This is the final chapter in the look back at my long term affair with Candy. It's the final chapter because sadly this is where the story ends. Candy came into my life unexpectedly and left in almost the same manner.
We'd been having a great time together, an epic affair. Candy and I had been involved for a bit more than five and a half years, sexually for all but the first eight months of this time when our relationship was strictly business related. Unfortunately the affair wasn't to last and when the end came it came suddenly and was ugly but necessary.
Over the life of our affair we'd grown together and had shared a lot, not just sexually but intellectually, personally and emotionally as well. Candy and I were as close as any two people could possibly be, married or otherwise. And like any couple we had our highs and our lows but throughout we always felt we wanted to be together, even if just for a little while given we were both married to others. But we made the best of our situation and were comfortable with it.
What's more I was truly in love with Candy. But I also loved my wife, just not enough to remain faithful. The difference in my love, desire, respect and admiration for these two women was so small it would be impossible to measure. But if pressed to make a choice that choice would be my wife. It was a decision that deep down I knew someday I'd have to make but hoped 'someday' would never come.
For the relatively short time she was I appreciated having Candy in my life. To be absolutely truthful about it I not only appreciated it but was thankful and recognized how fortunate I was to have had Candy in my life at all. I'd never known anyone, my wife included, who was as open, sensual, sexual and passionate about life as she was. Candy was truly one in a million. With her and through her I experienced a wealth of living life to its fullest.
The rest of this story is being told as a kind of therapy, so if you're not interested in the gory details this may be a good place to stop reading.
One day we were lying back against the headboard of her bed catching our breath after another vigorous round of lovemaking when I noticed Candy wasn't her usual spirited self.
In fact for the past few weeks I'd noticed from time to time short periods where Candy was moody. Seemingly at times she was morose, lost in thought or otherwise utterly distracted. As these states of mind seemed to become more frequent and also seemed to lengthen in duration each time they occurred, I grew increasingly more concerned.
That day prior to and during our lovemaking Candy had been her usual self; vivacious, eager and passionate. But after we'd made love her mood changed and she sat against the headboard looking down at her hands as they played with the embroidered flower on her bedspread. She was pulling at the threads of the flower not really seeing what she was doing.
Her mood seemed contemplative and thinking she may have been having troubles in her business I asked but she shook her head and said, "No, that's fine, in fact business is great."
I hadn't seen Richard, her 'married to for convenience' husband, for several days so thinking something may have been wrong I asked about him.
She looked at me with soulful eyes and responded, "No, Richard's fine too."
"Jocelyn?" asking about her long time female lover.
Candy just shook her head as she looked back down, looking but still not seeing what her hands were doing.
"Look Candy I know something's bothering you, has been for a while. Care to talk about it?"
She didn't answer, her fingers just continued to pull at the stitched flower.
In all our time together I'd never seen Candy acting as she'd recently been; something was definitely going on. I sat in thought, questioning myself on what I had missed in the past few weeks, what was it that was bothering Candy? What had happened in her life, in her business that could be the cause of these moods? When Candy finally got around to it the subject of the question she asked was not even vaguely among those I had considered.
Several minutes of silence had passed since I'd offered to talk about what was bothering her when Candy asked without looking at me, "What would you say if I left Richard and asked you to leave Helen and marry me?"
Stunned I sat there, Candy's question echoing in my head, a question that had come out of the sun and hadn't seen headed my way at all. During our affair nothing we'd ever said to each other even remotely hinted at anything along these lines. In fact the contexts of any discussions we may have had on the subject were quite the contrary, with Candy's stance consistently being strongly against making any changes in our respective personal lives.
For whatever reason, and I certainly can't explain why, the first thought in my mind after her question was, 'Well...it looks like 'someday' has finally arrived'. And strangely, given the question bouncing around inside my head, I also vaguely recalled a conversation Richard and I had along these very lines a couple of years earlier while sitting in a bar.
After saying nothing in response for a lengthy period Candy said, "Well, I guess your silence tells me what I want to know."
I turned to her, took her hand then said, "Candy look, I'm just surprised by this that's all. We've no secrets, you know what I am; I'm a no good bastard. I play around on the woman I claim to love and do all kind of things I shouldn't behind her back. If I left her for you what makes you think I wouldn't play around on you or leave you someday too?"
I know, I know. Telling Candy that was inexcusably lame but still my heart broke as I watched a single tear run down her cheek along her nose.
