Perion Ch 06

If Kelsie McCollum was astonished by everything that had occurred in the past 30 seconds, Chris Weathers was even more astonished.

The oak tree of a boy bolted up from the study-desk in his room, where he had been hunched over a thick, laminated binder that clearly belonged to the Perion Football Team. His blue eyes wide, his mouth hanging open, Weathers seemed unable to get a word out.

They both stood frozen: The massive quarterback in his grey Perion Athletics t-shirt and blue mesh athletic shorts; the petite, terrified blond in her new scarlet yoga-wear. Kelsie, for her part, couldn't have broken the silence between the two if she had tried. It was already a miracle that she hadn't turned right around and sprinted out of the room.

When sound finally filled the space, it came from Chris...

...and it became immediately clear that Chris's mind had moved beyond his initial surprise, beyond trying to process whatever fantastical chain of events had suddenly brought Kelsie to his dorm room...and had settled on the only thing that, to Chris, actually mattered.

"Kelsie," Chris pleaded, "I am so, so sorry!"

Silence hung in the room for a second as Kelsie's spinning mind managed to process that Chris had just...apologized?

"W-what?" Kelsie heard herself stammer. "Chris, I shouldn't even BE here! I am SO SORRY that I just barged in to your--"

"WHAT? Kelsie, NO!"

Chris seemed to practically have an allergic reaction to Kelsie's words. He threw up his hands in panicked, distressed protest and took an instinctive step toward Kelsie. Kelsie's subconscious registered the action immediately.

He wants to comfort me.

Kelsie's heart pounded in her chest as her body temperature climbed.

Chris, for his part, immediately decided that his movement, given its speed and their size difference, could be perceived as aggressive. The distressed boy reversed course and took two steps back, bumping into his desk with enough force to jostle it. The whole action seemed to hasten the shame spiral that Chris was entering into. He slumped backward, lowered his powerful body onto the desk, and stared down at the floor, defeated.

"...I fucked it all up." Chris finally whispered.

Now it was Kelsie who wanted to cross the narrow room to Chris. She wanted to comfort him. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to offer him everything she had hoped to offer when she had taken his hand that first day in Howard Hall. Kelsie wanted Chris Weathers. All of him. Desperately.

But this wasn't going to happen. Kelsie didn't remotely possess the courage to cross the room to Chris. And even if she had been able to summon the resolve to propel her willowy body forward...it was far too late for this now.

Everyone knew that Chris was with Cooper Deering.

Kelsie could only stand helplessly by the door she had been pushed through moments earlier and manage a few words of assurance.

"It wasn't your fault, Chris," Kelsie breathed quietly.

Chris looked up, guilt radiating from his kind eyes.

"Kelsie, it was ALL my fault! Cooper comes to me, tells me to come to Pi Shop in the middle of the night? By myself? And then I just DO IT, no questions asked? And then she tells me to take my clothes off and put on this robe and--"

"Oh God, please, no..." Kelsie stammered.

Chris now realized that he was causing even more damage. The giant boy clammed up with a visible anguish that tore Kelsie up inside.

Kelsie forced out the words that, painful as they might be to utter, she believed to be true.

"Chris...you had every right to do what you did. You weren't in a relationship or anything. And you're a boy, and it's Cooper Deering, and it's Pi Pi Pi...what boy wouldn't want that? You didn't know I'd be there."

With an agonized whisper, Kelsie finished her absolution.

"And...Chris...you're...you. You're Chris Weathers. These are the things that will happen in your life. You shouldn't be wasting time feeling guilty about them. This is the life that you SHOULD get to have. Everyone in the stadium cheering your name. The money. The success..."

"...and Cooper."

Kelsie had somehow hoped that her words would reach across the room and gather Chris up in their arms. Instead, they seemed to cut him like a knife--especially every mention of the name Cooper. The forlorn, titanic quarterback cast his eyes downward once again. Kelsie, feeling that she had only made the situation worse, did the same.

For a full minute, the room was silent.

Finally, Chris, without lifting his gaze from his feet, spoke again.

"Do you have a deli mart in your town?"

Kelsie, not expecting the question, dared to drift her blue eyes upward again.

"What? A deli mart?"

"Yeah," Chris replied, still looking downward. "A deli mart. Like, a locally-owned place where you can get everything? Gas, groceries, a sandwich, a slushee, whatever?"

Kelsie's eyes lit up a tiny bit.

"Yes," she returned. "McMurtry's. My Aunt works there. Everyone goes there."

Chris nodded slowly.

"Ours is UDM. Union Deli Mart. Pretty much the whole town uses it. Even when the huge Shell Station went in out at the interstate, people kept going to UDM. Folks will wait like 10 minutes for a pump to open up. No one cares. That's just where people go."

Chris took a long, deep breath, then continued.

"I can't ever remember my life without two things: Football, and UDM."

"Growing up, football was all I ever wanted to do. I think you kind of either love it deep down or you don't. I love it. I always have. Hell, I'd go play tackle in a field right now. Growing up, I was always kind of one of the bigger kids, too, which I guess helped. I was always pretty good."

"When I got to middle school, Dad made me switch to quarterback, and then football suddenly became a ton more work. I'd have practice every day in the fall, but then the rest of the year he was running me through all of these workouts, just the two of us, over and over again. I guess he could tell straight away that I might have a chance to be good, and he wasn't going to let that NOT happen. It was intense...when my Dad gets going...he's...A LOT."

"But still, I didn't care," Chris continued, "Because I loved football so goddamn much. And I didn't love football so much just because I was good at it."

Chris sighed.

"I guess I loved it because it was basically the only way I connected with the other kids."

"I've never been good at telling jokes, or with coming up with fun stuff to do, or with being the life of the party, or hell, even with just TALKING. I was never the kid everyone went and found to do something. I didn't fit in like that. I was by myself a bunch growing up. But then, out on the field...I always FIT. I was good. Guys knew they could depend on me. We'd have a practice or play a game in middle school, and I'd feel like I was a part of something worthwhile. And then, afterwards, we'd all get in the back of my Dad's truck..."

Kelsie's words softly traveled across the still air of the dorm room to Chris.

"...and you'd go to UDM," she finished, the faintest smile creeping across her lips.

Chris's eyes lifted with a slight start, as if he couldn't believe that Kelsie had actually been listening. The mountain of a boy flashed a grin, and Kelsie's body shivered.

"Yeah, exactly." Chris proceeded. "We'd all pile out of that truck, dirty as hell, and just plow into that place. They probably hated our dirty butts, but I loved it so much. We'd barge through those doors, talking about what all went down in the game or whatever, and I'd feel like I belonged. Pretty much all of my best memories that aren't on the field are either inside that place or sitting on the curb in front of it."

Chris let out a small laugh, blanketing himself in the sweet relief of the past.

"This one time..." he chuckled, "So: It's summer preseason practice in 8th grade, and it's like 90 degrees out, at least. And Dad's already run me through throwing drills that morning, and then we had a full practice, and we are just BAKING. So we blow into UDM, and what I should do is grab a Gatorade or whatever. But I'm in 8th Grade, and I'm stupid as hell, so in my mind I'm going: What is the COLDEST POSSIBLE THING I can drink? And of course the slushee machine in UDM is self-serve, so I go right over and fill that cup right up. Biggest size they have."

"And by the time I get up to the counter," Chris crowed, "I've already killed like three-quarters of that thing, in probably 30 seconds, maybe less! And I'll never forget: Lucille at the counter just looks at me, and she looks at the cup, and she just shakes her head in horror and goes, 'Oh, Honey, no...' And then like 10 seconds later, it hit me."

"Oh my God, YES!" Kelsie exclaimed. "SAME! I was a freshman in high school, and I was helping Grampa muck a stall out all morning, and it was SO GROSS, and it was SO HOT, and then I just ran into McMurtry's and saw that machine and poured the biggest, bluest slushee you can imagine, and just drained it IMMEDIATELY. And I look up, and Aunt Cindy is looking at me with her mouth open like I just drank poison or something!"

"I wanted to DIE!" Chris cut in. "Like, honestly, if someone would have come to me out on the curb in front of UDM at that moment and offered to just take me up to Heaven right then, I might have done it! And the other guys are like, 'Chris, do you need to go to the HOSPITAL?' And my Dad sees the slushee cup and he just goes, 'Nah, he just needed to go to the School of Hard Knocks.'"

"I physically LAID DOWN ON THE FLOOR!" Kelsie giggled. "I legit thought it might be the end for me! Aunt Cindy is looking at me like, 'How am I going to tell my sister that I let my niece get killed by a slushee in my store?'"

For just a moment, as Kelsie and Chris lost themselves in death-by-brainfreeze hilarity, everything else that had transpired between them was forgotten...and Kelsie could briefly live in that other world, the dream world, the one she knew she couldn't get to in real life. The world with Chris.

At last, Chris's laughter subsided. The smile on his face slowly faded.

"And then," he proceeded, "I got to high school."

"Halfway through my freshman season, they put me in as the starting quarterback on varsity. And I kept growing, and I kept training, and my arm kept getting stronger...and I kept getting better. By junior year, I was pretty much the best player in our whole conference..."

"...and by then, when I went into UDM...it wasn't the same. I didn't fit in with the other guys any more. Everyone in the whole damn town put me on an island, all by myself."

"'Good luck this week, Chris!' 'What colleges are looking at you, Chris?' 'You're gonna make the NFL someday, Chris!' Again and again. Day after day after day."

"Finally, I just stopped going into UDM at all. But football kept going great. And we kept winning. And my Dad was so proud. And it all just...kept going."

"I tried to control it a little bit, I guess," Chris offered. "I didn't get any big college scholarship offers coming out of high school because our conference is small, but I had offers to walk on without a scholarship at a couple of big schools. I turned them all down. I picked Tannon State in Division 2. It was the smallest school that offered me scholarship money to play there. I just wanted to...turn down the noise, I guess. I just wanted to play ball, and win, and be part of a team. I didn't want to stand out. I just wanted to fit in..."

Chris trailed off.

Kelsie offered a reply of sorrowful understanding.

"...And then, instead, the exact opposite happened," she breathed. "You got really, really, famous. Oh, Chris..."

Kelsie's sympathy shocked another round of guilt into the deep blue lenses of the giant across from her.

"No, please, Kelsie!" Chris protested. "I should be SO GRATEFUL! The MONEY? It's one-and-a-half million freaking dollars, Kelsie! I can barely even process how much money that is! My family can pay off debts with that! And if we keep winning, it could be more! And then, what if I DO have a chance to play pro ball, like everyone says? Then it could be TENS of millions! Hell, I get reminded of that every single goddamn day by Coo--"

Chris closed his eyes as soon as he said it. Kelsie winced, and her eyes fell, as the two of them crash-landed right back where they had started.

After a few seconds, though, Kelsie raised her eyes again.

"I know you don't really care about the money, Chris," Kelsie offered, straining with every word to somehow reach out and take him in her arms. "That's not you. All it's doing--all any of this is doing--is putting pressure on you that you never asked for. All you need is to be able to just play football. All you need is to just be able to walk into UDM again and blend in."

Chris looked up with pleading eyes.

"Kelsie," he managed, "I have fucked this whole thing up so badly. I know what Cooper has on...on us, I guess. What she could say. What she could do to you. And...the way Cooper is...she just...takes control..."

Kelsie tried to repress the horrid thoughts that began to swirl through her mind: All of the moments when Cooper Deering had taken control of Chris...right here, in this room. All of the times when she had sauntered in and told Chris that she was going to bring him pleasure. Every time that, with seductive perfection, Deering had removed her tight skirts and leggings to reveal her perfect body to Chris. Each second that she had driven him onward with her touch and her mouth...just as she had trapped Alexia into doing.

"...And now the whole world seems to have decided that 'Chris Weathers and Cooper Deering' is a thing," Chris continued. "And that we're going to be rich and famous. Because this is somehow the 'perfect life' that we're supposed to 'get' to have..."

"...When, really," Chris went on with a soft sadness, "It's exactly how you said. I just need to be able to go back into UDM again. Like, not even the actual store itself. But just, like...in LIFE."

"And the very first day I walked into Howard, within ten minutes...I knew exactly who I could do that with. Hell...I knew the ONLY person who I wanted to do that with. I could sense it from the first moment I met you. When you took my hand...I just knew."

"Kelsie," Chris finished, "When Cooper came to me that night and told me to go to Pi Shop...it doesn't matter that I didn't know why she wanted me there. It doesn't matter that I wasn't in a relationship. It doesn't matter how much of a 'dream' it would be for any guy to go to Pi Pi Pi like that. None of that matters. Because, deep down, I didn't really want any of that."

"All I wanted was you, Kelsie."

"And instead of going to you...I destroyed the whole thing."

Chris hung his head.

Kelsie's rapid, labored breaths poured upward from her delicate chest and out through her pale lips. The emotions coursing through her body were practically unbearable.

Chris had confessed his feelings for her. This dream of a boy. Who she had desperately wanted from the moment she had laid eyes on him. Who had just bared his soul, filling her with a burning desire that she didn't even know was possible. Who she cared for so much. Who, her body was screaming, she needed to feel against her in every possible way.

And yet there was an invisible void between them. A chasm named Cooper Deering.

It wasn't just that Deering could ruin their lives; it was that Kelsie felt so horribly inadequate compared to the emerald-eyed Preditorette vixen. The awful visions of Deering's sexual prowess that Kelsie had tried to keep at bay had succeeded in pouring into Kelsie's mind. Whatever Cooper was offering Chris...whatever she had already offered Chris...Kelsie was never going to be able to match it: Physically, sexually, or through force of personality.

The simple fact was that Deering had won...and Kelsie doubted that Deering even viewed it as a victory...because Deering probably hadn't thought about Kelsie for a single second since she had ruined Kelsie's life.

With forlorn hopelessness, Kelsie reached down into the pocket of her leggings and produced her cellphone.

"Chris," she breathed, unable to meet his eyes, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry about everything."

Kelsie unlocked her phone and texted Alexia.

The next few moments in the dorm room passed in bleak silence. And then Kelsie heard the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps in the hallway outside. The unseen figure arrived outside the room, and then, softly, Kelsie heard Alexia's voice whispering through the door.

"Kelsie, are you ready? It's clear, you can leave."

Kelsie slowly, numbly pivoted toward the door. She couldn't bring herself to cast a look backward at Chris. The wispy girl stumbled forward and put her hand on the handle.

But Kelsie couldn't bring herself to pull it.

Even as the avalanche of hopelessness and inadequacy poured over her, drift after drift, Kelsie couldn't find a way to leave. She didn't know how to not be here, in this moment, any longer.

Kelsie didn't know how to open this door and move on to...whatever her life was supposed to be after this.

"Kelsie! We need to go! Now!"

Alexia's whispers were now needles stabbing into Kelsie's heart. In this gutting moment, when Kelsie heard her best friend's voice, she could only think of what Alexia had done with Chris: How Alexia, like Cooper Deering, possessed a confident physical prowess that Kelsie could never achieve. How Alexia had unwittingly used it on Chris. How Chris was destined for a life with women with those kinds of abilities, with that kind of confidence. Not a life with Kelsie.

As Kelsie tumbled off of a cliff toward an ocean of defeat, her vulnerable mind and body seemed to suddenly, desperately, reach out to grasp at the ledge.

The destroyed girl found herself attempting a regrettable hail-mary-pass of sexuality.

Kelsie slowly turned back to Chris.

Her trembling lips disclosed her fear at what she was doing. Her sapphire eyes betrayed the shame she felt at never being able to measure up to the women who had come before her.

Kelsie slowly raised her hand to the zipper of her shirt. With the tiniest bit of meager sensuality that she believed she could muster, she began to pull the zipper downward.

Chris's eyes went wide: He immediately knew exactly what Kelsie was doing, and he knew exactly why she was doing it.

"Stop! Don't!"

As his voice spiked with concern, Chris, without thinking, sprinted across the room to Kelsie. He arrived at her in an instant, his giant hand protectively covering hers before it could go any farther.

"Please!" he whispered. "You don't have to do that."

"Kelsie, you don't EVER have to do that. EVER."

And then...

...Kelsie and Chris both realized where Chris was now standing.

For 10 seconds, as Kelsie was ever-so-gently pressed against the simple wooden door of the dorm room, the only sounds in the room were the colliding breaths of the huge quarterback and his shy blond visitor.

Then Alexia's voice softly called again.

"Kelsie?"

There was another long moment of silence.

And then...the soft sounds of Alexia's footsteps retreating down the hallway.

Kelsie looked down to her breast, where her wispy fingers were completely obscured by the massive hand that belonged to the boy of her dreams.

Kelsie slowly pulled her hand from beneath his.

She reached her hands up to her left ear...to one of the garnet stud earrings that Jacqueline Sullivan had purchased for her. Her eyes trapped within the enormous, muscular chest in front of her, Kelsie removed the earring and let it fall to the ground below her.

"Stop. Don't," Chris intoned again, softer now, but with just as much concern. His hand reflexively rose to her ear...where it lingered...then stayed.