High School Again Ugh Ch 03

"Hey John, nice game," Pamela Stevens said as I passed her in the hallway.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"Yeah, way to go!" some guy added.

"It was a team effort," I said, and it was the truth, but it was nice to be appreciated, especially after yesterday.

Pop had heaped the chores on me for getting in late Saturday night after the game. I spent all day Sunday working hard, hoping he'd calm down. I even made dinner in hopes of making mom smile. It worked, at least briefly. I sighed to myself.

"Tough weekend for the football star?"

"You have no idea," I replied, smiling at Tara as she walked up to me. "I got home past curfew on Saturday and after skipping school last week, it did not go over well."

"Hey, you want to play, you've got to pay," she laughed.

"Now you sound like my father," I groaned, causing her to laugh harder. "And speaking of fathers, how is yours doing?"

"Very funny," she said rolling her eyes as we arrived at our lockers. I let her open hers first.

"No, I'm serious," I smiled. "He seemed nice and it was kind of him to give me a ride home."

"Please!" she sighed loudly, slamming her locker closed after dumping one of her books off. "I've never been so embarrassed in all my life!"

"He wasn't that bad," I laughed, opening my locker. "He just loves you."

"I was waiting for him to ask, 'What are your intentions with my daughter?' the whole trip," she said, shaking her head.

"Hmm," I grinned. "Now that's an interesting question."

"Don't you think you'd better go find your girlfriend?" Tara asked pointedly. I lost my grin and nodded.

"I'll talk to you later," I said.

"Later Johnny," she said. I paused before moving off.

"What's with that?" I asked.

"What?" she asked in reply.

"No one calls me Johnny," I said.

"I'm not no one," she smiled and started to drift down the hallway.

"Hey!" I called after her. "Have you seen Rodger today?" She stopped and looked thoughtful. I knew I'd asked in part just to stall her from leaving, but I really was curious to see if he decided to come to school today.

"No," she replied. "I haven't seen him since the first day of school." I nodded and started to ask another question, but she glanced over my shoulder, rolled her eyes and left without another word. That could only mean one thing. I turned and saw Brad and Tiffany moving toward me. It was second period again and time for gym.

Tiffany was looking at me. Something in her expression let me know she was thinking about Saturday night. I thought about it as well. The time we spent together had been nice.

"Hey handsome!" Tiffany smiled.

"Hello beautiful," I grinned and we kissed. It was brief because kissing was frowned upon in the hallways.

"Hey," Brad said, trying hard not to frown and failing. My smile grew and I let my hand drop to Tiffany's ass. I knew it was juvenile to take pleasure in his discomfort, but so what? Sue me.

"There you are!" Jimmy grinned as he walked up.

"What's up?" I asked, releasing Tiffany.

"Remember that guy you leveled the last play of the game?" he asked in reply.

"Sure," I said. "It was the other team's fullback."

"Well, he didn't get up," Jimmy laughed. "They had to carry him off the field."

"Was he okay?" I frowned.

"You broke a few of his ribs," Jimmy replied. "And one of them punctures his lung, but they say he'll be fine eventually. He's out for the season though."

"Wow," I said, but my voice was flat.

"Nice hit Simmons!" Mike the middle linebacker grinned as he went by. Jimmy laughed in agreement.

"We're going to be late," Brad said.

"I'll see you all later," Jimmy said. "I just thought you'd want to know."

"Yeah, right," I said.

"Are you okay?" Tiffany asked.

"Sure," I answered, but it wasn't true. I hadn't just tried to block that fullback. I'd tried to bury him, and I almost had, six feet under.

"It happens," Tiffany said, reading my expression. "That's football."

I knew she was right in part, but I'd tried to hurt him and succeeded. He was in pain now because of me. I remembered how it felt after I blew out my knee. I wondered if this kid would react as badly as I did?

The boys played floor hockey in gym again today, but I stayed mostly on the sideline. I wasn't in the mood. Tiffany chose to stay with me instead of doing whatever the girls were doing on the other half of the gym. She did her best to comfort me and I appreciated it, but what I really needed was time to think.

I noticed Brad watching us every once in a while. I don't know how I missed his jealousy the first time through high school. It was so obvious that I almost felt bad for him, almost.

"John, are you listening to me?" Tiffany asked. I frowned. She'd been nattering on about something that I could care less about. I thought she was doing it to distract me, but now I wasn't sure. It suddenly hit me that Tiffany and I had nothing in common. It made sense. What could someone my age and an eighteen year old have in common? On the other hand, I never seemed to have a problem talking with Tara.

'Oh please!' I growled to myself. 'What the hell is wrong with me?'

"John?" Tiffany asked again, starting to sound annoyed. I looked at her and blinked.

"Sorry, it's my turn to play," I said as Ms. Valente called for subs.

I didn't put much into the game. My body was tired after the last few days. I did get the puck a few times, but quickly passed it off.

"Hey John!" one of the guys on my team cried. "Come on and get in the game! We're tied and the bells about to ring!" I nodded.

The next time I got the puck, instead of passing it I started down the sidelines. I was looking toward the goal when I suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu. I looked behind me and there was Brad, once again making a beeline for me.

'Fuck that!' I thought and just before he hit me I passed the puck and spun on him. His eyes grew big as I slammed him into the wall and drove my elbow up against his throat. The first knocked the wind out of him and the second held him motionless.

"John! Let him go!" Tiffany cried as she ran toward us. I ignored her and stared angrily into his eyes. She reached us and pulled on my arm as the bell rang. It shook me from my thoughts and I glanced around. My team was celebrating because the guy I passed the puck to has scored, but I could care less. I shook my head and released Brad.

"Try that again and you'll be going to the nurse," I threatened.

"Big football star going to hurt someone else?" Brad snapped back. "Maybe you want to break my ribs too?"

I know he said it to hurt me and it did, but instead of getting angrier, it calmed me down. I looked back and forth between Brad and Tiffany. She was looking at him with concern and ignoring me. I smiled sadly as the truth suddenly hit me. Tiffany might not know how Brad felt for her, but that didn't mean that deep down she didn't feel the same. I could see it now.

I knew she loved me, but I also knew that in the end I'd lose to Brad. It had happened already, in my past in the worst way. Maybe it was true that some people were meant for each other. Not that it mattered anymore.

It hurt to realize the truth about Tiffany and Brad, but it was an old pain. Tiffany still attracted me. I couldn't help that. She was beautiful, but deep down I knew that what we had was gone. I'd tried to hold on to it, but it was impossible. I wasn't the same guy who fell in love with her all those years ago even if she was the same girl.

"You know," I sighed sadly. "Don't you two think it's about time you admit how you feel for each other?"

"What?" Tiffany cried.

"Tiff," I said. "You love me. I know that, but you love Brad too. It obvious. You two have been friends a long time. What we have is good, but I have a feeling that what you two share will be so much more." In my world Brad and Tiffany married and had four kids. I hated to admit, but every time I heard about them they seemed happy.

This wasn't my world. I knew that now. The more time that went by the less it seemed so, but some core truths had to be the same. If Tiffany and Brad were able to come together and find happiness in my world, they probably would here too.

"John, what are you saying?" Tiffany asked, her eyes tearing up.

"I'm getting out of the way," I smiled sadly before turning around and walking away.

"Mr. Simmons," I heard Ms. Valente say. I looked up and saw her walking toward me. "I hope this is the last of whatever is going on between you and Mr. White?"

"It is," I promised. "I gave him the girl. Hopefully, that will calm things down." I saw her look toward Brad and Tiffany.

"Are you okay?" she asked with honesty concern.

"Depends," I smiled. "I'm fine as long as you don't ask me to join the track team again."

"Deal," she smiled. "At least for today."

"Oh," I said remembering. "I have that water bottle of yours in my locker. Do you want me to give it to you after school or should I drop by your place later on tonight?"

"Young man," she laughed. "You are far too smooth for a boy your age."

"Thanks," I smiled. "So, what will it be?" I wasn't joking anymore, especially after what just happened.

Sex was the one thing that seemed to help me relate to the reality of my situation. I wasn't even sure why. Ms. Valente looked at me. I think she realized I was serious.

"Bring it after school," she said, shaking her head as she moved past me. I watched her until she was gone. After that I let my smile slip.

I was so tempted to cut school again at that moment that I probably would have if I didn't bump into Jake from the soccer team. He grinned when he saw me.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Nothing much," I replied. "Well, other than I just broke up with my girlfriend and the kid I hit at the end of the last game is still in the hospital."

"It happens," he said.

"The first maybe, but the second?" I frowned.

"Were you trying to put him in the hospital?" Jake asked.

"Worse," I replied honestly.

"And now you feel like shit," he said knowingly.

"That about sums it up," I sighed.

"Live and learn," he shrugged. I nodded in agreement as the bell rang. I was going to be late for my third period, so was Jake.

"See you later," I said. He nodded and moved past me.

The next couple of days went by badly. I never felt so alone in my entire life. Cindy was always there for me in my previous life, but what could I say to a thirteen year old? Mom and dad would think I was crazy if I tried talking to them. My only real choice was Rodger and he still hadn't showed up at school or answered the phone for that matter. I was grounded for the rest of the week, but I was tempted to stop by his house after practice anyway.

"Simmons, where's you head?" coach Riley growled. I didn't blame him. He'd eased up a lot on me since the game and I wasn't screwing up intentionally, but it still happened.

"Sorry coach," I said.

"Go do a couple of laps," he snapped. "Maybe that will get your head back where it belongs." I knew it was his way of reminding me about last week and that things could quickly go back to that.

"Sure thing coach," I said and moved to the track. I pulled off my helmet, but left my shoulder pads on. This was just two laps. I didn't need to take off everything.

The running didn't really solve anything that was bothering me, but oddly it did clear my mind. I was actually starting to feel good when I finished. I made my way over to the water and poured myself a drink. I was just getting ready to rejoin the others when Tara came onto the track. She was looking directly at me. Something was wrong. I moved toward her. We met on the inside edge of the track.

"What happened?" I asked without preamble.

"You asked about Rodger the other day," she said. "I just heard something terrible."

"What?" I asked.

"It's really bad," Tara said. "Brace yourself."

"Go ahead," I said. "Tell me."

"He killed his father," Tara said. "And then himself."

"What?" I cried, totally stunned.

"His poor mother," she sighed.

"Why would he do something like that?" I asked, more to myself than Tara, but she answered anyway.

"I have no idea," she replied. "They say he left a note, but they're not talking about what it says."

"Simmons!" coach Riley cried. "Stop flirting with that girl and get over here."

"Rodger's dead," I said dumbly, ignoring him. "I can't believe it."

"Maybe it's not true," Tara offered, but somehow I knew it was.

"How did you get here today?" I asked.

"My father's car," she replied. "He's away on business for the next couple of days. Do you need a ride?"

"To Rodger's," I replied, pulling off my shoulder pads. "Just let me take a quick shower. I'll meet you out front in ten minutes."

"Okay," she agreed.

"Simmons!" coach Riley cried, now sounding angry. "Where are you going?"

I looked at him and the rest of my team. I'd had my 'Glory Days' moment and ended up putting a kid in the hospital. Whoopi. It was time for me to put this part of my past behind me as well.

"Coach, I quit," I said. I was tempted to tell him what I really thought about him, but I didn't have the time. Tara would be waiting for me.

"What?" he cried.

"I quit," I said succinctly. "Don't worry. Brian will do fine in my position." I knew that from personal memory. I guess it wasn't a sure thing because of what happened since I was thrown back, but I was reasonably certain it would all work out in the end. It did the last time.

"He's still got another week before his knee heals!" coach Riley growled. "Get back here. We need you this weekend!"

"Coach, there's a good chance I'm going to be at a funeral this weekend," I said, sighing sadly. "I just heard that my friend Rodger is dead."

"What?" Mike cried. "Rodger Williams?"

'Oh shit,' I sighed to myself. Mike and Rodger were next door neighbors.

"I'm going now to see if it's true," I said to him. "I'll let you know after I find out."

"I'm coming with you," Mike said, pulling off his helmet. Some of the other players started doing the same.

"I said get back here!" coach Riley bellowed. "All of you. We have a game to play in two days!"

"You can't be serious?" I asked. "A kid we know and grew up with is dead. Doesn't that bother you at all?"

"Practice is only another hour," he argued. "One hour isn't going to make your friend come back to life and the team we're playing this week is tough."

"Wow," I said, shaking my head. I was unable to resist adding, "I guess I've always known you were a selfish bully, but I didn't expect this."

"What!" he cried and started coming toward me. The other coaches moved to intercept him. Coach Riley was bright red and nearly foaming at the mouth, and suddenly my own anger was barely more controlled than his.

"Coach, if you so much as touch me or even get in my way, I swear to God I'll lay you out flat!" I snapped.

I was hurting because of Rodger's death on so many levels I couldn't count them all. The coach was wrong and an asshole, but it was more than that. Rodger was my only tie to my old life. I took a step toward coach Riley.

"Calm down Simmons!" coach Bo said as he moved between us. I looked at him and took a deep breath.

"You're right," I said. "He's not worth it. Mike, let's go."

"No!" coach Riley cried, but now most of the assistant coaches were around him. Coach Bo looked around and saw the confusion and concern in all of the players' faces.

"Practice is cancelled," he announced. "Go home and say a prayer for Rodger and his family."

"What?" coach Riley cried again, but I was beyond caring. I moved to the school and the locker room. Mike was right behind me. We both showered quickly and found Tara waiting for us out front.

"Thanks for the ride," Mike said after we were settled in the car. They knew each other, but not well.

"No problem," she replied and we were on our way.

"So, what did you hear?" he asked. Tara explained again what she heard about Rodger killing his father and then himself.

"It doesn't make any sense," I said once again.

"Damn!" Mike said, shaking his head. "It does in a way."

"How?" I asked.

"Rodger's father was a real piece of work," he replied. "Rodger never said so, but I'm pretty sure the guy used to beat up on him and maybe even his mother."

"Holy shit!" I cried. "I would never have guessed."

Yet, as the words left my mouth I wondered. Rodger and I were friends during high school, but we really didn't reconnect after we graduated until we were both out of college a few years. I knew Rodger had issues with authority figures. I always figured that's why he started his own company. He was also good with the ladies, but never seemed to think much of them. It all started to make a sad sort of sense now.

"Doesn't he have a little sister?" Tara asked.

"Sarah," Mike frowned.

'How could I forget Sarah?' I thought. I'd been away at college for my senior year when I heard she killed herself. The little girl I remembered before leaving for college seemed fine, but she developed some serious problems soon after we left. Rodger never talked about her. He never talked about any of his family.

I do know he took care of his mother after his father split. Supposedly his old man couldn't handle the death of his daughter and disappeared.

"Howe old is Sarah?" Tara asked.

"Ten," Mike answered.

"We're almost there," I said, seeing flashing lights.

"Wow, look at all the cop cars," Mike put in. There were certainly plenty. We had to pull over and park a block away. The only reason why we were able to get close was because Mike lived in the next house over.

"Oh Michael!" his mother cried when she saw him and came running. She hugged him tight, but he pulled away after a few moments. Their front lawn had a number of neighbors standing on it.

"So is it true?" he asked. "Is Rodger dead?"

"Yes," his mother replied. "Rodger and his father are gone."

"Where is Mrs. Williams and Sarah?" Tara asked.

"Still inside," another woman answered. "The police are talking to them."

"I'm going over now and see if I can at least get Sarah out of there," Mike's mother said.

"I'll go," Mike frowned.

"I'll come," I added.

We started walking toward the house. Tara followed us without a word. There was yellow tape and a line of policemen. I figured we'd never get close, but we had to try.

"I'm sorry," the first police officer we met said. "But you can't come any closer."

"We understand," I said politely. "We were just wondering if you were done with Mrs. Williams?"

"Or at least Sarah?" Tara added.

"My mom wants Mrs. Williams to know they are both welcome over to our house," Mike said.

"Hold on," the policeman said. "I'll ask inside." He disappeared, but came back out reasonably quickly. A guy in a suit followed him.

"I wonder who he is?" Tara asked.

"Probably a detective," I answered. I moment later the police officer introduced the man as detective Gomez.

"You three went to school with Rodger?" he asked without preamble.

"Yes," I replied.

"I live next door too," Mike added.

"Do any of you know a Simmons? A John Simmons?" the detective asked. Mike and Tara both froze for a second and looked at me.

"I'm John Simmons," I said, swallowing once as I wondered, 'What's going on here?'

"Come this way please," the detective said, lifting the yellow tape. "We have something we want you to read. We also have some questions for you."

"Why?" Tara asked.

"Because your friend here is mentioned in Rodger's suicide note," the detective replied.

"Oh," Tara said quietly. We followed the man into the house.

"Which one of you is the neighbor?" another policeman asked as we entered.

"I am," Mike replied.

"Good," the cop said. "We checked with Mrs. Williams and she says it's alright for you to take Sarah to your house. We'll be done with Mrs. Williams in a little while. She can retrieve the girl then."