If You Don't Tell

"What the hell man? It's almost 9:30 and I asked you to be here before 9."

"Mike, I had a good evening and I don't feel like hearing your crap. Be happy that I got here when I did. All you need to do is throw on some dirty ass jeans, a decent shirt and go! How hard is that?"

"I'm about sick of you. You need to turn that attitude down or--"

"Or what, Mike? Are you gonna hit me? You would really hit a woman; your wife of all people, the mother of your child?" He turned away from me and stormed into the bathroom to get himself ready while MJ just sat on the couch looking curiously at me. I sat down on the couch next to him. "Promise me that you'll never get stuck in a situation like mommy has, MJ. Treat the women you meet with dignity and respect okay little man?"

"Da!" He shouted. I wanted to turn to grab Mike and let him know that MJ had finally called for him, but it seemed appropriate that he would miss out.

"That's my pookie. Don't be like your daddy." I stood up in time to see Mike sneak out the back door without a hug or kiss goodbye. He didn't even take the time to tell me when he'd be back; something that was more of a demand than request whenever I left the house.

I sat down on the couch when the phone rang. I didn't feel like moving, but I picked MJ up, pulled myself off of the couch and answered it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Is Mike there?" It was a man's voice, but there was slight feminine lisp and it wasn't a voice that was familiar to me. Usually whenever Mike's friends called, they greeted me and then asked for Mike. This particular person, whoever he was, either wasn't a friend or just didn't care about the protocol.

"No he isn't, may I ask--." Before I had a chance to ask who was calling, he hung up. The prevailing thought in my head was that this jackass had better not call here again or he was going to catch a earful of unpleasant words.

A half an hour of news had MJ's head looking for a comfortable spot on my chest as he tried to fall asleep. I changed his diaper and carried him to his crib where I laid him down. He looked so peaceful when he slept and amidst all this negativity that surrounded us, I was glad that he couldn't understand.

"You're such a good baby." I whispered to him as I pulled his blanket over his tiny frame. "Your smile lights up my day, did you know that? I love you, MJ." I kissed him on his cheek and walked out of his room into the bathroom.

I thought about calling Quinton, but there'd be enough time for that. Besides, I had no doubt that he and Laela were still making up for the week they missed.

I turned on the hot water and let it fill the tub. I brushed my teeth while the tub filled, taking notes of how tired I looked in my bathroom mirror reflection. After the steaming water was where I wanted it to be, I sat down in the heat, letting all the steam carry away all of the headaches and worries I had. With my whole body relaxed, I did something that I had forgotten to do for weeks; I touched myself and mentally relived the fantasy I had of Quinton on New Years.

*************

February 12th (Sunday)

I was on my way home after attending an early church service, when I received a call from Laela. It was just after 10:30 am when she called, which was unusually early for her to be calling on a weekend.

"Hey girl, you're up early today."

"I know. I didn't have to work last night. But anyways, I called the house and you weren't there. Are you on your way to church?"

"No, I went to an early service and I'm on my way back home. Well MJ and I went to an early service. If Mike didn't pick up the phone, I don't know where he could've went."

"Well, I called to invite you to a sort of women's forum. It's not really a forum so much as it is a debate and advice committee. It gives us women a chance to not only talk about our issues, but to comment on local, state, and governmental topics as well. I figured that since you liked to debate in high school that this would be the perfect thing for you. Did I mention that it's free and that they'll be feeding us too?"

"Well, that sounds too hard to resist. I hope they allow kids because with Mike not being home, I'm going to have to bring him." I looked in the back to check on MJ, who was content watching the back seat of my car. "Is that okay?"

"I'm not sure, but it is a woman's forum and women are usually in charge of the kids, so bring MJ anyway."

"Okay, so where is it at?"

"Well, we're meeting at my apartment and going from there. From what Niya tells me, it's in the house of a doctor who specializes in relationships."

"So the Raven is coming, too? You guys must be joined at the hip. Is she replacing me as your best friend or something?"

"Yes, she's coming and no we are not joined at the hip. She's not replacing you Monie, we've known each other for a while and we have a lot of things in common. She's the person who told me about it and I told you. I think it'll be good for all of us if we attend."

"Is the doctor a he or she?"

"It's a woman's forum, Monie. That usually means there aren't any men present. Why did you ask?"

"I was just wondering if there were any single male doctors, who didn't mind a woman with a child. You know, willing to spread the wealth!!"

"Girl, just bring your crazy ass over to my house. The meeting starts at noon and I know how you like to be late."

"I don't like being late, it's just ingrained into my personality with a hint of circumstance. I'll be at your house in half an hour." I immediately turned my phone off after I hung up so that Mike couldn't reach me if he called.

*************

A half an hour later, I was stuck in traffic on West Airport near Eldridge. Damn circumstances. I was about to call Lae to let her know I was on my way when I finally drove past a three car accident in the right lane. Even though the wreck looked pretty awful, there weren't any ambulances and most of the slow traffic was due to the rubbernecking from the people who drove by.

Five minutes later, I was pulling into Lae's apartment complex and found a parking spot not too far from where she stayed. I unbuckled MJ from his car seat and walked up to Lae's apartment; with my hands full of both MJ and his baby bag, I was forced to kick the door.

Lae quickly opened the door and ushered me in. "I see you're trying to break my door down." She said.

With the exception of the three of us, the apartment was devoid of any sound. "Where's Quinton?"

"He went with his parents to church. Niya is on her way and I would like it if you please tried to be cordial. I don't know why you don't care too much for her, but I would appreciate it if you at least tried to be nice to her." I didn't feel like promising anything as far as the Raven was concerned, but I nodded anyway to keep Lae happy. "Thanks, that really means a lot to me." She smiled at grabbed an excited MJ from my arms. "Hey booger bear!" She tossed my son in the air and he loved every second of it.

"Lae, you want to know why I don't like Niya, don't you."

"That would help to clear up some of the mystery. You didn't used to be like this until the last couple of months. What happened to change your mind about her? I mean I understand the 'Raven' thing, you're obnoxious like that, but I don't get the attitude."

"Lae, we go way back. You're just not there for me anymore. I mean back to high school and I've always depended on you. The last few months, it's like I haven't existed. All your free time, you spend it with her. Anytime I need some guidance, you're with her. I have my problems, but the only advice you have for me nowadays is 'I told you so' and frankly I'm tired of hearing that shit. The only time you talk to me now is when you stand on your stage to talk about the wrong that men do, especially Mike; we never just "girl talk" anymore. I bet if she had a problem, you'd be running to her aide. I feel like she's trying to take you away from me and you're letting her! I mean damn, y'all spend so much time together you might as well be dating!"

Lae timidly looked at me, like I'd said something that had hit a hidden bull's-eye. "Look Monie, I didn't mean to exclude you, but you're married. I just figured that since you had so much to take care of at home that I didn't want to come around and treat you like you're single when you aren't. If I've left you feeling like you aren't a big part of my life, I'm sorry and I'll try my best to keep you included in the things I do, okay?" She came over and hugged me with MJ still in her arms. "You forgive me?"

"I forgive you." I mumbled, but I didn't forgive her. To me it didn't truly seem like she wanted to reconcile, only trying to keep me from showing my disdain towards the Raven. The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I ground my teeth together to keep myself from saying anything else, but what made me smile was knowing that in time she would get what was coming to her. I didn't know if I was going to be the one who did it, but since she was already leaving me for Raven, I at least wanted to be around when it happened.

"Yay!" She shouted and tossed MJ up is the air, much to his surprise. "But this still means you have to try and be nice to Niya."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I muttered, "I'll be on my best behavior, mommy."

She laughed and continued throwing MJ up in the air.

After she'd tossed him up for the sixth time, there was a loud banging at the door. I peeked through the peephole to find the Raven waiting on the other side. I opened the door and put on the phoniest smile I could muster. "Hey R--Niya! We've been waiting for you! How are you doing?" I went so far as to even offer a hug. She looked confused, but briefly accepted my hug anyway.

"Hello Simone. How are you doing?" She was cautious with her words, obviously aware of the slight amount of contempt I had for her. She stepped back and looked over me. "You know you didn't have to dress up. It's just a casual meeting." She was referring to the tan sundress I'd worn for church; the one I didn't get to change out of because of Lae's insistence that I meet at her apartment ASAP.

"I didn't dress up, we just came from church and we didn't bring a change of clothes." I replied. I was careful not to sound agitated, even though I was. I looked over at Laela who smiled at my restraint. "I don't have a baby-sitter, is it okay for MJ to come?"

"I don't see why not, it's a women's seminar, but anyway ladies, it's about time we left," she said as she rushed into the apartment. I looked Niya over and noticed how she and Niya wear wearing the same colored ensembles, white blouses with blue jeans and sneakers. Once again, I felt completely isolated and thoroughly overdressed in my church dress.

"If I would've known everyone was trying to match, I would've went home and changed." I said, already feeling like I was left out of the loop.

"It's coincidence, Monie. I just threw on something comfortable and I can't help it if people want to be like me." She smiled at Raven who returned a smirk.

"Can we leave now? The last thing I want to do is walk in late and have everyone looking at us." Raven said, rushing us out of the apartment. I picked up all of MJ's belongings off of Lae's couch and drudged towards the front door.

I was about to take my time walking to my Olds when Laela grabbed my hand and swiftly guided us towards her shiny Accord. A few steps before we made it to her car she let go of my hand. "Monie, go and get the baby seat out of your car." I nodded and under Lae's watchful eye, jogged over to where I had parked to unbuckle MJ's baby seat and take it back to Laela's car.

After everyone was buckled in, Lae, MJ and I were heading south on Highway 6 weaving through traffic, following the Raven's red Chevy Cavalier through traffic.

"How long before we get there?" I asked.

"I don't know. From what Niya tells me, it's in some posh neighborhood in Missouri City."

I was still upset at Lae's dismissal of my feelings, so for the rest of the ride I remained silent and tended to MJ, who occasionally whined in Lae's back seat.

Ten minutes and a few right turns later we crossed over a bridge and into a subdivision that I missed the name of as we drove in. It may as well have been called, "Plantation Estates" with the smallest houses being at least three times bigger than my own. Also, the lack of color we saw while noticing people on the sidewalk and in their yards staring at us driving along the winding two lane road began to make me a little paranoid.

The Raven stopped her Chevy at the gate of the most beautiful stone and stucco house I'd ever seen. As soon as she stopped, a valet in an ivory white jacket ran up to her. After a few words, the Raven stepped out of her car, gave her keys to the valet and walked over to us.

The valet closed her door and took her car inside the black iron gates. He maneuvered up the driveway towards the house and soon disappeared behind the enormous domicile. As soon as her car was out of view, she poked her head into Lae's window and began to squeal like she'd just won a new car. "Did you see that girl? This neighborhood is da bomb and there are valets here! I am so pumped and this isn't even my house!"

"I know! But as nice as it is, I could never move here. I'd feel like pepper stuck in a salt shaker." No sooner than Laela had finished speaking, another valet, wearing the same uniform as the first, waved for us to move forward. Laela drove her humble Honda up to the front gate and I truly gazed upon the house for the first time.

The house was more magnificent than I had first witnessed, towering three stories instead of the customary two that the other houses were limited to. With a smooth, white stone covering the first story and spires at each corner, it was almost as if I were looking at a medieval castle up close. The front yard, though divided by the U-shaped driveway, was as immense as a football field, yet every blade of grass was perfectly manicured with tulips and daffodils lining the sidewalk; all the way from the gate to the front door. Even the two Weeping Willows that graced the ends of the lawn seemed to mime 'welcome' as they swayed in the wind. Everything about this house screamed money and it was flawless in its presentation.

"Hello and welcome to the McGuiness residence. My name is Jeremy and I will take your automobile to the garage in back and if you ladies like, someone can escort you up to the house."

"That's okay Jeremy, we'll walk." Lae interjected. Jeremy nodded and Lae gave him the keys. With a remote in his pants pocket, he opened the gate. I grabbed MJ and his baby bag out of the back seat car and the three of us walked up the driveway towards the house.

The closer we got to the house, the more embarrassed and angry I grew of my own home. This home had everything that I'd said I always wanted for myself; gorgeous land, a huge and beautifully decorated home, obnoxious neighbors, but life and circumstance had a different plan in mind for me. Even Lae and the Raven were professionals, there was always a job out there for them, but I was stuck in a dead end career and a loveless marriage.

While Lae and the Raven chatted between themselves about the house and other things, I too absorbed as much information as I could about the house and the man-made lake that it stood in front of.

It was only a few hundred feet from the gate to the front door, but it seemed like it took us forever to get there under the intense heat of the Texas sun. I knew that I hadn't been to the gym in a while, but I was nearly out of breath when we stopped in front of the largest oak doors I'd ever seen.

Lae was about to ring the doorbell when the left door opened and a voluptuous black woman greeted us with a huge smile.

"Hello, you must be Teniyah Oliver and company." She said, smiling at each of us with a motherly grin. Se extended a hand to each of us as we entered the house, which was more beautiful inside than it had been outside.

We walked into what I guessed was one of the living rooms. Several Crystal chandeliers adorned the vaulted ceiling, sparkling as brilliantly as fireworks in the night sky, while a couple of expensive looking rugs were strewn across the marble tile. The walls were as clean and white as a new cue ball, but since it didn't have much furniture, except for a pair of ivory love seats, I wasn't exactly sure what type of room it was.

"Dr. McGuiness?" The Raven asked.

"Yes Mrs. Oliver, it is I and we have a mutual acquaintance waiting in the library for you."

"If it's who I know it is, then she can wait. I wanted to introduce you to some of my friends. Dr. McGuiness, these are my friends Laela Booker, Simone Hall, and Simone's son MJ."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing! The Raven had called me a friend? We weren't friends; at the very least she certainly wasn't my friend, but I smiled and waved like I told Lae I would.

Dr. McGuiness looked me over and smiled. "If your son is tired, there are a few sofas in the library that he can lie down on. The best one is the white one. It's to the left and inside an individual room, you can't miss it. Ordinarily I would have a housekeeper on duty, someone to watch the kids, but unfortunately she's on vacation."

"It's no problem. My son is pretty partial to his mother. If I left his sights, there would be hell to pay." I said. She turned around and began walking with us following closely behind. The house was big enough that if I'd lost track of them, I'd have to lay down breadcrumbs to find out where I'd already been.

She led us past several exquisitely decorated rooms and as we walked, she gave us a brief intro to each room we passed. She was a cheerfully boisterous woman, full of a great deal of vigor. She didn't seem like a rich snob, as I had expected she was, and I was thankful for it. Rather she was the opposite of what I had expected, even normal, as normal as I could expect a super rich person to be.

One of the good things my aunt had taught me after all the headaches was that the hostess always had to be more formal than her guests and I saw that Dr. McGuiness had learned that lesson as well. She too was also a little overdressed, wearing several pieces of jewelry, including a pearl necklace and diamond earrings. She also wore a pink silk blouse that was big enough to fit two of me and a matching pair of silk pants. The only jewelry she had on below her neck was her wedding ring; a stone which was as big as a large ice cube, and had almost burned out my retinas several times when she walked through a ray of sunlight.

After a few minutes, we came upon the William T. McGuiness Library. The name was etched into a golden plaque that rested above the double doors before the entrance. Once she opened there door we saw a group of other casually dressed women were already feeding their faces. As soon as Dr. McGuiness entered the room, the loud talking became barely audible.

"This library is my husband's favorite. It is an exact replica of the Library at Thamugadi, which is now in present day Tiimgad, Algeria, though only ½ the scale size. He's always been fascinated with African culture, so he added this addition a few years ago." She turned to me and whispered. "If you need to put him down, the sofa's over there." She said pointing towards in the direction of another small room within the library, noticeably camouflaged by rows of bookshelves.

As I quickly walked left towards one of the available rooms, I noticed there were dozens of rows of bookshelves and an innumerable number of books, each one looking as sterile as if it had never been read. All of the bookshelves were an identically colored in the same mahogany shade, with each shelf decorated by a golden placard and numbered according to the Dewey decimal system.