In spite of the fantastic sex, his lack of ejaculating confused her. Try as she might, he never let a drop of semen out of his penis.
Still, she was relaxed like she'd never been before. If a guy with a dry penis was her only worry, what was to worry? Work seemed effortless. They all commented on her "glow."
"Who's the guy?" they kept asking. She didn't want to reveal him yet. It was a wonderful secret.
She wasn't sure what the company policy was about fraternizing with clients, and even if there wasn't a policy, she felt it would look sketchy.
They were planning to get together for dinner again that night. She thought about his erection and had been fantasizing about feeling him penetrate her. She wished the day would go faster.
They had planned to meet at the restaurant. Another trendy place she'd read about and was tickled she could try. She had been mentally adding up the costs of the dates so far and decided to stop when the numbers exceeded her monthly salary. She arrived before him, and checked in with the maitron d'.
"Dr. Green, party of two?"
As she followed behind the hostess, she looked around the place, taking in the details. White table cloths with crystal glasses, muted colors with great art on the wall. Most of the tables were filled with couples or parties of four. She wondered how many of them knew Monty. It was a random thought, and she wondered why it had even occurred to her. As she took her seat, she accepted the menu and the wine list, not really paying attention.
She continued to ponder the question, working it over in her mind like a mental throat lozenge...
a thought lozenge
. She giggled at the play on words. And then it hit her: with the exception of a guru from years ago, he hadn't mentioned anyone in his life. No siblings, no parents, no friends, teachers. Even his coworkers were only identified by their job roles; she couldn't think of a specific person he'd referenced in the weeks since their lunch together.
He approached the table, his tie undone, his shirt unbuttoned. He looked like a model out of GQ, a slight shadow to his face. His eyes lit up when he saw her and he kissed her, deeply.
"Ummmm. That was nice. Hard day?"
He took a seat and settled in. "Not too bad. A little trouble at the lab, but nothing a few months won't overcome." He looked at the wine list. "Wine to start or a cocktail?"
"I've been thinking about your cock and tail all day, as a matter of fact. It's hard not to." She licked her lips to emphasize the point.
"Hmmmm...how was your day? A few too many audits?"
He selected a wine and looked at her.
"Monty," she decided to pursue the question. "I had the strangest thought when I arrived a little bit ago. I realized that I don't know very much about you at all. Except for Sundar, you've never mentioned a soul in your life. Do you have any siblings? Are your parents still alive? Tell me about your friends....."
He smiled and reached for her hands. "Two sisters, both younger -- very sweet kids...well not such kids anymore I suppose. Parents both passed away, way too young, so technically we're orphans..."
"I'm sorry."
"Not at all, it was years ago. Died in a train wreck, actually. In this day and age of flying, they died in a freak accident."
"Do you get along with your sisters? I've never seen any pictures of them at your house and you've never mentioned them."
He gave her a small squeeze and sat back, unfolding his napkin. "Carol is living in Montana of all places -- raising sheep. She has a great life, a little rustic for my tastes, but I've been out there several times. Jennifer is working at an ad agency in Los Angeles. We get together when she flies out this way. I see her when I can when I'm down there. One has foresworn materialism, the other is pursuing it madly.
"I really haven't mentioned anyone? That's weird." He looked over her shoulder at something across the restaurant, or maybe it was a memory. "Hey, I have an idea. I should throw a party at the house. I haven't had a party in awhile; it would be a great excuse for you to meet everyone. I've been neglecting them since we've been dating -- no...don't take it the wrong way, I've much preferred spending my time with you than with them, but you're right, you should meet a few of my friends. I think you'd like them."
The thought of meeting his friends delighted and frightened her. Would she measure up? A party, though. That raised a specter. She breathed in and out carefully. A party. With his friends.
It's okay. You can do it. It won't be a problem.
They discussed the odd details of their day; the upcoming events in their calendar, his travel schedule...the flotsam and jetsam of a new relationship, interspersed with sexual innuendo and tension. She would have been just as happy if they left before the meal arrived and rushed back to his place to strip each other naked and fuck like bunnies, but she embraced the anticipation knowing the time would come soon enough. She decided to enjoy the fabulous food and wine.
As usual, he took a comment she had made and got philosophical about it. She had related an event at the office, in which a co-worker had been taken to the hospital. They had thought it was a heart attack, but when the EMS arrived, it turned out he had just choked on a sandwich. She brought it up because her office was usually so boring and here was something out of the ordinary to shake up the day a little.
"Was he alright?" He asked, pausing before his next bite.
"I think so. I didn't really see it. But Jane, (Samuelson's admin) filled us in. Everyone felt kind of bad that they hadn't realized he was choking. Luckily, the ambulance made it there in a couple of minutes."
She watched a kind of smirk creep across his lips, and she knew what was coming. Before she could stop him, he reiterated his belief about luck, or the very rarity of it.
He had missed the point, and his geekiness about the subject of fortune, good or bad, started to irritate her.
If he didn't turn me on so much, and he weren't such a fucking gentleman, I'd be so out of here.
"Look," she said, waving her fork at him. "You seem rather cold and calculating about it. I don't care if you believe we're not in control or simply affected by random bits shifting at the quantum level, the guy almost died.
"I'm not implying anything," her anger was building as she considered an absurd situation to prove a point, "but let's say we had a kid, and one day the kid gets hit by a car. According to your belief, it was one of several infinite futures that happened to be "unlucky" for us, from our 'relativistic narrative' as you put it. But that doesn't remove the very real pain of our loss. That doesn't mean we just go about our business and chalk it up to a quantum that went bad (for us)." Her rage started to get the better of her.
He was impressed at the same time he was a little hurt by her reaction. "Hey! It's not like that. I completely agree with you, and I'd be totally shaken if our child were killed by a car - you're right, of course! But my rage and pain and sadness would not be directed to a 'God' that had let me down, or to 'bad luck' any more than I would have obsessed on what you or I 'should have done' to change the past. My belief system simply says 'what has happened has happened' and I need to take care of myself (and you in this hypothetical case of having a child together)." He took a drink of water and hunched his shoulders.
"There's something else here I haven't bothered to explain, even though I seem to end up lecturing you every time we're together." He hoped she could calm down a little, giving her a sheepish smile.
"It's not just about infinite futures and quantum shenanigans. It fundamentally is about what you
believe
."
She stopped mid bite and raised her eyebrows.
"Seriously," he continued. "It isn't simply that I believe in infinite futures, it is that
because I believe in infinite futures
I am a different person.
"Belief systems change us. That shouldn't be a big surprise, right? Well, when I discovered this 'new pattern' I've referred to before, when my guru Sundar showed me the way it fit into a completely different framework, that shift in thinking fundamentally changed me. It actually changed my brain structure. That's what I'm trying to say. Merely by believing in this new thing, I was a physically changed person." He stopped for a breath. "And get this: a belief in infinite futures is an integral part of the framework -- it's like the infinite reflections between two mirrors. By pursuing a belief system that changed me in a way that was more preferred -- I could slant the odds of the probabilistic futures to be more in line with my preferred beliefs."
She paused for a moment to take in what he had said, letting her heart rate calm along with her breathing. She realized she was reacting irrationally and it bothered her.
Why does this reasoning cause me to be so angry?
She pondered what he had just said.
"It sounds like praying."
He smiled, reaching for her hands to strike an armistice. "Praying, or throwing the I Ching, or meditating, or Tantric exercises." He let his smile broaden at the implications of the last words.
At the mention of Tantric exercises she couldn't help but think of his erection. She blushed and smiled involuntarily before she could catch herself. She giggled, breaking the tension. "I could use some exercise..." She suggested they get out of there as quickly as possible.
