Having Fun with Dyce and Payne

68. The dresses are here.

On the fifteenth of August, Dycke received a phone call, from U.S. Customs, to advise him that six very large boxes had arrived from Paris, and were waiting to be picked up. The boxes were inspected and approved and all customs duties had been prepaid.

Dycke asked the agent, "Would they happen to be dresses?"

The officer said, "Yes, very expensive dresses."

Dycke said, "Thank you. I will have a truck there to pick up the boxes, shortly'."

Dycke called Payne and said, "The dresses are here."

Payne went wild on the other end of the phone. She started screaming, dancing, and yelling for her mother "The dresses are here, the dresses are here, the dresses are here!"

Dycke remembered something after he got off the phone. Where were the six seamstresses that were supposed to accompany the dresses?

He need not have worried. When he arrived at customs, there were six women, standing around the boxes, like bulldogs, waiting to attack anyone that came near them. When they saw Dycke approaching the boxes, they formed a wall, between him, and the boxes.

Dycke bowed his head to them and said, "Ladies, Lord Jeffrey Whitbred sends you his complements."

Only one of the women spoke English. She spoke for the group and said, "Thank you, monsieur."

Dycke replied, "You must be very tired, after your long flight. Allow me to have one of my agents escort you to your hotel. Tomorrow you can begin work fitting our women. Here is a credit card for you to use while you are here. Feel free to purchase or indulge yourself in any pleasure you may desire. Our food may not be as good as you have in Paris, but we try our best."

"Thank you again, monsieur. I am sure you will make us most comfortable."

Dycke had Milton take the women, to the Marriott Hotel, which was one street, from the boutique, where the fittings would be done.

The boxes were delivered, and the owner, who had been advised of their arrival, in advance, was overwhelmed with the sheer volume of boxes.

He asked, "Where am I supposed to put all of this?"

Dycke asked him how many events he had for this coming week.

The owner said, "None."

Dycke's said, "How about next week?"

The owner said, "None."

Dycke smiled and said, "Give me the keys to the store, and go on vacation for two weeks. Put a sign on the door saying, 'I have gone on vacation. I will be back after Labor Day.' I will pay for your vacation."

The owner smiled and said, "That sounds fine to me."

Dycke assigned round-the-clock guards for the store, to make sure nothing happened to the gowns, until each woman took hers home.

Six women came bursting through the front door, 30 minutes after Dycke sorted everything out. Payne and Fiona led the way screaming, "Where are our dresses?"

Dycke tried to calm them down. He explained to them, that the women, who came with the dresses, had gone to their hotel to rest. The dresses would be unpacked tomorrow and the fittings would begin then.

Payne screamed at him, "You have to be fucking with me."

Dycke said, "Payne, you said no sex, until after we get married."

Payne went at him, like the bulls at Pamplona.

This time, however, he was ready for her. He sidestepped her first move, tripped her, she fell to the floor, and he sat on top of her.

"Babe, you must remember what your mother told you, and how you must incorporate it, when you are going to fight. Until then, you are going to wind up on the floor, face down, with me sitting on top of you."

"Let me up, you bastard and I will show you what I have learned."

"I will let everyone leave. I will let you up, but I will remind you what I told you the last time we had a confrontation. There will be no holds barred. I will come at you, full force, with everything Bob and Marti have taught me, regardless of how much pain it may cause you. Are you sure you want that to happen?"

Payne rethought her options and said, "No, I do not think so."

"What is your second choice?"

"I will wait until tomorrow to see the dresses."

"I think that is a very wise decision. Give me your hand and let me help you up, but if you take a swing at me, all bets are off, and you are going down hard."

"Would I do that to you?"

"I will quote you Payne, 'Every day of the week and twice on Thursdays.'"

Dycke extended his hand, lifted her up, and kissed her lips, gently. He noticed the anger in her eyes and he said, "Do you remember what I said about that look?"

The look vanished from her eyes, and she said she was sorry.

Dycke went to Chad's office and put the names of all the women who were getting dresses into the M & M computer. It came out with a list of names and a time schedule for each of them to be at the boutique. Everyone received their appointment time, so there would not be a line outside the door for fittings. Everything went off like clockwork, except for one minor thing. The bridal gowns were not there. Panic resulted, and phone calls to Paris went unanswered. Phone calls to Lyons went unanswered. Dycke was getting ready to fly to Paris, when Suzette calmly walked into the boutique, followed by two women and two men pushing a large pallet.

Fiona looked at her, and nearly kissed her feet, when she saw the box behind her.

Suzette asked, "What is the problem here?"

Fiona said, "We could not find the wedding dresses. We could not contact you or anyone, in Lyon. We did not know what to do."

Suzette laughed and said, "Did anyone read the invoice inside the box number one?"

"What invoice?"

Suzette said, "Inside box number one, there is an invoice. It said that box number seven would be delivered late. It contains the wedding dresses, and it will be delivered personally, by me.

They looked at the stack of boxes. Box number one was at the bottom of the heap. It had yet to be opened, because none of the women's names, who had been fitted, had been in that particular box. Everyone looked at each other, in embarrassment, and laughed.

Dycke took Suzette aside, and reminded her not to mention his Lordship's name in front of anyone. It was a secret for a very special person. He asked her to remind the seamstresses not to mention it either, because he had let it slip once already.

Suzette agreed, and began giving orders to her ladies.

By August 23rd, everyone had been fitted and dresses taken home, except for two people, and both of them were scarlet red, with anger. They had not even been allowed to see their dresses. Suzette tried to calm them down, and told them everything was well. Certain items were being placed on the dresses, after hours. It would be inappropriate for them to see the dresses, before they were completed. Bob had taken the precaution of taking the firing pin out of Fiona's gun, because she had threatened to shoot Suzette, if she heard one more excuse. On the 24th, finally, the phone call, finally, came for Payne to come in to be fitted. Fiona would not be denied the opportunity to see Payne's dress. She grabbed her mother and said, "Dycke, if you get killed, while I am not here, it is Suzette's fault, not mine." They got into her car, and raced towards the boutique. She passed through a radar trap, on their way there, and she was pulled over for speeding. The officer had never heard such foul language, coming from such a beautiful woman.

He asked her for her driver's license and registration.

Before she opened her pocketbook, she said to the officer, "The first thing you are going to see when I open my bag is my gun. I have the appropriate permits."

The officer put his hand on his weapon, and told Fiona to take her weapon out, slowly, and put it on the dashboard. After that, he wanted to see her permits.

Fiona did as she was told and handed all the information to the officer, in quick order.

"What is your hurry, ma'am?"

"My wedding dress is ready, and we were in a hurry to see it."

"If you keep going 60mph, in a 35 mph zone, you may not live, to see your wedding day."

Fiona said, "I know, but this is the first time I am getting married, and I lost my head."

He said to her, "According to your permits, you are doing security work for Dycke Schneider. I am going to give you a warning this time. However, next time tell Mister Schneider, it will cost him double what he gave the PBA Widows and Orphans Fund, next year, if his security people use our streets, as a race course"

"Does that boss of mine, keep any of his money for himself? I cannot find a charity he does not give to, or a person he has not helped. No one has a bad thing to say about him, except the bride's brother, Steve Temple, who has hated him since he lost the state finals, to Dycke."

The officer laughed and said, "I remember reading about that in the papers. That should lead to a lot of family fun."

"You have no idea how much fun this guy can get you into, in one day."

The officer said, "I would like to meet this guy one day."

"He is eighteen. Chances are you will meet him, at one time or another!"

"Okay, miss, you get behind me and I will get you to the store, without any more tickets."

Payne was just coming out in her wedding gown, when sirens came blaring to a stop, outside the front door of the shop. She had no idea what was going on, until she saw Fiona going over to the officer, kissing him and waving goodbye. Then Fiona and Alvena ran into the store, and stopped dead, in their tracks. Fiona said, "Payne, you are gorgeous."

Payne asked, "Me, or my gown?"

Fiona replied, "Both! I cannot see your hair under your veil but the gown is extraordinary. You look like an angel sent from heaven. I have never seen anything like it. If my gown is half as beautiful as yours, I will be extremely pleased."

Suzette came out of the back, fuming at Fiona's statement. "What do you mean 'If it comes out 'half' as beautiful as Payne's gown? Your gown is going to be perfect in every way, just as Payne's gown, is perfect for her. Why do you think we work so hard, with every person we deal with: every measurement we take, with every fabric we try on you. How dare you insult us?"

Fiona stood there in shock. She meant no insult. She was just complementing the work on Payne's dress. She said too Suzette, "I meant no disrespect; I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life. I did not believe anything could look that good on me."

Suzette said, "Just because you dress, like a gorilla, does not mean you are not a woman. You wore a dress in Paris, and you wore shoes that complemented it. Your wedding dress will prove you are truly a beautiful woman, coming into her own. Now, if we could get your husband to grow a little, the pictures would be easier. However, like Charles with Diana, we can have him stand on a box."

Fiona burst into laughter, as did everyone else in the store.

Payne asked, "Is anyone going to pay attention to me?"

Suzette turned, walked around her once, adjusted one-button came back around to the front and said, "You are done. Take off the dress and we will store it, until Friday."

Payne said, "What, that is it? Nothing needs to be done to the dress at all."

Suzette asked her if she was unhappy, with anything on the dress.

Payne said, "No."

"Is it too long? Is it too short? Is it too wide? Is it too tight? What is wrong with it?"

"Nothing."

"In that case, what would you like us to fix?"

"My brain; because it seems to have stopped working."

Suzette smiled and said, "I do not think so. You are getting married Saturday, and you are a little nervous."

Fiona put your dress on. There are no mirrors in the back. Do not break your neck trying to see what you look like.

Moments later, Payne came out in street clothes and waited for the arrival of Fiona. There were only females in store; with two guards outside, making sure that, no man came near the entrance.

Suzette came out first, and stood by Payne and Alvena. Two seamstresses opened the curtains for Fiona to make her entrance. Alvena's hand went to her mouth when she saw Fiona in her dress. Fiona took her reaction wrong, and started to turn back, thinking it was ugly.

Alvena ran to her and said, "Fiona, you look ravishing. Bob will be carried away."

Fiona said, "You really think so?"

Her mother took her hand and brought her to the mirrors so she could see for herself. Fiona's gown was very different from Payne's gown. Where Payne's gown was angelic and perfect for an eighteen-year-old girl, Fiona's gown was elegant and stately, perfect for a woman. She stood there, admiring the gown, not daring to move for fear the mirrors might break.

Suzette did her walk around but did not touch gown once. She looked at Fiona and said, "The gown is just like the woman inside it, 'perfect.'

Alvena said to Fiona, "Your father and brother are smiling down at you. They could not be happier, or more proud of you, than they are right now."

The two women hugged each other, at the memory of their lost loved ones, and tears filled their eyes.

The crying had to stop, before Fiona ruined her gown, so Marti and Gabby complimented her on the way she looked, and how beautiful her gown was on her. They told her she was going to be the most magnificent bride anyone had ever seen, and

Southern Living

would have a new cover girl next month.

Fiona could not take any more complements. Instead of making her happy, she broke down into tears. Tissues and hankies appeared from everywhere, trying to stem the tide of tears, and save the fabric of the gown.

Fiona could not remember crying as much as she had in the last few weeks. However, it felt good to let all the feeling and tension out, into the open.

69. The Paperwork and Party Work

Dycke and Payne had taken care of their marriage license, with both sets of parents in attendance. Bob, Dycke, and Piker purposely put off getting Fiona her marriage license, until the Friday before Payne's wedding, when everything was in a state of confusion. They needed Fiona to sign so many documents; she would not care what she was signing, as long as she finished soon.

When Piker joked, he might have to go to confession twice on his daughter's wedding day, because of the lies he had to tell to get Dycke and Payne married; he realized he would have to spend the entire day in the confessional, when he finished lying to Fiona.

He had her sign some legitimate forms: her application for citizenship, change of insurance, change of name on a driver's license, Application for Entrance into the Doctoral Program, request for transcripts, permanent change of address, changes of residence for gun permits and many others. With all the screaming and yelling going on, in the office, the phone's ringing off the hook, messages coming in from the florist, and the caterers, Fiona could not wait to finished signing the papers, and go to City Hall, with Bob, Marti, Gabby, and other agents as witnesses, to get their license.

When they left the office, Dycke and Piker smiled, shook hands, sealed the admissions envelope, and handed it to the courier, who was waiting to take it to the Dean of Admissions, for his 'personal approval.'

Dycke and Piker had the perfect fall guy for this incident, 'Bob.' When Fiona asked how she was admitted to a program, without signing an application, or her signature, they were both going to point at Bob. It probably would not work for long, however it might give them a sufficient lead to keep ahead of Fiona, until they could get to a car.

Piker thought about closing the office at noon, but instead he sent everyone home that wanted to go home. Piker, Dycke, and several male agents stayed with him, because they wanted no part in what was going on with the females, at their homes. Tomorrow was going to be a circus, and there was no sense being at one, a day early.

At 5:30 PM, Piker received a call from his wife, which he could have heard without the benefit of the telephone. Alletta asked, "Where the fuck are you guys?"

Piker calmly said, "In my office watching television."

Alletta said, "The rehearsal was supposed to start fifteen minutes ago."

Piker yelled, "Oh shit, we are dead. He threw down the phone and ran for the door, with four men following him, and asking what was happening."

When they got to the church, there were thirty-five women looking at them, with daggers in their eyes. The only men at the church were Chad and Father Vincent. The priest was not sure if he was going to perform a funeral, before he was going to perform a wedding.

Father Vincent performed a miracle, and moved everyone into place, in a matter of a few moments. Payne was not happy, with her father's tardiness, and told him if he were late tomorrow, she would go down the aisle, without him.

Up at the front of the church, Dycke said to Steve, "Do you have to stand so close?"

Steve replied, "When I pull the trigger, I want to make sure I do not miss."

Father Vincent ran everyone through their paces, twice, so they knew what to do the following day and dismissed them for them evening. It took thirty minutes and everyone was looking around for something else to do.

Dycke said, "It is now time for the after rehearsal dinner party. I am going to take you all to Payne's favorite place. Milton, Wendy's for everyone!" Dycke ran down the aisle, and out of the church, with a screaming horde of women after him.

When everyone was outside screaming at him, Dycke, turned to his mother and said, "Mom, where did you make the reservations?"

His mother said, "In honor of our children's wedding, we are going to have 'Pizza and egg creams for dinner.'"

Half the people in the crowd who knew of the restaurant cheered, the other half asked,

"What is an egg cream?"

70. The Wedding Day

The forecast for Saturday was wonderful. The prediction was for a twenty percent chance of rain, with clear skies, calm winds, and a temperature in the low eighties.

However, the sun did not rise into a blue sky, South Carolina skies, on Saturday morning, as expected. Outside nothing was visible, except rain, blowing, horizontally, in a 40 mile per hour gale. The National Weather Service missed the temperature, by a few degrees, also. Instead of the low eighties, at Charleston International Airport, it was fifty-one degrees. How much more money did NOAA want for another 'Weather Observation Satellite?'

Dycke was sound asleep, when his cell phone rang at 7:10 AM, and he heard Payne's voice screaming at him. "Do something!"

Dycke rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and said, "Do something about what Payne?"

"Look outside, you twerp."

Dycke looked outside his window, saw the weather, and thought for a moment. He said, "Payne, go back to sleep, and do not worry about it. At 2:05 PM, it will stop raining and the sun will be shinning. Your shoes will not even get wet, on the way to the church."

Payne looked at her and of the phone and said, "Really, are you sure?"

"I have never lied to you before, and I am not going to lie to you on the day we are getting married."

"Thank you, Dycke. You have made me feel so much better."

Dycke put his head under the pillow and said, "Dear God, I need your help today. If you say 'No' I will be dead, soon, and I hope to see you this afternoon. If I do, it means I have just told a lie to the woman I love. Please forgive me, for the sin of lying, in advance."

During the morning, the weather only got worse. There was street flooding and lightning all over the Charleston area. According to the Weather Channel, the rain was to last all day, because of freak weather condition that had occurred in the upper atmosphere. Dycke could not have cared less. All he wanted was the rain to stop in Charleston, by two o'clock this afternoon, or Payne would kill him by three. He prayed all morning for the miracle he needed to occur, by two o'clock this afternoon.