A special Thanks to SecretHotMama for her editing services! Her time and efforts are much appreciated. Any mistakes you may find, although I tried to fix all of them, are all on me. To everyone reading: Thanks for reading the last installment of Mr. Fuckability. I wouldn't be this far without you.
Chapter 7
I'm not going to meet the girls at
Monuts
as originally planned. I phoned them instead making the excuse that I was too tired since it was nearly six in the morning by the time I'd found my way home. I promised to meet them for lunch on Wednesday and fill them in on all the highlights of my night. Being exhausted isn't the real reason I'm not going; I found myself curiously not ready to tell them about him.
You would think I would want to brag from the mountain, and I did, but I also wanted to keep every savory detail as if sharing it with the others would take some precious bit away. He had been amazing, sometimes frightening, always clever, and by far the hottest guy I had ever slept with or probably ever would. Well, that thought was just depressing even if most likely accurate. In the end though, things had turned somehow different, and I didn't know how to explain them to myself let alone someone else.
After sleeping half the morning away, I turn on the TV to watch a few old sappy movies and eat high calorie snacks. I'm still in my PJ's , which consist of a large T-shirt and cotton panties. In general, I'm mooning about as if I've broken up my boyfriend; which is stupid, because I know that I never had a chance of having him for keeps in the first place. Some men are like cosmic events. They shoot through your life, light up the heavens, but are destined to fade from your view just as quickly into the night sky.
It still doesn't stop me from day dreaming about him at random times throughout the afternoon or remembering the wild things we did. My breath catches in my throat every time I remember the reckless, powerfully seductive way he made me feel. I think idly about practicing my speech again, but the thought just makes me remember more about our time together.
Besides, as much as I hate to admit it, Mr. Green Eyes had been right about rehearsing the speech naked. It may have been a ploy to get me to prance around without my skivvies on in front of him, but it had also succeeded in giving me the confidence to know I was going to be able to say it in front of the board. I could recite it by memory at this point.
Somewhere between the ice cream sundae and the Twizzler's affair I had an epiphany. I didn't need this man around to be the confident, sexy, woman I had been with him.
I know sometimes it takes me a minute.
All I really need is to bolster the self-confidence that he had brought out in me. Sure it would be nicer to have the man around who had made me feel that way, but that wasn't practical.
I could still run over to the penthouse and try to chase him down. I knew which one, there was a chance that he was still there. But I wouldn't.
I've had enough hurt in the last five years keeping up with Mom. What I need is some normalcy, some slow and steady for a while. I'm not ready to add the crazy mix of a guy into my life, even if he is smoking hot. Sometimes you just have to draw a line and stick to it, but damn, why did it have to be him? He was so...so...I let it go with a deep sighing of resignation. He is probably gone anyway. I head up to take a shower and get an early start on Monday; moping around isn't solving anything.
I wake up still a little sore between my legs, a smile on my face and the memory of his taste on my lips. I can tell this is going to be a reoccurring dream for a long time to come. I almost wish I'd stolen his underwear just so I would have something to remember him by. That thought brings a grin to my face as I remember what he'd said; if he didn't have something to show for it he might not believe it himself. Now, I had a much better understanding of what he had meant by that.
I sigh dreamily doing a quick survey of bodily damages. All in all, I feel really good. I stretch and crawl out of bed aware of every muscle I have abused. I have a few bruises in odd places that make me smile and a nice purple ring that looks like a perfect bite mark on my shoulder that makes me shiver. At least the red dot I acquired from the bar has faded without a mark, so that is a plus.
I hit the radio as I head into the shower and turn it to a classic rock station that sings about a woman who has a man on his knees, and a girl named Sue that can't stick around. I have an extra bounce in my step this morning, and an air of confidence that is new, shiny, and begging for a test drive. I take extra time putting myself together.
I head to the closet pulling out a black dress and short jacket, add in my favorite Vera Wang heels, toss with my teardrop diamond studs and voila. Done.
I roll my hair into the normal, neat bun out of habit. I get a look at myself in the mirror and rip it out. I don't want to be that girl anymore. Now that I have tasted the dark side of my personality I have no intention of going back.
I let my lips curl up in that half smile I learned from him. Not a bad impersonation if I do say so myself. My hair falls in golden curls that run down my back. I toss my head to loosen them. Better. Much better. Now I look more like the girl that isn't afraid to talk trash to a man she barely knows in an elevator.
I choose the dark red lipstick I haven't used since last Halloween over my normal neutral gloss. The color brings out the blue in my eyes and shapes my lips in provocative way. I look pretty good, but there is still something missing. I grab the black eyeliner and darken my eyes adding a touch of mascara.
I try out my new half smile and feel an odd thrill run up my spine. It isn't fear, and it isn't embarrassment, the two emotions I know best, this is something new. As if somewhere down deep within myself I've crossed over a line that night, a knowledge of myself that I can't undo even if I wanted to.
Mr. Fuckability gave me permission to be myself without any repercussions. The dirtiest bad girl I could muster up and I have risen to the challenge. It was our experience that gave me the new knowledge I have of myself. He has done a lot to encourage the change, but in the end it's me that has made the decision to not go back. It's me that will have to find the courage to choose to free myself from what I thought I should be into whom I want to be now.
I look at the sultry blonde in the mirror and thought, Why didn't I meet you before? "You got this in the sack, kid." I tell the stranger in the mirror as I watch her dark red lips curl to form the words. The black eyeliner showcases eyes a crystalline blue. She is a woman that I do not recognize, and I like that.
I am still on my post coital epiphany when I reach the office ten minutes early. My boss looks like Mr. Magee but goes by Alfred. He worries his hands a lot so seeing him in this condition doesn't really alarm me. As I get closer he practically leapfrogs in my direction, and that does.
"Mr. Del'Acortay, he's here. They want to start the meeting as soon as possible. He says he will wait but you can tell this guy isn't good with patience."
I check my watch it's five to eight. The meeting had been scheduled for two.
What the hell?