd lose her. No warning." he looked at his father with tears in his eyes.

"I can't imagine." his father said sympathetically. "Why don't we get out of here and head home?" he suggested.

Steve nodded and took his father's bag and headed out toward the parking lot shuttle.

When they arrived at his Walnut Creek home, Steve unlocked the door and walked into the silent house. Roger looked around in admiration. The small rancher was immaculate. The grounds were green and well tended, the house bright and painted in light, subtle colours and furnished in a modest, modern style. As he looked around the Living Room, he saw their wedding picture and immediately felt his sharp intake of breath. He had almost forgotten how lovely she had looked on that day and the picture was a somber reminder of what had been lost.

His reaction was not lost on Steve.

"That's what I did when I came back from the morgue. I couldn't connect the loss with that wonderful day and this photograph. I've been tempted to put it away and yet it doesn't seem proper. Then yesterday, I sat here and just stared at it; trying to remember every moment we spent together from high school on."

They talked for a while; exchanging memories from times past when they were all together.

"Have you talked to your mother yet?"

"Yah. She called this morning. She was sorry to hear about Diana, but ... I guess she doesn't know what to say anymore." he said ruefully. "We aren't very close anymore dad. I found out about what she did to you and I guess I lost some respect for her. I guess that's a terrible thing to say about my own mother, but I can't help the feeling."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son." his father said quietly. "She had a hard time trying to talk to me at your wedding. In fact, we never did talk. I think she might have been embarrassed or maybe even a bit afraid I might say something." Roger paused a moment before asking his son the question that had been nagging at him for years. "How long have you known about her ... affair?"

"Don't you mean affairs?" Steve looked at his father in surprise.

Roger face betrayed his shock. "There was more than one?"

"Sorry dad ... I thought you knew. She had two that I ran into. That creepy tennis coach ... shit ... what a cliché!" The other guy was someone she knew at work. I don't know much about him but she wasn't very discreet and I guess you were just in the process of leaving when she decided she didn't need to be subtle any more. I think that's the guy you knew about, isn't it?"

"Yes, I suppose so. I'd rather not go back there, Steve. I don't have very good memories of those days."

"Anyway, she knows how I feel about what she did. Actually, I was surprised that she came to the wedding. I was pretty angry with her when I knew what was going on." Steve said solemnly.

Roger decided it was time to change the subject.

"Any idea what you'll do yet? ... Oh ... that's a stupid question." Roger said regretfully.

"I don't. I just don't have any sense of purpose right now. All of a sudden, all the things that were important in my day to day life aren't that important any more. I have a feeling it's time to make some kind of change, but I don't know what yet."

"Steve, if you need a place to go and take some time to ... recover, my place is always there. It would be great if we could spend some time together. It's been a long time since we have. You'd get to meet the new lady in my life too!" he said enthusiastically.

"Thanks dad. I may take you up on that. This house is closing in on me right now. I don't have anywhere else to go here except our business club downtown. Why don't we give it a few days and see how I feel then?"

Roger decided that the best thing for Steve was to find something to do with his time for a few days and not dwell on the tragedy. He decided Steve could be his tour guide of the area and they packed a couple of overnight bags and headed for Monterey. From there they headed north up through Santa Cruz to Halfmoon Bay. They were in luck with the weather and they moved further north to Bodega Bay and then inland, up the Russian River Valley to Sebastopol and finally across to Sonoma. They took five days for their little tour and with the fine weather and interesting scenery, both Roger and his son enjoyed the trip and their time together.

They were sitting at a small bistro in Sonoma when Steve finally spoke about his future plans.

"I've decided to head back to Canada, dad. I think that's were I belong. I've never been to Toronto, but I'd like to try it and see how I feel about it. Is your offer still open?"

"Yes, of course. I'd be delighted to have you there. But, what about your career here and your home?"

"The career is portable; especially these days with modern communications. The house doesn't mean what it did when Diana was ... alive. It's just a thing."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you be better to take a leave of absence or something?"

"I'm as sure as I'm going to be. Something inside of me is telling me to start over; start ... clean. I can't do that here." He looked at his father and then smiled. "Having second thoughts about me around the house?"

"No, not at all!" Roger replied quickly. "I just want you to be sure of yourself. This is a big change, but I'd be delighted to have you around."

"It'll take me a while to get everything in order, but I'll let my boss know what I plan and put the house up for sale. I'll probably sell it furnished and just keep a few things with my clothes. I can always put stuff in storage until I'm settled. I don't expect it'll take very long."

Once Steve had made his decision, there seemed to be little point in continuing their tour and they headed back to Walnut Creek the next morning. Roger made arrangements to fly back to Toronto the following day and Steve drove him to the airport. Their parting should not have been emotional since they would see each other again in a few weeks, but they had been apart for several years and this brief reunion had been more important than either realized. They embraced much as they had when Roger had first arrived and they parted with careful smiles and the knowledge that they would see each other again very soon.

Roger had phoned Eleanor almost every night and kept her apprised of his travels and the progress of his son. He told her that Steve would be coming to stay with him for a while and that they would have to change their personal time together, but that Steve knew he was personally involved with her and was delighted to hear it. Eleanor was pleased that she would get to meet Roger's son and at no time thought of it as an inconvenience on their private lives. She was impressed with how well Roger had managed a difficult situation; particularly since he had learned of his ex-wife's further infidelities. There was little in Roger's life that he did not share with her and it gave Eleanor a sense of security and comfort about him.

-0-

When Roger arrived home in Toronto, he carried with him two new items. The first was a piece of art; specifically a brass and wire three dimensional wall hanging of a pier with a fishboat along side, seagulls on the shed roof and a couple of fishermen standing on the wharf. It would have been a cliché if it weren't for the whimsical nature of the rendering and the minute detail wrought into the work. It required close examination to see all the little features and it pleased him greatly. He had found it in a gift shop in Duncan Mills in the Russian River Valley and purchased it within five minutes of spotting it.

The second item was more important to him. Steve and he had visited the market bazaar in Emeryville and there he had found something special for Eleanor. It was a pure silk oriental housecoat, handmade in Shanghai. It was black with dark red Chinese characters embroidered on the left front lapel and the figure of a dragon in red on the back. It was closed with peg-and-loop hooks; the pegs made of ebony and the loops of braided silk. The workmanship was exquisite and it too might have been a cliché except the artwork was subtle and he knew that it would suit her perfectly. He tried it on briefly to establish it would fit her (they were similar in height) and he was sure it would be fine. Again, he purchased it immediately, never asking the price.

After some discussion with the Canada Customs agents at the airport, it was determined that no duty was payable on either item. Roger thought this odd but was not about to argue. Later it dawned on him that it was just about shift change time and perhaps they had decided the paperwork wasn't worth the effort. In any event, he was pleased with his two purchases and was anxious to show them both to Eleanor.

Eleanor was equally delighted. The new housecoat would replace the aging one she had been wearing for many years. She marveled at the detail of the embroidery and the softness of the material and when she put it on, it looked even more elegant than Roger had hoped. It was a complement to her beauty and he was openly pleased at how well his choice had worked out. Eleanor made it known how happy she was with his gift and hugged him tightly in appreciation; effusively complementing him on his good taste.

Following along a few weeks later, Steve moved into his father's apartment with little fanfare and less luggage. He had sold the house easily; apparently for a great deal more than they had paid for it and more again than it had been listed for. He had left his employer on good terms with an open offer to return at any time or if he chose to; connect with their Toronto office. But it was a forlorn and unfocussed Steve Inhalt who came to Toronto and while he kept himself busy and respected his father and Eleanor's privacy, Roger was clearly concerned that his son needed help to get his life back on track.

Steve and Eleanor hit it off immediately. He could see in her everything that his father saw; a beautiful woman both inside and out who had suffered in her own time and was completely dedicated to his father. He felt completely at ease with her and the feeling was mutual. In his private moments, he wished his father had met her a long time ago and avoided all the pain they both had endured. He had no trouble accepting her as his surrogate mother and he disliked the name step-mother. He was sure they would marry as his father had told him of his determination to complete their union, but it really didn't matter. She was a part of his family and she was welcome.

Steve was never an outgoing, demonstrative young man. He was quiet, thoughtful, somewhat introspective, but to his close friends and associates he demonstrated a wicked sense of humour and the gift of putting people at ease. That he was clever and knowledgeable was a given. But the death of his wife had taken the fun out of him and he was unable to grasp any lifeline offered to him by his friends and family. His father was becoming frustrated with his inability to cope with his loss and yet, he knew, better than anyone, how difficult it was to shake this malaise. Finally, he knew he would have to sit down with his son and try and get him to seek professional help. He chose a Saturday morning to broach the subject.

"Steve, I want to talk to you about something very sensitive and I hope you'll hear me out." Roger began tentatively.

Steve raised his head from the newspaper and nodded briefly.

"I realize that you've been having trouble coming to terms with the loss of Diana. I also realize ... or I think I do ... how hard it is to regain a grip on your life and move on. I wanted to tell you about how I coped when I went through something like this myself ... I mean ... when your mother and I divorced."

Steve sat silently, watching his father carefully.

"When I learned of your mother's infidelity, I was devastated. I was angry and hurt and demoralized and full of doubt about whether I was partly to blame for her behavior. I guess I became a bit reclusive and the only thing that kept me sane was my job. I loved my new job and the people I worked with. But in my private time, I was in despair; lonely, unmotivated, bordering on depression. Finally, a new friend at work suggested I see the H.R. department and talk to them about therapy. My medical plan covered it, so there wasn't any cost associated with it. But I saw it as a mark against me; the 'Mental Illness' tag that might follow me.

Anyway, I went and sat and listened and realized their attitude was much different than I thought. They viewed it like any other illness and they wanted to help. They suggested I talk to their resident consultant, Dr. Weisman and I took a chance and agreed to go. It wasn't pleasant, but after a while, I realized that I wasn't to blame for the failure of the marriage and that my humiliation at your mother's behavior was pretty much normal. I guess, to sum it up, it helped. It took a while, but it helped. I still hurt from what she did to us, but I've come to terms with it finally. It made it possible for me to find someone new and I am so happy to have Ellie in my life. I don't think that would have been possible if I hadn't gotten some help." Roger had finished his long narrative and stopped to see his son's reaction.

"So, are you saying you think I should see a Psychiatrist, dad?" Steve asked carefully.

"Dr. Weisman takes on private clients. I know him well enough to call him and talk to him and see what he suggests. I won't do that without your agreement though."

"Am I causing you problems, dad?" he asked seriously.

"Only that I'm worried about you. You've gone through a terrible time and it's obviously weighing on you." he said seriously. "Look Steve, I was reluctant too, but I can tell you he helped me and if he can help you ... well ... why not try?"

"I'll think about it dad, I promise ... I'll think about it." Steve replied.

Nothing more was said about it that day or the following morning. Roger and Eleanor went to the theatre that evening and on Sunday, he took his car out of the garage and they went for a drive out to Elora and St. Jacobs. It was a beautiful, sunny day and with the exception of the many tourists with the same idea, they enjoyed their outing very much. They had dinner on the way home and arrived back at the apartment building just before nine that evening. They kissed on the elevator and Eleanor continued on up to her apartment after Roger left on the eighth floor.

When Roger entered the apartment, Steve was sitting in the Living Room reading a book. He put the book down as his father entered and they exchanged pleasantries. After Roger had hung up his jacket and poured himself a glass of water, he wandered into the Living Room and sat down. It was Steve who spoke first.

"I've been giving your talk yesterday a lot of thought, dad. I don't think I'd have agreed if you hadn't already been through it and felt that it would help. I guess I had to be honest with myself and recognize I can't do this myself and I can't just go on the way I've been going." He paused for a moment, looking at his hands and then at his father. "If you can arrange it, I'll talk to Dr. Weisman."

His father nodded and said quietly: "Good for you, Steve. I think you've made a good decision. I'll call Dr. Weisman's office in the morning and see if I can get you an appointment."