I Am Jacks Life Ch 13

Author's note and acknowledgements

This story has sat on my hard drive for four years now.

I wrote it, all twenty chapters and 95,000 words of it in eight days of a frenzied, near trance-like state, sitting on my couch with my wife's laptop. She would occasionally have to remind me to eat.

When the dust settled, and I looked up, I realized a couple of things: one, I had just written a fucking novel in a week, whoa. Two, it seemed to be pretty damn good, double whoa. And three, what the hell was I going to do with it?

I tried editing it, I even enlisted the help of a Lit-Editor, who was invaluable for early editing, and confirming it was in fact, pretty good, or readable at least. I spent several months then, editing, unashamedly forcing it on writer friends to read, regular friends to read, and total strangers on writer boards. Everyone had different opinions of course, as people do, but all of them seemed to think it was pretty good, and I should probably try to do something with it.

So I spent another year trying to sell it.

Well nothing happened.

And I can't blame them, agents and publishers. It's kind of a niche story, hard to market. It's got too much sex for a coming age story, too much teenage drama for adult fiction, and not a single word about vampires or bondage to make it work as erotic fiction.

So it's sat on my hard drive for four years. I'll occasionally open it up, tinker with a line, or try to figure out how to re-work it into something more marketable. I always end up wasting a weekend trying to figure out how to change it, without losing the essence of the thing which I, and several others, feel is, "pretty good."

So fuck it. Here you go Literotica. I just want people to read it. I want people to get to know Jack the way I did. Writing his life made me feel like I was a part of it. He's a pretty good guy, I wish I knew him in real life.

So NEXT, some disclaimers.

This is a coming of age story. Which means first it starts out when the characters are too young to have sex (on literotica.) So there's no sex for a couple chapters. I hope that's okay. Second, this is a novel length story, including the prologue and epilogue, there are twenty-one chapters in all. Some are longer than others, and there is not a sex scene in every one. (Though some have more than one.) More importantly, sex is a thing that happens, it's not written to be titillating, but rather just as events in Jack's life.

So there you go. It's a story with sex in it, not a story about sex. I think it's pretty good anyway.

If you have not read the first chapter, please click on my profile and pick the story up at the beginning, its better that way, trust me.

*****

When I was nine years old, my dad took me to Museum of Science and Technology in Los Angeles. It was just the two of us, a father-son outing; one of many, but this one stood out. We wound our way through exhibit after exhibit, marveling at all the cool stuff. When we got to a hands-on center for kids he just let me run free, following behind and letting me explore with my hands and eyes to my heart and mind's content. I remember that some person who worked there was giving a little talk on the aerodynamics of airplane wings, perpetuating the fallacy that the shape of the wing caused the air on the top have farther to go, so it created a low pressure zone for lift, which enables the plane to fly. I asked, "Then how do jet planes fly upside down?"

All of the other kids and parents look at me, the person giving the talk floundered for a minute before going on about the high thrust of jet planes. I said, "But biplanes can fly upside down too."

I don't think I've ever seen my dad prouder. Not even on commencement, after I'd given my valedictorian speech and he came up to shake my hand and hug me after the ceremony.

Well maybe then.

"Jack?" Anna said, her voice was full of worry.

I looked away from the commercial airliner coming in for a landing on the runway out ahead of us. "Hmm?"

"They called our flight number, it's time to go." she said, and laced her fingers in mine.

I nodded and let her help me up. I grabbed my carry on and followed her to the boarding area.

The attendant smiled at us and looked down at the 'Stanford' written across the chest of my red hoodie. "Going home for the holidays?" she asked with a cheerful tone.

I nodded and handed her my boarding pass.

I had no intention of telling her I was going home for a funeral.

She gave me a plastic flight attendant smile and said, "Have fun!"

I just nodded again and took my pass back.

Anna squeezed my hand and then let go to hand over her own.

Twenty minutes later we were in the air. I looked out over the shape of the wing. It's the curvature of the wing and the control surfaces that created lift, factored in by the thrust and mass of the plane. Not because the air on top has to travel farther. I wish people would stop teaching that.

#

My mom picked us up from the airport and hugged me tight for a least a full two minutes. I held her back. I tried to comfort her. I wasn't really feeling anything. It wasn't real. I let go and she hugged Anna too, they squeezed other tightly. I had no idea what my mother knew about my dating life besides the fact that I had broken up with Kimmy before school started, but I think she knew Anna wasn't just there as a friend.

"I'm so glad you were able to come too, so Jack didn't have to travel alone," Mom said.

Anna just squeezed her, "I'd do anything for Jack - for you guys." She said.

It was less than a ninety minute flight. I'm sure I could have handled it. But I didn't say anything. It seemed important to them.

We put our bags into the back of my mother's SUV. There wasn't much. I'd just thrown a couple sets of clothes in a school bag, I didn't bring a suitcase. Besides, I still had plenty of clothes at home in my room. Anna was the same.

We drove back to our house. My mom was giving me details about the arrangements that still had to be made. I looked out the window and nodded when appropriate. I was thinking about airplanes.

"Do you need me to drop you off at your place Annabeth?" My mom asked Anna.

"No that's alright. I hadn't planned on coming back for Thanksgiving, so my parents and brothers are in Seattle visiting my Aunt and Uncle. I'll head over later and grab some stuff, but I'm good now." Anna said from the back seat.

"Oh, do they know you're here?" Mom asked

Anna nodded, "Yeah I called them last night and said I was coming down with Jack. They said to let them know if there is anything they can do when they get back."

"I will, thank you. But you should stay with us, not in your empty house," my mother said again.

"Thank you Mrs. Wallington," Anna replied.

"Ellen, please dear, I've been telling you girls for years to call me Ellen."

I wondered if you could fly a 727 upside down. It'd probably have to be empty of passengers and cargo to reduce the mass, but I bet it had enough thrust-to-weight ratio.

The house felt empty when we got there. It was strange enough to cross the threshold for the first time in almost three months. There was a tangible absence of presence though. I walked into the kitchen and set my bag down beside the kitchen table, like I'd just gotten home from school. The table was filled with plates of cookies wrapped in saran wrap and pies. There was a wicker basket with crackers, cheese, and smoked meats in red plastic. It was a staple around the holidays.

"You kids must be hungry, help yourself to anything," my mom said and turned to the refrigerator, "I have some ice tea, or do you college kids just drink coffee now? I could put on some coffee." she got the coffee out of the freezer.

"Mom..." I said softly. She didn't need to play hostess for me.

"I know you guys drank coffee during finals week last year, do you take it black?" She reached up in the cupboard, but the sugar bowl was too high for her to reach.

"Mom." I said again, a little firmer.

"Dammit, I can't reach, I keep telling your father not to put..." she froze.

I touched her shoulder and gently pulled her around.

She had a stricken look on her face, all of the color had left her cheeks, and she looked at me in horror.

"Oh god Jack..." she whispered, "I..."

"I know mom, it's okay." I wrapped my arms around her again.

She softly folded against me and then began to sob.

I held my mother as she was wracked by great, body wrenching sobs of agony. I could feel her tears soaking through my shirt.

Anna got up and quietly left the room.

I didn't cry. I didn't feel anything.

I put my mother to bed in the spare room. She didn't want to go in her bedroom. I didn't blame her. I don't think she'd slept in three days.

I came back down in the living room, I didn't see Anna at first. She was sitting out on our back porch next to the pool. I opened the sliding glass door and stepped out with her. She looked back. Her eyes were red and rimmed with all the tell tales signs of having recently been crying.

"Your mom asleep?" she asked.

I nodded. "Laying down at least. She's exhausted. I don't think she's slept since the hospital."

"God, your poor mother," Anna said softly.

I just nodded. I didn't have anything to add. Poor mom.

We sat in silence a while. Anna took my hand in both of hers and held it up to her lips and kissed my fingers. Her breath was warm and lips soft.

The phone rang.

I got up to get it. I didn't want it waking up my mother.

It was my mother's friend, Julie. She was relieved I was there to take care of my mother. I told her I was too. Then she talked for fifteen straight minutes while I just nodded and answered in monosyllabic tones and words. I hung up after she did. Why do you nod while talking to people on the phone? I do it all the time, even though I know they can't see me.

I took the phone off the hook.

Just until my mother was done sleeping.

I went and sat on the couch. My dad's glasses were on the coffee table. He'd needed them to watch TV and drive, but not to read. He'd probably set them there the last time he watched television. In all likelihood, he'd been the last person to touch them.

I picked them up and turned them over in my hands.

Anna had come in and sat down next to me.

I didn't look at her.

"Do you want to be alone?" she asked. Her voice cracked with emotion.

I shook my head.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked helplessly.

I shrugged. I didn't know.

She wrapped her arms around one of mine and put her head against my shoulder.

I sighed.

We sat in silence for a long time. The grandfather clock in the hall ticked off the seconds which echoed through the silent house. It gave its half hour gong.

I got up and went into the kitchen. Anna followed me like a shadow.

I got the sugar bowl down from the top shelf and put it on the counter.

Then the spare butter dish.

Then the teapot behind it.

Twenty minutes later everything that had been on the top shelves in the kitchen was on the counters and I was feeling pretty stupid. I didn't know where to put all this stuff. I sighed and leaned against the counter. Anna was trying to fit some wine glasses in with the rest of the glasses. I almost told her they didn't go there, they went up on the top shelf.

Fuck.

I walked over and took her wrist gently and turned her toward me.

She didn't meet my eyes. I lifted her chin and leaned down to kiss her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed back gently. Then I was clinging to her.

I felt - something.

It wasn't grief, it wasn't anger. I don't know what it was. But it was intense, and it demanded immediate action or become overwhelmed by it. Anna broke away just inches and put her hand on my cheek. She led me to my bedroom and shut the door. She kissed me passionately, I kissed her with great need. I pulled her clothes off roughly. She helped. She backed up and pulled me onto the bed with her. We both fumbled with my belt buckle and my pants. I tugged her panties down to her knees, she kicked them off and I climbed on top of her. We kissed again. I entered her. She wasn't quite ready, she winced a little. I started to apologize and she covered my mouth with hers and pulled me deeper inside of her.

Need took over. I tried to be a good lover and after a few moments, she felt normal; ready, but I was almost done by then. I think the whole thing took less than two minutes.

I shuddered as I finished. I knew she hadn't got anywhere close, but she just ran her hands through my hair and kissed me. Then she pulled me tight against her and wrapped her legs around me.

I think I'd cried, because she kissed my cheeks softly, and there was wetness. I dropped my head and nuzzled into her neck and wrapped my arms as tight around her as they would go.

I fell asleep in seconds. I hadn't slept in three days yet either.

#

It never rains in California, not even in the winter.

Not during thanksgiving weekend, not during Christmas.

Not during funerals.

It should rain during funerals, not be bright and clear.

At least I could wear sunglasses with my suit.

I stood next to my mother as they opened the little concrete cubby hole that my dad's ashes were going to spend the rest of eternity.

Or at least as long as this memorial lawn was in business.

My dad's brother and sister and their families were there. Some of my parent's friends as well. Some people from my dad's work.

And the girls were there. Abby, Anna, Beth, and Kimmy.

Anna stood next to me, I guess that was the girlfriend spot.

The minister asked if we wanted to put anything in the cubby hole and all I could think was anything I put in there that would remind me of my dad I would probably want back at some point, and that could prove awkward. My mother put in a bag of sand dollars, they had a thing about sand dollars. I didn't know the story.

Chinese Emperors were buried with terra cottta armies. Pharaohs were buried with their slaves and mummified cats.

My dad got sand dollars.

I guess that fit.

The reception was back at our house. There were probably twenty, twenty five people in our smallish two story, three bedroom house. It felt empty.

I had to stay outside, I kept looking for my dad in the crowd of his friends and family.

I was sitting by myself out in the back of our yard. I still had my suit and sunglasses on. It was too bright outside.

I didn't notice her approach, but I didn't jump when Kimmy said, "Hey Jack..."

She used her soft, just for me voice.

I looked up, my eyes thankfully behind mirrored shades.

She was wearing a tasteful black skirt and vest top. She had her hair down, but it was cut very short, just below her ears. It looked cute on her. Enhanced her pixie thing.

"Hey," I said.

"Mind if I sit with you?" she asked. Her voice sounded hopeful.

"Not at all," I said. It was true. I missed her. A lot.

Didn't realize how much until she sat down next to me and I caught her perfume on the breeze.

"I'd ask how you are, but that'd be stupid," she said softly, folding her hands in her lap as she sat on the small brick wall that segregated my mother's long dead vegetable garden from the rest of the yard and pool.

I snorted softly, "Everyone keeps asking me that. I've run out of variations on 'Well enough I guess.'"

She nodded.

I looked over, I could see the other three girls talking by the back porch near the pool. They were all dressed like Kimmy, tastefully in black. Always dressed for the occasion my girls. Anna glanced back at Kimmy and I, she looked at me, I guess trying to decide how to handle my ex-girlfriend sitting next to me at the reception for my father's funeral. She turned back around and kept talking to Abby and Beth. Beth looked at me too.

I looked away.

"I love you," Kimmy said suddenly.

I sighed, Jesus Fucking Christ, not now...

"I mean, as a friend, Jack. I meant as a friend. I just want you to know if there is anything you need..." she said quickly and then trailed off lamely.

I forced a smile.

"I''m glad we are still friends. I miss you, a lot," I said, which was kind of stupid of me.

She played with her fingers.

"I miss you too," she said.

There was still heartbreak in her voice.

Well, now I finally felt something I could identify again. Guilt.

I took her hand, and she squeezed mine and interlaced her fingers. They were warm and kind of sweaty.

"I'm sorry Kimmy, I really fucked things up," I said after a minute.

"It's okay. You were right. I mean obviously. I was being a silly girl thinking I could just move up there with you, like, 'surprise!' I imagine you're even busier now than you were last year, plus who knows if I'd have been able to make it on my own to even have a place," she said. It sounded like she'd practiced.

I shrugged, "There were about a hundred better ways I could have handled that. In fact, I'm not sure there were many worse ways I could have gone about it," I said with a sigh.

It actually felt good to get that off my chest.

She squeezed my hand, "We may not be together anymore Jack, but I still love you and care about you. I always will. You were my first."

I don't know, maybe it was something in the tone, maybe it was my imagination, but something in the way she said it said that I wasn't her 'only' anymore. I felt a twinge of jealousy. Which was stupid, because I had no room to fucking talk.

My mother hadn't said anything about the last two nights that Anna had spent sleeping in my bedroom, in my bed.

She leaned over and kissed my cheek. I could smell her faint perfume, so achingly familiar to my senses. I had kissed her so many times. I loved kissing her. Sometimes I think I liked kissing her more than Anna, even though I liked sex with Anna more.

It took everything I had to not turn and make it a real kiss. Everything.

God I missed her. I pulled her hand over to my face and kissed that. It wasn't the same. It wasn't what I wanted.

She reached behind me with her other hand and petted between my neck and shoulder blades. Her hand crept up to my neck and played with the back of my hair, an old gesture for us. One that brought back a lot of feelings and desires.

I, very, slowly pulled away. She got the signal I think, and her hand fell back to her lap awkwardly.

"I'm with Anna now," I said. Maybe to try and deflect what I was feeling, maybe to save myself from any more treacherous thoughts.

She sighed softly, "I know. Abby told me when she called me a couple of days ago and told me about your father. I wanted to come be here for you, and she warned me so it wouldn't be a shock."

Thank you, Abby... thank you.

I sighed and gently put Kimmy's hand back into her lap with a little pat. I tried to smile at her. She gave an awkward smile back.

"I'm the one who said it you know," she said after a second.

I looked up at her, she had a sad smile.

"That the date was only okay if we could go back to being friends afterward," she said.

I remembered, I remembered as clearly as if it had been yesterday, I smiled back, my first real smile in days. There was a huge lump in my throat.

"That was a hell of a date baby," I said hoarsely.

She laughed, but she had tears in her eyes.

It was my turn to lean over and kiss her cheek. Her eyes were squeezed shut, and full of tears, I could see she wanted to turn and kiss me as badly as I had with her.

I pulled away and kept a hold of her hand. I gently helped her up and we walked over to the rest of our friends. Anna watched with a look that barely concealed total panic under a concerned smile.