Chapter 06
Alan and I are part way through the first reading of my women’s group pantomime script. This reading is to see whether Alan, I, and the others can go through with the overtly sexual actions required on stage.
Alan is a dwarf. I am a giantess yet we have become more than friends. Alan was worried about the actions he is required to do. He isn’t the only one. Most of the women’s group have had unpleasant experiences with men and some, notably Teresa and Emma, were not sure that they could act with Alan.
The first part has gone well. Emma managed to cope with Alan’s close proximity. Alan has ‘performed’ with me, Emma and April. His performances are under our skirts where he has to pretend to kiss our pussies. So far so good, but…
“Marie?”
Emma is standing beside me. She keeps her voice low.
“Yes, Emma.” I reply.
“I’m worried about my reaction to Alan.” She whispers.
“Why?” I whisper back.
“I think I enjoyed it.”
“Why not? It is supposed to be enjoyable.”
“Maybe Marie, but Alan didn’t do ‘it’. He pretended to and actually kept well away from my pussy. No. What I am worried about is that I enjoyed having Alan in such a humiliating position under my skirt. I wanted to wrap my legs around his head and squeeze hard.”
“But you didn’t, Emma. You treated Alan carefully, as he did you.”
“Yes. But the desire to hurt him was there.”
“I’m not surprised. Nor would he be. He was concerned that you might make him suffer as compensation for what men have done to you. He was scared stiff. You could have hurt him and we couldn’t have done anything about it except haul you off afterwards.”
“A man frightened of me? I’m scared of them.”
“I know, Emma. Some of them have given you good reason to be scared. Alan’s not like that. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t hurt you. He is too small. You could stop him doing anything. Any of us could. That scares him. Under our skirts during this pantomime any of us could be cruel and he couldn’t resist. Some of us have justification to be cruel to certain men – if we could. But we shouldn’t think that men did the harm to us. It was particular men who are not typical of all men or even more than a small minority of them. Those individuals hurt us, not every man. Can you understand that?”
“I wish I could accept it, Marie, but I had three men in succession who hurt me badly. It wasn’t just bad luck that I got those three.”
“No, Emma, it wasn’t. You, the others, and I all attracted the wrong sort of men. We sent out the wrong messages. We wanted powerful men and got controlling bastards. We are learning together how to survive after what we’ve been through. Hopefully we will find reasonable men who will treat us as partners and not as slaves. If not, we can always live without men as a last resort.”
“Speak for yourself!” Emma retorted. “I like sex.”
“So do I, but not if I get beaten up every time. Alan isn’t like that. With me he couldn’t be.”
“No. I can see the attraction. Alan is no threat. I liked having him at my mercy. I’m still surprised that I was merciful.”
“It takes strength to show mercy, Emma. Not strength of muscle, strength of character. Think about that. Maybe this pantomime will have a use if we learn to live like humans again instead of vengeance filled Furies.”
“Thank Alan for me, Marie.”
“No. I won’t. You thank him yourself. You are strong enough to admit your own concerns.”
Emma walks across to Alan’s armchair and squats down beside him. I can’t hear what they say over the general hubbub but Emma picks Alan up, and sits down in his chair holding him against her. She waves at me. I wave back and try to concentrate on a discussion between Andrea and April about the next scene.
Andrea finishes her discussion with April and comes over to me. She seems puzzled. She pointedly looks at Alan and Emma who are talking to each other.
“Marie, aren’t you worried about Alan with Emma?”
“No. Should I be? They are working through their fears.”
“Their fears?”
“Yes. Alan is afraid of being hurt physically or mentally by one of us. Emma is one of his more likely assailants…”
“…and Teresa’s the other?”
I nod.
“But how can you let your man – I assume Alan is yours?”
I nod again.
“How can you let him be so intimate with Emma?”
“They’re not intimate.”
“Not? He’s sitting on her lap, for fuck’s sake!”
“That way neither is threatening the other. How can Alan be a threat to Emma if she’s holding him like a baby? Or how can Emma be a threat to Alan if he has expressed that much trust in her? Alan’s concerns are only about the interaction in this pantomime. Generally he is self-confident and unafraid in social situations. Emma’s fears are much greater and she has real reason for them. Alan will be good for her. He is an adult male yet not a threat to her in any sense. Physically he couldn’t be. You know Alan nearly as well as I do except for the last couple of days. He is polite and courteous. He is not the sort of person to try and dominate anyone by denigration or sarcasm.”
“And you trust him?”
“Yes, Andrea. I trust him. He trusts me as well.”
Andrea hugs me.
“You two are unbelievable. I wish I could find such love as that. How long has it been? Two days? Yet you trust each other. Physically you are the most unlikely couple this town has ever seen yet…”
“I admit it, we’re in love.”
“You are going to have a hard time, Marie. There will be jokes about you two.”
“We know there will be. We are used to jokes about our size as individuals. They hurt but after all these years we have grown thick skins about the jokes. The novelty will wear off after a while. We’d appreciate some support from you and the group and perhaps a little bit of tact.”
“I’ll try. Most of us will be jealous but given our past that might be a good thing. It might make us realise that not all men are bastards.”
“They’re not. Our men might have been, but they are not all men. We still have to be careful. We are vulnerable to the wrong sort of men, and too prickly with the right sort. We need to rebuild our confidence and strength as women. Some of us have been so knocked about physically and mentally that we are going to find that hard.”
“You don’t need to remind me, Marie. I’ve still got the scars.”
“Where is he now?”
“He’s still in jail. He will be eligible for parole in a few months and I’m scared.”