It was enough, that innocuous, vague statement, that Julie almost told him about Ashlee's offer to let her have the place to herself on Wednesday. But there were still too many obstacles: Gary, the pictures, letting Ashlee get directly involved with her sex life... Better to wait. Sure, when she saw him she would likely cave in. But right now he was too far away to envelop her with his aura. She said good night and hung up.
Later, as Julie was lying in bed, her cell phone rang. In the dark, quiet room, the noise startled her. At first Julie irrationally thought it might be Greg. But she still had never given him her cell number, had she?
She sat up and turned on the light as the phone rang again. She found it on the nightstand and squinted at it. It was Gary. The thought of him calling her both angered and scared her. She certainly had no desire to talk to him right now.
She hit the button to mute the rings and waited. It would chirp if Gary left a voice mail.
But instead, the phone began ringing again. Instead of leaving a message, he had called back. She muted it again. Should she just turn the phone off?
Or should she answer it?
Something in her suddenly refused to be cowed by Gary. She was much tougher than that. She snapped the phone open.
"Yeah?" she asked, trying to sound annoyed that anyone would be calling so late.
"Why did you do it?" Gary's voice asked straight away. "How could you do it? Didn't anything we had mean anything to you?" There was no attempt on his part to hide the pain he was feeling. His voice rough, cracking at times, a live wire of raw emotion.
"Gary, oh my God," Julie replied, the guilt once again awakened in her. "It's not like that!" she tried to protest. "I didn't consciously choose to do... anything to deliberately hurt you. It just friggin' happened."
"No," Gary contradicted her. "It didn't 'just happen' when you left here last night." His words stung her with their truth. No, last night hadn't just happened, that's for sure. Last night was totally premeditated. It wasn't in doubt even before she went to see Gary. Even before Julie had a clue as to what Gary was going to say to her.
"Gary," Julie protested. But she had no follow up. What could she possibly say? He had pictures of Julie sucking another man's cock... taken within an hour of Gary telling her he wanted to try to save their marriage.
"Why?" he spat into the phone vehemently. "Why, goddamn it? Jesus! I said I would actually forgive you for what you did and you went right back and did it again! What kind of shitty fucking thing is that to do to me? To us?"
Julie fought back tears. He was right, of course. She was pure shit for doing this to their marriage. And to him. But she didn't want to cry in the face of his attack. She would take the blame. She would apologize, useless though that might be. But she wouldn't cry. Julie didn't know why that was suddenly so important, but she wasn't going to let Gary push her that way.
"I didn't 'do it' to you!" Julie shot back. "I never intended for anything like this to happen. I didn't plan it. I didn't go out looking for it. It just fucking happened!" She took a deep breath and tried to steady herself. She could feel her hands shaking, could hear the unsteadiness of her breathing. She had to remind herself that he had a pretty dangerous card in his hand, if he wanted to play it.
"You went right back to him. Right after you left here!"
"So?" Julie didn't know what to say. Yes, she had done just that. But what could she do? Deny it? Say it was likewise unplanned? No, there was nothing to do but own up to it. What else could she do?
Nothing in Julie's experiences could have given her any insight as to how to handle this. She just had to gut her way through and take the shots she deserved. And somehow, through it all, find a way to keep Gary from using that devastating weapon: the pictures.
"Do you love him?" It was an icy dagger of a question. It struck her heart, spreading its chill through her bloodstream.
A week ago, Julie could have scoffed at that question. Love him? Greg? Ha! He was just a phenomenal fuck, a man who knew how to unlock the repressed sexuality in her. But love? No, that certainly had nothing to do with it.
But now? Well, Julie certainly wouldn't actually let herself even think it at a conscious level. But wasn't there a warm, gushy feeling that she felt when she was with Greg now? Wasn't she at least flirting with the concept?
The longer her silence persisted, the more guilty she appeared. The more guilty she felt.
"Fucking bitch!" Gary bellowed at last. "I can't fucking believe you did that! How? How could you do that? Sit and talk like we're going to go to couple's counseling... and then... What the fuck?"
Julie took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. There was nothing she could say that could possibly matter to Gary at this point. He was totally right. No one should have to worry for one second that their spouse would do what Julie had done.
But the pictures... Julie had to say something, anything... But no words came.
"Jesus! Look at this!" Gary yelled into the phone. Look? Look at what? Before Julie could ask, Gary answered. "My loving fucking wife with another guy's dick in her mouth!" Was he looking at one of those pictures right now? It was both creepy and scary. He was angry and, judging by his speech, perhaps a little drunk.
