Mindgames

Editor's note: this submission contains scenes of non-consensual or reluctant sexual situations.

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Chapter 18: The artist

Present day

After Gabriel and Mariah left, Animal clung to Rose. Thinking his grip might be too tight, he lowered his arms. His fingers went to her lower back and he accidently brushed her wounds. She stiffened. Animal felt sick. He had done that. He had done that to Rose.

He shuddered and stepped back. "I still have some comfrey from Gabriel. I'll get it," he said hoarsely. He practically ran to his bedroom and fumbled through his top bureau drawer looking for the balm, dumping his socks on the floor as he did so. Finding the right tin at last, he hurried back to the living room.

He put the container into Rose's hand. "Here," he said. "Use this, Gabriel said last time . . ." Last time Rose had been whipped by some stupid strangers having a laugh. This time, he had done it.

"Master, please, it's all right," Rose said softly.

It was too much. Animal slid to the floor, to his knees. "I was so blind."

"Please, get up," Rose begged.

She started to fall to her own knees in front of him, but Animal shook his head. "You promised Gabriel you'd never kneel before me again," he said.

"Then stand up, please, Master. You don't belong down there." She shifted so she was sitting on the footstool where he had whipped her.

Animal shook his head again, and said, hoarsely, "I do belong down here, until you forgive me."

"I will if you get up," Rose said desperately.

A gleam of hope lit in Animal's eyes. He put his hands on her knees. "A bargain, yes, a trade. Tell me something I can do for you, to make up for what I did today."

Rose sat mutely, staring at him. "Anything," Animal prompted. "Anything in my power."

Rose was absolutely still for a minute. Finally, she spoke so softly that Animal barely heard her. "Master, will you let me . . . "

She stopped.

"Anything," Animal said, hoarsely.

"Will you let me draw?" Animal stared at her. "Just once, please?" She covered her face with her hands.

Animal took a deep breath. "If I let you draw, you'll forgive me?"

Rose shook her head behind her hand. "I already forgave you," she said. "Before you began. I knew I deserved it."

"No!" Animal said abruptly. But he added, quieter, "This is no mindgame, Rose. But I know it will take time to convince you of that." He stood up and gently pried her hand from her face. "Come," he said. He led her out the door and through the courtyard to his studio.

Mariah remembers

When Master Cassender almost tripped on Mariah she took no notice. When he said hello to her she took no notice. When he squatted down next to her she took no notice. When he ordered her to stand up, standard position, she counted to five before she slowly stood up, spread her legs only a few inches, and put her hands by her shoulders instead of behind her neck.

He didn't bother ordering her to turn. Instead he walked around her. When he touched the fading whipmarks on her breasts, he asked, "What did you do to deserve these?"

Mariah counted to five before non-answering, "A slave always deserves punishment, Master."

Master Cassender sighed. "How long were you with your last human?"

Mariah forced herself to wait before answering. "A few weeks, Master."

Master Cassender sighed again. Without warning he grabbed her nipples and pulled and twisted them. Mariah willed herself not to cry out, to make no movement, but she couldn't keep her eyes from watering. It seemed to go on and on, the pain crashing in her brain.

At last he stopped. He turned to the group of slaves not far away and pointed to one who was not shackled. "You, there," he said. "Come here." When the slaveboy came over Master Cassender said to him, "I want you to fuck her. You can come, but not until after she does."

"May I use the bench, Master?"

Master Cassender nodded. The slaveboy led Mariah to the bench. Mariah was grateful that Master Victor had had her serviced a couple of hours earlier, so she was not desperate. She lay lump-like where the slaveboy had placed her.

On the pretext of blowing in her ear, the boy whispered to her, "What are you doing?"

He turned his own ear to her mouth. Mariah whispered back, "Help me. Don't make this too good."

The slaveboy rutted against the top of Mariah's leg, gradually moving his body over until he was moving his penis up and down on her abdomen. She was barely slick when he entered her. He put his thumb on her clit and pressed while he pumped inside her. He was tireless and Mariah gradually became aroused. She came with a grunt, and the slaveboy came just after her. He rested for a moment, climbed off her, and fell to his knees before Master Cassender.

Master Cassender dismissed him and turned to Mariah. "You'll do, I guess," he said.

Present day

The sunshine pouring in through the windows of his studio seemed incongruous to Animal. He felt as though he had lived a lifetime that day, but it was still early afternoon.

Hastily he moved the painting of the picnic to the side of the room, then attached an entire stack of precious paper to the easel where it had been. He fumbled around for a few minutes in his storage area, searching for the charcoal chalk. He found a few sticks of it, along with a newish eraser, under an old smock, and placed them on the easel's ledge. He unfolded a card table that had been leaning against the wall and left the smock on it. Going back to his storage area, he haphazardly grabbed at a watering can and a rag doll. He put the watering can in the center of the card table and leaned the doll against it. Wadding up the smock, he placed it a few inches away. He stepped back, squinted, and moved the smock slightly.

All this time Rose had stood mutely, watching, her eyes big. Animal turned to her and led her to the easel. "We'll start with black and white," he said. "You've color sense enough, that's clear from . . . " He choked for a minute, but continued, "from how you present food, from your flower arrangements." Rose blushed, and Animal continued, "But to depict the world, you have to translate your sight to your hand."

Rose nodded. Animal realized that she had heard this lecture countless times. He picked up a stick of black chalk and scribbled on the paper with it. He demonstrated how to use the eraser to make shades of gray, and the lambswool shammy to spread the shading. He must have shown her this many times before; he just hadn't realized she had been listening. He handed her the chalk, stood behind her and held her hand for her first strokes.

"Master," Rose said tentatively, "may I use my right hand?"

Animal shook his head. "You want to start with your non-dominant hand. It will help you access the creative part of your brain."

"I know, Master," Rose said. "But I'm left-handed."

Animal blinked. "Oh," he said. "Of course." He tore the first paper off the easel and wadded it up.

Reverently Rose held the charcoal in her right hand and put it to the page. Her first strokes were tentative, but that was to be expected, Animal thought. She had never even held a pencil before. He watched as the picture began to take shape, impressed that she brought in the surrounding area -- the table, the shelves against the wall -- and not just the objects he had placed.

Animal put a blank canvass on a spare easel. From behind Rose he began to paint her as she drew. Rays of light from the window shone on her head, making her look ethereal. She was so beautiful. Animal shook his head at the inadequacy of his words. But he could paint her.

They both worked silently for a time. Animal's brush flew over the canvas at first, but then he slowed to capture the light on her body. As he began to add the angry red marks he remembered he had handed her the comfrey but she hadn't used it.

He strode out to his apartment to get it from the footstool where Rose had left it and ran back with it. He said her name softly. She didn't hear him. She was lost in concentration.

He examined her picture. Not bad for a first effort. He could tell what most of the objects were, which was better than he could say for many humans' beginning pictures. Humans? Rose was human too.

Gabriel had been trying to tell him for so long. Rose had too, in her own way. Her interest in art was only the tip of it. He remembered when he first saw her, looking at his portrait of John and Rafaela's family. She had been scared and beaten down, and yet there had been something incredibly appealing about her, some essence that made its way past her circumstances. Bringing her home, he had told himself he felt sorry for her, but that wasn't so, or only partly so. He had wanted her. For the way her eyes shone, almost magically, despite her shyness, when he talked to her. For her calming presence, for her quiet but outrageous competence, for her vulnerability.

After he brought her home, as she came out of her shell, he had wanted her even more. For the way she made everything in his life prettier, even though he pretended, to her, not to care. For the way she listened to his lectures and looked at his pictures, even though he had pretended to her, to himself, that her opinion did not matter. For the way she sometimes revealed that she had thought about something deeply, even though he had pretended, to himself, to her, to Gabriel, the impossibility of it. Her boldness, so new. Her sweetness, always.

The words came without conscious thought.

"I love you," he said.

Rose turned. "Master, may I turn this paper over? I want to try contour drawing."

Animal almost laughed out loud. She hadn't heard him. "Use as much paper as you want," he said. And he went back to his easel and painted her as she drew, and he saw her, and through her he saw himself. Selfish. Willfully blind. Sometimes cruel. And yet, she had chosen to stay with him when she must know Gabriel could give her a safe haven. How could he ever be worthy of that?

The sun was lower now, no longer making a halo in her hair but giving her skin a pink glow. If they had been in the revel room Rose would have left by now to start dinner. He sighed. First step to worthy, coming up.

Mariah remembers

Master Victor's eyes bugged out in surprise when Master Cassender came to check Mariah out of the Exchange. "She's no rag," he said to Cassender. "She's a housegirl. Intelligent, from what I've seen. Competent, by most reports."

Mariah gave no indication that she had heard. She stared at the ground. "What are playing at?" Master Victor asked her. Mariah didn't reply.

Suddenly, yelling came from the houseslave section Mariah had just left. Even Mariah looked up, briefly, but no one noticed. Brewster came rushing up. "Master, I couldn't stop them. They're fighting over who their old mistress liked better." Carefully coming between Mariah and the masters, he winked at her. She nodded and looked back down.

Cassender said, "You've got your hands full. I'll just take her and be on my way." Victor was already hurrying off. Cassender buckled a collar onto Mariah, not too tightly, and attached a leash to it. "Come, girl," he said. Mariah let herself be tugged.

Present day

For the second time that day Gabriel burst into Animal's apartment, Mariah close behind him. It was filled with smoke. Gabriel rushed to the kitchen, where Animal was waving a towel over a flaming pan. The counter covered with dirty dishes, half made food, and garbage, and the stove still had three pots on it, none of which were in good shape. At least Animal had kept the recipe book on a high shelf, where nothing had spilled on it. Animal shuddered to think of the smoke damage to it, though.

Animal stepped aside as Gabriel grabbed two potholders from the drawer next to the stove. He took the pan from the stove and dumped it into the sink where it continued to burn. He turned off the burner that Animal had left on. "Open all the windows, and then let's get out of here," he said. Animal was happy enough to oblige.

In the courtyard, Gabriel looked around suddenly. "Where's Rose?"

Animal pointed to his studio. "Mixing your paints?" Gabriel asked with a frown.

Animal shook his head. "Drawing." When Gabriel and Mariah stared at him, he shrugged. "She wanted to."

Gabriel blinked, and then smiled slightly. "And she wanted you to cook?"

"I meant to surprise her," Animal said. "That recipe book was still there, and I tried . . . " He trailed off.

"That book's not for beginners, brother," Gabriel said.

"So I learned," Animal said with a wry grin.

"You want to learn to cook?"

Animal nodded. Gabriel turned to look at the smoke that was still coming out of Animal's kitchen window. "Hardly any ingredients in my kitchen." He turned to Animal. "Let me see what Rose stocked in yours."

Putting a handkerchief over his nose, he went back to the kitchen. He came out a few minutes later, his eyes watering, carrying a sack overflowing with vegetables. Animal followed him to his apartment, where he laid out the food on the counter that separated the kitchen from the living area. "We'll start with something simple, " he said to Animal. "A nice soup. Hard to mess up."

Animal was able to fill the large pot with water without too much assistance. Chopping vegetables was more of a challenge, and especially with Gabriel hovering over him warning him not to cut towards his fingers. When he finally had a respectable pile of carrot and celery pieces he asked Gabriel what he planned to do with them.

"We'll fry them to bring out the flavor," Gabriel said. He opened a cabinet and grimaced. "Or we would. We're out of oil." He looked over at Mariah. "Would you mind?" He wet a dishcloth and handed it to her. "Hold this over your face when you go."

Mariah scowled but took the cloth. Gabriel set Animal to stringing beans. "Who taught you to cook?" Animal asked him.

"My father," Gabriel responded absent-mindedly as he rummaged in a drawer for a potato peeler.

"Was that after your mother died?" Animal asked.

Gabriel shook his head. "My father was always the cook. My mother was more likely to try to convince the eggs to get along with each other than to scramble them. Made her a great magistrate, but not so great in the kitchen."

They worked in silence for a minute. Gabriel sighed. "I miss cooking," he said. "But Rose is territorial over the kitchen and she looks so long suffering when I try to butt in."

Animal scowled and reached automatically for his whip before remembering that it still lay on his living room floor and that everything was different now. Expelling a breath, he looked out the window towards his studio. "Maybe she'll be more inclined to share if she has other things to do with her time," he said.

Mariah came in and handed Gabriel the bottle of oil. When she did so Animal saw her left eye, bruised, swollen. He touched her arm. "Mariah, I'm . . . I'm sorry. Truly. I didn't . . ."

Mariah shrugged. "Every slave deserves her punishment, Master." She picked some basil and began tearing the leaves off the stem.

Animal said, "Mariah, let me make it up to you. Rose wanted to draw. What do you want?"

"You want to bargain for my forgiveness, Master?" Mariah asked.

Animal nodded.

Putting down the knife, Mariah ran her fingers through her hair. "Anything, Master?" she asked.

Animal nodded, a little warily this time.

"When the time comes, I'll let you know, Master." She smiled at him blandly.

Gabriel laughed out loud. "My mother could have taught you a thing or two about negotiation, Animal," he said. He picked up a couple of onions. "Will chopping these make you cry?"

Animal shrugged. "No idea," he said. Gabriel demonstrated the proper technique. Urging Animal to go slowly and carefully, he handed him the knife.

Animal's eyes smarted, then burned. He put down the knife with a curse and stumbled out of the kitchen. "Wash your hands twice and then go outside for some air," Gabriel advised him.

Animal came back in a couple minutes later and sat on the stool on the living room side of the counter. He watched as Gabriel made short work of the onions, the knife dancing in his hand. "I whipped a girl once because she couldn't chop onions," Animal said softly. "And then I sent her away."

Gabriel stopped chopping. His silence made Animal more ashamed. "She was my first housegirl after I moved out of my parents' apartment. I didn't know then that some people just can't . . ." He looked out to the courtyard, and across it to where Rose was. "Her name was Lucia. I didn't know that she . . ." His eyes smarted again. "If I had known I wouldn't have . . ." He stood up. "If I could find her . . . ." He sat down. "It was years ago. And there have been so many." He looked to Gabriel. "What am I supposed to do?"

Gabriel turned around and opened a cabinet. "You're supposed to remember what you did, and be ashamed, every day," he said. Animal flinched. Gabriel reached for a jar of salt and faced Animal. "And every day you're supposed to do whatever is in your power to make up for it, in how you live your life, how you treat others." He put a pinch of the salt into the pot of water. "But you can never undo the past."

Animal stared at Gabriel, shocked out of his own self-absorption by the defeat in Gabriel's voice. He said softly, "Brother, I don't think we're talking about me anymore."

Gabriel shrugged. "We all have our histories," he said, too briskly. "Come, I'll show you how to sauté vegetables. The trick is in the heat of the pan." Animal let Gabriel change the subject, but he wondered: What was Gabriel atoning for?

Mariah remembers

Master Cassender seemed to enjoy talking to Mariah. Or to himself, more like, as she gave no indication that she heard what he said except to respond, slowly, to direct questions or commands.

The hardest part for Mariah was to keep her eyes unfocused as they drove towards the wall. She hadn't been far from the mansion since she had worked the farm. And now they were further away than that. She barely managed to keep her head down as Master Cassender pointed out landmarks to her.

At a swimhole he stopped to rest the horses and to have sex. "I don't suppose you'd be much at blowjobs," he said, as he lay a blanket on the ground.

Mariah wished he would just get it over with. But he was gentle and slow, suckling on her neck and breasts, slowly trailing his fingers down her body, finger fucking her until she was soaking. "Open your eyes," he ordered her. "Look at me." She obeyed him as he entered her. "Good," he grunted. He moved in and out of her, slowly, cupping her breasts with his hands, changing angles until he was hitting just the right spot.

She came with a cry, spasming on him, and still he moved in her. She tried to look away, but he squeezed her breasts. "No," he said. "Keep looking at me." She came once more. "Good," he grunted, and released into her.

Present day

Gabriel handed Animal a spoonful of the stew. Animal blew on it, tasted it, and nodded his approval.

Gabriel smiled. "Mariah, would you . . . " He stopped. "Where is she?" he asked Animal. Animal couldn't remember when he had last seen her.

Mariah stepped in through the sliding door to the courtyard. "Yes, Master?" she said calmly.

Gabriel breathed out a sigh of relief. "Were you with Rose?"

"No, Master," Mariah said, and did not elaborate.

Animal rolled his eyes. "I'll get her," he said. He strolled past Mariah, across the courtyard and into his studio.

Rose froze for a moment when Animal came in but then went back to drawing, almost in a frenzy. She supported her right arm with her left hand, and rocked back and forth on her feet.