Anti

On a warm, acrid evening the two sat facing each other. It was the most unromantic environment and he chose that rather inauspicious moment to open his heart. He glanced down at her shapely breasts just above the table and quickly shifted his gaze as she noticed.

"I always admired you from the time I was about ten years old and you were fourteen." He began. "You had such sparkling eyes and a sweet baby face and smiled often but spoke very little."

Slightly embarrassed, Kanti tried to reminisce those days in the small sleepy town in India.

"You were always on my mind." Giri continued. "I was simply fascinated at the time. Years later, I was heartbroken when you married."

Being the perceptive woman she was, Kanti wasn't shocked. She was perhaps a bit surprised that Giri would admit that he was smitten. He had always desired her and she had noticed his eyes of admiration wandering over her body but he was also a self-assured and proud person. The present declaration was a serious come down from the lofty pedestal that he was perched on.

Fuelling Fantasy

Flash back almost three decades, Kanti, short for Jayakanti, pictured that scene where she played on the dirt streets of Devi Nagar and vaguely recollected Giri's features. He still retained some of his boyish charm now at thirty-nine.

There was an incident in her marital life a decade or so later, where Giri briefly featured. It was during a weekend trip to a hill resort. Kanti and hubby Yogi were tucking themselves into bed on a cool night in the hotel room on the slopes. His arms went around her waist and he kissed her on the forehead.

"Wow! That Giri is simply crazy about you." Yogi began.

"Why? What happened? He told you?"

"No, of course not. How would he say that to me? I saw him ogling you inch by inch. That was a tight pair of jeans you were wearing."

"Oh, how horrible. I won't wear that pair again." She snuggled closer to him. "Are you upset?"

"No! Just the opposite. I was turned on!"

"Ah? How?" She was surprised and looked right into his eyes for answers.

"It's so nice to know that other men are craving for my darling! I love that feeling of having you while they can't"

"That's weird." She thought for a while. "Do you like him to look at me like that?"

"I know you don't understand, sweetheart, but that's how a man's brain works." He moved closer as his erection pushed his pyjamas and she felt him with some coy glee. She turned back to the supine position full of expectation.

He moved over lowering his nightwear to bring out his throbbing organ and she simultaneously lifted her nightie and opened her thighs for him. She held his rigid penis and stroked it up and down her hairy lips a couple of times as she always did. The quickness with which she could get wet recently surprised her. He slipped in with ease and then went onto a sweet rhythm that only young, familiar-with-each-other couples know.

"Do me a favour, darling." He gasped. "Imagine this is Giri fucking you. Please."

"Nah!" She shook her head vigourously. Her retort was short and sharp. She stopped her bodily reciprocation abruptly and he felt it.

"Why? Please. This is just fantasy." His strokes got stronger and deeper. "I want to be him today and I want you to pretend with me. Imagine someone else for a change. He is a nice guy and he is single and lonely. He craves for you. Give in to him once."

She didn't say a word but her participation seemed to have returned. He thrust into her with renewed energy as he panted and gasped through his physical effort.

"I saw him in the club changeroom once. He is not big or anything but he is good looking." He stopped to take in some deep breaths. He continued: "Just enjoy the variety."

Kanti giggled. "I don't care about all that and you know it. What do you want me to do? I am participating, am I not? You imagine you are Giri. Will that not do?"

"Call out to him and ask him to go deeper or something!" His strokes got stronger and his hands roved over her breasts and then went under her nightie to fondle her firm nipples. His left hand went to her sides, behind her, her butt and her thighs. "Oh, how beautiful you are, Kanti. Your skin is so soft and smooth and I love your beautiful curves. It's so wonderful to make love to you." Yogi had become Giri.

"Hmm..." Kanti was responding.

"You are my first and I love the way you took me in. Am I doing OK?" Yogi was displaying signs of impending climax. "Oh, god this is so good. Tell me it's good for you too, Kanti darling."

Before she answered he exploded. The spasms were strong and prolonged and he grunted through them with his whole torso tightening. Kanti never felt him being so intense and pleasured before. She asked.

"That's kind of weird. You liked that fantasy. Why, I wonder?"

He rolled away from her, gently. She jerked as he withdrew from her. "I told you. It's thrilling to know that your woman is wanted. It's only an imagination. It's harmless."

Kanti wiped herself down there and used some tissue on him too. "Wow! You came a lot!"

This was their first episode of fantasizing. Later, Kanti went back to read about it. She learnt that there is a primitive natural tendency for men to compete and interestingly men actually did ejaculate more in volume and had stronger orgasms when there was competing semen in their partner's vagina! There were lots more under the topic of 'Sperm Wars'. Kanti took that all in and being the very pragmatic women, she was, she put that aside as normal but strange physiological behaviour. She was somehow not turned on by fantasy.

Giri left the city soon after to pursue a career with the Central Government administration. With that his ghost faded from their bedroom.

Fantasy was forgotten till one hot summer day, when David and Anita their doctor friends had a power outage and spent the night with Yogi and Kanti. That was when an event of some significance took place.

Late at night Yogi went into the shared bathroom adjoining the room where the visitors were staying. He probably didn't know what to expect but he heard something.

There was panting, moans and groans by both for a few minutes. Then a short break and then more mumbled words mixed with sounds of pleasure and then the unmistakable, almost unrestrained voicing of a climax. Yogi had his penis in his hand and stroking himself vigourously through his pyjamas when he realized they, David and Anita might want to use the washroom and slipped out stealthily.

Treading softly on the carpeted floor he found Kanti in bed with her iPad.

"Where were you?" she demanded. Then saw his hand and his crotch. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, my god. You should've heard them. They were fucking."

"What? You looked? You saw them?"

"No. I was in the bathroom and I heard the sounds and the conversation. It was mind blowing!" He pulled his penis out and stroked himself with shameless arousal.

"I would feel ashamed to do stuff like that. Don't tell me anymore!" Kanti simply went back to her iPad.

"Oh please, honey. Help me. I am so turned on." She looked at him, put the tablet aside and saw his face. He was an excited wreck. After a brief thought, she grabbed his throbbing organ for a quick hand job. It was something she was good at and liked to do. She always felt she was in control and liked the way he ejaculated as she stroked him and loved the stringy cum fly out in jerks. She knew his body and could read his impending climax so well. He loved her hands too and secretly admitted to himself that she was the best among all his previous women.

She got down to work on him. Then stopped briefly to pull up her nighty and bring down her panties. She knew he liked looking at her when he came. He looked at her sex and his excitement grew. He would never get tired of looking at her creamy, smooth thighs and flat lower abdomen and the hairy nest in between. Kanti was not, by any stretch hirsute so she had kind of a soft bush of dark hair that contrasted with her light brown flesh, that Yogi loved to look at. Along her slit her growth was more pronounced invitingly.

"Ooh, you are so beautiful. I want to fuck!"

"But I am not ready!" Kanti protested. She put her arm around him and invited him to suck her breasts. He loved doing that she loved his lips on her. He lay next to her and worked on her.

"Oh, my god those two are so sexy. They were really into each other and were having hot sex. You should`ve heard them."

"Yogi! I am not interested in that snoopy stuff and I wish you weren't too!"

He brought in fantasy again. "Can we both pretend to be David and Anita? It'll be fun. It's harmless." He went back to her breasts. His hands went downwards and visited those valleys and crevices he loved to frequent. Kanti moaned. He begged: "Come on, baby. Let's go to our little fairy land."

"No! This is our world and come and make love to me now. Just you and me."

Yogi moved over her and she took his penis and rubbed it on herself almost with ritualistic reverence. He slipped in and they were in rhythmic sync and immersed in the joy of union.

Yogi couldn't forget the context. "Ah! It's so nice. Hold me darling. It feels so good. Do you wish David could do this to you? Oh, I wish I was fucking Anita!"

She stiffened but said nothing. Yogi continued but felt like he was fucking a stiff statue. He climaxed and then rolled onto his side while she remained silent and cold.

Yogi didn't try to make peace with her. He knew there was no point when she was in that mood.

He turned away and he slipped into a sleep. They both did.

Though that episode caused a dent in their relationship for a while things returned to normalcy soon enough.

Kanti was advised regular mammogram and ultrasound screening as two of her maternal grandmother's sisters and an aunt had breast cancer. During the most recent session the radiologist recommended that a possible lesion be checked out by physical examination by a surgeon. As Kanti panicked and fear gripped her with the possibilities, she was informed that Dr. David Vijayan, surgeon on call would examine her.

She was about to decline saying he was a close friend but reconsidered thinking that, in the circumstances, someone known would be better. She thought of calling Yogi but decided against it.

David walked in with a nurse in his crisp white coat with his name embroidered on the pocket. He looked and behaved extremely professional but gave her such a warm smile that she immediately felt comfortable. He explained what the radiologist found in great detail and the possibilities and it turned out that anything sinister was extremely unlikely but needed the physical to decide on further action.

As David walked away, the nurse prepared her for the examination. She was wearing only the hospital gown and her bra was off. She took the gown off too and made her lie down and pulled a sheet over her. David was back again and she nodded when he asked her very politely if he could examine her breasts.

Over the next several minutes David's fingers and palm were on her. Every single inch of her breasts and armpits were examined thoroughly and very professionally. He was so gentle and soothing in his words and examination that Kanti felt reassured and comfortable. Indeed, she felt so relaxed that she noted that her nipples were hard. Time and again his palm brushed over her tips which was so maddening and she struggled to keep the good feeling down. She had no control over the tiny bit of arousal. She knew that she was getting wet and felt so ashamed of herself.

Agonizingly, the examination came to an end and Kanti was wondering if that was what she wanted or not. She pulled the sheet over herself quickly and clumsily the back of her hand glanced his lower torso.

Oh gosh, she thought. What is happening to her? Of course, he was being very professional and correct. She pushed those other thoughts aside.

David assured her that things were OK and that she should have her regular check up and may be if required a needle biopsy could be done.

On her drive home, she remembered that night when Yogi spied on David and Anita. Somehow that scene came back to her in some detail. She wondered why. She somehow felt ashamed of her feelings on the examination table. David was being thoroughly professional and she had these sensual thoughts! A feeling of guilt gripped her and she felt so bad for herself. After all the right things taught to her when growing up and never ever been unfaithful to her loving husband even in thought, this was a major event in her life. She felt horrible and tried her best to push her thoughts aside and the memory of David's gentle fingers on her breasts away. But she couldn't. It felt so good.

She discretely put her left hand up her skirt and touched her crotch and noted there was still some wetness there! Oh, my god, she thought.

She reached home that day and remembered waiting for Yogi to come and make rough and passionate love to her. She wanted his hard body to ravage hers in every way possible to cleanse her of those unfaithful thoughts. Yogi would be picking up junior from his parents' home where he's gone to spend the afternoon.

As she showered, cooked dinner, set the table and brought out a bottle of wine, she couldn't help feel David's fingers and especially felt his palm hover over and then brush past her nipple with that maddening amount of anticipation.

She sighed. Then she heard the garage door open and she battled within herself if she should tell Yogi. She quickly decided that she won't be telling him everything. He wouldn't understand, would he? He hadn't even remembered that she was going for her mammogram. She forgot to call him as she usually did. Things were all haywire.

After junior was showered, fed and put to bed and they had their dinner and turned off the lights. Kanti showed as unusual amount of enthusiasm and Yogi played on. It was when they reached their favourite position in lovemaking that she brought the topic of her mammogram.

He was to her right with his pyjamas pulled down and she had her fingers curled around his erect penis and stroking him gently. He had two sliding fingers in her wet vagina and was sucking her breast alternatively.

"I had my mammogram today." She mumbled hesitantly.

"Oh yeah. I forgot. How did that go?" He stopped what he was doing to look at her with some concern. "Everything alright?"

"Yes. Thank god. Now don't stop doing what you were doing!"

They were very quickly into sexual union. Somehow that night it was different. She thrashed about much more. She opened herself wider. She moaned louder. Both her legs were in the air. She clawed his back that almost broke skin. Her wet vagina made the most vulgar slurping sounds as he pounded her. She panted and whispered: "Oh my god!" several times. She remembered at least three orgasmic moments.

Then when his body tightened and he held his breath as he strained to say: "Coming!" She slipped her hand down and held his slimy penis and gave it some adjuvant strokes to drain him fully. Her other hand went down to his hard-working butt muscles and travelled to soft stroke his balls.

He drained himself of every tiny bit of semen into her. She didn't know why but she had a peculiar habit of counting his ejaculatory strokes. She counted eighteen. It was normally nine to eleven!

Even more fascinating to her is that during that night of love making, she did think again of David; when Yogi fondled, and sucked her breasts; when his fingers were on her clitoris and in her vagina and even when he climaxed.

She was somehow sucked into fantasy mode.

Very odd!

Extremely awkward and hypocritical of her, she thought as she got mad when Yogi imagined the very same thing. With all these conflicting feelings, she took time to fall asleep. But not before she realized that she had woken something new within her.

Then, Kanti's world turned upside down.

Cold Karma; Hot Karma

It was a decade later one morning as Yogi and Kanti were getting set for work when he complained of some 'stomach trouble'. He sat for a while on his bed and with his hands on his knees and almost immediately he began to sweat profusely. Kanti called the ambulance and his parents and just as the ambulance arrived Yogi collapsed.

The paramedics led her out of the room as they began the resuscitation and after some initial sinister signs they indicated that they were successful. Yogi had had a major heart attack, which they called a myocardial infarction and they swiftly shifted him to the local hospital in a critical state.

A few months leading up to this, David and Anita had moved apart and she moved out with their son. Sitting by Yogi's bedside with him unconscious and on a ventilator David gave Kanti the details. He told her of their disagreements and quarrels. He dropped her back at home late at night almost everyday. They began sharing details of their relationships. While David described how Anita craved so much for physical intimacy, Kanti described a bit about her husband's many flings before their marriage. He had described them all, ostensibly to come clean with his wife. Kanti, of course had no experience and came to her marital bed as a pure untouched virgin.

Time and again reflecting on her frank discussions with David, she felt streaks of guilt. They were mitigated by his kindness and frequent explanations of complex nuances of cardiac care and therapeutic strategies of the imperfect science of medicine as a whole. She learnt of the risks of which Yogi had none except a possibility of parental consanguinity playing a part. Ghee intake was suggested and Yogi did like it but never indulged too much. He was critically ill due to the volume and functional mass of cardiac muscle damaged and through these channels of extremely painful discussions she understood that she needed to be prepared.

As a result of the prolonged, important and private discussions, Kanti and David became very close indeed. Amidst the impending death of her husband, Kanti felt strong emotions of being taken care of and being proximal to a very kind, intelligent and decent man.

Then one evening the chief cardiologist indicated that the 'Copeptin Test' had revealed that Yogi won't survive. Even if that was known for sometime, when it was uttered in so many unequivocal words, the tragedy struck forcefully. She sat in David's car and his caring hands covered hers. For the first time, a physical touch and she curled her fingers to reciprocate. Suddenly her soul exploded with powerful positive emotion for him and he reciprocated with guarded feelings of his own.

He had noticed her fluid movements in whatever she wore. She was an absolute knockout beauty. While Anita was biggish, curvy and sexy in a slutty kind of way, Kanti was pure unspoilt beauty. Her curves were subtle yet ample and she always carried an aura of innocence and a mantle of Hindu conservatism. David had always envied Yogi's privileged possession.

Now her husband was dying and she was with him and depending on him for emotional, physical and societal support.

After nineteen heart wrenching days when Kanti and her fourteen-year-old were given details like which coronary artery was blocked and to what degree and complicated prognostications, Yogi passed away.

Kanti felt numb, stunned, shocked and then completely devastated with indescribable grief. There was one single pillar to lean on for them both. That was David. He was a tower of strength and comfort. When Yogi was conscious and communicative on the many of those last days he kept talking to him and assuring him and kept him positive.