Mr Computer Cleaner

The setting is a small city in New Zealand. The hero with the odd name of Dio falls into an usual occupation that connects him to an assortment of offbeat characters and soon it becomes apparent that 'Mr Computer Cleaner' is enjoying a life richer in many ways than most people around him. Dio meets twenty year old Carra; the couple gradually break-down the hostility of Carra's parents over the 12-year age difference between Dio and their daughter; the resistance crumbles and the couple become lovers and then celebrate their engagement. Dio is persuaded to syndicate his business to owner-operators and Carra accepts an offer to become an executive director and shareholder. Dio inherits property and $50,000 so the couple start building their potential business empire. Meanwhile Carra's mom, the strong-willed Carmen, has assumed the position of wedding planner

.

*

Accountant Ronnie Marks phoned Dio Hamilton at home at 7:30 one morning to confirm all the paperwork and legalities associated with the formation of the franchising enterprise were underway. It had been agreed that Ronnie would hold one share in the franchisor company, with Dio holding eighty-nine and Carra for her $15,000 cash injection would hold ten shares. In return for his one share Ronnie would attend all board meetings without charge and dispense free business advice on company matters to its principals. He would also be company secretary/accountant, remunerated at his normal rate of fees.

"Are you at work, Ronnie?

"Almost; I'm on a bike at the gym."

"And making good use of your time, obviously. Thanks mate."

Dio then phoned five of his former Helpdesk workmates – three had secured jobs and two were still looking. He explained what he had in mind but only two were interested as the others did not have enough security behind them to buy a franchise.

Selby Brown expressed the greatest interest although only having just accepted a new job. Before that conversation had ended, Dio had arranged to call around to Selby's home for two hours each week for three evenings to receive tuition on computer maintenance and installation of new cards, memory, motherboards, drives, and etcetera.

At 2:15 Dio took Carra, as arranged, for late lunch at Moby Dick's Fish Restaurant in Lake Street. His female friends were firm about the lunch date – they wanted time to talk to Carra leisurely; only Louise had spoken more than a few words to her at the engagement party.

Louise, Celina and Sarisha were already seated when Dio and Carra arrived. Dio sensibly stood back, allowing the women to fluff and flutter. He stood trying to read the number plates of passing vehicles until he heard mother hen – Louise – call him into the hen house. "Dio, don't stand there ignoring us looking out the window with your mouth open like an imbecile." Louise tended to become a little dominant when she was nervous.

Dio sat at the head of the table and called to the waitress resting behind the bar – "Two bottles of number 12 and five flutes please Dora."

"Bubbles for lunch, how very appropriate," Celina said. Already she'd warmed to Carra, receiving an eyebrow raised response to her question, was Carra was wearing Lou Lou?

"Yes, everyone seems to love it but scarcely anyone is able to identify it – you must be a Lou Lou girl at well."

Celina said yes, but only on special nights out.

With ease Carra leveled the playing field – "This is a special occasion for me," not disclosing that her father kept her abundantly supplied with exotic fragrances as they were the only things he knew she really liked, except for sexy underwear which was rather out of his comfort zone for shopping.

As his girls studied the menu, Dio studied the girls. No two were alike.

Sarisha and Carra were the closest alike in body shape, Celina was the tallest with the biggest bust while Louise was the largest-framed woman but her curly blonde hair was a stand-out, and she was a real blonde. He knew that because she was a blonde at junior school.

The pecking order according to sheer presence would be Louise, Celina, Sarisha and lastly Carra, but based on intellectual power it would be Sarisha, Carra, Celina and Louise. It was too close a call to try to award positions on the basis of sheer personality but he tingled with delight when applying the Deserted Island test – with whom would you choose to be stranded on a Deserted Island? Carra, without doubt!

"Dio – wake up. We're sorry we are sending you to sleep but Dora has asked you twice for your order."

"Sorry, Louise. Ah, Dora, how are you today? I'll have the cold prawn salad with three pieces of thick crusted bread thanks and you'd better bring me a bottle of bitter beer as the chili will make the bubbles appears tasteless. Thanks, love."

Although Dio was focused on the conversation, he was effectively bypassed even by sweet Carra. Actually she had little choice as the questions came streaming at her.

No, she didn't think that Dio was a little uncouth (Louise)...nor a rather lazy prick (Louise)...or drove his utility too fast (Celina)...and yes he had rather good manners for a man (Sarisha).

"What do you think of him?" Sarisha asked.

The clatter in the kitchen and the dull roar of passing motor traffic seemed to suddenly fade away. Even Dora behind the bar was waiting for the reply. Dio guessed the pounding he could hear was his own blood pressure.

"Is this a lynching luncheon or what?" Carra replied with a grin.

"You have everything including a sense of humor," Celina said, wiping her eyes. To his surprise, Dio learned something. "I'm a daddy's girl and he's a mummy's boy, still even though Mrs Wellington is now gone. So we jell well because of that. For a man, he'd surprisingly humble and considerate."

Dio felt blood rushing to his face. He should have escaped to the toilet as soon Sarisha unleashed her embarrassing question. He saw the three other women – aged thirty-two or thirty-three – listening to the twenty year old, focusing on her intently. "He tries to perfect a good bloke image but dig a little and one uncovers a complex character who is rather intelligent and who is kind to animals and old people."

"And?"

"Oh Louise," Carra said, brushing back both sides of her hair with her slender, very white and long fingers. You don't want me to go down that path, do you?"

The other three women nodded vigorously, and Dio looked furtively at the door to the toilets only to see a cleaning lady enter them with a bucket and mop.

"Well, my mama hardly likes any men, but she's beginning to take a real liking to Dio. I tell you this because she's got the best ability to assess character of anyone I know. He's so tender with me..."

"Oh, Gawd, excuse me please," Dio said, dashing out to the street.

A couple of minutes later Louise came out, kissed him and lead him back inside, saying, "What a lovely young woman Carra is, isn't she?"

Dio nodded dumbly.

They reached the table and he pulled out his wallet.

"It's all taken care of, Dio," Celina said. "We women have split the bill. I think Louise has something to say."

"Welcome to Dio's mob, Carra. This is you invitation to join a select little group. I've seen you around town many times and always thought what a very attractive girl you are. Now I know you really are quite something and believe the others think the same."

Carra took Dio by the hand and said she accepted the women's offer of friendship.

There were kisses all around and finally Dio said, "Thanks for perhaps the most harrowing lunch break I've ever had. But you're a great bunch. I love you for being so kind to Carra."

Later Dio went to his first intensive evening training course on computer technology, with emphasis on advancing in hardware installations, fault-finding and configuring software.

Selby had trained as a computer technician before tossing that early career aside to sit all day in a swivel chair in front of a TV monitor in a beautifully air-conditioned room, talking into a headset to advise very worried and often very frustrated people at computers how to extricate themselves from the problems they found themselves in.

The genial technician was only of moderate height but had a deep laugh of a man half as tall again, and a lively personality to match. At the first tutorial he pushed Dio to the limits to find how much he really knew about hardware maintenance – and was surprised, as was Dio himself, at the extent of Dio knowledge. So at the end of that session it was decided to start from the bottom up Dio wrote out a check for $2500 for Selby to buy an array of computer components. The tutorial would require Dio to build an 'all bells and whistles' personal computer, starting with the an aluminum (not steel) box loaded only with the fans, 400w power supply and switches including a turbo button, four 5.25 drive bays and two 3.5 bays plus two front USB ports.

"What you won't know after this exercise will be very little, apart from programming," Selby said.

"Yeah, I can see that. I will welcome you at my side when it comes to things like configuring the bios – I have always been into that a bit, tweaking, without really understanding it. This do-it-from-the-ground-up idea is sweet. You know, if you take up a franchise through me you may also wish to subcontract to the company to assess the knowledge of new franchise applicants and train them where necessary. They would have to pay for training, so I'd take 15 per cent cut for administration and overheads, and you would take the rest of the agreed fee. What do you reckon?"

"Sounds sweet to me. Ah, here's Pru bringing us another couple of tinnies; isn't she a darling?"

Dio's reply froze in his throat momentarily as Pru leaned over right in front of him to put down the tray.

"There's a charge for inspections lasting more than two seconds," big-bust Pru said to Dio, smiling at him sweetly.

By the time Mr Computer Cleaner Ltd became a legal entity, its registered office being the offices of Dio's accountant, Dio was – in Selby's opinion – more competent than the average experienced computer technician holding software and hardware qualifications.

"You're a successful graduate from the unregistered Selby Brown Computer Technician Training Academy," Selby told him, when the assembled computer passed all the bench tests.

"Actually this baby is so good I should offer to buy it myself."

"It's yours," Dio said. "A personal gift for the patience you have shown and I suspect I shall require your goodwill in the times ahead – and of course providing such a pretty barmaid."

"Yeah, I've noticed she seems to be showing more of herself each time she brings the beers. Just as well this is the final session. Thanks mate – that is a very generous gift. You won't regret it and perhaps I will be helping you to run the business one day."

"Why not?" said Dio thoughtfully.

They laughed and clicked cans.

The next day Selby signed his franchise agreement with Mr Computer Cleaner Ltd and handed his check to company secretary, Ronnie Marks.

A week later Ronnie handed across the keys to the new van that Selby had purchased as part of his business investment. The van had been repainted in the company livery, yellow with the red and black Mr Computer Cleaner prominently displayed on it. The personalized number plate was MCC-1.

That evening Dio and Carra took Pru and Selby out to dinner and they jelled well as a foursome.

Driving home afterwards, Carra said that Pru who worked for a building firm handling all of its accounts receivable and accounts payable system as well as reconciliations. She was bored with her job and felt that she was not fully appreciated.

"I can understand that," Carra said. "Builders tend to be problem-solvers rather than team leaders."

"Yeah, but why are you telling me this?"

"Well, I think that it's an extraordinary coincidence. I told Pru to hold on for another six months or so as I might be able to make her an offer that she can't refuse."

"Like what?"

"Our accounts person, with the title of office manager."

"Oh yeah, that's a possibility. Good thinking."

Two days later the second franchise for the district was signed up, with Art Lobb, one of Dio's former Helpdesk mates. Art didn't have the money for the purchase but his father-in-law came up trumps.

"It's going to be great getting back into work," Art croaked, almost crying, with his wife at his side. "As you can see Eve is expecting – there wasn't much else to do after I was laid off."

The following day Dio was out on River Boundary Road, looking at a large expanse of low-lying riverside land, dominated by a large but not particularly high hillock that one of his clients had told him about. There was an old subdivision scheme for the area and 'the knoll' was the best building site in the subdivision, certainly the most expensive. However, most of the promotional flags had been blown away, and paint on the signboards of each section had faded, some signs even lying on the ground where they had parted company with their stakes after several years of weathering.

Dio eyed the knoll with great interest. His phone when and some female with a tight voice as if she was not breathing loosely said, "Hi, where are you?"

"Near the end of River Boundary Road looking at land."

"But that's worthless land; it's The Overflow."

Dio had no idea who was speaking so asked, "Who's speaking."

"Who would you like to be speaking?"

"I'm sorry; I'm not into playing games with strangers; goodbye."

"Dio, it's Pru!"

Dio aborted the move to terminate the call. "Hi Pru, why the fun and games?"

"I was a bit shy calling you; I want to talk to you."

"If it suits come now, almost to the river reserve on River Boundary Road before the unformed section of the road turns and heads upriver."

"I know, where we used to run in the holidays when at high school."

"That's it but don't come without Selby's approval and if he doesn't approve bring him. Also bring coffee."

Pru laughed, a little nervously he thought. "See you in ten minutes."

While waiting, Dio continued to look along the area where many years ago he'd toiled to build up stamina and technique to become a very successful cross-country runner. It had long been regarded as wasteland, and although these days its value would have lifted as it was considered environmental desirable to own riverside property. However, in this instance the overflow during infrequent periods of severe flooding had prevented building from proceeding.

This reminded of the time he'd first met Pru. She'd come into the district as a second-year high school student; he also was into his second year. She already was a great runner, skinny, with legs like sticks but no other girl at her school could beat her in any distance over 800 yards. So the girls' coach negotiated for Pru to join the boys' long distance coaching after school on two evenings a week. When she first turned up she met derision but Dio jumped in and sorted out a couple of the worst jerks and Pru was more or less accepted, especially once she began running and pushing some of the loud mouth guys. She stuck around Dio which embarrassed him because Louise considered herself Dio's girlfriend and Sarisha was always around posing a threat to Louise although basically the feathers rarely flew. When Louise heard about Pru teaming up with Dio she just laughed, to Dio's relief, and said he wouldn't be interested because Pru was skinny with buck teeth and a flat chest which was true.

Pru went away to university where she and Selby apparently had something going for a while and then it was over until two years ago when she returned to the city to marry Selby.

Dio looked and felt he could virtually draw the route where they used to run, sometimes as many as twenty of them. Five years ago the land-owner, learning that the District Council had authorized its officers to prepare plans for a multi-million flood protection scheme, had commissioned his own consultants to proceed with a subdivision, plans for which were conditionally approved by the Council with a rider – that no sale of land shall proceed until the subdivision was fully protected from 'overflow' flooding.

To the dismay of the developer, cost-cutting resulted in the Council flood protection works being mothballed, so the so-called hyped up prime subdivision land reverted to its status of wasteland. Although the original fencing had gone with the development of the subdivision Dio saw that electric fencing had subsequently been erected and beef cattle were grazing there. One of Dio's recent clients, Earl Smeaton, had mentioned that it was a shame that the Council had such a stifling effect on development, as he had wanted to split his block in two but had been denied permission because of storm water runoff problems. Dio had expressed sympathy but the former farmer said others were worse off.

"Take Ben Kidd as an example," he'd said. "With a 40-section subdivision down on the flats, he's had that dream turn into a nightmare because of Council inaction has left the area a wasteland."

"I know the area well," Dio said. "As a youngster I used to run there, night after night, month after month to condition myself into long distance running. I remember seeing Mr Kidd there fixing fences or shifting stock – he drove a battered blue A30 if I remember correctly."

"Aye, that would be Ben. You know, there's a section down there that never floods, because it contains a hillock that's always well above peak flood level. But who'd want to live in a home surrounded by floodwater every five years or so and not be able to get in or out?"

Dio thought about that and decided he could cope with being marooned for a couple of days providing the home escaped the flooding. "If it were on the upriver end I would get the access road built up high enough to allow vehicle access, even if it meant driving slowly through a bit of water."

"Cripes, good thinking," Earl said. "If I had the money I'd buy that site and do that; it's the second site in from the upriver end, if I remember correctly. Go and have a look and if it suits try to do a one-off deal with the Council – off indemnity to them against any flooding or approval claims."

A small blue car came up behind him, headlights flashing; the only occupant was a woman. She climbed in beside him, looking excited and awash with perfume; her clothes were skimpy.

Oh fuck, she's not here to do much talking, Dio decided.

"Did you say to Selby you were coming here?"

"No, I told him I was going to the library and then to the supermarket."

"Why did you tell him that?"

She blushed and said it might embarrass him if she told the truth.

"Try me."

"To reward you for turning Selby's life around; until you came along with your business proposal he'd been thinking he was stuck in a hole, making good money but without any prospects. He'd left two jobs dissatisfied because neither offered technical challenge and his latest employment was turning into the pits. Now being with you he has the opportunity to earn big money by building up his own franchise business and making more on the side by training new recruits for your company. I have seen you looking at me – even licking your lips once when looking down my dress bug-eyed. I thought I should let you see what else I have. I'm not a slut Dio; I am just one happy woman who's heading into a better life and I want to thank you for it. I left my job today to become Selby's administration officer."

"Look Pru, I don't want to do the dirty on Selby; he's a great guy and once the company is into regional franchising my thinking is he will be a key player – national technical officer and training manager at the very least. If he found out I'd been dicking his wife it could be the end of a great friendship and perhaps he'd leave the company."