Lustful Amnesia Ch 7

Thank you for coming to visit me - I'm so embarrassed you have to see me like this. After our last conversation, a lot came flooding back. Understand me, please. I've never had time to mourn.

It must have come as a shock to you, rolling up to Hillside Meadows, and realizing just what kind of place this is.

When they told you I was at the hospital, did you panic? Did you think I'd hurt myself? Did you care?

(of course you cared: here you are)

Did they you outright that I'd checked myself into a mental health clinic?

No, I didn't think so.

That's fine. It's better you found out for yourself.

I heard someone say "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

Anyone have a take on that?

I do.

Fuck you

(to whoever said it first).

I feel so much anger -

rage

- at what should have been, and will never, ever be. Some careless fuck doesn't yield, and lives are destroyed by it. No one survives the collision. Not the Martins, not the other driver.

Five people buried in a single week. Four of them, in a single ceremony.

The ceremony was beautiful.

'Lots of flowers, music, and mourners. Everyone said their Hail Mary, and Our Fathers, and cast roses after the fallen.

It was beautiful. How I imagine my father's funeral must have been. Like my father, no amount of accolades will bring them back.

The dead

are

dead, and gone. They leave us in their wake, alone to put the pieces back together - except the pieces never fit the way the used to.

I don't know how to cope with this... and that's why I'm here. Safe from myself, and the stupid shit I might attempt if I were able to act on my own accord.

So, whatever. I still have a story to tell. I'll need your help to get it out there.

O O O

(

Just because we slept together doesn't mean we were

together

. Not the way I wanted it. Summer was coming - you know, that whole Summer of Love thing I mentioned early on. I had a heavy burden to carry, but so did Cordelia.

We were inseparable, more now, than ever. Some people even began to spread rumors.

Some

took those rumors as an invitation to know us better.)

"I'm

not

a slut." Claire smiled. "I'm a sexual adventurer."

Amnesia looked at Claire doubtfully. "

Please

. Spreading your legs for any guy who wants your sex is not adventure."

"It's slutty." Cordelia said.

Amnesia smiled at Cordelia, and sighed at Claire."Its a waste of sore thighs."

Claire looked pale, like she suddenly wanted to escape, but had nowhere to really run. "I've done it in more than just missionary."

"You've

done it

?" Cordelia looked doubtfully toward Amnesia, shaking her head. "What kind of a slut says 'I've done it'?"

"I told you, I'm not a slut. I just like a little adventure."

"I don't think you've ever even gotten off." Cordelia stood up, and began to circle her. Amnesia stayed seated at the lunch table. "We're all legal here. Why don't you just come clean?"

"I've had an orgasm before." Claire was insistent, however desperate her expression.

"Maybe climbing the ropes in gym." Cordelia said finally, coming to a stop behind Claire. She glanced at Amnesia who gave her a slight shake of the head. Cordelia began circling around her again.

Amnesia stared at Claire a moment, trying to decide exactly what she wanted out of she, and Cordelia. If she wanted either

she

, or Cordelia... well, then Claire was out of luck. Amnesia stood away from the table, and took a few steps forward. "I lost my virginity to a girl."

"Eew! You've been with a girl?"

"Sexual adventurer huh?" Amnesia smirked. Cordelia was no longer circling Claire, but staring at Amnesia in wide eyed horror, trying to subtly shake her head. Amnesia offered a reassuring smile to both Claire, and Cordelia, though she doubted Claire would understand.

"I like a little adventure. I'm not gay."

"Gay.

Gay

. Who said anything about being gay? I said I lost my virginity to a girl. In fact, she's the only girl I've ever been with. I don't know if that makes me gay, but I know it doesn't make me a

liar

."

"So it's true, about you two." Claire blushed a little, and Amnesia was certain things would be fine. More certain than Cordelia was, at least.

"I don't

actually

know what you're talking about," Amnesia said, stepping slowly around Claire, and beside Cordelia. She gave Cordelia a reaffirming pat on the back. "but if it has anything to do with Cordelia, chances are it isn't true."

Claire conceded. "Fine then, how'd you lose it?"

"Not very nicely." Amnesia glanced at Cordelia. "...she busted my hymen without remorse, and she owned me."

"Girl's can't have sex."

"Oh, yes we can. Sex isn't just dick you know. Remind me sometime, and I'll find someone to show you how girls really do it."

Claire blushed a dark red.

Cordelia could see Claire's ears, dark red, and laughed out loud. "So you

have

thought about it!"

Amnesia, and Cordelia laughed, not impolitely, as Claire looked around nervously. Tired of them standing behind her, she turned around. They stopped laughing, stifling their laughter. Claire was nearly crimson in the face.

"You two..."

"We two, what?" Cordelia said stepping a single step closer to her.

"You two should probably keep your escapades to yourselves."

"So says the

sexual adventurer

." Cordelia brushed Amnesia's hand with her own. "What if we

were

whatever it was you think you've heard about us?"

Claire shrugged. "I guess I'd ask where I sign up."

Amnesia, and Cordelia exchanged glances. "Bring us Sandra Sevilla."

O O O

I'm not over Cordelia,

you know

.

They tried to make me question whether or not I was ever in love with her, or if it was only obsession.

It's been a little difficult, but I can cope for now. I mean we just spent what - a good ten minutes talking about girls, and believe me. Claire wasn't a plain looking girl. Hell, even Sandra was something to look at. I guess, at the time, I was just distracted.

And rightfully so. If I knew then what I know now, would I have done things differently? No. It would not have changed things in the long tun. A buffets of pussy isn't an excuse to sacrifice what little I had with Cordelia. What little she was willing to accept, and admit.

So, as the story goes, Sandra would later reveal to me that Claire was a virgin. It was one of those kind of, sort of situations, where you kind of, sort of knew Claire's reputation didn't match her stories.

She wasn't even a good liar about it.

Much like my Cordelia did to me, Sandra punched out Claire's V. Card. Just like that, they were fast friends. I hadn't expected it, but I can't say I'm unhappy about it. We were all young, and I thought we might have started a revolution. (I was wrong)

Sandra made her like me, completely independent of social constraints. No more having to give head, if that's what she's had to do. From there on out, she was our confidante. Instead of two of us sitting around at a table, we were four now. It was as much as I promised Sandra it would be.

I would have razed the school's population making others more like us, and less like what others think they should be.

Yeah, you know me a little.

We've shared stories... I've told you mine, you've told me a few of yours too.

We played show and tell, and I showed you mine, you showed me yours. You got

so

hot when I lost my virginity to Cordelia. You were ready when Sandra was turning Claire.

How many times have I gone down on you in that well developed imagination of yours, where as I may have have really been there, I enjoyed touching you with expert hands, and tasting you with an expert kiss.

Yeah, you've come for me many times, and yet, I really have no idea who you are.

but you know me, oh yes)

They want to say I have anti-social disorder now. They're calling me a sociopath. There's not formal diagnosis, but I think they mean to imply that I don't have feelings - emotions. Of course

I

do

.

I feel lust.

I feel hatred.

I feel anger.

Mostly, though, I feel sadness.

No one seems to appreciate the escape I've made out of my sexual identity, and my mastery of lust. They say that only animals behave that way. Well you know what?

If you treat me as an animal, and as an animal I shall behave. I did it

then

, and I will do it until I can be with my Cordelia again.

0 0 0

Lunch came later in the day with an unexpected speed.

The bell tolled, and the students rushed for long lines, others finding their places among the social order of the campus. Amnesia watched the freshmen, and sophomores hurrying around campus, as though they were missing something important. The juniors were a little more patient.

Neither she, nor Cordelia cared anymore. They sat leisurely at their usual table, watching the school around them, and wondering if any of it ever

really

mattered.

Cordelia caught sight of Claire rushing for one of the lines, and nudged Amnesia, nodding in Claire's direction. "Hold up Claire." Amnesia said, catching up to her friend. "I need to make a quick break for the bathroom."

"Want me to hold your place in line?"

"No, just come along. I like the company, it gets so boring in there when you're by yourself."

"I know what you mean."

Amnesia smiled.

Claire smiled back, and gave Amnesia a half hug as they walked. "Thank you for being so nice to me. It's been a while since anyone has. A lot of people don't like me. They treat me like a slut."

Amnesia paused and gave Claire a matter of factly look.

"Sexual Adventurer. Except my adventures have been at a standstill like two days."

"Two days?"

"It's a long time." Claire pushed Amnesia a little, and laughed. "Okay. Try two months."

They were almost there at the girl's restroom. Amnesia kept her talking. "We'll have to fix that."

"Well I was thinking of Marcus."

"Marcus?"

"Marcus Delgado."

"The JV quarterback?" Amnesia asked with a tone of disgust. "Please, he thought a clit was something you held paper together with."

Claire threw a blank expression.

"The clit. The

clitoris

?"

Still blank.

"Do you even know what sex is?" Amnesia sounded exasperated.

Blank.

"Fuck it, I'll show you now." Amnesia said, and took Claire by the hand, running fast with her.

"What are you doing?" She asked, as they reached the far restrooms by the Phys. Ed. lockers.

"Lesson time." Amnesia said, knocking on the restroom door. Nothing happened at first, then, a reluctant faced Sandra Sevilla opened the door slowly.

She stared at Amnesia with uncertainty, and what looked like a little fear.

"Claire, why don't you go on in, and wait."

"...'you okay?"

"Yeah, Claire." Amnesia smiled brightly. "I just have to settle something with Sandra."

Claire obeyed, pushing lightly past them both. Sandra slinked out of the doorway, and the door closed behind her.

"Yes,

her

." Amnesia said.

Sandra made a face. "You

swear

after this we're even?"

Amnesia leaned in close to Sandra, and whispered. "Does Sandra Sevilla fuck her cousin at keggars?"

"Not after this, she doesn't." Sandra scowled. "After

this

,

that

never happened. I do this for you, and you and I are even. We're

done

. Past is buried."

"You do this for me," Amnesia said. "You won't want to stop."

Sandra was silent, her narrowed eyes fixed on Amnesia's content smile. She nodded, and pushed the door open just slightly. "Even?"

"Even."

Sandra slipped into the girls restroom without another word.

O O O

Amnesia sat at the lunch table with Cordelia. They were quiet for a little while. Then:

"I'm glad you paid that bitch back for all the shit she gave us growing up."

Amnesia smiled, and put her arm around Cordelia. Cordelia tensed. She didn't remove her arm. "Cordelia..."

"Just... not

here

Amnesia.

Please

?"

Amnesia glanced around the campus. No one was looking, or if they were looking, no one seemed to care. She slowly drew her arm away. "

No one cares. It's our last year here.

"

"Do you want to go with me to class tonight?"

"What, like Karate?"

"Yeah, Amnesia. Karate." Cordelia said, turning to face her. "I only just started, and we could study together."

"

Study.

"

"

You know

. Study. It gets pretty hot after a workout." Cordelia whispered. "

"

Why

are we pretending?"

"Let's not ruin this -

whatever this is - let's just see where it takes us. Don't force it, please."

"Okay, fair. Not now. We

will

talk about this though. It's only right."

Cordelia nodded, and leaned in, giving Amnesia a one armed hug. "What are we going to do?"

"Well," Amnesia said, as the lunch bell rang. "At least we know we have people we can trust now."

O O O

Amnesia caught a brief glimpse of Claire as she and Cordelia were heading to class. She nudged Cordelia. "Look."

Across the hall, Sandra Sevilla, and Claire were walking side by side, talking as though they had been friends a long time.

"Wow." Cordelia said. "In a bathroom, huh?"

"Yeah."

Cordelia made a face. "That's kind of gross, isn't it?"

"It's really gross. Sandra had it coming, though." Amnesia pulled Cordelia behind her, as they passed through a large group of students.

"So you found an appropriate punishment."

Amnesia shook her head as they arrived at the door of their final period class. "

Punishment

?" She whispered. "No, baby.

Enlightenment

. You, more than anyone, know that.

You

enlightened me. I shared your gift of understanding."

"It's not the same."

"You would rather I did it myself?"

Cordelia glared. "Don't even joke." She gave Amnesia's shoulder a firm squeeze that said

You belong to me

.

A secret smile crept over Amnesia's face, and she found satisfaction, however temporary it may be.

O O O

A lot of things changed, back then. There was a fire inside of me, even then, to get Cordelia to pay attention to me. If

enough

people were

out

about who

they

were, then maybe Cordelia could find it in her heart to come out with

me

.

Not out on a date, or out on the town. To clarify the slang, I mean

out of the closet

. We weren't even gay by normal gay standards. I didn't waste my time checking out girls for the sake of girlhood. Sure, I know a sweet piece of ass when I see one... but I can say as much for men too. I'm not really interested in men. Not because they're bad to look at, or because of that jack ass Rick "The Dick"

Nah.

I wanted Cordelia's complete, undivided attention, back then as much as I do now. You might think I'm insane. Everyone here in "The Meadows" does... but I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I

know

what's out there, and I don't mean serial killers, rapists, and pedophiles. Those are monsters you can kill. I'm talking about the ones you can't.

There were old stories I used to hear, growing up, that

they only come when it rains

... but this isn't one of

those

Erotic Horror.

Things changed. Drastically. My mother - our families (Cordelia's, and mine both) thought the changes were just a phase. Like the Goth kids who hang out in the old graveyard behind that abandoned church on the outskirts of town.

Yeah, they're retarded. Whatever. Angst makes you do stupid shit, and you know what baby? I wasn't any different.

O O O

Amnesia stood silently, dressed in a dark green skirt and, black tank top, and a white button down blouse, buttoned by only two buttons. It enough to accentuate the fact that she had something nice beneath it.

Her hair, once golden locks, was now died pitch black, and pulled tightly into a no nonsense pony tail which hung foreboding from the back of her head.

She had bright red lipstick on, complimenting pale stockings, and black high heels. Her eyes were glacial blue, contrasting to everything that she was wearing, and it was by no means an accident.

Her face was blank of expression, but her eyes were agonizingly beautiful, teasing the boys with something - someone - that they would ever know. Biblically or otherwise.

Next to her, Claire leaned silently against the brick and mortar podium, dressed sleekly, in a knee length black skirt, with black calf length boots. She wore a tight black button down shirt, and had a smokey appeal to her eyes. Her lipstick was crimson red. Her expression was one of disinterest, punctuated with only the slightest furrow to her brow.

Her hair had been cut from it's ass length, thick curly locks, to jaw length, which she kept glistening, slicked back in a small ponytail.

"Dykes!" A girl yelled, from across the amphitheater, to Amnesia. Amnesia threw a quick glance at Claire, and then back to the girl. Amnesia glanced at Cordelia, who looked unimpressed.

"Always the same slurs."

"It gets old." Amnesia yawned, waving a dismissive hand.

Claire took it a little more to heart. "Fuuuck you bitch! Why don't you come say it to her face!"

The girl, Nancy Gordon, a cheerleader, laughed with her friends at first, but Claire stared hard at her, waiting for a reply.

"Why don't you come eat this!" Nancy mocked, arching her hands to her thighs.

"Ask me again." Amnesia shouted across the amphitheater. Some of the lunch attendants looked uncomfortably at Amnesia.

Clair added, "Do it politely."

Nancy's face became still from her humor and mockery. "Fuck you, you rug munching whore-dyke!"

"Promises, promises." Sandra Sevilla mused, mocking the girl now. "Nice skirt, Nancy. You'd look better with my face buried beneath it."

Nancy made a face, and gestured the traditional

fuck you

. "Whore!"

Claire snapped.

Amnesia made no effort to stop her.

She watched with a concealed pride in her new creation, the former school "slut" who had never really had sex in her life (except Sandra), was now charging the cheerleader, her boots boots crashing through the field of the ampitheater.

Her soldier. There would be more soon.

"You should probably Apologize, Nancy." Amnesia called.. "Before Claire--"

Too late.

Claire was five feet from Nancy when she leapt through the air, arms out ready to grasp the panicked cheerleader.

Many of the high school boys gathered around her, as she pounced, landing squarely onto Nancy. Between her speed and weight, the force of the leap, she had Nancy on the ground, her shoulders pinning the girl down.

"Eat this." Claire said, holding her loins just in front of Nancy's face.

She grabbed the girl's hair with her hands, pulling her face forward, slightly less than an inch away from between her legs, and then pushed hard, slamming Nancy's head into the hard dirt and grass floor of the amphitheater.

Clair climbed off of Nancy, who was in tears, and kicked dirt into her face. She kicked her once in the ribs, pulling her skirt back down to her knees. No one had come to stop her. The Lunch attendants stood in silent concern, ashamed that they would do

nothing

.

"That show was for free, cheerleader." Claire's shoulders were heaving, as she caught her breath. The top buttons of her shirt had torn away, revealing a little cleavage. "If you want to have my cake, and eat it too, fine. If you want to fight, you're fucking with the wrong people, you stupid cunt."

"I hope you enjoyed the show boys." She said, and patted one of the jocks on the shoulder, as she passed. "Hey there

Rick

."

The rest of the group made half-hearted cheers for Rick the 'Dick.

Rick was rumored to have a 'monster cock'. All of the girls on campus who'd never even seen it, swore by the Holy Mother that he was monstrous. Amnesia had seen it before. Claire had seen it too.