Angela.
My precious. My adorable little dolly. My cheerful imp.
We had so much fun with her. She showed me the world in a new way every day, through her eyes.
As she grew, I began to speak to her about the Mysteries. I began to instruct her about Love.
I was able to help her along in ways I had not been helped. I understood this world we were in much better than I had when I first arrived. I now knew that in this place, a goddess was a rarity, and had to be discreet.
Angela would not celebrate the Ceremony of Blossoming with a public feast, as I had done in so many other lifetimes. The effusion of her first red tide would not be the cause of dancing and singing among the people of our city.
She would not have the friendship of the other goddesses who were ripening, nor the chance to giggle with them over which handsome prince would be her tutor once it was time to take the catechism into the laboratory.
Like the Opening Ceremony, the only guests at her Blossoming Feast were Darian and I. And the week of dancing was shortened to an evening for us.
I was worried about what to do. Angela hadn't spent near as many lifetimes as I had in the Service, and I didn't know who we could find to tutor her. After all, there was only so much I could teach her. I was so thoroughly experienced when I came into this lifetime; I had known what to do from the beginning.
In fact, when I was born, I hadn't really known I was a baby! My childhood had been spent sorting all this out. But Angela was different, and she had had a different childhood than I. She didn't have to figure everything out for herself, as I had; and, indeed, was not as capable of that as I.
She needed instruction, and I didn't know where to turn for it. I expressed my concern over this to her one afternoon.
"Mom . . ." she said hesitantly. "Mom?"
"Yes, sweetheart. What is it?" I encouraged.
She paused and bit her lip, trying to get the words out. I sat silently, waiting.
"Mom . . ." Then it came out in a rush. "I don't know if I want a tutor!"
"What?" I said, stunned.
"Mom, it's just that . . .Well, I don't think I want a tutor. I don't think I even want to be a goddess.
"I don't like being different from my friends. They all think I don't have a dad, because I can't tell them mine's an angel that's invisible to people. And, not all of them have dads, so it's not like I'm a total freak, or anything, but I'm just tired of having to hide my home life and pretend to be like them, and make up a job for you 'cuz they wouldn't understand what you do, and . . .
"Maybe I don't want to be a goddess when I grow up. Maybe I want to be a mountain climber, or a veterinarian, or a . . . dentist! Maybe I'd like to decide that for myself and not have you and Daddy just assuming what I'm going to be!"
I swallowed hard.
Whoa! My daughter had a mind of her own, and I was in shock at the thoughts it had spawned.
I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing.
We sat there looking at each-other, her words suspended in the silence between us. Angela was as stunned by what she had just said as I was.
"I don't know what to say," I finally murmured.
