When Julie and Ashlee arrived back at the house after dropping off Greg and picking up Julie's car at the mall, Ashlee appeared ready to burst.
"Well?" she asked expectantly.
It was obvious what she wanted, but Julie had no intention of divulging details.
"Well, what?" she replied.
"C'mon!" Ashlee laughed. "I never saw a more obvious JBF smile." Julie blinked, clueless.
"JBF?"
"Just been fucked," Ashlee answered with an accusing smile. Julie felt the color rising in her cheeks. Was there really something in her face that gave her away? Of course, Ashlee had helped orchestrate the whole rendezvous and she already knew damn right well that Julie and Greg hadn't sat around playing backgammon! But the idea that someone could look at her and tell, well... it didn't seem out of the question.
"I'm not talking about it," she told Ashlee, trying to give her friend a stern look that said there was no compromise. But Ashlee's expression of mirth undid Julie's efforts and she was forced to look away.
"Did you go down on him?"
"ASH!" Julie squealed, incredulous at her friend's brazen question. In spite of herself, she almost waggled her jaw involuntarily. The muscles were still sore from accommodating Greg's significant girth. She caught herself just in time, mortified that she had almost given herself away in such obvious fashion.
"I'll take that as a yes," Ashlee replied with a smug, satisfied look on her face. "Did he tell you to do it?"
"Jesus, Ash!"
"'Cause if he told me to, well..." she pantomimed giving a blow job, moving her curled hand back and forth in front of her mouth, timing it with poking her tongue against the inside of her cheek. In spite of herself, Julie laughed.
"My God, Ash! Get a grip!" Julie laughed, immediately realizing that her choice of words was playing into Ashlee's hands. So to speak.
"That's exactly what I was talking about!" She sat on the couch and looked at Julie in a way that made Julie feel like she was in an interrogation room, a bright light shining down on her. "So what are you going to tell me?"
"Nothing!" Julie said with indignation that was only partially feigned.
"Oh, come on! At least tell me how many times!"
"Jesus, Ash!" Julie protested. "I can't talk about things like that!"
"Okay, don't tell me," responded Ashlee. She turned her body three-quarters away from Julie and crossed her arms in a playful mimic of a pouting child. "I'll just make it up in my head however I want to." She shot Julie a sly glance out of the corner of her eye before continuing. "'Oh, Greggie, I'm so glad you're here!'" she squeaked, mockingly. Then in a deeper, manly voice, "'Suck my damn dick, woman!' 'Oh, yes, Greggie!'"
Ashlee burst out laughing as Julie sat silent with a bemused grin on her face. Julie didn't want to give Ashlee any reaction, but it took some effort. Again, Julie was surprised how accurate, if absurdly exaggerated, Ashlee's assessment was. Not that it should have surprised her. But it did.
"I think I'm going to bed now," Julie said when Ashlee's laughter abated. Ashlee looked at her and raised an eyebrow speculatively.
"I know it's not, you know... the way you are. To talk about this stuff," Ashlee said, her smile fading and real compassion surfacing in her eyes. "But if you need me..." She let the words hang in the air between them for a moment. Then Ashlee gave Julie a quick but firm hug. "I'm here for you. Okay?"
Julie found herself absurdly moved by her friend's words. Suddenly, tears were threatening to well in her eyes. She blinked hard, refusing to shed one. Especially a tear so maudlin. She gave Ashlee a nod and a quick smile and hurried off to bed.
Once in the safety of her room, comfortable between the sheets, Julie let herself think about Greg again. And Ashlee.
Everything about Greg, the way he had awakened her sexually, the way she lost herself in him was so new to her. But Ashlee seemed to know all about it in the blink of an eye. It was a reminder that what Julie was experiencing might be new to her, but it was well known territory to others. It made it easy for Ashlee to read Julie. It made Julie feel almost naked.
But there was something else, not as scary. Yes, Ashlee already knew what Julie was just discovering. There was a little bit of reassurance in that what Julie was going through wasn't so unusual. There was nothing wrong with her for enjoying things now that had at one time seemed incomprehensible, if not downright offensive, to her.
If anything, Julie was finding herself being more natural in her sex with Greg than she ever was with Gary. She still didn't understand it completely, but clearly the intellectual, reasoning side of her that had dominated all aspects of her life before only interfered with her ability to let go and fully enjoy sex. Like she could do now with Greg. Because when she was with him, she didn't think about it. She just did what he wanted and it worked. Like nothing had ever worked so well for her before.
Julie snuggled into the bed, smiling as she remembered how she had laid here in Greg's arms. Remembering how she felt his touch, the way he communicated how he felt. He might never be a man for a committed relationship. He might never be capable of telling her that he loved her. Not in words anyway.
But Julie couldn't convince herself that in those moments he hadn't expressed love for her in his own fashion.
She fell asleep with the smile still on her face.
The next few weeks were a sore trial for Julie. She had to hire a lawyer, open a new bank account, get new credit cards, do all the things necessary to separate herself from Gary. At the same time, she found herself spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about Greg.
She exchanged emails with him almost daily. Personal emails, but not too personal. Julie was always careful not to sound too needy. She really did feel a void in her life without Greg, but she was afraid to tell him that. She didn't want to drive him away by asking for more than he could give. She was also afraid to find out that she might need him significantly more than he needed her.
Julie was smart enough to know that a man like Greg wasn't sitting around his house on weekends wishing he had something to do. He was out with other women, almost certainly. Julie found herself thinking about that more and more. That Greg was fucking other women, telling other women to get on their knees and suck his cock. Getting his pleasure from someone other than Julie.
Every passing day served to heighten Julie's anxiety. She could feel him slipping away from her. She had to see him again or she would just fade into another notch on his bedpost.
And at the same time, he was growing in her mind. They're relative values to each other were getting more and more out of balance. Greg was becoming all that Julie could really focus on. But to him, she might already be nothing more than a fond memory. Of course, she didn't think she had slid that far that fast. But that was the direction she was headed in.
In one of Julie's emails a couple weeks after she had last seen him, she mentioned having the next weekend free. He lived several hours away, but she would gladly drive out to see him.
But first she had to get invited.
And it had to be for the weekend. Julie wasn't going to drive out on a Friday afternoon, fuck him and head home Saturday morning. If she was going out there, she wanted to make a full weekend of it. Nothing would be harder to cope with than wondering if he was going to be with someone else after she left, when she could have stayed and been with him herself.
When Greg replied, he asked Julie in a rather vague way if she was interested in visiting him. Her heart rate quickened as she read his email. It looked like he was offering exactly what she wanted: a weekend with her lover.
And a weekend far away from Gary, at that.
It took a couple more emails and then a phone call, but within two hours, Julie had everything arranged with Greg. From that moment until she stepped out of her car in front of her house, Julie's whole body ached with anticipation.
Julie and Greg had never had so much freedom to be together. They had, of course, had several nights in a row when Gary was out of town. They had had liaisons during business trips. But this was going to be a Friday night to Sunday afternoon together uninterrupted by work or any other distractions. It was conceivable that they could spend the entire weekend naked in bed, pausing only to sleep, eat and shower.
After everything Julie had been through since her affair had been discovered, she began to feel like this is what she needed. This was what was going to set her right and get her back on track. She couldn't explain it. It was just a vague notion. But it slowly gained traction in her mind, gathering momentum as the weekend drew nearer.