Chris watched the big man's sleep apnea come and go, as he often did. He never spoke of it, but wondered what it would be like, one day, to wake up and find Will dead. With Thomas' demise, Chris wondered more and more about his own mortality, about his calling in life.
Being a thespian, Chris reflected, he could take on any role needed, from little brother, to lover, to mate. Yet, in his own drunken stupor, just a few days before, while watching Penny's ass, he bared a small part of his soul that he never spoke of, and always kept hidden. He sat up out of bed, letting the sleeping man lay and went into the bathroom. He sat on the toilet and began to urinate, for he only stood to pee outside and when the toilet was so filthy he could not bear to sit on it.
Voicing his only concern in life, his jealousy for the genetic female, he sighed deeply, and did as he often did, wept. He had never told Will about this part of his life. Will had always assumed that whatever cross-dressing he did was merely a part of his routine, or, as Will later admitted, that the clothing was that much more comfortable. Chris shivered and wondered what Will would say, if he told him about these feelings. He swallowed the wad of saliva in his mouth and shook his penis between his legs, letting every drip hit the water. His lower intestine rumbled and he passed gas, knowing what would happen next. While sitting there, thinking, he did not hear the rustle of sheets as the big man arose.
Will Marshall rubbed at his nose and licked at his teeth. He had woken the moment Chris had left the bed, and could sense him brooding. He took several deep, long breaths, and reached a trembling left hand out toward the nightstand. The edema in his feet and ankles had yet to form, but it would in only a short amount of time of standing. Will knew this, paced himself. He had to be careful, because the bilateral chrondomalacia that kept him in near constant pain would set in very shortly.
He reached into the drawer beside the bed, unscrewed the vial of Vicodins and took two extra strength, a total of 1500mg of the drug. Enough that it would have kept Chris unconscious for several hours, enough to take away the big man's pain. This he washed down with scotch, single malt. He was thankful that Chris never nagged him about his drinking. Carefully, after watching where he put his feet, Will stood, a leviathan amongst the flood of strew clothes on his side of the bed. He heard the emptying of Chris's bowels and pondered asking his love if he would like a good sound fucking. Will's stubby, thick cock became slightly aroused at the thought of this, and he tromped toward the bathroom.
Chris heard the tromping a mile away and cleaned himself. When Will came through the bathroom door, he smiled at him, a winning smile that he borrowed from Penny, for he felt so low.
"Hey big guy," Chris said.
"Hey love," Will replied. He loomed over Chris now fully hard. Despite the protestations of his back in serious pain he leaned over and kissed Chris softly on the lips. Chris's thin, baby smooth cock popped up in response. Will was always tender, always kind.
"How my big grizzly bear this morning?" Chris asked.
"The usual aches and pains. Shower?" Will asked.
Chris nodded. He always showered after he had a bowel movement. While the thought of remaining in the bathroom with the smell was a turn off, the size and power of the big man was a turn on. Will was his Rock of Gibraltar in both stature and emotions. While Chris could fall apart, Will would pick him up, dust him off and help with whatever needed to occur.
Will leaned over, his enormous tummy leaning out, the pouch of fat having grown a bit larger especially this last year. Chris watched it, fascinated. He never cared about Will's tummy until the last six months or so ago when it was getting so big to prevent parts of their sex life. Will did some research; they experimented with some positions and made love in different ways. The steam from the ultra hot shower poured up, and Will, on a lark, tossed some shampoo in the water basin, making some frothy bubbles. He smiled like a little kid.
Chris shook his head and rolled his eyes in a manner.
"Crazy man," he said.
"Only for you," Will replied.
Chris flushed red, then the toilet before he stood, and stepped into the hot water. Will had held the curtain open for him, and let Chris take the first wash. Will watched as the spray hit the base of his neck, saw the momentary sorrow in Chris's face, and then the hot water take what he was thinking about away. Softly he stroked his face under the base of his eyes with both his hands and smiled his big gentle smile with it's crooked teeth.
"What's on your mind, love?" Will asked.
Chris shrugged.
"The funeral?" Will offered. "Should be a quick one. I know the nursing home offered to have a service, but we declined it as dad never knew anyone there. The RAF is flying in to take the body to be buried on British soil. I expect mom will want to be buried there too."
Chris tilted his head.
"Neither ever got their citizenship. I'm a dual, as you know."
Chris nodded and then turned and muttered, "And you?"
"Cook me. Fry me in my own lard, you'll have plenty of ashes to feed the roses," He said.
Chris nodded again.
"What's on your mind, Chris?" Will asked, looking him square in the eyes.
"Do you find Penny attractive?" Chris asked him, brazenly.
"She's all right. I'd be afraid of breaking her, honestly. You're about as thin as I can take them. Besides, I've got you, I don't need more."
"You never think about fucking girls?" Chris said, prodding him.
"Not particularly. Not when your ass is so fuckable, no." Will said.
Chris gave him a half smile.
"What's on your mind, Chris?" Will repeated. "You can tell me."
"I just, sometimes think that I wish I could be as pretty as she is."
"You just met her," Will said.
"It's not just her, it's any girl, any real girl." Chris said.
"You're not a girl, you're a very effeminate man." Will shrugged, "I've said this before, that you've kind of backed yourself into a corner with your own behavior."
"I know, I know," Chris said. "Sometimes, though I just think about other things, other paths my life might have taken, had I not known you."
They exchanged places, the big man still facing him, letting the just-shy-of-scorching hot water hit his lower back. Chris watched him, his body with it's large, fat-laden breasts and wondered what it would be like to have breasts. Will turned to one side, and urinated in the shower, peeing a strong stream of foul-smelling piss. Chris overlooked this faux paus as usual and swallowed.
