After Lisa left I went back to the kitchen and sat down with another cup of coffee. I was trying to puzzle out how I was going to talk to Sandy about her relationship with Lisa (and for that matter, my relationship with Lisa). I had no desire to limit my relationship with Lisa to a one-night stand.
"But then again," I asked myself, "What would I do if Sandy demanded I stay away from Lisa?"
"So how could she do that, given what she has done with Lisa?"
"Yeah, well, she just could," I told myself, "and I don't think I'll have the courage to tell her no."
"But why would she do that? She certainly didn't with Rachel."
"Maybe I should just be mad at her and walk away."
"Yeah, fat chance of that happening. Besides, how do you walk away from someone who's never around?"
"Maybe Sandy would just deny the whole story and claim she never knew Lisa."
"Not likely," I told myself. "First, the way Lisa reacted when she saw my drawing of Sandy on the dock was a giveaway. She was telling the truth. She had been deeply in love with Sandy and still is. Besides that, I'm sure Rachel knows the whole story and would tell me if I asked. Sandy knows that too. She won't lie about her affair with Lisa."
"So really no shit, Steve, what are you going to do?"
I had gone around this conversation about three times (and a cup and a half of coffee) when the phone rang. It was the art supply house calling to tell me the roll of paper I had special ordered for the big drawing had just come in. That gave me the excuse I needed to stop torturing myself with the Sandy/Lisa problem. I quickly cleaned up the kitchen, showered, dressed, and headed for the subway to get my paper. Right now I wanted, more than anything else, to focus on my drawing.
So that's exactly what I did for the next three days. Doing the big drawing presented some problems, because my drawing board wasn't big enough for the sheet I was working with. I sketched out the outlines of the figures on the floor and then did the color work on the drawing board in sections. I was a little concerned about how well this would work, but after three days I had a completed pastel drawing taped to the wall that I really liked. It was just like the small model I had done, but bigger. Much bigger!
Two naked women slumped against each other on a couch with that "oh so satisfied, just climaxed so fucking hard I can't believe it" look. The tall blonde, the one with the small tits, is lying with her head back and eyes closed, her long shapely legs stretched out before her, with the left one splayed to the side exposing her glistening sex to the viewer. The shorter redhead is tucked under the blonde's right arm, her eyes closed and her unruly curls covering one of the blonde's breasts. Their hips are tight together sharing their warmth. The redhead has one leg extended like the blonde's tight alongside hers. Her other leg is pulled up, the heel on the couch threatening to slide off if she falls asleep, exposing her equally gleaming sex.
The key to the picture is the expression on the women's faces. Rachel, the redhead, has a pure smile of love and satisfaction. Sandy's smile is perhaps just a little more complex, a bit ambiguous. Is it satisfaction, contentment, love for Rachel, or pride at how she had just satisfied Rachel, or made Rachel satisfy her? I didn't know, and I didn't want the viewer to know eitherβnot for sure. This wasn't a Mona Lisa smile. It was something else. Just as ambiguous but more erotic. The contrast between the two girls' expressions was the emotional heart of the picture. It invited the viewer to speculate about the women's respective emotions and motivations, thereby making the drawing's story the viewer's own.
"Yes, it works," I told myself.
That was when my phone rang. I looked at the screen and saw it was Sandy. My heart leaped. I still didn't know whether to be pissed or fearful of losing her. We hadn't talked since before my fling with Lisa. I had been avoiding the issue by burying myself in my work. But the work was done, and there was Sandy on the phone. "Time to step up," I told myself.
"Hi you," I answered.
"Hi yourself," she said. "I'm glad you're there, but where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for three days, but you don't answer your phone or respond to voice mails."
"Oh . . . Yeah, well, I guess that's right. I've been buried in my work. I got the roll of paper I needed, and I've been doing the big drawing of you and Rachel for my show. I guess I got pretty engrossed in what I was doing, but then if anyone would understand that it should be you."
She laughed a little. "You've got a point there," she said. "Actually I'm thrilled to hear that. You haven't been like that since you got laid off. I've been worried about you."
Okay, I thought. She sounds like she still cares.
"But do I?"
"Of course you do you dumb shit. You're still head over heals in love with her."
"Yeah, but she . . . she and Lisa . . ."
"Yeah and you and Lisa did too, so what's the big deal? Not to mention she and Rachel and you and Rachel. You and Sandy are going to have to talk it through, that's all."
"Okay, but not over the phone."
There was an awkward silence while I had this little conversation in my head.
Finally I spoke up, "Where are you?"
"JFK. That's why I've been trying to reach you. To tell you I was coming home."
My heart flipped over again.