[Author's note: Aidan and Rosa's marriage fell apart after she cheated on him (
OG01
), sending him into a spiral (
WOD07
) and then finally running away to the other side of the world to try and work out what she did, and why (
PBH01
). Now, he's back, in the same city as the woman he still loves, unsure of his next move. Can he rebuild his shattered marriage? Is love enough?
This chapter contains depictions of drug use and reluctant consent.]
---
A THOUSAND MILES FROM HERE
Aidan sat up slowly. His entire body ached. There was a sound of movement and he opened his eyes, blinking rapidly.
"Yeah, sorry. That couch isn't the best."
Aidan looked up at Theo and shook his head.
"Want a coffee?"
"Yeah," Aidan replied, "Coffee would be great."
He rubbed his eyes and swung his feet down to the ground, pulling the bedsheet with him, tangling himself up. Blinking, his vision swam into focus as he shed the last vestiges of sleep, watching Theo's retreating back. The couch creaked underneath him as he stood.
"Can I get in the shower?" Aidan called out.
"Sure. Ant's already been and gone."
"Already?"
"Yeah. It's nearly nine. He's gone to work."
"On a Saturday?"
"Yeah. It's hell at work, he says."
Aidan padded to the kitchen doorway.
"You should have woken me up," Aidan said.
In the kitchen, Theo was busy brewing coffees for them both. "No point. You were sleeping the sleep of the dead."
Aidan grimaced. "Uh, yeah. I guess. It's been a while."
Theo handed Aidan a steaming cup, cradling his own in his hands. "When was the last time you slept, properly?"
"Tokyo. But not the night before we left. Not really."
"Big night?"
Aidan nodded slowly. "Massive. Certainly the longest."
"Sounds spectacular."
"Gruelling."
"Ah, yeah. Okay."
Theo gave him a smile. "It's good to have you back," he said.
"It's good of you to put me up for the night. Thanks."
"Least we can do. Ant says maybe we go out tonight, the three of us. Celebrate your return."
"I don't...."
"But I told him no. Honestly, sometimes his head's shoved way up his backside. Quiet night tonight, let you get your bearings again."
Aidan drank his coffee, tasting the bitter, dark brew.
"Oh, man. That's good," he murmured.
"New machine. Ant got it for me for our anniversary. You can adjust the strength with a dial. It's amazing."
Aidan sipped the coffee again.
"What's the dial at for this one?"
"It's turned all the way," Theo replied with a smile, "To 'raise the dead'".
---
Aidan caught the bus, even though Theo offered to drop him in the car. Aidan said he didn't want Theo to go to any trouble, but the real reason was that Aidan needed to be alone. He'd placed a call to Ant last night, announcing his return and within the hour had found himself at Ant and Theo's, with a warm meal and a couch to sleep on. It had felt good to be welcomed home, but that warm feeling was slipping away on the bus now, to be replaced by a darker, emptier feeling.
The feeling had begun in the back of the cab, in Tokyo, with Indi against him in the early morning light, and it just got stronger when they boarded the plane. It felt like midsummer, when the air was heavy and thick, the smell of the thunderstorm on the wind. Sitting on the bus, looking out of the window at the buildings going past, he could feel it still building, the pressure of it bearing down on him. From thousands of miles away it had been bearable but now, so close to his destination, the weight of it had become immense. As the bus turned a corner and he spotted his stop, his stomach lurched, sweat beading on the palms of his hands. It was all he could do to get up from his seat and step off the bus.
The street looked the same, a year on. The apartment blocks were as he remembered them. Even the coffee shop where he and Rosa used to go for brunch hadn't changed. He stood on the curb, surrounded by the familiar sights of his neighbourhood, but feeling that something had changed. Did he still belong here?
The thunderstorm heaviness kept building, much worse now he was off the bus and in the middle of it all. Not just the coffee shop, but the corner where she'd dropped the eggs on the way back from the shop, looking forlornly up at him in the middle of the mess. Or the table where she had reached out and squeezed his knee, flashing him a smile that took his breath away as they shared a moment recharging after a morning of lovemaking in the apartment.
The thought of the apartment triggered off more memories: Rosa humming to herself in the sun on the balcony; the time she glanced over her shoulder in the shower to see that he was watching her; the soft smile on her lips as she lay fast asleep in his arms as the sun came up; the way her eyes met his in the sexy yellow sundress as she headed out the door. He could still recall the way the door slammed after her as she walked out of their marriage to go and fuck a stranger from a coffee shop.
Aidan stumbled into motion, forcing himself down the street against the deadening inertia. He counted down the distance to the front doors of the apartment lobby, each step bringing him closer to the end of his long journey. An awful gnawing feeling gripped him and he felt the perspiration prickling on his spine, the doubt coming at him from out of nowhere.
Lying in the dark in Tokyo with Mara's naked body by his side, it had been so clear to him. He had just given it all up and walked out, leaving Mara behind, abandoning the life she'd promised him. Looking back now, he realised that he hadn't even hesitated: after all the equivocations of the previous year, this decision had been simple. Now that he was finally here, why had it become so hard?
It had been the look in Rosa's eyes as she'd left the apartment, the picture perfect face displaying her intent to betray him. There had been something in those eyes that had stopped him cold, something he'd never been able to figure out: was it disappointment? Was it cruelty? Was it indifference? Had she done it to punish him, or just because she wanted to, or had Indi's intuition been correct? Has she simply delivered the coup de grace, killing their doomed marriage in one single clean stroke to set him free?
Now he was finally going to find out. His hands were shaking.
He came to a halt in front of the familiar glass doors. Wiping his palms on his jeans he stepped through them into the lobby, his heart racing. The final step was to knock on the door. It was Saturday, her day off from the gym, so she'd be home, but then what? He hadn't thought about the moment after. What was he going to say? What would he find? In turmoil, Aidan punched the elevator call button, angry at his own stupidity. How the fuck could he have got all the way here without a plan for what he was going to do when the door opened?
The elevator came and he stepped in, hitting his floor, recalling all the times that he'd done this before, how familiar it all felt. When the door opened, it was as if his feet were on autopilot, carrying him forward, then down the corridor and finally to the door he'd come all this way to see. Aidan took a deep breath, and raised his knuckles to knock, but found himself staring at his fist, trembling. Blinking rapidly, he forced himself to rap the door twice, then he quickly stepped back as if electrocuted.
He waited in silence but there was no answer: Rosa wasn't home. He acknowledged the fact to himself, nodding, feeling the awful tension in his chest dissipate. Part of him was strangely relieved, happy to postpone the dreaded confrontation with his estranged wife for a little longer. He knocked again. Still no answer. Aidan turned to go.
There was a rattle from the other side of the door, and he froze. The door inched open, just wide enough to show a face, and for the first time since that fateful morning in the kitchen a year ago, Aidan found himself staring into the soft brown eyes of his wife.
"Rosa."
