It's Not Easy to Be a Love Goddess

Angela came to me one afternoon. She looked tired and worn, and I felt concerned for her. I asked her how her practice was going. It was fine and we chatted about this and that, but I sensed she wanted to say something she didn't quite know how to say.

So I just got quiet and looked at her, creating a silence which was an invitation to her heart to share what she really needed to tell me.

Finally, she let it out.

"I'm leaving Sam," she said.

I was surprised. I had not seen this one coming.

"Oh?" I said, waiting for her to explain.

"We're not getting along. Well, that's not exactly true. I mean, we get along fine, as long as we stick to the things he wants to talk about. We don't fight, or anything. He makes sure of that.

"But it's just . . .well; I think our love has died. We live in the same house, we talk about his books, and my work but it's just all empty. There's no spark, no passion. We haven't made love in three months . . ."

With that, she looked away from me.

"I'm sorry. I really am. No one should have to live in a loveless relationship," I encouraged.

"I don't know where I'm going to go yet, or what I'm going to do. I just know I can't live like this anymore . . ."

With that the tears welled up in her eyes, and I took her into my arms as I had not done in years.

"You and Daddy have been so good to me all these years. And I feel like such a fool. I had to do it my way, and it failed, just failed! I feel like such a failure!" she blubbered.

"Sweetheart, you're not a failure and you're not a fool!"

"Yes I am. I've been doing it my way all these years, and I've been so damn stubborn and self-righteous! If I hadn't been so stubborn, I would've left Sam a long time ago!

"But I just couldn't stand to think that you'd be able to say I was wrong to marry him! I couldn't stand to think I'd made a mistake! I just had to prove to you that what I did was right—that it was better than what you wanted me to do! And I've just made myself miserable in the process!"

"Oh, sweetheart," I said sympathetically. "I'm sorry you felt like you had to do that. I don't think it was wrong for you to marry Sam. Look at the two beautiful children he gave you; and I know you had some good times with him.

"I just believe that, if it's no longer working for you, why then, you have the right to change your mind and do something that does make you happy."

"Well, I don't know what that would be right now. I just know I'm not happy staying with him."

"Well, it may take you a while to sort that out. But the first step is to leave, and your father and I will support you in that in any way we can."

"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."

"There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my Angela," I assured her.

Oh, it was so nice to be let into Angela's confidence again.

* * * * * * * * *

So Angela moved out of the house she had lived in for seventeen years, and got an apartment. After the initial difficulties and grieving about being on her own again, she began to look happier every time I saw her.

She started dating a man named Tom, and he certainly had more of a spark about him that Sam had ever had.

Angela came to me with some questions one day about their love life. In fact, she called ahead of time and indicated to me that she was in need of a "consultation." I truly felt honored that she was daring to broach what I knew was a very sensitive subject for her.

She told me that Tom had tried some new things with her when they had sex, and she wanted to know a little more about the variety of options available. Apparently, she and Sam had stuck with the missionary position all their twenty-three years of marriage, and I don't know that his mouth had ever strayed below her neck on those occasions. She did indeed have a lot to learn!

But, how exciting that she was ready to learn it!

"It's never too late," I told her. "And I ought to know, because I date a number of elderly men, and I'm still teaching those old dogs some new tricks!"

Anyway, I gave her some exercises to do, some bedtime stories to read, and some suggestions about what Tom might like. She was attentive during our session and grateful afterward.

* * * * * * * * *

I had not met Tom, so Angela invited Darian and me to have dinner with them one night at a Chinese restaurant, after things had started to get serious between them.

When we arrived, they had already been seated at the table. Tom stood up as we approached and held his hand out to me. I took it warmly, and instantly knew I had held this hand somewhere before.

Then I remembered. The facial hair had thrown me off at first. He had grown a beard in the two years since I had last seen him. We had spent a lovely week together in Kauai on Poipu Beach. Darian flew all the way there behind the airplane, just as a little personal test of endurance.

You see, I was in my sixties now, but no one could ever guess it. The high vibration rate of the energies I channeled regularly kept me youthful and strong, and made it possible for me to continue to attract younger men, as well as older ones. Tom was probably quite shocked to learn I was old enough to be Angela's mother.

But Angela was a lucky woman. I had known the moment I met Tom that he would be a faithful steward of the Flame. What a blessing to have my ministry to him come full circle to anoint my daughter in her hour of need!

He covered up his astonishment quite well, I thought. Angela was rather used to men becoming flustered and tongue-tied in my presence, so I'm sure whatever lack of composure Tom betrayed was chalked up to that.

He took me aside later to apologize and suggest that Angela need not know about our previous acquaintance. I agreed, explaining to him that my calling was as sacred as any other professional service, and professional etiquette dictated confidentiality. He did not need to tell her I had ministered to him anymore than he needed to give her a list of every doctor he had ever seen. He understood and agreed.

I was just happy for Angela. Now, at last, she would get to experience lovemaking as Love ought to be.

I knew now that she would never take up the full expression of her calling in this lifetime, and I made peace with that. There would be other lifetimes; and the important thing was that she find some happiness her own way in this one.

I could still look forward to my retirement someday with the assurance that my two grandchildren would continue to carry the Flame.