ENTRY 4
I am sitting here tired, sore, and satisfied. I also feel confused, guilty, exhilarated, and powerful. I have an enormous confession my digital diary. There has been another incident. It is one that is so fresh my pussy still has remnants though I tried to wash them away. It is one that I am ashamed of. It is also one that may force me to turn a corner. It might be the final straw. Let me explain what happened and how I got here.
The situation with Daniel has not changed. Even though he has completed his mid term papers, he moved right into studying for his finals. I have barely seen him in 2 months. We have barely had sex. And on those few occasions I tried to introduce new things and he resisted.
If you recall my digital diary, Daniel refuses to have sex without a condom. I tried to seduce him and put him inside me without a condom and he freaked out. I just wanted to feel his manhood against my womanhood, without barriers. And I would have loved to feel him cum inside me.
I also tried to get him to cum in my mouth. I was giving him the best blowjob he has ever had and I could feel him getting close. He was leaking yummy pre-cum and I loved it. He pulled himself out of my mouth and backed away. I desperately wanted to taste his man jam and swallow it down.
Chet, Daniel's best friend, introduced me to these sexual experiences and I am hooked. I wanted to introduce them into my loving permanent relationship. Though Daniel is not ready apparently.
Anyway, Daniel has continued to be super busy with school and I have been on my own. I had been masturbating constantly. I have been really horny. I kept having flashbacks of Chet and his friend Alex fucking me over and over last time I went back home.
Well my mom kept talking about cleaning out the basement so they could remodel. I told her that I would help her. Instead of waiting for the summer, I decided to volunteer for a long weekend.
As I drove down on Friday morning, I was already planning on when and how I could see Chet. I was recognizing that I was transitioning from trying to avoid the situation completely, to putting myself in a situation to maybe fail in my goal of being faithful, to now absolutely planning to be unfaithful.
I worked with my mom all day Friday into the night. I continued through dinner on Saturday. We were able to clean everything out and get the big items she no longer wanted on Craigslist and the rest to the donation center.
I sent Chet a text and let him know I was in town. He told me to come over as soon as possible and that his dad was out of town. He did say that his younger brother was home. I was absolutely concerned about coming over when anyone else is there. We were supposed to be a secret. He convinced me that his brother Ben doesn't care and doesn't even talk to Daniel.
I told my mom that I was going to go hang out with some friends. I took a long shower and meticulously shaved my legs and my pussy. I cleaned myself from head to toe.
My heart was beating fast the entire drive over to Chet's. I was deeply conflicted about what I was about to do. I was consciously going to another mans house hoping to have some great sex.
Chet let me in and I walked into the living room. His brother gave me a long tight hug; which was unusual. Chet and I walked into the kitchen. He kissed me and I melted. I told him that I wanted to go to his bedroom. He said he wanted to talk to me about something.
As disappointed as I was, I told him to start talking. He went on to explain to me that his brother Ben had just turned 18 last week and that he was still a virgin. I asked him what that has to do with me.
Chet asked me if I would talk to him about girls and what to do and how to approach them and to teach him stuff.
I laughed and asked him how I was going to teach him. He replied telling me to do what feels right. That maybe I should go through details, describing what to do. That those things would help.
I hesitated. I was not sure there was anything I could teach this kid. I am just a kid myself. I don't have a lot of experience. Shit, before a couple months ago, I had only been with one guy.
Chet gave me the puppy dog look and practically begged me. So I agreed.
We go out to the living room. Chet broke the ice with his brother by saying that I have agreed to talk to him. I told him not to be nervous even though I was.
I asked him how far he had gone with a girl. He said he has had a lot of girlfriends but only one relationship went very far. He went on to explain that one time he was at her house and that they had their hands in each other's clothes.
"So bare touching on genitals and tits then?"
He said yes.
I asked him why it didn't go any further. He replied by saying that her parents drove into the garage and they needed to stop and get back to normal. He went on to say that they were never alone again before they broke up.
I asked him if he had a girlfriend right now. He said he did not because he was planning on leaving for college and did not want to start anything new just to leave it behind.
Chet asked him if he jerks off. He said he has but not regularly.
Chet asked him if watches porn. He said he has but not regularly.
Chet asked him what turned him on when he did watch porn. Ben smiled and maybe blushed a little. He replied, "Blonde cheerleaders."
I blushed. I wondered if he fantasized about me. I tried to get us back on task.
I asked him how many girls he has kissed. He said nearly every girlfriend. There have been several.
Chet asked him if he is a good kisser. Ben replied sarcastically, "How the hell would I know. Nobody has complained."
Chet looked at me and suggested that I kiss Ben. I immediately said no. I mean. I can't kiss Ben. He is Chet's little brother.
Chet asked again, stating that kissing is very important and that Ben needs to be able to do it or he is a goner.
We went back and forth for a while. Finally I conceded. "It's just a kiss," is what I told myself.
I got up and sat next to Ben on the couch. I leaned in and kissed him. It was okay. I felt like I was leading; which is never good. So I gave him feedback. We kissed again. I gave him more feedback. I told him it needed to be more passionate, more sexual.
Ben put his hands on my face and pulled me in. He took control and kissed me hard and very sexual. I could feel his heat coming through. Finally he broke the kiss. I told him that was hot.
I looked down and noticed that he had quite a bulge in his shorts.