It was all so crazy and stressful in the moment, but with the passage of time, it had only faded into a fun, silly memory. Rachel knew that part of that was because it had happened during a time in the year when things had been better. It reminded her of the airy, whimsical days she'd had back before the spring. Back when things had been fresh. Back before-.
Rachel paused and tensed up. For the first time since she'd began this current session in the stairwell, she felt a stab of cold darkness in her belly. She physically shivered at the sensation and she closed her eyes to block out what she had begun to think of. She didn't need that right now. What she needed was to be focusing on the fun she was having. The pleasure she was delivering. The ecstatic boy who, in just a few short minutes, would be losing all control and coming wildly in her mouth.
Rachel summoned her resolve and slowly regained control of her thoughts. Rebecca's mocking face faded from her mind as did the bevy of other unwanted visions of months past. She forced a smile and slid her lips smoothly down Greg's shaft all the way to the base. As the tip of his dick nudged into her throat, she paused momentarily and closed her eyes again. With a deep exhale through her nose, she cleared the negativity away and slipped Greg back out of her mouth towards her lips. She opened her eyes and resumed her automatic motion just as a pleasurable sigh from above slipped out on cue. She smiled more fully. She was back.
Of course, while she fought back a dark storm of emotion down below, she had to laugh knowing that Greg certainly had no idea the craziness going on in her head. She glanced up quickly to see him looking up at the ceiling, lost in simple euphoria. For all he knew, she was simply focused on sucking his dick or perhaps what her weekend plans were looking like. Her thing with Greg was entirely casual, although the frequency with which she'd been blowing him lately certainly put him on a different level from most other boys she'd found herself being "friendly" to. There was one other guy whom she was hooking up with more regularly but that was different. Rachel grimaced again.
Matt
. She decided not to think about that either.
But beyond Matt and Greg, she'd certainly been making her presence felt lately. The past two months of her life had been such a strange mess and she didn't care to let her thoughts dwell on that story either. The only two constants were: Rebecca hated her, and she was sucking a lot of penises. The second thing could certainly be considered relative. Even during Rachel's "good" stretches, the amount of head she gave might eclipse half a high school career for some girls. It wasn't a secret how she operated, and she'd never intended it to be.
But the past two months had been a different animal. She'd seen more belt buckles and made more
Ding!
noises in her head than she'd ever had during such a time frame. It wasn't just the number of blowjobs she'd given, it was the number of different guys. She wasn't even sure how many she'd given it up to. Eight? Ten? In just half a semester. It was exceptional even for her.
She glanced up at Greg again as his fingers intertwined playfully through her ponytail. That number didn't even include guys like him. Guys she had already been with earlier on. She wondered if maybe that was why she'd been so willing to do him almost whenever he'd asked. At least with Greg (and sadly, Matt) there was a sense of comfort and familiarity. It wasn't just a one-off blowjob in some dude's truck or in a bathroom stall. As fucked up as it was, the couple of guys she was giving it to regularly were the closest things she had to a relationship. To intimacy. To feeling needed.
Another stab of cold shame and regret hit her as her thoughts again drifted back to the ultimate cause of her current, isolated hell. As much as she tried to fight the feelings away and fill the void with casual hookups, the memory of her undoing was always on the edges of her subconscious. It toyed with her, and while it let her alone every now and then, it always crept forward when it wanted and forced her to look at what she'd done.
As Rachel continued to slide her lips in and out, she began to lose control of her ability to keep everything down. She'd brought this torture on herself the day she'd walked willingly into Matt's basement and let everything spiral away. And while months had passed, and the acute agony of that day had faded into more of a dull pain, she still couldn't outrun the wreckage she'd left behind. Greg (or whoever happened to be standing in his place) served only as a temporary escape. A short reprieve from her pain where she could once again feel powerful and happy.
It was a drug.
She sighed and closed her eyes in memory.
And she'd become a full-on addict.
NEXT -- Chapter 1: Expectations