They all turned to me so I started in.
"There's a trust that the bank manages that has a farm out near Hinckley. How it got there I don't know. Maybe somebody won it in a poker game, whatever, not important. What is important is that in the late 20s some guy who'd made a killing in the stock market bought a couple thousand acres and in one corner of it he built this Palladian pile, about 15,000 square feet if you count the basement and attic rooms. Then he went bust in the depression and the most of the acreage was broken up and pieces sold off over the years. The house has been used for various things into the early 2000s, most recently by some old geezer who enjoyed and could afford magnificent solitude. He bought it and the adjoining 160 acres, then rented out most of the acres and played the lord of the manor until he died.
"He'd put everything in a living trust, which is where the bank comes in and I got to know about it. Now, the trust wants to get rid of the whole shebang so it can close out and distribute cash to the old guy's beneficiaries. But the problem is that they've been insisting on selling the it all, farm land and the house, as one package for $2 million. There's a farmer with adjoining acres who is hot for the land but doesn't want the house. As far as I can tell, nobody wants the house -- too big, too far away -- or if they do they don't want the 160 acres that comes with it.
"Like I said, the price on the whole thing is two million, which isn't too bad if you consider that prime farmland in that part of DeKalb County goes for about $10K per acre. My plan is this: we go in with the farmer. He buys 150 of the 160 acres for 1.5 million, we buy the house and the 10 acres around it for the other 500K. He won't miss those 10 because they're mostly wooded. If we get that house, we can have a secluded place for a sex club that we control."
Matthew said. "Fine, let's assume we get this 'Palladian pile' in the middle of nowhere, put all our spare cash into a sex club, and after a year or two or whenever, it goes belly up. Why would we want to be stuck with this piece of shit that's so big and far away in the boonies that nobody wants it?"
"Look, Matthew, that's a fair question. Let's assume first that we don't go bust. There's a chance that we could actually have a successful business that, aside from giving us a safe sexual playground, returns our investment and even makes a profit if the long run is long enough. But if things don't work out, think about this. Chicago is going to keep growing. It can't go East because of the lake, and anybody who knows what the south side of Chicago is like isn't going to want to develop South of there. There's not a lot of room to the North, that development is already hitting the Wisconsin line. So sooner or later those western boonies that we are looking at are not going to be the boonies. As that happens, our property would become more interesting to more people."
At this point Thomas jumped in. "We can argue all of that later. Right now, you said we'd need a half mil to fix it up. What makes you think you know what you're talking about?"
"I've been in it for one thing. The trust has paid a caretaker to stay on and make sure it's not vandalized. The roof, slate by the way, is in good shape. I took an electrician and a plumber, not local, so they don't give a shit about who or what or why, and they didn't find anything seriously wrong. The heating and cooling systems for the main floors are modern and sound. The biggest structural cost that I see will be for a couple of elevators. It has a home elevator going between the main floors, but I figure we'll need a couple of LULAs to go from the first floor to the attic. I've figured $150K for that." I looked at Thomas, who shrugged but didn't object, and nobody else asked what a LULA was. "And the attic is gong to need better HVAC and a good bit of rebuilding for the rooms that we'll want up there; maybe as much as another $150K for that. That should leave about $200K for remodeling on the main floors."
Matthew's jumped back in. "Okay, so on a hope and a prayer you've just sunk a million bucks into a big honking sex club in the middle of nowhere. I've seen Wayne's World. I understand 'Book it and they will come.' But that's a movie and this is the real world. People can go to a half dozen sex clubs in Chicago like Couples Choice, Invite Only Parties or AWM Club for $100 or less for an event whenever they want to. Why should I want to drive an hour or more to one in the boonies, no matter how private it is? And I don't see $100 a pop getting that million back. Most of these events only have 100 to 200 people at them, 500 at the very outside, and that's once a month. I don't see those numbers covering a million dollar outlay. I'm really curious about that part since you want part of that mil from me."
"Matthew, you said people can go to those clubs whenever they want. I'm thinking that there are people sitting in this room who, as a matter of fact, can't. It's what got them into SAA in the first place. As for those who can, your prices are right and your point has some merit, , and you haven't even mentioned operating expenses yet. But you're talking apples and I'm talking caviar. There are people who will eat apples if that's what they can get, though they'd prefer, and pay for, caviar if they could get it.
"Your $100 and less is not what I'm talking about. The memberships we'd be selling are more in the $500 to $10,000 range, maybe more, with entry fees on top. The whole point of this operation is class and discretion. It's for people who want to feel safe, secure and, frankly, superior. People who don't want their activities getting back to people they don't want hearing about them and are happy to pay for that. Maybe people like the ones in this room.
"The high prices are the first barrier designed to keep out the riff-raff. Mary's security is the second, by the way." Mary arched her brows but kept her moth shut. I was impressed.
"You've got to think about money differently," I said. "For people who have so much that the money they are spending comes from the bottom of a pile that they'll never see the bottom of, it doesn't matter if the banknote says $100 or $1,000 or $10,000. It's literally play money. In essence, whatever the price tag, they're getting something that they want for money that is literally of no real value to them. It's what allows them to spend $4,000 or $100,000 on a handbag, or stay in hotel suites that cost $10,000 a night -- even in Chicago, check out the price of the Peninsula Suite -- or more. In fact, the more ridiculous the price is, the more of a turn on it may be for them. After all, it's something they can pay without thinking about it, and almost nobody else can.
"Hell for those people $10K a year for membership in a place where they can play sex games safely and discretely is a screaming bargain. This is not a new idea, by the way. When you get home, Google SNCTM. They'll sell you a membership for $20,000 a year, and they have one for a million bucks if you want to be part of their inner circle. There's a club for artsy intellectual types called Soho House that has a branch in Chicago that costs over $2,000 a year, and that isn't even for sex. Maybe we could charge more than $10K for our upper crust members, but great as Chicago is, we're not Los Angeles or New York or London.
"Before anyone points out that we don't have that many locals here as in California with $10K a year for sex, I won't argue that until we find out differently. So let's have a two-tier membership, one for weeknights and one for weekends. Let's say we pitch that weeknight one at $3K per year for any single men we want to admit, $500 per year for single women, and $2,500 for a couple. Like I said, that and the drive will help keep most of the low-lifes out. And maybe if we build up a stable of big name weekend members more of the locals will see a benefit in rubbing elbows, or whatever, with the rich and famous -- whoever they might be, since anonymity will be part of our draw -- and will cough up the extra for that.
"As for the other part of keeping the riff-raff out, remember that this is a private club that we're talking about. Sort of like The Lux except it costs just to belong. We're doing safe and secure sex here. So Mary's blood tests and background checks, and anything else a good security firm can think of -- like ways to keep out cameras and other electronic stuff and guns and drugs and anything else we don't want -- are part of the package. Anybody we don't want doesn't get to join. Anybody doesn't like the rules, they don't get in. Anybody gets in and breaks the rules, they're thrown out, with no refunds."
"That could be a problem," Thomas said. "I've found that people with money are used to getting their own way, and some of them can be pretty muscular if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I've thought about that. It doesn't hurt that the farmer who wants the land is first cousin to the local Sheriff. That won't hurt if we help this guy get what he wants in the first place. But I don't want any more involvement with the community than we have to have, at least not before we become known as a very benevolent local charity." Silent looks from Mary and Martha, probably trying to figure out what this was really going to cost them.
"I've been thinking about our own security. We're not muscle people. Before we go any farther someone is going to need to have a meeting with Mary's father to see if Martha's read on him ts right; hat what he really wants is not to hear that Mary is getting laid all over town, and that what he doesn't hear about won't bother him or, more importantly hurt us -- or those sons of yours, Thomas. I should be the one to meet with him. It's my idea and I'm willing to be the sacrificial goat if it goes wrong. If we get that far, I think maybe I can feel him out about whether his influence, whatever that is, might be brought to bear should the club need people to know that it is not a little lost sheep that they can shear or steal.
