Recovery

Chapter 20

There was little to say of the journey back from our "minor" quest. Exhausted both physically and emotionally, I remembered very little of it. Only that Daava led me by the hand all the way back to the campus. And that on more than one occasion, she stopped to check my injuries in a manner that seemed almost self-blaming. Of course, I didn't blame her or anyone else really. How was anyone to know that the seemingly harmless quest we were sent on to rescue a trapped animal from a mine belonging to a peaceful town would turn into a fight against an army of skeletons ... er ... "boners".

When we returned to the campus, I believe Daava went to discuss the matter with the faculty. She seemed quite heated when she left the rest of us waiting outside, and only slightly less so when she exited, mumbling about the staff being a bunch of morons.

I awoke the next morning to Hyrranesus knocking at my door. She brought some healing milk specialized for more serious injuries. While she was there, however, she applauded my use of the magic she had taught me, and even squeezed a small sample to taste and see how far along my own milk was coming.

"While unfortunate, this incident has brought your potency up by several levels," Hyrranesus said, licking the droplet of milk from her index finger and thumb. She closed her eyes and let out a small moan as she did. I would never grow tired of how her magical abilities worked.

"Does ... that mean it will help the people of Crudehook?" I asked, hopeful that she would at least say it was close.

However, Hyrranesus shook her head gravely and replied, "You're making fast progress. But what you're trying to achieve will require a certain mastery of the form. At the very least, you need to overcome this block."

I felt a disappointed pit in my stomach at this answer. "What block?"

Hyrranesus tapped her chin thoughtfully. "It's what all students have-a personal limit to their own potential. Don't get me wrong, it's not the limit of their maximum possible potential. But it's a personal hurdle, the mile marker between proficiently learning something and then making it your own. In our case, this would be ... well ... a barrier to your sexual connection to yourself."

This explanation felt oddly personal to me. I tried not to get too emotional, but my voice did crack a bit when I replied, "But I've been ... trying really hard, and doing everything I thought I was supposed to..."

"Oh, no, no, sweet girl," Hyrranesus said and placed a hand on my knee. "You must always remember that your education-sexual or otherwise-is a journey. One cannot achieve mastery of magic by sheer force of will alone any more than one could in such a way instantly climb a mountain. You are developing a relationship with yourself. And relationships of all varieties take time. Time getting to know yourself, discovering new things about yourself, learning who you are in the context of various companions, and ... in your case ... time healing from the scars of your past."

I nodded, trying to be mature enough to understand that what she was saying made absolute sense. But I still could not help but feel at least a little disappointed with myself nonetheless.

Hyrranesus sat on my bed and cradled my knees to her side. "I'm worried about the pressure you might be putting on yourself to help Daava and her people."

I looked down at my covers and didn't respond. I simply didn't know how to; she was ... probably right.

"Lilly," Hyrranesus said, and lifted my chin so that we were face to face. "You won't get to where you need to be by treating yourself like a tool for the use of others. I've spoken to Daava; she doesn't view you as such. You're more than just a means to an end. I think learning that will be one of the hardest steps toward reaching the potential you require for your magic. So be good to yourself. Have fun, work on being healthy and whole. That's your homework assignment, understood?"

Despite myself, I couldn't help but smile as I nodded in reply.

The healing milk that Hyrranesus left for me after she was gone helped a lot, and I ended up spending only one day of my weekend bundled up in my bed. Still, I would have also liked a strong drink or a joint.

While I had conquered my fears enough to survive the ordeal, it didn't mean that the event didn't take it's toll. While my body was safe, my mind was still swimming in that dark cave for the next few days ... weeks ... and months, if I was to be brutally honest. It lessened over time, but the first few days were particularly difficult. I would wake up in a cold sweat, my mind replaying all the ways our misadventure could have ended in tragedy. Dreading the idea of more quests or even classes, for the irrational fear that they would send me into another mine filled with living skeletons or worse.

On a conscious level, I of course knew that this was all irrational. What had happened was an anomaly-an anomaly which was over and finished. Having dealt with more serious trauma in the past, namely from the abusive cycles with my parents and later partner, my brain had an unfortunate way of coping. Any little trigger, or even none at all but my own mind, would send my brain into "dark" mode. For a few minutes, all my adult reasoning would be entirely gone. I would feel like a child again-vulnerable, terrified, hypervigilant. Then the bubble would come like it had in the cave, making it hard for me to think or even balance on two feet. The only way I knew to cope was to just wait ... reminding myself that these were just waves of chemicals in my brain that would eventually pass. Just like the current in the cave, I just had to ride it out no matter how it hurt.

-O-

Mystery played the main role in taking care of me in the couple of days of recommended bedrest, hanging out, talking when I needed to, and reading something from the library when I fell back into sleep every so often. Daava visited twice, on top of bringing me food during mealtimes. Even Faublien visited to hang out-leaving me a small blanket with a minor calming enchantment on it.

It was my final guest who I expected least.

In the late evening, I began nodding off to sleep. Mystery had asked if I would be comfortable with them leaving for a shower. In just a day, I'd grown to feel reliant on the company, and had found it tremendously helpful to have Mystery there when I'd woken up in a cold sweat, thinking about dark rivers and jagged rocks. But I also knew that there was such a thing of holding on too tight to someone. So I had told them to, of course, feel free to hit the shower and do anything else they needed. I could hold down the fort till then.

Even before they left, however, I felt the shakes begin, and the world started to get a little scarier a place.

"You're okay, you're alright," I muttered to myself. I repeated this phrase a few more times, trying hard not to make the repetition sound too frantic to myself.

The door creaked open suddenly, and I jumped. I recognized the tall, statuesque elf donning leather immediately.

"A-Aamnalyn?" I said, a little intimidated but not exactly frightened. If anything, I supposed it was nice to have some company while Mystery was away, and I had been rather worried about Aamalyn since our last meeting at the barn. I was, however, confused as to how in Kavtagro's infinite pubic hairs she had managed to break into my room through the enchanted locks.

Aamalyn smiled and looked like she was going to say something before she paused. She studied me for a moment and then furrowed her brow. "The magical power emanating from you ... it's ... unusual. Stronger by far since last we met but scattered. Sharp spikes and falls. Like a heavy blanket on a clothesline-capturing bellows of wind."

At first, this confused me. But the way she described what she felt from me had a particular rhythm to it. It was as if the way she was speaking the words was specifically meant to reflect the meter and flow of something specific. And how did I know this? Because it was the same rhythm as the unnerving jolts of panic that clouded my mind.

"What did they do to you?" Aamalyn asked, the veins on her temples becoming noticeable as she clenched her jaw.

"It was a mistake," I said, about to explain what had happened (and even how it had probably been a fortunate mistake, given that we had been able to find and save Zolreya).

However, Aamalyn shook her head. "It's always been the same with them. They promise you safety, a place where you can have "healthy" encounters. But what happens when their perfect little vision fails? They leave you out to dry!" She made a fist and looked like she was about to punch something. Given the bare state of our room, however, there were few targets. So instead, she removed an empty cloth back neatly folded around her belt and began looking around the room.

"What ... are you doing?" I asked, confused.

"Packing your things," Aamalyn said. "I'm getting you out of here. At least in the city, I can protect you from this sort of inane, magic-killing, asinine-"

"I ... don't want to leave," I said, feeling a bit of nauseous guilt in my stomach when I did.

Aamalyn froze and then turned to give me an exasperated look. "This place ... it's gotten its tendrils into your brain." She shook her head and continued packing.

"No, I ... I have people I care about here," I said. I really didn't want to argue ... but this was the only thing I'd ever been this sure about in my entire life.

"The people here aren't the good people you think they are!" Aamalyn said, her voice raised in frustration that seemed ... genuine. "In the city, people fight and vie for power. But they don't play the sick mind games that they play here. They don't lull you into a false sense of security and then cut you where you're most vulnerable. They don't take away what means most in the-" She shook her head like she couldn't say another word. Instead Aamalyn returned her attention to me. She stepped to my bed and reached out to take my hand.

"Aamalyn, you said you wouldn't do anything unless I asked," I said, trying to reason with her and keep from hurting her more. "I think ... I think you are good. And I don't want you to leave. But I also don't want to leave here, either."

"Lilly, it's not safe here; we're going," Aamalyn said.

My vision narrowed, my heart raced, I felt nausea fill me as I said the one word that I'd been groomed to fear more than any other. I had to manually force the muscles in my jaw to work as I said in too formal a tone, "No."

Aamalyn sputtered and shook her head again. She seemed frantic, not angry. But I knew that people could do as bad things when they felt scared as when they were angry. So when she finally reached for me again, I said, "flame," the schoolwide safeword.

Suddenly, a weight filled the room. Both of us froze in place, all heightened emotion sucked from the air instantly. In the far end of the room, the door slammed open. Almost immediately, Aamalyn began to slide backwards on her feet. Her face ... she seemed so scared, so hurt, so confused. I hated it ... I hated watching as an invisible force pulled her all the way out the door, slamming it behind her.

From the other side, I only briefly heard sobbing. It was enough to reignite my own emotions as well. For the next several hours I cried into my blanket-knowing I'd done the right thing while still entirely feeling like I'd done something horrifically wrong.

-O-

By the next week, my nerves and pain had calmed enough that I was able to attend classes. Mercifully, the next couple months were entirely normal ... or at least as close to normal as it came around Kink University.

It was the beginning of another new week.

Hyrranesus wrapped a measuring tape around one of my breasts. Today, I was out in the field. Again, I was entirely naked. True to her word, Hyrranesus had fastened long, pink ribbon around my neck-which she used to lead me around during classes and even to tie me at a kneeling height to posts when she needed to step away.

"Nearly double in size!" Hyrranesus said excitedly. She weighed my breast in her hand for a moment.

"Mooo," I said contentedly, enjoying the feeling of the gentle sun on my freckled shoulders and bare back.

It was true, my breasts were much more substantial than they had been. The weight was nice, though I did need to work on my posture and other aids for my back health. My veins were much more noticeable as well, and my nipples were more prominent. Every morning, I had to express them myself-filling bottles that Hyrranesus left for me and would collect from my doorstep while I was off to breakfast.

As had become a habit with both Hyrranesus and Daava, the professor reached down and handed me one of the delicious milk candies I had come to crave. On top of their natural flavor, my brain now entirely associated them with approval and positive reinforcement.

"I've got something new to try, today," Hyrranesus said and led me by my leash back into the barn. I walked on my hands and knees, as I almost always now did in this class.

Back in the barn, we approached the stall I now thought of as my own. There, I spotted a new and vaguely familiar mechanism. Much of it was gears and some sort of pully system with a crank. The parts I recognized, however, were the two glass orbs on either side of a padded surface. It didn't take a genius to know what that would be used for.

Sure enough, Hyrranesus guided me onto the device. This one was higher than the pillory from before, and I had to stand up to even be able to mount it. It was something like a heavily padded wooden horse, which I had to straddle. By benevolent design, there was a hole where my girlstick could rest unsmooshed. Leather pockets both supported and restrained my elbows and knees so that they were forced in a comfortable, bent position.

After I had mounted it and Hyrranesus locked me into place, she span a metal wheel I hadn't noticed earlier. This caused the round glass tubing to rise and meet my breasts. Hyrranesus then adjusted my breasts, so my nipples were perfectly aligned with the orbs. Then, with a crank, the machine whirred and soon produced a gentle suction.

I squeezed my eyes shut and whimpered a small, "moooooo."

"That's right, the little cow like her machine, doesn't she?" Hyranessus said, feeding me another candy. She proceeded to take a brush and begin grooming my hair. "With this leaving my hands free, who knows what new things we could add to our classes."

"Moooo," I moaned breathily.

Hyrranesus then span a second wheel. I could not see what this mechanism adjusted, though I heard something happening beneath me. I only realized what it was once I felt a glass rim around my girlstick.

In an academic tone, Hyrranesus explained. "I've been interested in seeing what your other milk might be capable of." As I whimpered, my eyes rolling, Hyrranesus continued to run her brush through my hair. This felt a bit strange at first, giving everything else going on, but I soon found myself enjoying it.

Eventually, I glanced over at Hyrranesus to see that she too was now naked. With her free hand, she stroked her sex calmly. She pulled her finger away for a moment, and I saw a string of her wetness trail from her finger. With a glint of mischief in her smile, Hyrranesus then took a piece of candy from a cloth bag on the floor. She then placed this in her wet hand, purposefully coating the sweet in the juices trailed from her finger. Then, almost as if an afterthought, she took the already wet candy between her finger and thumb and pressed it into herself. Without releasing it, she swirled it around inside for a moment before pulling it back out.

Even before it was near my face, my mouth was already open expectantly.

Hyrranesus let it fall into her open palm and then pressed it to my mouth. As I ate from her hand, tasting her oddly honey-like musk combined with the sweet milk candy, she softly smeared the considerable amount of fluid left on her hand across my face.

An orgasm hit me, and my body trembled as much as it was able with as securely bound as I was to the device. And as the machine simply continued to operate and build up to yet another, Hyrranesus contented herself with braiding my hair into pigtails, her fingers still soaked in her own juices.

-O-

Without much of a need to return to the enchantment class so high above my level, I found myself enrolled in an apprenticeship under Mr. Spleck. It had been several weeks now, and I was getting quite proficient at cooking meals. I had even used the kitchen after-hours to mix my own milk into baked goods. Though it wasn't as good as being fresh from me, Daava reported that my cookies definitely gave her an energy boost-and that they were delicious as well. This made me quite happy.

Today, I walked in to see Mr. Spleck in the kitchen, wearing a bright grin. In his hands was a rather flat box. He said, "Lilly! You've been such a great help around here, I wanted to gift you something."

I smiled brightly and blushed. I was honestly very surprised that someone was giving me a gift just because. It was definitely a love-language of mine, and the gesture nearly made me tear up. "That's so sweet-thank you!"

Mr. Spleck handed it to me excitedly.

I took the box and opened it. Inside was a folded dress, nearly matching the black french-styled maid's outfit that he wore. Mine, however, was a soft pink that matched my school robe. "Oh my god!" I squealed, gently pulling it from the box.

Mr. Spleck began to bounce excitedly with me. He said, "Now we can match while we cook! And look, several aprons to change out too!"

It was true, there were three frilled aprons-much prettier than the ones I had been borrowing for the past few weeks.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," I said, and hugged Mr. Spleck-who smiled delightedly.

By the time I changed, it was dinner time. In my new outfit, I began to serve tables. When I first walked out of the kitchen, there were a few cheers. I blushed, smiled, and did my best to politely serve the other students their food. Receiving only compliments, I was pleased to find that the other students were very polite about their excitement. Most simply told me how cute my new dress was, and one student told me that this was now officially his favorite eatery on the Citadel ... whatever that meant.

The only person who took it further was Daava-who was more than happy to squeeze my backside as I bent over to serve her food. She was also quick to look down my dress and ask me to spin around in it for her. As normal, I could tell that Daava was making a bit of an effort to try to seem natural at this level of sexual forwardness, but also that she was having fun.

I was having fun too.