Daily workouts was a habit she'd adopted after she'd become online friends with Will. It was something he'd suggested as a way to feel better about her body and herself. It would, he'd explained, give her a feeling of accomplishment—just for having done it and for any goals she attained, such as a higher speed on the treadmill, lifting more weight, or swimming a faster lap time. Besides, any resulting improvement in her body would undoubtedly benefit her self-esteem.
Will had been correct; she immediately noticed a difference in her weight and body tone. She soon noticed she felt better mentally and physically. So much so, that she'd become virtually addicted to working out—it was beyond a habit, it had become a need. She'd worked it into her schedule every day of the week, either just after work or, on her three days off, first thing in the morning, instead of work.
As she was driving through Kingston to her parents, Denise remembered, "That's right, it was Will who urged and prodded me to begin working out regularly. When I mentioned I was noticing improvements, he and mother exhorted me to work out more often, perhaps daily, and to increase my workout regimen."
That realization caused her to smile for the first time in four weeks, and she considered, "Mother and Will are of the same mind. They both want to help me become the person I've always wanted to be. They want me to learn to be happy with my body, my desires, and myself. They want me to be uninhibited, to enjoy life. Maybe, I should have made more of an effort to listen to what they were telling me. Perhaps, in the future, I should pay more attention to their advice."
* * * * *
While Denise was putting her things away in the spare room, her old bedroom, Annika asked if she would join her in the den when she was finished. Denise objected, suspecting her mother planned to counsel her, but Annika explained, "It's more comfortable in there and I have some bread, cheese, and an excellent Bordeaux we can enjoy whilst we catch up."
They chatted about one another's work while they sipped wine and enjoyed the bread and cheese. Refilling their glasses, Annika decided it was time to change the subject to the real reason for this chat. Based on her assumptions as to what had caused her daughter to become a recluse, she asked, "So Denise, you've had four weeks to sort through your feelings about the challenges, what have you concluded?"
Denise immediately recalled her embarrassment when, as she danced at the Quad, her three former friends ridiculed her for exposing her oversized and disproportionate body. She frowned and complained, "Mother, I was a fool to let Will, father, and you talk me into taking on the challenges. I was an idiot to think I could be uninhibited. I just exposed my horrid and ungainly body to everyone and ended up embarrassing myself. I'm not like you; I'm not beautiful and outgoing. I'm just... an oversized cow."
Annika seethed inside as she calmly pointed out and asked, "Denise, your father and I have told you many times, you are a beautiful young woman. Why won't you believe us?"
Denise ignored her mother and continued the rant she'd been repeating to herself for the last four weeks, "You, father, and Will coerced me to think I was beautiful, to believe people would enjoy watching an oversized and ungainly girl like me pose topless in a public park, expose herself in a bar, and dance naked in a nightclub. I was a misguided fool to try to become... an uninhibited... exhibitionist."
"Denise Janeen Johnson, stop whining, sit up straight, and pay attention to what I'm going to tell you," Annika scolded.
Because of her years of parochial school discipline, Denise responded immediately and automatically sat up in her chair, pulled her shoulders back, and looked at her mother.
Annika smiled and told her daughter, "Good! Now pick up your glass and drink your wine whilst I explain some things to you."
Denise obeyed, nodding her understanding before she sipped her wine, remembering to keep her back straight, her shoulders back, her chest thrust forward, and her eyes focused on her mother.
Annika picked up her own glass and followed Denise's lead before continuing, "First of all, your father and I do not lie, we hate lies, and you know that. Yet you insist on claiming we were lying to you every time we told you that you were beautiful."
Denise opened her mouth to respond, but Annika held up her hand to stop her. Once Denise closed her mouth, Annika continued her lecture, "Don't answer me now. Think about what I said and what you're saying about your parents."
Looking down at her feet, Denise nodded.
"Secondly, Will, your father, and I have all participated in the Seven Progressive Challenges. Therefore, we knew what to expect when we, in your words, coerced you into taking the challenges. Do you honestly believe any of us would force you to do something we thought would cause you to feel as you do now? Again, don't respond to me until you've fully considered what I've told you."
Denise already knew her mother was right and followed her instructions. After taking a large sip of her wine, she looked her mother in the eyes and nodded her understanding.
Annika seeing she was getting through to her daughter, continued, "I could make many more points, but, I'll just give you the bottom line. You willingly entered into the Seven Progressive Challenges. Knowing what you had to do, you accepted the first challenge and you successfully completed it. Because they were progressive, you knew the subsequent challenges would be more difficult, require you to be more outgoing, more uninhibited, and to bare more of your body to more people, yet you agreed to continue. You accepted four more challenges and you accomplished at least three of them. Is that right?"
Denise, staring at her hands now folded in her lap, nodded her head, and muttered, "I completed every level of every task in every challenge that Will gave me."
Annika held back a knowing smile. When Denise stopped calling her the first thing almost every morning, Annika called Andrew and asked him if anything had happened during the last challenge. After much prodding, Andrew told her about the events that obviously led to Denise's giving up the challenges.
Confident she now knew what had happened, Annika continued her lecture, "Yet, the first time you had a setback; you quit the challenges, and you're now blaming Will, your father, and me for misleading you. Do you believe that is fair or right? Do any of us deserve your accusations? Again, think about it for a few days before you answer."
Annika took a sip of her wine and Denise took advantage of the lull to respond, "I will carefully consider everything you've said and explained to me. I will give you my responses, next week."
"That is all I can ask of and expect from you. Thank you! Now, whilst I get us some more bread and cheese, why don't you refill our glasses?"
After they'd enjoyed a bit more bread and cheese, Annika asked, "Now as for your behaving like a recluse, don't you think that four weeks was enough time for you to mourn your loss? Isn't it about time you rejoined the world, went back to chatting with your Internet friend, dancing at the clubs with Andrew and Jackson, and enjoying your life once again?"
A thousand thoughts, a hundred reasons, and ten arguments passed through Denise's mind, but she knew none of them would stand up to her mother's reasoning. Knowing she couldn't overcome her mother's logic, Denise conceded to her, and somehow, though she didn't know exactly why, to herself.
Her mother's logic had hit her harder than had the remarks of her former friends from Arts School. It overpowered her. It forced her to remember that she had somehow found the strength to overcome her supposed friends' insults and complete the fifth challenge. However, she'd allowed her own self-doubt to take charge. She'd ignored her accomplishments, and let three girls, who she knew disliked her, affect her self-image and self-esteem.
Her mother was right, of course. That momentary lapse had caused her to spend four weeks in abject solitude. It had cost her the opportunity to complete the Seven Progressive Challenges and to prove to everyone that she could be uninhibited, that she was no longer a prude. In her momentary lapse she'd quit the Seven Progressive Challenges, and that was that. It was her own doing; she would live with it, and use it as an object lesson. It was the price of not maintaining control.
Denise, sadness evident in her eyes, conviction in her expression, looked to her mother and answered, "Mother, you are right. I will celebrate the holidays and I will start the New Year with an emphasis on enjoying my life."
Annika smiled at her beautiful Jamaican daughter and toasted, "To a happy and uninhibited life!"
